Transgender...what do you think...

[shayna{L_D}]

This may already be a thread but.. entertain me..

This one will surely make me famous!

Transgender. I have noticed a lot of female to male, male to female transgender on this site, and in real life. To me they don’t bother me at all. I find it interesting and fascinating. I have watched a lot of medical shows on it, (last night in fact, where they turned a woman into a man, step my step pictures.) talked to different transgender people, and just wanted to get an all around grasp on it.

My ex-girlfriend was just in the beginning stages of being transgender. She wants to be a male, (duh) and she asked me some questions when this whole, ‘I was really born a man in a woman’s body’ thing came up. She asked me
"Would you look at me differently if i was a male?
‘Would you still want to be in a relationship/friendship with me if I was a male?”
"Would you still find me sexually attractive if I were a male?”
“Seeing me as female now, would you take me seriously as a male?”


I am not going to lie, when I first met her, I didn’t know she was a girl. She dressed like a boy, walked like a boy, acted like a boy, heck her boobs are so small you’d really think she was a boy. Someone had to clue me in that she was in fact a girl. Sexist girl I have ever seen! When I got to know her more, and we started dating, (she was my first ever girlfriend) we would go to the bathroom together, just to get stopped before going in, with someone saying ‘Sir you got the wrong bathroom” or when we were in there women would freak out and scream at her saying “you pervert!” and or when we would walk out we would hear whispers of ‘ oh my god did you see that boy come out of the women’s bathroom?” Everywhere we went, it would be people thinking she was a male. Strangers would call her Sir, dude, or man. I would get so upset that I would in the most polite way that I can, which if any of you know me isn’t that polite, id tell them “she’s a girl!”

She hated this, because she wanted to be a boy. She started taking hormones and working, and looking into breasts removal surgery. At the time, I wont lie to you it scared me. I wanted her to stay a girl, I didn’t want her to turn into a male. Then I started to do research on it, and stepped back and looked at our relationship.

After a lot of soul searching I realized, man or woman. I loved her for her heart, and heart has no gender. My answers to her questions were

“Would you look at me differently if I was a male?” -- Yes, of course I would. Because I knew you as female first. Would I look at you in a bad way? Not at all, I think that if you strongly feel you were born to be a man (or woman) and you are a different sex, you won’t be fully happy until you are the sex you think you should be.

Would you still want to be in a relationship/friendship with me if I was a male? -- Yes. Just because you changed genders, doesn’t mean my love for her would fade, or change. She already acts like a boy/male enough, as it is, what would the difference be if she turned into a male? No boobs? That’s the only sad part ;)

Would you still find me sexually attractive if I were a male? – Of course. We used a strap on so having the real thing wouldn’t be much different I suppose ;)
Seeing me as female now, would you take me seriously as a male? – Yes, I would do it because one, id have to you’d be male. Two, because I respect you and what you do.
Now after reading all that, I want to know how you all feel about transgender.
Does it scare you?
Would you take the person seriously as another sex?
Would you still find your partner sexually attractive as another sex?
Would you still stay with them if they wanted to be another sex?

What if you were with someone, a male?
Then one day they came out and told you they used to be female, would you stay with them or leave them, why or why not? (Visa versa this question if you are male with a female)

Also, how do you feel about transgender?
Do you believe that this is how we were born and it should stay that way no matter what?

[Skyybird]

Does it scare you?

No not in the slightest. Humans are who they are, regardless of what is on the outside. The desire to be who you truly are exists for us all. I want my image to reflect who I am and I go to great care and attention to detail to ensure my outward appearance matches my inward personality. Dont confuse that with vanity. I dont always achieve it, I just like to be me. How can I possibly not understand that of anyone else.

Would you take the person seriously as another sex?

Of course I would. If they were genuine and compassionate and true to themselves then how could you not?


Would you still find your partner sexually attractive as another sex?

I believe this is one where I would struggle. I am definately heterosexual and so by that rule I would be in a relationship with a man. If he were to change to a female, that would not only question my own sexuality but I somehow feel it would go against everything that I am as a woman. I have great admiration for the female form in all it's lovliness, but I want and desire a man. I'm not saying I wouldnt still have feelings for them. Love is not something you can switch on or off.

