Online meeting

[Mizar]

I am a Dom/Master. I have no problems speaking and being who I am. But online without the person in front of me, I don't quite know what to say or how to act...I almost feel submissive at the beginning and that is NOT acceptable. Anyone with advice.

[blythe spirit]

Say what you would if the person were with you in r/l and always "act" like yourself. Unless of course your self is not such a great guy, in which case you had better change. lol Simple, huh?

[cadence]

Say what you would if the person were with you in r/l and always "act" like yourself. Unless of course your self is not such a great guy, in which case you had better change. lol Simple, huh?

Actually not really, it's funny because I am the total opposite online than what I really am in person.
I talk a lot and make sense, I am still quite shy, but I open up a bit more in a face to face setting, it's more comfortable for me.
When I am online, I seem to withdraw quite a bit, I feel I can only rely on words to convey my thoughts which may or may not come across as intented, and I don't have the body language of the other person so that I know how my words are being received the way I want them to.

And sorry to the poster, I don't have any advice, I am in a similar boat to yours.

[blythe spirit]

Actually not really, it's funny because I am the total opposite online than what I really am in person.
I talk a lot and make sense, I am still quite shy, but I open up a bit more in a face to face setting, it's more comfortable for me.
When I am online, I seem to withdraw quite a bit, I feel I can only rely on words to convey my thoughts which may or may not come across as intented, and I don't have the body language of the other person so that I know how my words are being received the way I want them to.

And sorry to the poster, I don't have any advice, I am in a similar boat to yours.


Granted it is much more difficult to do online, but practice makes perfect. *winks* Interesting, cadence, that you should feel more inhibited online. Most of the people I've read about seem to be the anithesis of their shy r/l persona.

[shayna{L_D}]

ive always found it easy to be myself online, as well as off. So Mizar i had almost the same problem when i frist started this 'journey'. I didnt know how to act, how do you show emotion on the internet? I, at the time, thought i found the best teacher to teach me this. He told me the same thing blythespirit said just do what you would do if the person was really there. But for me, personally it was still hard for me. So i just watched other people Role Play (sexually and non sexually) and or interact in that way. I watched what they did, said, how the showed their emotions and actions. It helped a lot. Believe me i wasnt a pro after watching other people, but i had someone, like i siad, to help me get better at showing my emotions online.

[fetishdj]

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[fetishdj]

My advice would be to take a few seconds to think about what you are going to say before you type it. Make sure it is really what you want to say. In online conversations (whether it be in e-mail/forums or in real time chatrooms) you can always get away with a delay before you answer and no one will notice. As you get more practise you will get quicker at saying what you actually want to say and not being too 'submissive'.

It really is all about practise and study. Study pacing and how to represent emotions in narrative prose (a lot of reading will help here...). For example, short, rapid statements have more urgency than longer sentences and most action scenes will start with short sentences and then build up into more description. Its all about how it 'sounds' in your head when you read it so try to imagine someone 'saying it' as you write it. A good writing tip (not useful for o/l chatrooms but useful to know for e-mail or simply writing stories) is to read it aloud in order to relate the writing style with the sound.

You may also want to record yourself speaking and transcribe it and look at your own voice patterns and how you may write that as 'dialogue'. This may give you clues as to how you should write when talking in chat.

Another option for your online sessions may be to invest in a VOIP phone. Most messenger programs now allow you to connect a microphone to them to commnuicate by voice. If you get a headset with a mike and headphones in it (like the ones call centre staff wear) you can walk around while you talk as well and have your hands free. Make it wireless for more freedom... buy the same for your sub so you can have them perform tasks while still in communication with you - even if you have them in a position where they cannot type... :)

[blythe spirit]

It really is all about practise and study. A good writing tip is to read it aloud in order to relate the writing style with the sound.

You may also want to record yourself speaking and transcribe it and look at your own voice patterns and how you may write that as 'dialogue'. This may give you clues as to how you should write when talking in chat.

Another option for your online sessions may be to invest in a VOIP phone. Most messenger programs now allow you to connect a microphone to them to commnuicate by voice. If you get a headset with a mike and headphones in it (like the ones call centre staff wear) you can walk around while you talk as well and have your hands free. Make it wireless for more freedom... buy the same for your sub so you can have them perform tasks while still in communication with you

There are some really helpful tips here for you; however, remember one thing - online is a one-dimensional venue and many a times what is written as you meant it to sound, is not always what is read in interpretation. I think that's the reason for expressing oneself in other ways than dialogue alone.

