Personal info. shared online

[usbabe]

i'm looking for some input from D's and s's who have online experience please. For the last several months i have been talking to and tasking for a Dom who has requested alot of my personal information.....such as phone, email, address (i did not share), and all kinds of other personal information about me, yet He will not share any info with me.......all i know of Him is his email address. He won't tell me where he works......has told me what town he lives in.....maybe. It has been many months....like 10 and i have asked for a meeting and He says He wants to meet but he keeps making excuses. Has told me he has back problems and can not come to me.......but won't ask me to come there and i know he has flown a couple of times to other places. You know, as i write this i think i'm answering my own question. Anyway, He states He is single and i am His only interest but in the back of my mind......i'm thinking something is not on the up and up. i recently told Him if He can't share more with me i will have to move on. So my question is.......how much information do Y/you typically share in an online situation? Do you think i am correct in assuming something is fishy here? i would love some input.

usbabe

[SilverWulf]

I think you answered your own question.

Sounds pretty fishy to me. If he isn't willing to share as much as he is asking, something is not right.

[blythe spirit]

What you're feeling is instinct, babe. And you should never go against that gut feeling. Because of a bad experience, I'm rather cautious about sharing any kind of info, but ten months?

I've used some devious methods to "catch" the frauds, but I certainly didn't wait no 10 months! Cripes, I have them found out within a couple weeks of meeting. And for sure, I have more info about them, than they do me.

It might not be that he's married, but maybe he's made up some stuff about himself that isn't true. Maybe he's a lot younger, or older? Maybe he's not all that good looking? Maybe, he's just scared that he'll lose you. When he calls you, can't you lift his number from Caller ID?

Just curious why you've waited so long before getting suspicious?

[usbabe]

Thank You SilverWulf.......i think i answered it a long time ago but was hooked.

blythe spirit.......i totally agree 10 months is a long time. i have had these feelings for quite some time but have been sort of "hooked"......sucked into the attention (so to speak). Hard to get away and stay away. He has called sporatically but always a blocked number. i know......i sound naive and a bit stupid and sometimes can kick myself because i'm so not like that. Thank you for your reply.

i think i just need someone outside the situation to validate that my gut is right and i should just move on.

[Aibo]

Hello usbabe
I can only agree on whats been said (for what is it worth) but nevertheless, you would be able to ask anything, with the possible exception of the name of my boss and his telephone number. :P

Two small details though, 10 months isn't a long time in BDSM circumstances, many communicate for years. And second I happen to have one unlisted number myself, and that is for keeping telephone salespersons off my back.

But as said in my first paragraph, the unwillingness to share, when you tell a lot, is a sign that something isnt right here.

[usbabe]

Thank you Aibo........This is my very first experience with D/s and i really wasn't sure of the rules (so to speak). The info i'm getting from everyone just reinforces that tiny little voice in the back of my head. i told Him several days ago i didn't feel this was right and haven't heard from Him since and we usually spoke every day. i was hoping He would step up to the plate and share something, proving He was legitimate but i don't see that happening......such a shame but probably best in the long run.

[shayna{L_D}]

So my question is.......how much information do Y/you typically share in an online situation? Do you think i am correct in assuming something is fishy here? i would love some input.

usbabe

i am going to answer your question that you wanted the answer to. Yes i do share information online but i am very careful as to who it is. I dont just meet someone on the internet and the next day tell them where i live, where i work, my phone number, my address. The person im with now, i only knew him like a week or two before i talked to him on the phone, but with him its like i already felt safe and its just a phone number, and i got his in the process so it wasnt like he was hiding it from me. We met a month into know each other, but he never hid anything from me, and was always forth coming with information. I may have been a bit on the risky side but hey i went with my gut feeling and my gut is always right.

As far as your situation is concerned, everyone has always told you that you answered our own question, which in this case i think its true. You may be hooked and or was hooked at the time, but ten months?? Whats he waiting for, a graved invite? Im not saying that everyone should just give out their personal information like its candy but i mean come on. Not a phone call, and he wont let you visit? Something is going on, you should just move on, find someone worth it,babe.

[blythe spirit]

awwww, hun, I do understand how one can get hooked on the attention, but apparently he was playing you for as long as you would play. huuuuuugs. It has nothing to do with being naive - hell, I'm far from naive and I was bitten hard myself.

Cliche, but true, "There's other fish in the sea." And actually, as I've learned, sometimes you're better off without for a while. But I doubt you'll be alone for long. Chalk this up as a lesson learned. If they won't share, then be aware. And for god's sake, no more ten months in waiting!!!!! lol

He just might be pondering whether or not to bend to your will and satisfy your curiosity. Don't hold your breath, though, cuz I see it as a big "maybe." Probably best to move on. The sad part is, that when you've given yourself in a relationship, and it ends, you'll always have that ghost in your past.

[denuseri]

HUGS usbabe I am so sorry you had to find this all to common thing out about online relationships.