Would you still stay with them if they wanted to be another sex?

Perhaps I would to support them through their change but I feel, in respect of my previous answer, continuing a relationship would be difficult. I certainly wouldnt abandon anyone for questioning who they are and making changes to be the person they desire to be.

What if you were with someone, a male?
Then one day they came out and told you they used to be female, would you stay with them or leave them, why or why not? (Visa versa this question if you are male with a female)

OK from a practical point of view, I believe it is more difficult to to tell with a woman that she used to be male. Physically, from my understanding, it is much more difficult for a woman to become a man because of the intricate workings of the associated genitalia. But I am not ruling out ever being in that situation. I am no expert.

Mentally....well it would be wrong to judge a person for their past, especially if they had gone to such effort to change it. I'm sure it would be something that needed a lot of discussion and reassurance. But if you truly love someone...how could you not accept everything that they are and see it as a wonderful and character forming trait of who they really are.

Also, how do you feel about transgender?
Do you believe that this is how we were born and it should stay that way no matter what?

I think it would be churlish to deny all of the research both pyschological and physical that has gone into this topic for many years. None of us are ever completely happy with ourselves as we are. The human race has evolved over thousands of years. Perhaps this is just another form of development. In my life I have counselled many people about their unhappiness and confusion, depression and anxiety. Transgender has never yet crossed my path and I think I would feel slightly out of my depth if it did. But one thing I am sure of is that as human beings we deserve the right to be able to live our lives with love and happiness. If changing gender, having a boob job, cutting your hair, getting a tattoo, whatever it takes contributes to your mental wellbeing then I say do it. We only get one shot at life, we should embrace it with our whole hearts.

Personally, I'm happy with who I am, it's taken me 36 years to work out who that is and I'm still learning about some aspects of my personality. I dont feel the need to physically change, I try to do the best I can with what I have naturally. That does not mean that I dont understand or support such needs in others. The world would be a dull place if we were all the same. I feel genuine sympathy for those who feel they are not who they should be.

Thanks Shayna...a good topic to make me think today.

xx

[fellintobed]

Does it scare you?
I am scared of the thought that a loved one could die unexpectedly, car crashes, and hypodermic needles. I hardly think that how a person chooses to explore or express their gender goes anywhere near those in terms of creating fear.

Would you take the person seriously as another sex?
As seriously as they take themselves. It takes a lot of work to successfully pass and transition to a different gender, and I have a great deal of respect for anyone who takes on such a journey. I once met a gorgeous young woman who, as I learned through talking to her, was biologically male. Knowing that fact did not diminish my attraction to her in the least, and I absolutely took her seriously. She was a woman in body, mind and soul, and that's what matters.

Would you still find your partner sexually attractive as another sex?
I don't know, but I suspect so. I mean, neither of us are swimsuit models - we love each other deeply and passionately despite our flaws. He wouldn't be a good-looking woman, but I don't love people based solely on looks.

Would you still stay with them if they wanted to be another sex?
Impossible to say. There are so many factors that go into maintaining ANY long-term relationship that it would simply be something that we would have to address when the time came. I would want to stay with him, yes, because I love him. I can't speculate on what would actually happen, it's too complicated to sort out in any sort of simplistic yes/no way.

What if you were with someone, a male? Then one day they came out and told you they used to be female, would you stay with them or leave them, why or why not? (Visa versa this question if you are male with a female)
Well, I probably would have noticed his genitalia long before he made his confession! But let's suppose we'd only been on a few dates and hadn't seen each other naked yet. It wouldn't be an automatic dealbreaker. I would ask a lot of questions, and hope that he was comfortable enough answering them, and take things from there.

Also, how do you feel about transgender? Do you believe that this is how we were born and it should stay that way no matter what?
My personal belief is that gender, like sexuality, is a spectrum. Some people feel that they are wholly male, others that they are wholly female, some that they are androgynous or otherwise not wholly male OR female. I believe that people are born knowing what gender they are, yes - and those whose (psychological) gender doesn't match their (physical) sex are the people we label "transgender". People do all sorts of things to change their appearance in order to satisfy an inner need or desire. They work out and build muscle mass. They take growth hormones to increase their height. They have surgery to correct genetic abnormalities. They have breast enlargements and reductions, nose jobs and tummy tucks. Why should it be acceptable to do these things but not to alter one's body to more closely resemble a certain gender?

