shiny new user needs advice

[CrimsonRose15]

So I am on a bit of a sexual adventure. I've known about my BDSM tendencies for years now, and I've explored most of them, save for the few things that aren't really doable without ignoring my own morality. I prided myself on being secure with my sexuality-I never felt ashamed of my sadistic or masochistic tendencies, I knew why I liked the things that I liked, I never had a problem telling my partners about what I wanted. But then I met my new boyfriend, and he has blown me out of the water. He HAS explored his more unreasonable sadistic tendencies via the internet and phone sex. Honestly, it makes me a little jealous. I didn't realize until know just how much I identified with my knowledge of my own sexuality.

Also, we have spent a lot of time focusing on his sexuality. It got to the point where I was spending more time thinking about what turned him on as opposed to what turned me on. So I'm here trying to reclaim my sexuality.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me, or stories of their own discoveries, or links to erotica, or anything really.

[devilishsub]

Hey, I went through a similar experience after being with my Master for coming up on two years. I felt like I dedicated a lot to him (with plenty in return) but needed some more time to deal with me.
Without knowing what you are into, try going to the BDSM library and sorting through highest rated and just browse.
I got back in touch with myself by doing things for me, I'm naturally domestic so I cooked some new recipes I've been dying to try, worked on some arts and crafts I'd been neglecting went out with my girlfriends, shopping, whatever I felt like doing at the time. The most important thing for me though was masturbation, no toys, no porn, just me. It allowed my mind to wander and allowed me to re-evaluate what turns me on.
You don't have to ditch your boyfriend entirely, just set aside time for yourself. Make a schedule if you have to, because it's important you maintain your own identity in a relationship. Your identity is why he became interested in you in the first place and strengthening who you are can only help your relationship.

[leo9]

Also, we have spent a lot of time focusing on his sexuality. It got to the point where I was spending more time thinking about what turned him on as opposed to what turned me on. So I'm here trying to reclaim my sexuality.


<G> Watch out - there are people here who'll tell you you're not a real submissive.

[denuseri]

(wonders why some people bother to post if thier not going to help)

Hey Rose, hugs of empathy from a fellow submissive

I know just what your talking about boo,

Sometimes one needs a little time just for themselves. A smart dominant will be very accomadating in that regard and even help you to preserve that identity of self devilishsub is talking about (nice one sisa winks).

If the focus is only on his desires, it does speak volumes about him, the word selfish comes to mind.

One would think a dominant would want you to thrive in your submission wouldnt one? How can you serve him if he never serves you?

Only a fool plants a garden and then dosnt make sure it gets watered.

I reccomend you sit down and have a nice long conversation with him, after all communication is the key to any relationship, vanilla or otherwise.

The road of dominantion and submission is a two way street, paved with mutual respect and consern, for each other.

Be strong my sister!!!

Hugs and kissess
denuseri





feel free to pm me or any of the staff if you need help, we are allways willing to lend a hand

[leah06]

<G> Watch out - there are people here who'll tell you you're not a real submissive.

Oh my God, Leo9, someone PM'ed me that JUST THIS MINUTE. I was going to post a little rant about it, but decided to let it go - but, what the hell. . .

RANT!!!

I don't go critiquing anyone's Domliness, I don't see where someone gets off telling me what I am or am not.

Thanks.

[CrimsonRose15]

<G> Watch out - there are people here who'll tell you you're not a real submissive.

If people want to say that, then they can go ahead. The way I see it, there is a wide spectrum of sexuality and dom and sub and just words used for ease and clarity.