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View Full Version : Signs BDSM playtime is OVER: The cops show up!



onlyforhim4ever
08-12-2004, 03:41 PM
Anyone else have any issues with their lifestyle causing police attention or neighbor/roommate complaints? Or with ignorant people expressing their intolerance to your lifestyle from a moral standpoint? How did you deal with it?


My first (and hopefully last) police encounter:

The morning after an intense scene, I'm getting out of the shower and running a bit late for my first brazillian waxing when a female cop and 2 male detectives let themselves into His house (in the shower I didn't hear their knocking). I come out nervously clutching the towel around me, and I'm asked for my ID.. they follow me back to his room to retrieve it. A box of our toys is open off to the side which I'm not sure they notice. After quite a few questions they tell me they recieved an anonymous call saying it sounded like **a young woman was being beaten** here last night (um glad you got here in time?). I explained we were just having sex (no I didn't go into detail) and that it's all totally consensual (sheesh it was just a crop). I reassure them some more after another string of questions and finally they leave me with a business card, urging me to call them if need be. Um yea nice.

We recently found out it wasn't the neighbors who called the cops, but rather his ebay-freak of a roommate. Since the incident we'd been totally quiet and only went so far as to have vanilla sex once there, saving the BDSM for my apt. Nevertheless, my Dom was just given 30 days notice from the roommate (the only one on the lease there). I'm aggravated because the roommate never asked us to tone it down or even mention he heard anything (there is also a closet plus a bathroom between his bedroom and my Doms), instead he just told him to move out with no warning after we obviously demonstrated that we wouldn't make any more noise there.

*sigh* It is obvious his roommate merely has a moral issue with our lifestyle. It's for the best though because now he's moving to a place where we can make all the noise we want.

jaeangel
08-12-2004, 04:17 PM
About a month ago I was in the bathroom playing with myself. Both my kidsweretaking naps, and i got out my toys. I started off with three two quart cold water enemas, and once i got myself cleaned out I got out my dildo and pushed it up my anus. I had my velcro collar on, and my leash was hooked to the shower curtain rail, and my imaginary master was standing over me, holding the leash and telling me to 'get that dildo up your ass now, cunt! Fuck it in there.' and i was doing it, and imagining myself begging my master not to make me do it when suddenly the dildo left my hands and went up inside. Completely. I tried to feel for it with my fingers...nothing. Nada. I sat on the toilet and tried for an hour to push it out, then gave up and called my husband. He was HORRIFIED! He's completely vanilla, and a lot of the things i do to myself make him shudder...which is why i don't do them when he's home. Anyway, he came home and took me to the emergency room...and some of the looks we both were getting from the nurses...! The male nurses were snickering and cracking ass jokes when they thought we couldn't hear; and the female ones were eyeing up my hubby and making jokes about his size too. They took X-Rays of my toy in my ass (that got a lot of airtime in the ER; they were passing it around to look at like a tray of hors d'oevres at a party! Hubby forbade me to do that ever again, and he told the doctor to get rid of my dildo after they got it out. He didn't want me to have it again.
So playtime with my ass is OVER.

Mobius
08-12-2004, 06:18 PM
That must have been sooo humiliating. But alas your not alone. I have heard that the ER is a bastian of forian objects getting lost up peoples orifice's. There are allot of Xrays floating around with bear bottles, some broken floating around the internet.

I recomend a but plug or some thing like anal beads. At least that would not have a chance to get sucked up there.
I have heard that the Ass can have a vacume affect and if some thing can get suck up there it will.

I think maybe you and hubby need to talk and some alone time. I wish you all my best and good luck.

Sorry I stated the obvious about the but plug

onlyforhim4ever
08-12-2004, 06:45 PM
Well most places now offer a wide variety of toys with flared bases so they are safe for anal insertion =) Try one of those next time heh :p

Master514
08-13-2004, 09:02 AM
There's a word which unites all these, but I can't say it here :) It's around the lines of lack of maturity and responsability.