[shayna{L_D}]

but I don't love people based solely on looks.




amen.

[blythe spirit]

Many years ago, I went to a club and was almost immediately attracted to this guy. I mean just looking at him made me wet. lol Turns out the "he" was a "she." Did learning that make me feel differently? Yes. I didn't want girlie bits on a man.

After a few more years, I was introduced to an amaphradite and my heart went out to "her." By all outwardly appearances she was a "he." Unfortunately, emotionally, she was a woman, who was forced by nature's slip to lead the life of a man. Whilst visiting a club, she wouldn't even pee because she'd have to use the men's washroom. She ended up killing herself.

I've had transgender friends, some of whom, became what they wanted via surgery. It didn't change the way I felt about them, because they always were, who they were, psychologically, all they did was change their physicalities to match.

If I were in a relationship with a man, who was once a woman, why would I end the relationship? He was always a he, in his mind - in his heart and to me.

[Prohibited]

I'd like first to express how glad i am someone tackled this subject. It is near and dear to my heart. My best friend in the world was a man trapped in a woman's body. I love with my heart and my whole heart. This love is not based on lifestyle, sexual preference, creed, religion or color rather based on the person's heart in turn. My best friend taught me that in a life lesson everyone should learn. I did change how i felt about him seeing him dressed as a woman, i admit i lost respect and also looked down on him for the choices he felt he had to make in his life. I learned shortly after that the gender does not define the person, the heart does, something i think everyone should live by.

[Seri]

Well, as for posting goes, I don't know what to say in any length. I've never been good at this however, I can sum my thoughts up for you.

Why would any thing different? Love springs from the mind, the heart and the soul. Fuck the gender. Being male means you get the best toy in the world, and being female means you get the best clothes. I hate you all, and at the same time love all of you. Why worry? You're made to be what you are, and the more you struggle, the longer you'll be miserable.

[zander8605]

As a transsexual (not transgender, thank you) man (means I was born female, but am now living as male), I can't stress enough the importance of education. I appreciate the willingness to be an ally to your friend, but in order to be a better one, you should do a Google search on Trans 101 and learn about the language. Calling someone "a transgender" is actually pretty rude, like calling someone "a gay." And it certainly isn't women becoming men, and men becoming women. Not at all. Nor is it "trapped in the wrong body." This process does not involve a brain transplant :-P

For me, because I can only use myself as an example, I was born female, and lived as female for quite a while. But I never was female. I was always male. Currently I am taking steps in my medical transition to alter my body to something I'm comfortable with. I've been injecting testosterone for almost two years (nothing special, it's just male puberty and menopause), been binding my chest for about three-ish years (no, it doesn't hurt my chest, but the binder does get uncomfortable after a while), and am in the process of a legal name change. I have zero interest in getting my genitals surgically altered, as I consider my junk to be male because it's mine and I'm male, so yeah. I do, however, plan on getting a double-mastectomy to remove breast tissue someday (it isn't any more painful than any other kind of surgery).

I think my personal site is in my profile, and that covers my physical transition to date. So if you'd like to know more about my experience, you're welcome to check it out.

[angelic.zest]

i have to come back to this topic when i get more rest...i really do enjoy these type of topics....thanks shayna for starting this one!

[shayna{L_D}]

As a transsexual (not transgender, thank you) man (means I was born female, but am now living as male), I can't stress enough the importance of education. I appreciate the willingness to be an ally to your friend, but in order to be a better one, you should do a Google search on Trans 101 and learn about the language. Calling someone "a transgender" is actually pretty rude, like calling someone "a gay." And it certainly isn't women becoming men, and men becoming women. Not at all. Nor is it "trapped in the wrong body." This process does not involve a brain transplant :-P

For me, because I can only use myself as an example, I was born female, and lived as female for quite a while. But I never was female. I was always male. Currently I am taking steps in my medical transition to alter my body to something I'm comfortable with. I've been injecting testosterone for almost two years (nothing special, it's just male puberty and menopause), been binding my chest for about three-ish years (no, it doesn't hurt my chest, but the binder does get uncomfortable after a while), and am in the process of a legal name change. I have zero interest in getting my genitals surgically altered, as I consider my junk to be male because it's mine and I'm male, so yeah. I do, however, plan on getting a double-mastectomy to remove breast tissue someday (it isn't any more painful than any other kind of surgery).

