How do you cope if you have to give up your Master

[love2serve]

Sounds like a simple question doesn't it? Move on, get on with life, don't dwell on the past, be grateful for what you have???? I could go on and on. Funny how none of these give even the smallest crumb of comfort.

People who know me from the short time I've been on here know that my husband gave me permission to 'play' on here. Online fun for bored wife - she's horny and happy again - he gets loads of very dirty sex - win, win situation you'd think. Until bored unhappy wife meets guy online, who is able to make the sun shine and the stars twinkle and a woman with very low self-esteem turn into something resembling the sexy woman she was 20yrs ago. They talk, online, on phone, by text, by YIM and to her eternal shame meet. That one meeting changed everything. Total submission to a master so wonderful that no-one could ever hold a candle to him. The want and the need to submit fulfilled in one meeting. The knee buckling texts sent everyday, the most fabulous gushing orgasms, the oh-so tender hugs for warmth and the snog (sounds cheesy doesnt it) that left me so breathless I could have never breathed again and died happy. But the worst thing was the voice, the voice that only had to utter one word for me to almost fall to my knees just at the sound of it. And dont get me started on my need to feel his hands on my throat, longing for the day that he would fasten a collar around it and make me his own sub forever. All these things are true, a woman who has four children and a lovely husband of 20 years, hanging on until the next text, the next email or instant message - very sad you might think, that her submission, hidden for so many years and finally allowed to see the light of day should be snuffed out. You see, my husband found out about the meeting and as a result has banned me from contacting my Master, and I know that I must respect that wish no matter how broken my heart feels or how much I just want to curl up and cry. It must now be a magical dream to look back on and what I need now is the strength to carry on and that my friends is where you come in...... does anyone have any help for me to get through this? I really don't need lectures on what a stupid woman I've been, to risk everything for a fantasy that I could never hope to hang on to - believe me I've beaten myself up over this for more hours than I can count, but if anyone has any words of wisdom for me, I will be eternally grateful, Love2serve

[jeanne]

I don't have any words of wisdom. I only have my own experience, very much like yours in the details of home life (but without the 'okay' from my husband). I was not seeking. Was not interested, simply wanted to learn more about myself and hopefully find the key to turn my husband into my Dom and turn our marriage into something I could finally be happy in.

It didn't work. A 'vanilla' meeting with a Dom from here unexpectedly became more and I found my true self.

Fast forward more than a year...after repeated attempts to talk to my non-communicative, there's-nothing-wrong-with-me-and-I-don't-care-if-you-want-more husband...I'm divorcing him. Not to 'be with my Dom forever' but to honor myself and the person I really am.

I wish I could tell you all will be well. It can be - but you will have to let go of your submission completely. Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.

[fourmaggie]

I know I don't have experience that long in being a submissive female, but I am a widow of 2 children and had the love of my life....all I can say is its your life and what is your TRUE desires.....??? Only you can answer what you really want.....

[love2serve]

I wish I could tell you all will be well. It can be - but you will have to let go of your submission completely. Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.

Thank you for that message Jeanne. Sounds simple enough but how?, when you have actually knelt for someone and offered yourself for him to enjoy - with no hang-ups about shape size or anything, just you being you and taken as such with no other wish but than to please your Master in any way possible, how?....... can I put these feelings in a box and seal them away forever. Pandoras Box comes to mind, its open now and I just can't seem to fasten the lid.......

[his_girl_l]

i don't think you can lock away your submission love2serve. Temporarily maybe, but if it is truly part of who you are, as it seems to be from your posts, it will keep popping back out of that box. In my opinion it's a matter of if you can channel it in ways that are acceptable to both you and your family.

i tried so so hard to supress my submissive nature for years. i was married to a man who was not only not open to me being a sub, but openly hostile and disgusted by it.

We seperated at the beginning of the year for unrelated reasons - but even while devestated and mourning my marraige, there was a tiny voice in the back of my head saying "you're free, you can be you without shame now".

i guess the advice i am trying to give is that you can and will mourn the loss of your Master, that you can devote yourself to your marraige without being able to directly act on your need for submission, but that you should never try to deny to yourself who and what you are. In my experience it doesn't work and only leads to shame and pain.

Good luck. i really hope things work out for you and the pain starts to fade soon.