Remember kids, use brains when you play like adults.

onlyforhim4ever
08-13-2004, 11:54 AM
Haven't you been rude enough Master 514? Didn't the 'objects and insertions' thread teach you a lesson? You are begging to be kicked out.

Master514
08-13-2004, 12:38 PM
Well, in that episode I was basically saying that dicktracy isn't able to write complete sentences nor is he able to use punctuation. See the archive and tell me if I erred. The coleric comments of some basically taught me a great lesson, you bet. It showed that some poeple around here love being lied to and they can't recognize the harsh truth.

In my world, BDSM is for adults because it requires an environment in which truths can be said. In my world of responsible adults subs don't get their clothes off and get raped supposedly because the raper was "in a weird mood" (wtf?). Those building themselves happy Disney-like scenarios where everything is cool will be hurt sooner or later in an unwanted way. That's life. Refusal to see it as it is confirms immaturity. Rude is what some see through childish eyes. I'm direct and frank because unfortunately I seem to have overestimated some part of this audience.

It is my understanding that this forum is right next to the Sexual Fantasy forum, where everything is perfect. Perhaps you're the one who's right then: they're both equally fantastic and perfect. Here we can't be direct as among adults, here we applaud everyone for every thing they do, be it stupid. Now I understand. Go on, you'll get far in life :)

And yeah, dicktracy writes flawlessly, playing next to your room mate's room is mature and entirely inserting a plug w/o retaing it is brilliant. Kudos to all. Happy?

And now: the dicktracy version, so he can read as well:

And yeah dicktracy writes flawlessly playing next to your room mates room is mature and entirely inserting a plug w/o retaing it is brilliant kudos to all happy

Anyhow, did I ask for your evaluation of the situation?

jaeangel
08-13-2004, 02:03 PM
Well, I've always considered myself as somewhat of a child at heart; maturity, I am pleased and proud to say, only affects my other persona as a mother and a wife. It does not apply to what happens in my soul. Which is a good thing; maturity would affect my writing style, especially when I'm writing silly stories, and I'm an author by trade.
Responsibility: yes. I should have been a little more responsible about how far I put Bruce (that was my dildo's name) up the back. Believe me, I received an extensive lecture about it after I got home with a sore anal ring from having it dilated in order to get Bruce out. And then another extensive lecture when we started getting the bills in from the hospital, the ER doctor, the X-Ray techs, the blood test techs, the anesthesiologists, etc. I will never live that down.
However, as I have only just started experimenting with the rear entrance my lack of understanding about what should and shouldn't be used is regrettably scanty. Though this site's forums are going quite a long way towards improving my understanding of the logistics necessary to consider when using my rectal opening as a point of ingress for a foreign object.
Which is why we all are here; to learn, both from each other and from ourselves, because in the process of baring one's soul to a public forum you also bare the soul to one's self. So yes, honesty, frankness, and directness are a necessary part of any reply posted here, to whatever topic.
However, there is a way to ameliorate directness and frankness with a measure of delicacy, which seemed to have been missing in one of the previous posts in this thread. Criticism is all very well; as a writer I have to take criticism or I won't improve. However, rudeness is also counterproductive toward the goal of getting the person to whom you're addressing the comment to pay attention to what you have to say. And I'm uncertain as to how old the said person might be; but the last time I looked, 25 wasn't considered a 'kid' unless you were at least twice that old.
And now, as a writer/editor, I am going to have a little fun...
Paragraph 1: insert a comma after the word 'sentences' and before the word 'nor'. The correct spelling of 'coleric' is 'choleric'.
Paragraph 2: "I am direct and frank because unfortunately I seem to have overestimated some part of this audience." 'part' indicates an individual/singular, and 'audience' implies a number of individuals. Therefore, in order to be gramatically correct, it shoud read, "...I seem to have overestimated some members of this audience."
Paragraph 3: "Here we can't be as direct as among adults, here we applaud everyone for every thing they do, be it stupid." It should read, "Here we can't be as direct as though we were among adults, here we applaud eneryone for everything they do, even if it's stupid." And you're also missing a period at the end of that paragraph.
Paragraph 4: "And yeah, dicktracy writes flawlessly, playing next to your room mate's room is mature and entirely inserting a plug w/o retaing it is brilliant. Kudos to all. Happy?" Leaving aside the slang term 'yeah', the rest of the sentence should read, "Playing next to your roommate's room is mature, and entirely inserting a plug w/o retaining it is brilliant."
And you responded to the original post, read it through, and decided to post to this thread, so you've opened yourself up to evaluations of your situation. And I think the word you were looking for, in your earlier post, was 'dumbass!' Believe me, I have thought the same word to myself many times since the incident happened, most usually while I was writing the checks out for those bills. So you may say it. However, a smiley icon beside that post would assure me that you are saying it in a humorous yet instructive manner, so offense will not be taken.
And about your criticism of other people's mistakes in writing/posting their comments; 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.' You are not perfect, not by any means, as I've just demonstrated; neither am I. Therefore, let's stop the mudslinging.