It sounds at first like he was only looking for an online only relationship to me (ie: eaither married or had a physical ailment or condition in which he didnt want you to see him in person etc), though most people that want that dont ask for all your information in fact I hope he wasnt gathering your information for other reasons. (alarm bells go off in my head when I read your initial post and I am glad you decided to not share)

<<does not share my personal information online anymore ever with anyone. Which means no web cams, recognizable pictures, phone calls, or postal service etc)

I learned my lesson the hard way a few years ago and am lucky to still be alive becuase of it.

I was fooled by what I thought to be a D/s couple, appearances can be very decieving online especially.



Not everyone on the internet is nessesarally a preadator but becuase of the ones that are it is nessesary to be very cautious.

[orchidsoul]

Been there, done that, fell for it...

your instincts are correct.

If after 10 mos, you don't have the phone number of a mere friend that has your number, you'd normally find that super suspicious.

I could comment endlessly here. Just know that your gut is correct and as hard as it seems it will be... you need to walk away. This is a mind fuck of a relationship and not in the good way. I'm sorry.

good luck and if you ever need an ear...

[usbabe]

Thank you everyone for all your input. It has been almost a week now and no contact since i told him i needed some validation. i think if he was going to step up it would have been done by now. So, time to move on. On the positive side......at least i learned this lesson my first time out and will be much more cautious in the future.:icon277:

[blythe spirit]

Yes, be cautious. But don't get like me, paranoid! hehehe. I don't trust any frickin' one...not even my friends anymore.

[sinderella]

If they won't share, then be aware.

good one...

[sinderella]

Thank you everyone for all your input. It has been almost a week now and no contact since i told him i needed some validation. i think if he was going to step up it would have been done by now. So, time to move on. On the positive side......at least i learned this lesson my first time out and will be much more cautious in the future.:icon277:


i'm sorry, usbabe...i know what that feels like :(

you're so sweet though, you will find someone right away, and who will treat you the way you want to be treated...

[sidhewolf]

i'm looking for some input from D's and s's who have online experience please. For the last several months i have been talking to and tasking for a Dom who has requested alot of my personal information.....such as phone, email, address (i did not share), and all kinds of other personal information about me, yet He will not share any info with me.......all i know of Him is his email address. He won't tell me where he works......has told me what town he lives in.....maybe. It has been many months....like 10 and i have asked for a meeting and He says He wants to meet but he keeps making excuses. Has told me he has back problems and can not come to me.......but won't ask me to come there and i know he has flown a couple of times to other places. You know, as i write this i think i'm answering my own question. Anyway, He states He is single and i am His only interest but in the back of my mind......i'm thinking something is not on the up and up. i recently told Him if He can't share more with me i will have to move on. So my question is.......how much information do Y/you typically share in an online situation? Do you think i am correct in assuming something is fishy here? i would love some input.

usbabe

I think it depends on the Relationship and it's Goals. 10 Months of interacting with someone is a pretty long time I think. And Not *Exchanging* information is ummmm pretty scarey I'd think. You've given him yours, but he has not shared his? Hmmm. Nextly, If this was to go Real Time, why hasn't it already? Is the man halfway 'round the World or something?

We share most information with contacts we believe are serious AND may mesh well here, as it comes up in conversations. So I dunno why this guy wouldn't?

My thoughts are pretty much that he is either an online only, or hiding something. But you'd know best since you've talked with him.

Do what's best for you hon.
respectfully~SidheWolf

[Arria]

It sounds very fishy to me.

For every bit of personal information I give, I expect the same info in return - given the other part asked.
Usually, I even reply to such a question with "yours first", and that usually works well.
Adresses can be checked via Yellowpages and such. If he gave you a fake address, break off all contact immediately. You need nobody in your life who acts so suspiciously. It might also be interesting to google the full name of the person, once he gave it to you.

As for the real life meeting: Pretending to want a real meeting, but not even giving out any address details, is rather self-explaining, isn´t it?

I would agree with denuseri on this one - wanting and taking or even demanding info, but giving none in return should make you cautious.

My feeling about this guy, from what you tell, is that he is not worth your time and emotions.

[Matin]

for gods sake don't give an address. most people can't track you with just a #. tell him you can meet at the starbucks two towns over, and go from there.

paranoia is not just for crazy people. if he's a cool guy there's no way he'd object to precautions on your part

[Matin]

for gods sake don't give an address. most people can't track you with just a #. tell him you can meet at the starbucks two towns over, and go from there.

paranoia is not just for crazy people. if he's a cool guy there's no way he'd object to precautions on your part. good luck!

[Matin]

sorry i didn't mean to post that twice. dunno why that happened lol

[SauvagePouline]

for gods sake don't give an address. most people can't track you with just a #.

Not to be a pain, but lots and lots of numbers can be very easily traced. There are websites ( like reversephonelookup.com ) which do free searches based on phone number and give you an address. Some of them are even starting to add cell phone numbers.

So while I'm not advocating giving out your address, i would be as careful with my phone number as with the address, just in case.

[Matin]

see i didn't know that.

:)