immature little girl or perfectly normal??

[khulmz22]

ok, well where to start, i met this guy on here...a Dom.
And well we have just been emailing, never talking about anything
blatantly sexual, nothing like that.
Mainly just talk about my life really. in fact He will not tell me
anything about Himself :-(

i really want to know more about Him. but mainly the reason
that i am writing is: i cannot stop thinking about Him!
Like little girl in middle school status. i get excited when i get
an email from Him, and i just think about Him all the time
while i go about my day.

just wondering if that is normal. like can subs usually not stop
thinking about a Dom they meet? if feel like if this were in a
"vanilla" context, it would not be the same. i have NEVER
really thought about a guys like this for no reason.
Even in middle school when i would "crush" on every little boy,
i don't think i thought of them like this...
Does anyone know why is
it happening now!!?

don't know...am i just acting like an immature little girl?

[good_girl]

I think many of us have had this feeling, step back and ask yourself...is it this Dom you are interested in or is it the fantasy? Do you get excited because he e-mailed you or because a Dom is showing interest?

For me, the fact that he won't tell you anything about himself would be a red flag. This is all new and exciting to you, it wasn't all that long ago I felt the same way, and I'm sure you have feelings of "I want it and I want it now!" but in reality this is not likely to be the best way to find what you really need, possibly unsafe, possibly a quick fix, but not likely to turn into the D/s relationship that you are really seeking.

What you are likely feeling is what is referred to as sub frenzy.

Have fun but please be careful.


SUB FRENZY

Added by Tiger, 08-29-2008 02:35 AM
Colloquial A very strong, sometimes overwhelming, desire to find a dominant partner or to become immersed in BDSM-related activities, sometimes seen in people who identify strongly as submissive, particularly peope who have either just newly discovered their submissive side or who have not partaken in BDSM-related activities for a long time. People in the grip of sub frenzy may sometimes make unwise or unsafe choices.

[khulmz22]

o wow!! i did not know there was a term for it!!
haha, goodness. that is a little bit lame...

but just an FYI, its not in the creeper sense that he
won't say anything...like i don't get any creeper
vibes from him, but i never meet people online,
"vanilla" or not, so i guess i thought Him withholding info
about Himself, is usual, maybe a "game" kinda that Doms
play?

i don't know but, sub frenzy!! o goodness, i guess it makes
sense though!

[khulmz22]

o and another FYI, i think it is Him and not the
fantasy, because i have spoken briefly to other Doms,
but they never captivated me like He does...?

but it could just be me working myself up, (ie. just sub frenzy)
definately something to think about, thanks good_girl

[denuseri]

What my sister good girl said X infinity!!!

Sub Frenzy is very normal and isnt just for new people to the scene eaither, it can sneak up on even the most experienced submissive.

As for creepy or not,, Red flags go off for me too just reading your post about him khulmz. It is all too easy to be lead into a false sence of trust as a submissive. I myself have even suffered greatly by putting my trust in the wrong hands before and am very lucky to still be alive becuase of it.

I can't stress enough: Saftey first...Kinky second.

[craven]

i can not agree more, sub frenzy is not uncommon, the mind is a powerful thing and when captivated so it can control ones thoughts and make people act and do things that in the cold light of day they would never entertain doing.

Please please be very careful, Ds relationships are based upon trust and understanding, as with Dens post alarm bells are ringing for me if he is unwilling to tell you anything about him, trust is earned and mutual. I myself would be very uneasy if my Domme or sub was unwilling to be open.

With out openness i would be very cautious, think through your actions, and try to remain calm and rational, and if i were you get him to tell you more about him, as i said trust is essential in Ds partnerships, far more so than in vanilla.

Maybe tell him of your concerns and see if he looks to address your concerns by opening up to you, if he does not, then be very careful.

Good luck, and i hope all goes well, but as den says stay safe please.