Let's get back on topic, shall we, everybody?

TaintedJohn
08-13-2004, 02:36 PM
"my imaginary master was standing over me, holding the leash and telling me to 'get that dildo up your ass now, cunt! Fuck it in there.' and i was doing it, and imagining myself begging my master not to make me do it when suddenly the dildo left my hands and went up inside."

Obviously it was all the imaginary Dom's fault. He should have added "And for Christ sakes keep a good hold on Bruce or there will be consequences"

TJ

jaeangel
08-13-2004, 02:40 PM
Oh, jeez....*wipes tears of laughter out of eyes*.
There goes all the calories from my lunch. Thank you for that, TaintedJohn. Blame it on the imagianry Dom!! :D

Finding_Fantasy
08-13-2004, 04:02 PM
Master514,

There is a difference between being direct and being rude. Your comments such as "It's around the lines of lack of maturity and responsability." and "In my world of responsible adults subs don't get their clothes off and get raped supposedly because the raper was "in a weird mood" " Are completely uncalled for and can and should have been worded in a nonconfrontational manner; as in "it's not what you say it's how you say it."

You have been warned against sarcastic remarks towards our members in the past. You have no right to attack the maturity, responsibility, or intelligence of our members who want to relate certain mistakes that they may have made so the we, the members who do not seem so perfect and flawless such as yourself, can learn from each other's mistakes.

Now, I am hoping that you will learn from yours for I am going to suggest to BDSM_Tourguide that you receive a suspension of no less than one week from the forums.

I would also like to thank the person(s) responsible for bringing this to our attention.

soledesire
08-13-2004, 07:55 PM
Jaeangel:The correct spelling of 'coleric' is 'choleric'.

Oh, thank you. That was SO bothering me.


Jaeangel: "I am direct and frank because unfortunately I seem to have overestimated some part of this audience." 'part' indicates an individual/singular, and 'audience' implies a number of individuals. Therefore, in order to be gramatically correct, it shoud read, "...I seem to have overestimated some members of this audience."

Now see, what I got was "I am direct and frank because, unfortunately, I seem to have overestimated..." I didn't really catch the number agreement issue.

On paragraph 3, I am a big fan of using the semicolon for contrast, as in "Here, we can't be direct as among adults; here, we applaud everyone for everything they do..."

And for paragraph 4, I just wondered why the writer would think you were seeking his kudos. But then, I'm new here.

s/d (who may still be learning this sub thing but, by gosh, the girl can punctuate)

GaryWilcox
08-13-2004, 08:53 PM
:rolleyes: Umm... the topic was what?

csr
08-13-2004, 11:10 PM
I'm direct and frank because unfortunately I seem to have overestimated some part of this audience.
LOL... I think the only things Master514 has over-estimated are our desire to hear his mean, condescending blather, and his own ability at grammar and spelling.

