BDSM and Marriage

[dungeonlover]

Hi I am new here and have problem wish everybpdy to give me his honest opinion.
I am married since 8 years,when I was single I didnot know about my bdsm interest but just I felt my self after marriage.
My wife does not acccept this life style.
i love my wife so much but I feel I cant fulfill all my sexual needs with here,Tell me what is the solution.
I want more sex,more BDSM that I didnot get it till now.
Please give me your help.
Regards

[satisfied]

I had a similar problem, after six years of marriage i told my husband that i was turned on by bdsm. The only thing he knew about bdsm was very advanced and extreme and mostly had to do with the S/m aspect of it. Because of this he wasn't interested. Until i was able to explain to him that it only goes as far as both people are comfotable with. Perhaps you could get your wife to start slow, for example, letting you tie her up while you are having sex. If she can understand that it doesn't have to be all or nothing then she might be more willing to give it a try. Let her know that if she tries and doesn't lke it then you are willing to let it go, but you would realy like it if she would at least try some things. Just remember that unfaithfulness isn't condoned. I would be shocked if anyone here told you to get your kicks elsewhere. We have a very poor view on cheating. Just talk to her and let her know that it doesn't have to be ovewhelming, she is the one who sets her own limits, and you do not cross those limits.

[denuseri]

wellcome to the site

we are so very happy to have you here, the forums are full of great information, as well as having a very nice personels section and chatroom

your situation all depends on you and her, comunicate show her its not all about perversion and sadomasicism, if she still rejects it then you are in a quandary

feel free to pm any of the staff or myself with conserns or questions, we are more than willing to lend a hand

hope to see more of you soon
have lots of fun exploring the site
hugs and kissess
denu

[titan1057]

... have you tried to talk to your wife about your needs? I would try to explore this aveneue first

[angelic.zest]

welcome to the community...yeah i would say open communicate is the key to any marriage/relationsihip vanilla or not! tlak and be honest..try not to scare her but show her this is what you like...enjoy!

[blythe spirit]

My wife does not acccept this life style.


Welcome to the site.

I'm assuming by the above statement that you have already discussed your interests with your wife?

If not, I would, as the others have said, communicate your desires. However, should she not share your proclivity for this lifestyle, I don't envy the life-altering decisions you will have to face.

1. Divorce
2. Live a life of deceit (which will, no doubt, ultimately lead to divorce)
3. Dicuss with her the possibility of you exploring this lifestyle, whilst remaining in "wedded bliss." (In which case, if she agrees, boundaries would need to be established).
4. Suppress your cravings and submit to your wife's ideals.

Obviously, there are no easy answers for you and no help to be had. Search your soul and do what's right for both you and your wife.

[Ragoczy]

I concur that you should talk to her and try to establish something that satisfies your needs within your relationship. Before having the conversation, though, try to have a very clear understanding of what it is you want and what you think her reaction will be (don't get too set on what you think her reaction will be, though, because she might surprise you). Start with talking about something small and non-threatening to her -- something more playful and fun.

You identify yourself as a switch, so that opens up many more possibilities for getting her to try something.

Keep in mind that trying something to start doesn't have to be whips and chains or even a simple spanking. How would she react if you simply captured her hands and held her arms above her head during sex, or wanted her to do the same to you.

Trying something mostly innocuous first and discovering she likes it could be a gateway to willingness to try more.

Just be prepared and accepting that, even if she starts trying things and liking them, her ultimate limits may not reach yours, so there may be some compromise necessary.

[Mastrovenice]

Obviously, there are no easy answers for you and no help to be had. Search your soul and do what's right for both you and your wife.

The only thing I would add here is that what is best for you is not always what is right for the both of you. If you stay married, can you avoid the resentment that will build over the years? Although many have 'sucked it up' for the greater good, it always comes at a price.

I am going to assume that many here have experienced this dilemma, and some have even had to make the decision to divorce. It may seem like a selfish act, but we are all responsible for our own happiness. I would like to hear more about how people have moved through this and their own stories regarding staying in a marriage without BDSM or splitting in order to be true to their own selves. Perhaps that is another thread entirely.

[Diablo]

What aspects of BDSM do you crave?

Depending on what they are it could be easy to incorporate them with the framework of a vanilla relationship. You can set up an RP night once a week or so and act out a fantasy. As other have said numerous time communicate and negotiate something that will work for you. If your wife loves you as much as you love her then you should be able to work something out.

If this is not the case is it worth keeping?