[Ozme52]

I wish I could tell you all will be well. It can be - but you will have to let go of your submission completely. Good luck to you. I wish you all the best.

Thank you for that message Jeanne. Sounds simple enough but how?, when you have actually knelt for someone and offered yourself for him to enjoy - with no hang-ups about shape size or anything, just you being you and taken as such with no other wish but than to please your Master in any way possible, how?....... can I put these feelings in a box and seal them away forever. Pandoras Box comes to mind, its open now and I just can't seem to fasten the lid.......


Maybe reopen the conversation and find out if you can have a poly/open relationship with your husband. Of course, you have to be open to him playing too...

Especially if he understands how important this is to you... while your love for him continues unabated.

Fortunately, I've never thought owning my partner's body was the key to keeping her heart.

[leah06]

I strongly, strongly support marriage and relationships, and I can understand your husband's concerns. Please don't leave him for this Dom. It might be that you need to leave him because you can't express a core part of yourself, but that's very different.

Can you possibly express this part of yourself in the sacrifice of giving up your Dom? Your husband has "banned" you from contacting him, I think you said. Can you turn this ban into a submissive act? Can giving up acting on the submission be a submission to your husband?

I'm so sorry for what you are feeling, but I agree with your analysis. Fantasies can be overwhelming, but your marriage is a very precious reality.

[love2serve]

There was never any chance of me going to be with my Master, he never wanted that at all, its just that I would have liked to be able to enjoy a relationship with him as well. Greedy you might say, but for the last two months or so my relationship with my husband has blossomed, we have so much better loving sex than we have for years and now I'm not sure if things will be the same. Time will tell I suppose. Thanks for your comments though, I'm really grateful to everyone who has replied xx

[Ninva]

My dear, would hubby be willing to learn to dom from others on this site? He obviously loves you, and in fulfilling you, he can learn more about the overwhelming power that men can wield if they so choose.

I will get express permission from my owner to talk to him, if you like, and help him with any questions he may be uncomfortable asking either a stranger or someone who is too close. I am also a good teacher for a loving dom, as I taught my owner, to the best of my ability without topping from the bottom, to use his natural abilities.

I'm sorry for your pain and confusion, but I will help you mold your future to meet your needs if asked.

[love2serve]

Thank you so much for your kind offer. i will speak to him about this as he is away on business for the week it wont be until Friday. I really am grateful for your concern and hope that he can be persuaded. xxLove2

[Ladymad]

Okay, just quickly... Can I make out with you Ninva?! Awesome advice... (Wow, quite a reaction to a bit of advice.. lol)

My own take on the situation...
Firstly, love2serve, I just want to grab you and hug you like crazy. What a terrible situation you have ended up in!

My mother was in a similar, yet vanilla, circumstance. She had 3 kids and had been married for 19 years. Unfortunately, she never fulfilled her fantasy.

I guess, I want to tell you what I wished I had told my mother before she died. Do what makes you happy. Don't do it for anyone else, do it for YOU. Because the only way you can be there and care for those around you is if you are happy. And not only that, but fuck, you DESERVE to be happy.

I get the feeling from your posts that you live to make others happy... Your husband, your children... And often, in all of this, you forget that you exist too, you deserve to be happy too.

Don't stay in your relationship if it is not right, if it is not what you are looking for. Please, please, be true to yourself, and take the path that will lead you to the most happiness.

[jezabel]

huni, im so sorry for you having to go thru this, it must be heartbreaking. but i have to agree with Ladymad, sometimes u have to be selfish and put yourself first.

as a mum, i know how easy it is to neglect urself, but life is too short for regrets....

make sure this is what YOU want, if ur husband is the right one for u then work at ur relationship, let it grow, but if there are ANY doubts then huni, only u can make that decision, no amount of advice will help...im speaking from experience.

as Ladymad says, u deserve to be happy too

hugs jez xxx

[love2serve]

This is just a quick thank you to everyone who took the time to try and help me. I am so grateful. I had my eyes opened a bit tonight, a chance look through the recent threads showed me that I have been so stupid. To think that a short infatuation with albeit a wonderful guy is not worth a 20yr marriage and if that means that Love2serve has to put her submission aside for a while then maybe that would be for the best? Who knows, anyway, thanks again to everyone and hopefully if I see you on chat in the future you will see a happy Love2 who knows in her heart she has done the right thing. xxxxxxxx