Back on topic...

I've never had an encounter with the police due to lifestyle, but I'd have to say I've worried about it for years. We live in a townhouse and let's face it--BDSM is loud, gag or no gag. In the heat of the moment I never give it a second thought, but usually the next day I wonder what I think if I were on the other side of the wall and heard the rattling of chains for hours or an obvious beating. Maybe in our F/m situation people would be less inclined to call the police, but the thought crosses my mind often.

jaeangel
08-14-2004, 08:06 AM
Jaeangel:The correct spelling of 'coleric' is 'choleric'.

Oh, thank you. That was SO bothering me.


Jaeangel: "I am direct and frank because unfortunately I seem to have overestimated some part of this audience." 'part' indicates an individual/singular, and 'audience' implies a number of individuals. Therefore, in order to be grammatically correct, it shoud read, "...I seem to have overestimated some members of this audience."

Now see, what I got was "I am direct and frank because, unfortunately, I seem to have overestimated..." I didn't really catch the number agreement issue.

On paragraph 3, I am a big fan of using the semicolon for contrast, as in "Here, we can't be direct as among adults; here, we applaud everyone for everything they do..."

And for paragraph 4, I just wondered why the writer would think you were seeking his kudos. But then, I'm new here.

s/d (who may still be learning this sub thing but, by gosh, the girl can punctuate)
Paragraph 4: I wasn't saying kudos, to him, I was quoting what he'd written in his post. But thank you, soledesire. Yes, I did miss those other points you mentioned. As I said at the bottom of that post you quoted, I'm not perfect. I'd be the first one to admit that. The entire reason for that post was to introduce Master514 to the fact that he isn't perfect, either. And therefore he should pay attention to the content of the post, not its spelling, diction, or grammar.
Back to the topic: 'Signs BDSM Playtime Is Over'...

herMaster4ever
08-14-2004, 12:41 PM
let's face it--BDSM is loud, gag or no gag.
Hello all,

I'm onlyforhim4ever's Owner, and this is my first post here. :) I'm actually not so sure that BDSM activities are necessarily much louder than "normal" sex. In fact, in my sub's case, I think her orgasms are louder than her cries during a spanking!

I'm pretty sure my roommate called the police not because he actually thought she was being injured, or because our BDSM activities were louder than normal sex -- I'm pretty sure he called the police simply because he feels such sexual behavior is immoral, and doesn't want it in "his" house.

While I feel it isn't really one person's place to label other people's consensual sex "immoral," no matter what they choose to do, I suppose I can be empathetic enough to just move out without any fuss or argument. Our biggest problem with this entire event is simply that he never warned us, talked to us about it, or made any effort to show us he was bothered by it in the first place. He simply called the police, then decided to try to illegally evict me. He was probably hopeful that the police would find me guilty of some crime and put me in jail, so he'd not have to actually face me like a man and tell me our consensual, loving sex bothered him.

Oh, well... we're going to be much better off in our own place anyway, so this story is sure to have a happy ending after all. :)

- Warren

slavelucy
08-14-2004, 09:33 PM
Our biggest problem with this entire event is simply that he never warned us, talked to us about it, or made any effort to show us he was bothered by it in the first place. .

Yeah, that is the most annoying part. i don't know how long you've known him, but i assume you got on ok, to co-habit...and it therefore sucks that he couldn't at least have tried to have a word with you, man to man, as it were. It seems so completely over the top, to call the police.

Still, sod him.

sl

Master514
08-15-2004, 09:17 PM
LOL... I think the only things Master514 has over-estimated are our desire to hear his mean, condescending blather, and his own ability at grammar and spelling.

