Protocol tips please!!

[bpqueen]

I am very new to the lifestyle and my Master is very particular about my speech patterns, but I have absolutely no idea where to turn for examples of more proper and respectful ways of asking questions and using non-directive speech patterns. In particular, I recently sent my Master a web link for healing herbs in regards to a conversation that we had, and was repremanded for using a sentence that was "perilously close" to being a "passive-aggressive order." Unfortunately, I did not grow up in a "respectful" enviornment and have no idea of the types of etiquette inferred in my speech patterns. In his reply to me, he distinguished between casual, informal, and formal forms of address in addition to my Dom, other Doms, and other Subs. Does anyone have any good links for me that they could share before I get myself into further trouble? I am trying to search the forum and online, but there are too many filters that I just can't seem to get through. I would really appreciate it :-)

[Pearlgem]

I honestly think your Master is the best person to make it clear to you what forms of address he wants you to use. He should be able to tell you clearly and directly how he wants you to address him and help you with examples of other 'speech patterns' he requires - even having practice sessions with you with examples of disliked speech eg a 'passive-aggressive order', and what would he would prefer. (I'm not sure I would know what that meant exactly unless I heard actual examples.) Of course, you'd pick up the principles of what he wants rather than learn each and every example.
It's hardly fair if you've to alter something you have small knowledge or awareness of unless he is tasking you to find out, but even then you are bound to make mistakes as you learn. Ask him very specifically what he requires of you, and focus your energies on that.

[Veralynne]

Hi! I'm going to hazard a response, although I am not the most educated sub out there- still fairly new. I think that there's a certain level of formality that most Doms expect when you are speaking to them, and it is somewhat similar to how you would speak to someone in authority of a great importance. Often they want you to refer to them as Sir, or Master, or Daddy, or some other term of respect. Different Doms will have different ideas about how formal they want your speech to be, and in what circumstances each level of formality is appropriate.

Personally, my Master allows me to take a somewhat more casual tone at times if we are talking about light matters- but I must always be able to quickly take a very formal and respectful tone if needed. I think the best way to learn what is expected is to ask your Master about it because different people will have different ideas on the topic. He may be able to provide guidance for you in the way that he desires.

Good luck in your learning experiences!!

[Flaming_Redhead]

I've been in the lifestyle r/t for about 2 years, and I have yet to come across this, either with a partner or at a dungeon. I speak to everyone the same. My dom doesn't require a title. I can call him by his name or whatever I'm comfortable with which happens to be "Daddy." As far as I know, there is no standard manner of speech. It's best to ask your Master what the hell he's talking about. Is he Gorean? That's the only difference I can think of....third person speak maybe?

[denuseri]

I am very new to the lifestyle and my Master is very particular about my speech patterns, but I have absolutely no idea where to turn for examples of more proper and respectful ways of asking questions and using non-directive speech patterns. In particular, I recently sent my Master a web link for healing herbs in regards to a conversation that we had, and was repremanded for using a sentence that was "perilously close" to being a "passive-aggressive order." Unfortunately, I did not grow up in a "respectful" enviornment and have no idea of the types of etiquette inferred in my speech patterns. In his reply to me, he distinguished between casual, informal, and formal forms of address in addition to my Dom, other Doms, and other Subs. Does anyone have any good links for me that they could share before I get myself into further trouble? I am trying to search the forum and online, but there are too many filters that I just can't seem to get through. I would really appreciate it :-)

Dear bpqueen

I can empathise with your delima when it comes to matters of what a dominant considers to be "proper" conduct.

However .....and please dont take this the wrong way:

He sounds like he is the real one with a problem thats in need of some good common sence training in manners and respect himself.

It is my humble opinion that if he wants you to speak to him a certian way then he should take the time to teach you exactly how he wants you to speak as opposed to reprimanding you for every little detail of speach he doesnt like and making you play a guessing game.

As for tutoring you in any proper decorum on how to actually speak all I can help you with would be the forms that I was taught my Owner prefered and perhaps some of those that other dominants I have had in the past liked which would require a lot of "one on one" practice time in the chat room.

As for letter writting skills for messages and such all I can advise is getting a college english 101 textbook (often called the little brown handbook) which contains all the formal and informal types of letter and paper writting formats recognized by contemporary society.

Respectfully Yours

denuseri

[bpqueen]

Thank you all for your suggestions and support. I am trying to do some more reading to better acquaint myself with deferential speech, and I did manage the courage to bring it up in conversation with my Master today (I am horrible at communicating period). He is going to endeavor to impart his speech theory more clearly to me while I try and not make every negative comment from him into my own personal failure. He is not Gorean, wants me as a submissive rather than a slave, and told me that he did not want me to memorize a list of rules and behaviors. We will work through my speech and behavior patterning together and in group settings until I feel more comfortable. I just have never been trained (or even experienced) how to give respect and be deferential, and I was just really panicked yesterday. I am very glad that I found my voice today and was respected for it. I appreciate all of your responses so much!! Thank you

[leah06]

Perhaps when he brings an unwanted phrase to your attention he could provide you with a model of the proper phrase? You wouldn't have to memorize them all, but it would give you a sense of what he's looking for.