Do switches make switches?

[voxelectronica]

So you'll have to excuse my recent newness to online play. I'm fresh out of a 2 year exclusive vanilla relationship and decided to hit up all the bdsm groups as my old haunts are down. This is also the first time that I've come out as a switch in my profiles.

So I'm on another bdsm site more dating oriented I've noticed and I've been talking to some Doms. I like Doms, a lot actually. I haven't exactly had the exact same relationship with them that I have now. I talk to them. More like an equal than i ever have before. There isn't some weird "i want to get on me knees" feeling as there was before.

So I'm talking to Doms like a new friend without pretension and I indicate that I'm interested in maybe meeting them. They accept and then (this has happened MULTIPLE TIMES) they say something like "hey and if you wanna Dom me a bit that would be awesome! I have a virgin ass *grin*".

What makes someone who has no sub experience, has the word Dom all over their profile and seems to be really into topping suddenly want to bend over and take it in the ass? This never happened when i was a sub, only when my profiles say switch.

Does anyone else have experience with this?

[thewhiterabbit]

I actually don't have any experience with the situation you've described. However, in the past when I've introduced my partners to BDSM and my own desires for it I have noticed a trend for them to be more comfortable in a sub position the first few times. I think this has more to do with responsibility and comfort levels than it does any natural inclination. Perhaps the ones you've been talking to have less experience? It seems to me that subbing is the easier position of the two (personal opinion only) because you really can't mess it up- you're not the one "in charge." Those are my two cents anyways, not sure it helped, but I hope it did- at least a little bit.

[Mothra!!!]

So I'm talking to Doms like a new friend without pretension and I indicate that I'm interested in maybe meeting them. They accept and then (this has happened MULTIPLE TIMES) they say something like "hey and if you wanna Dom me a bit that would be awesome! I have a virgin ass *grin*".

What makes someone who has no sub experience, has the word Dom all over their profile and seems to be really into topping suddenly want to bend over and take it in the ass? This never happened when i was a sub, only when my profiles say switch.

To my mind, "submissive" does not always have to mean "the one who takes it in the ass." My Owner sometimes likes for me to wear a strap-on with Him, but that doesn't mean that suddenly I'm the domme. He's still calling the shots even if He's the one being "done," and it's His decision whether or not I get to do that.

It seems possible that some of these Doms, at least, might be thinking along the same lines. On the other hand, it's equally likely that the assumption is that every switch likes to change roles mid-scene and/or with the same person, which (as many of us know) is not necessarily the case. As to why these people billiing themselves as Sir Domly Dom, the Dommiest Dom Ever are saying these things, I don't know -- unless it's that they aren't really who they say they are :rolleyes:

[Mothra!!!]

Also, what gothichippiechick said :)

I'd add that maybe these Doms see submitting to a switch as less egregious than submitting to another Dom for certain activities.

[voxelectronica]

As to why these people billiing themselves as Sir Domly Dom, the Dommiest Dom Ever are saying these things, I don't know -- unless it's that they aren't really who they say they are :rolleyes:

omg that is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile.

So i asked one. Yes just one. Why he Sir Domly Dom wanted me to play with him. I was actually shocked at the answer.

I'm shocked in general when boys say things of this nature anyway but he says "because I don't just wanna play with someone. I want a relationship but I don't want one with a sub. I want a relationship with someone who can Dom as a Dom not as a sub. So that she and I can have subs together."

It was... sweet. I don't talk to him much anymore though.

[fetishdj]

Most people are somewhere in the middle of the 'switch-zone' in terms of their dominance/submissive tendencies. Whether we are labelled as 'Dom', 'sub' or whatever is sometimes more to do with personal choice and comparisons with the people around us than our actual feelings in that direction. Many of us call ourselves 'Dom' or 'sub' because that is something we want to explore. Some (none that I am aware of here in this forum) do it without even knowing what the terms really mean and use them interchangeably and as a means towards quick, dirty sex (which is always fun but not the be all and end all of BDSM).

It is interesting that one of the Doms you talked to wanted a relationship with an equal or better. I suppose that is often the ideal even in vanilla relationships - you need someone to challenge you mentally and physically but not overwhelm you. He seemed to think that a relationship with a switch would give him that and he clearly saw you as an equal. Though I feel he may be missing the point somewhere by assuming that sub=inferior. Ok, in name this is true but just because someone is submissive does not necessarily mean that they are not intelligent, strong, willful. Sub does not equal doormat.

Also, why would a relationship with another Dom require one of you to submit in any way? If you were playing the poly aspects of BDSM then it is possible for you to have a more or less vanilla relationship sexually (though you can have as much dirty sex as you like with either of you being the bottom at any one time) but both play with your own subs individually. You could even have a set up where you double dommed subs and incorporated that into your own sexual play. Maybe even a set up where he dommed you by ordering you to do things to another sub.

And I for one would like to volunteer to be that sub... :)

[voxelectronica]

Well from talking to a lot of Doms I've noticed that we get a long better in general. It's something I didn't experience as a sub and not because I was a doormat. The dynamic of the relationship itself is very different. He actually did make me think about the scenario a lot. Not to the extremes that you took it mr subiest sub subby but just the dynamics.

A few things though. He never wanted me to sub. Never mentioned it actually. I think it may be easier to approach a switch with this than a Domme. We all know that relationships come in all different shapes and sizes... I'm a pansexual gender queer bio girl who switches for christ sakes! I could date... well i think everyone is covered in that. But, it's hard to break away from this idea that a Dom would seek out another Dom for a relationship. Call it the last taboo.

I've seen hundreds if not thousands of profiles of boys, girls, trannies, Doms, subs etc. I have yet to see one that says "Dom looking for Dom". I'm sure he shares my idea on this so why not talk to the person (or people) who don't associate with either side. It must be easier.

Oh and fetishdj.... I did talk to him long enough to gather that he really likes blow jobs from boys and your forgetting the awesome set up... where I Dom subs by ordering them to do things to him.

[fetishdj]

Oh and fetishdj.... I did talk to him long enough to gather that he really likes blow jobs from boys and your forgetting the awesome set up... where I Dom subs by ordering them to do things to him.

And that is a problem, why? ;) :bondage:

[swtinsatiable]

I am a switch also and i have come across the same scenerio..but i find it amusing and refreshing that someone is comfortable enough to say they want both..I never wanted to be D/ed but i find i can let myself go when i do..Maybe they feel the same way...just my opinion...