My grammar and spelling are both great for someone whose native tongue isn't English and criticizing them w/o knowing that is stupid and immature. There is room for improvement but in the relativity of things "great" isn't an overstatement, nor are "stupid and immature" for someone who's left with criticizing grammar and spellin because of lack of something meaningful to say about the very substance of my comments.

slavelucy
08-15-2004, 09:35 PM
My grammar and spelling are both great for someone whose native tongue isn't English and criticizing them w/o knowing that is stupid and immature. There is room for improvement but in the relativity of things "great" isn't an overstatement, nor are "stupid and immature" for someone who's left with criticizing grammar and spellin because of lack of something meaningful to say about the very substance of my comments.

i think what was meant was that when a person pulls someone's grammar (or anything, for that matter) to pieces, it is generally considered that their own grammar (or whatever it is they are criticising) will be near perfect, in much the same way a teacher giving low grades to a student, would be able to do complete the assigment to an exceptionally high level; and whilst your own grammar and spelling arn't a disaster, they are not perfect. i mean this in the spirit of trying to explain to you why people are so put out by some of your comments.

Everyone is fallible, maybe they just don't appreciate constantly having it pointed out on a forum wherein they are merely attempting to swap some ideas and get to know a few people with whom they share a common interest; it really isn't anything to get worked up or insulting about.

sl

Jai
08-16-2004, 03:45 AM
Master 514,

Moving away from the whole grammar issue, because lets face it, I took a career in design to get away with writing as little as possible for the rest of my life.

I honestly think that in all the situations you have talked about, none of the members concerned were thinking: "wouldn't it be funny if...." I am also fairly sure that they were of the feeling that they had taken all necessary safety aspects into consideration before trying whatever activity they were undertaking. I seriously doubt Jeangel would have been doing what she was doing thinking: "I am probably going to get this dildo stuck up my arse, but what the hell lets do it anyway, it'll be funny."

We all have to learn something sometime and as long as you have taken what you consider suitable precaution, then I don't feel it can be considered childish or irresponsible behaviour. When posting on this thread I don't think Jeangel wasn't saying "wasn't I silly when I did this, but boy, it was bloody funny, lets all laugh at my expense and call me an immature and irresponsible child shall we" More likely she was trying to say "I was experimenting and having a bit of fun when I got into a spot of bother. As a word of warning to all the other members, don't do what I did, it could be a costly and embarrassing mistake and you shouldn't have to learn it in the way I did." Now that she has told us, those who were unaware of those risks before, now may think twice before doing what we may have considered safe and we can all learn and benefit from her unfortunate (but ever so slightly funny) incident.

Thats just my opinion any way

BDSM_Tourguide
08-16-2004, 09:14 AM
Two moderators have tried to steer this forum away from discussions about grammar and spelling and back to its original course.

I urge the both of you to give up this pointless little tirade and get back to the topic at hand. If you two feel you simply must agrue about these things, then you may take the matter up in PM. Whatever happens though, I don't want to see any comments from either of you in this or any other threrad unless they directly relate to the subject of that thread.

Move on; have fun.

Good day.

jaeangel
08-16-2004, 01:30 PM
"I was experimenting and having a bit of fun when I got into a spot of bother. As a word of warning to all the other members, don't do what I did, it could be a costly and embarrassing mistake and you shouldn't have to learn it in the way I did." Now that she has told us, those who were unaware of those risks before, now may think twice before doing what we may have considered safe and we can all learn and benefit from her unfortunate (but ever so slightly funny) incident.
And if I'd heard about something like this happening from someone else, I WOULD have thought twice about using a dildo without a base in the back door. And if anyone else out there is doing what I did, a word of warning: If it gets stuck, you'll walk away from the hospital with a $4,000 bill. Use something that's meant to be used for anal play (I've recently bought a vibrating inflatable anal plug WITH A FLARED BASE! No more hospital for me, thank you.
BDSM Tourguide: i am sorry for bringing up the subject of grammar. i overstepped my bounds, and got upset where i shouldn't have. It will not happen again. i beg forgiveness.