[fetishdj]

Well, VOIP eliminates that one dimensional aspect completely... but yes, you have to be careful of what you say and how you say it online as people can take offense at things you intended as a joke or not take seriously something you don't intend as a joke. The best you can do there is use emoticons but they are a crude tool at best.

Also a lot of people use CAPITAL LETTERS a lot and think that makes them seem more dominant. Generally caps means shouting and as any good Dom should know, once you start shouting you've generally lost control. Ok, you may shout in a session but generally you are using controlled shouting - showing displeasure by raising your voice slightly. A lot of people in an online setting will not take it that way if you 'shout' in chat. Some of them will just block you for being annoying. A dominant 'voice' in my mind is one that is measured, controlled and precise. For example, never using contractions.

[Daddy54]

For Some it Helps to have a Picture or their Pet/Sub/Slave Near the PC to Look At when Talking to Another Online. Gives you a Familiar Face to see. I was Intimadated Just by my PC and that Didnt Feel Good at All. I Used my Slaves Picture and Made the PC a Slave too. Now my Problems are getting Less and Less when Talking Online to Anyone.

[fetishdj]

Thats a good idea too..

And bear in mind that you can also have:

- Photos of the person you are talking too on your messenger program (and as a Dom make it a command that they have to put a photo up there for you... you could even specify that it has to be naked/dressed sexily)

- Webcams. Nothing like seeing your online partner doing what you ask in real time as you chat to them.

[Logic1]

I personally think that what you describe Mizar is an age/experience thing. If you are "young" and has used computers for the better part of your life you dont really feel any real difference and can use that msn/yahoo whatever chat to suit your needs and if you arent as internet "savvy" you dont really feel as "secure" in that element. I might be wrong in your case (cause even I have been known to be wrong :p) but oh well.
Use a pic of her just like Daddy54 said and I am sure it will make things easier.

[Ozme52]

Cool!! I'm still young!!

[Pearlgem]

LOL. In your dreams (probably) Oz.

[SilverWulf]

I am a Dom/Master. I have no problems speaking and being who I am. But online without the person in front of me, I don't quite know what to say or how to act...I almost feel submissive at the beginning and that is NOT acceptable. Anyone with advice.

Be yourself, first and foremost. If you say something a certain way in real life, type it out that way online as well. If you act a certain way, translate that into your posts to give a sense of who you are.

IMO, during a first meeting online.. in fact for the first few e-mails .. there is no such thing as Dom/sub. There is me and a girl on the other end who I would like to get to know better. She is a person, not an object to use or to treat as some lower form or life. I am just another guy who happens to wander by. I could take this initial meeting two different ways: 1) puff my chest out and dazzle her with my Domly brilliance <gags> or 2) be myself while acting genuine and not putting on any airs about how I am the only Domly one around who has the power... yada yada yada.

True dominance will shine through your words, questions, and answers brighter than any contrived persona ever could.

Asking and answering questions and having a 'vanilla' conversation to get to know somebody is in no way submissive, it is human.

[Pearlgem]

Exactly right, SW. Unless your reason for being online is to play or cyber, you are getting to know someone first and foremost and no one, Dom or sub, needs to display their credentials beyond sharing their interests in conversation. If it's relationship you're after, we are people first, compatible or not second, and then kinky.

[aussiesubgirl]

Be yourself, first and foremost. If you say something a certain way in real life, type it out that way online as well. If you act a certain way, translate that into your posts to give a sense of who you are.

IMO, during a first meeting online.. in fact for the first few e-mails .. there is no such thing as Dom/sub. There is me and a girl on the other end who I would like to get to know better. She is a person, not an object to use or to treat as some lower form or life. I am just another guy who happens to wander by. I could take this initial meeting two different ways: 1) puff my chest out and dazzle her with my Domly brilliance <gags> or 2) be myself while acting genuine and not putting on any airs about how I am the only Domly one around who has the power... yada yada yada.

True dominance will shine through your words, questions, and answers brighter than any contrived persona ever could.

Asking and answering questions and having a 'vanilla' conversation to get to know somebody is in no way submissive, it is human.

Long slow hand clap Silver Wulf...that is brilliantly said!

Your sub(s) must be very happy!
xxx