A few questions about The lifestyle

[Spike74]

Hello, I'm mostly new to all of this, and newer to this website. I'll do the best to descibe the situation as best I can here, and hopefully some of you can help me with my question.

I have been in a relationship for the last 7 months, my girlfriend and I are both in college, different cities. before we went off to college, we started to delve into bondage, it just happened naturally. I would tie her wrists, she liked it, i went along with it. As we went off to college, we've done the whole phone sex thing, and I started to go more into the humiliation, (mostly name calling). Shes turned on by being tied up and totally under my control, and I like that she relies on me, trusts me, and i would try anything for this girl.

So i started to look into all of this, websites, videos, and toys to get a better idea. We've both talked about it, what we like about it, what we don't, same with what we want to try and what we don't. we both want to try it in the near future (possibly thanksgiving break) I've read that once you tried bondage or the D/s relationship (and you both enjoy it) you cant really go back to vanilla.

However even if i like the bondage, i still enjoy the vanilla just as much. does anyone here have vanilla as well? can you separate the two? is it really true that you can't go back? I dont know if these are the right questions to ask, but please let me know what you think. Thanks for your time and advice in advance!

[dillinja]

well.. for me the life kinda is a rabit hole. Once me and my girlfriend started down the part, well it seems there really isnt going back. As for vanilla, yes we very much have vanilla sex, well vanilla sex has definitly gone twords the very rough end of the spectrum. Do i think me and her could ever go back to completly "normal" ..definitly not, would i want to..definitly not. :)

[DowntownAmber]

Once folks find what turns them on, explore it and progress, it really is difficult to go back to being satisfied with just vanilla - however, this does not mean that you can't go back to vanilla period. BDSM doesn't overwhelm and snuff out the vanilla things you like unless, well, you really didn't like the vanilla snuff much anyway and don't care when you see it thrown by the wayside.

There are as many BDSM/vanilla combinations out there as there are couples, frankly. Some are 24/7 Lifestylers who accidentally slip up and slip in a little vanilla action now and again, some are vanilla with just a hint of kink thrown in a couple times a month because it switches the routine up a little.

Totally up to you and your girlfriend to work out what your balance is going to be.

[Snark]

Spike:

While you and your partner have gotten a taste of the excitement of different sexual experiences, I'd hardly say that you have actually experienced the lifestyle. Yes, bondage and toys add a remarkable spice to sex; and yes, there will be times when it will seem just a bit more trouble than you want. Just ease into the extension of the relationship and enjoy the fun. You don't have to "separate" the two. Besides, if you're still in school and apart, you've got plenty of time to develop where the each of you are in your mental and physical relationship (trust me. Been there.) Vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, butter pecan. Everyone likes a bit of change. Hey, even rocky road gets old every single meal! Explore carefully and curiously. But enoy without pressuring either each other or yourself. Life is short. Play hard.

the Snark