I think my personal site is in my profile, and that covers my physical transition to date. So if you'd like to know more about my experience, you're welcome to check it out.

I apologize I never meant for it to be taken the wrong way. Thank you for teaching me, I just wanted to open peoples eyes to stuff like this and see what they thought. Like i said i apologize. Thank you :)

[gloombunny]

It's heartening to see the positive attitudes towards transness around here. :)

As zander says, it's best to be mindful of words and pronouns when talking about us trans people. With all the crap we have to deal with every day, just having friends who use the right terms around us can really mean a lot. In a nutshell, a transsexual should always be referred to as the gender they identify as, regardless of how many alterations they've made to their body and life yet. (It's never as simple as flicking a switch from one sex to the other, even if popular media likes to portray "sex change operations" that way.)

[shayna{L_D}]

It's heartening to see the positive attitudes towards transness around here. :)

As zander says, it's best to be mindful of words and pronouns when talking about us trans people. With all the crap we have to deal with every day, just having friends who use the right terms around us can really mean a lot. In a nutshell, a transsexual should always be referred to as the gender they identify as, regardless of how many alterations they've made to their body and life yet. (It's never as simple as flicking a switch from one sex to the other, even if popular media likes to portray "sex change operations" that way.)

as i said above, i apologize.

[blythe spirit]

Maybe this will help us better understand.

transsexual = a person who strongly identifies with the opposite sex and may seek to live as a member of this sex especially by undergoing surgery and hormone therapy to obtain the necessary physical appearance (as by changing the external sex organs)

transgender = having personal characteristics (as transsexuality or transvestism) that transcend traditional gender boundaries and corresponding sexual norms

Surely no one here, intentionally meant to offend anyone.

[zander8605]

as i said above, i apologize.

And as I told you before, it's called learning :-)

It would be different if you were intentionally trying to offend anyone. But you weren't, so it isn't the end of the world. This isn't a topic covered in any form of school, the world in general doesn't like to acknowledge that gender is a spectrum. You slipped up on terminology and pronouns - you're not the first! So now you know for next time :-)

[shayna{L_D}]

Surely no one here, intentionally meant to offend anyone.



Like have stated two times before, i said i was sorry and that i didnt mean to offend anyone.

[blythe spirit]

Like have stated two times before, i said i was sorry and that i didnt mean to offend anyone.

I posted in your defense, shayna.

Your original post was meant to enlighten those of us who are ignorant of trans-anything. I think you have accomplished that. If it hadn't been for zanders post, precipitated by your post, I might have never taken the time to look up the exact meaning and difference between the two.

[shayna{L_D}]

I posted in your defense, shayna.

Your original post was meant to enlighten those of us who are ignorant of trans-anything. I think you have accomplished that. If it hadn't been for zanders post, precipitated by your post, I might have never taken the time to look up the exact meaning and difference between the two.



then i thank you blythespirit. I am sorry..


now can we get back on topic please. ;)

[fantasien]

It's heartening to see the positive attitudes towards transness around here. :)

As zander says, it's best to be mindful of words and pronouns when talking about us trans people. With all the crap we have to deal with every day, just having friends who use the right terms around us can really mean a lot. In a nutshell, a transsexual should always be referred to as the gender they identify as, regardless of how many alterations they've made to their body and life yet. (It's never as simple as flicking a switch from one sex to the other, even if popular media likes to portray "sex change operations" that way.)

they kind of have to gloombunny. For the general public, it would be hard for them to really understand the diversness of the transgender/transexual. So they keep it simple and binary.

bt iam glaadthis topic was started. I myself identify as female. But what does that mean to me? Well it means to me that being who i am is that it involves time and a gradual step by step learning and acceptance processes.
i just still present as a borderline androgynous male. but that doesn't mean that i will and always be that way on the inside. It is just a process that i feel comfortable with now. later, as i can have the money and resources to transition fashionably and sexually (altar my physical sex) then i will present as more feminine.

my stance on may parts and what it means to me to exxpereience them is universal. it changes everyday, my outlook on what kind of sexual anatomy i have. some days some sensation i will experience and i'll feel that having a full operation to have a vagina is what i would want. but then when i dont have those experiences, I am satisfied with my penis, but with no desire to have my testicles. so it goes hand in hand with who i am asa female identified person. and understanding other sexualities is what helps me through my sexual identity, not only my orientation, by my identification with my gender and sexual anatomy.

[damyanti]

Does it scare you?

No...it has nothing to do with what kind (good or bad) people they are. I don't have an irrational "monster" reflex, but thats because there was a hermafrodite person living in our neighborhood when I was little, so as I grew older and because the issue had a human face for me, I made an effort to try to understand, to learn and make sense of things, without passing judgment.

Would you take the person seriously as another sex?

Would I have a choice? You cant dictate other people how to live their lives.

Would you still find your partner sexually attractive as another sex?

Thats the tricky one, but I think...no. I am 98% heterosexual, I like men very much...they are a necessity.


Would you still stay with them if they wanted to be another sex? What if you were with someone, a male?
Then one day they came out and told you they used to be female, would you stay with them or leave them, why or why not?(Visa versa this question if you are male with a female)

That depends...how deeply I love the person, about the quality of our spiritual connection and about how long we have been together.

I would try to get over it, I doubt I would be successful...but in any case I would stay with them as a friend.

As for something more...I think something like that changes the person profoundly, so it depends on how much they would have changed, personality wise...if we had been together for a very long time, staying together is something I would give serious thought....its easy to be liberal in principle, its easy to say, "you are free to live your life as you want", and I do believe in that...but it is a whole other ball game, when it is someone close to you.

For instance, I have gay friends, and when every single one of them came out, I didn't even blink....they were still my friends, still the same person, being homosexual was their sexual orientation, not begin and end all of who they are.....but when I learned that a close family member was gay...it took a little time for me to digest it,...to get over it. I was shocked at myself, because its not like I was discriminating them, but it still hurt...this will maybe sound silly, but I was in mourning about the person I thought I knew, about the future life they would never have (children), no wedding for me to attend (and that was really weird because I hate weddings anyway), because I knew the difficulties they were going to face, and I didn't want that for someone I cared about.


Also, how do you feel about transgender? Do you believe that this is how we were born and it should stay that way no matter what?

Operations scare me, I hate doctors...and did I mention operations scare me...so the sheer scale of how invasive the procedure is, that I find frightening.

As to how I feel about transsexuals...I judge them as all other people. If what you are really asking is, does it make me freak out? No, it doesn't.

Nature makes mistakes...its a difficult and painful choice,...but if that is what they want, what they need to be happy...then that is all that matters. Its their body, their life, their choice...and we (as a society) shouldn't be making things unnecessarily difficult for them.

[angelic.zest]

Does it scare you?

ive never been in any type of relationship with anyone who was TG,TS,TV or the like....but it wouldnt care me...i would just want them to be happy...and if they arent happy in the skin they are in, then i wouldnt be happy...

Would you take the person seriously as another sex?

I would take them as seriously as they would want to be!...meaning..if they are making themselves into a jokke then i would take it as a joke..as i said i want them to be happy and if they are male wanting to be female..vice versa..i want them to be happy...

Would you still find your partner sexually attractive as another sex?
this is were it gets tricky for me...i have no problem with anyone finding their true self..but if i want to be with a female i will be with a female if i want to be with a male i will be with a male...point blank...
Would you still stay with them if they wanted to be another sex?

thats hard to say, depends on my feelings for the person..love is uncontionial..but i feel in love with a fe/male...and thats what i want...thats a big step...unsure abotu that one!
What if you were with someone, a male?
Then one day they came out and told you they used to be female, would you stay with them or leave them, why or why not? (Visa versa this question if you are male with a female)


i would stay with them..but i would like for them to tell me near the beginning...but i woudl stay because in my eyes they are male..or female...