Jai
08-17-2004, 06:40 AM
Sorry if my previous post has offended or upset others. It was not intended to and possibly has come out in a way I had not intended at the time of writing. I am not here to cause aggrevation or annoyance to anyone and am deeply sorry if this has been the case. :(

Back on Topic.....

I had my own little moment of concern when in the house on my own I thought it might be fun to practice a bit of self bondage. I had a bit of cord which I had tied a lasso style slip knot in each end so that if placed around an ankle or wrist or similar it would tighten easily without help but would need purposely undoing. This was something I had done a lot, tying say a wrist to an ankle. On this occasion however I placed one end over one wrist and tightened it, then ran the cord through some pipe and placed the other wrist through the other loop making a spreader bar type thing. This was fine till it came to undoing it when I rapidly discovered I needed one hand to be able to release the other and there was no way of that happening due to the piping.

I finally managed to escape after a lot of struggling and to this day can not work out exactly how I got free, but the feeling of worry about someone coming home to find me like that was more than slightly embarrassing to say the least. At least the outcome was not as bad as others mentioned in this thread, but it was definately a moment of complete stupidity and non-thinking that I will not repeat.

Kibbick
08-29-2004, 09:19 PM
Funny… I’ve seen onlyforhim4ever’s problem from the other side. I’m not affiliated with law enforcement, but I did end up interrupting something… I was walking in a park outside of Bordeaux, France when I heard a woman screaming softly nearby. I pulled a knife and jumped a low stone wall, ready for violence… to find a young couple in what was obviously a BDSM ‘scene’. I apologized to the startled couple, confirmed consensuality, and went on my way. Not an experience I would recommend, for any of the involved parties…

Anyway, it can be very difficult to hear the difference between 'Ouch this is fun!' and 'help me!'. While this does not seem to be the issue in onlyforhim4ever’s case, one should play at a time and a place so as to not alarm passers-by. It should not be loud enough that neighbors get concerned, one’s children should not ‘discover’ it at an unacceptable age, and one should avoid the ‘vanilla’ public. Wear a gag; hire a sitter; rent a hotel room. Still, it is one thing for herMaster4ever’s roommate to be bothered by the noise, and quite another for him to call the cops rather than talk to herMaster4ever about it.

jaeangel
08-30-2004, 11:37 AM
My hbby recently found out I give a much better blowjob while I'm restrained and /or being spanked while I do it.
He decided for his birthday (just this past week) that he wanted a blowjob, and sex, outside. So we waited for dark to fall (we have a chainlink fence, not wood board, so anyone could walk by and look, which is why we waited till dark.) Then we went outside, he tied me to a tree using my collar and leash, and i went down on all fours sucking on him while he smacked my ass gently with a belt.
I felt the first bugbite on my hip, but I ignored it in favor of what we were doing. Bad idea. By the time hubby and I got in, we had mosquito bites all over, and mine seemed to be concentrated around my pussy/inner thighs, and my ass. And the next day his parents took us out for lunch, and while we're sitting in the restaurant I'm having a hard time keeping still because my crotch and ass are itching like crazy! And we also live in an area where there are confirmed West Nile Virus cases, so there was an added worry.
My sign playtime was over...or at least should have been moved indoors, was that first bite. As it was, we didn't go in until all the mosquitos in the neighborhood had drank their fill at the all-the-human-you-can-eat-buffet. and I'm still paying for it in itchies!

SheepishJaina
09-11-2004, 05:03 AM
my Sir and i are both in our early 20s, and still live at home with our respective parents. Finding enough time and an empty house is usually a difficult task. Recently his folks went out of town and we jumped on the chance for fun. We broke out our stash of toys, and he spent about 20 minutes securing me to the frame of the bed. (im notorious for being able to wiggle out of restraints) He had just started to warm my rear when his older brother showed up for an unexpected visit. needless to say we had a rather difficult time explaining why i was "napping" so early in the afternoon. :( *grin* at least we heard the front door rattle before he came upstairs.

MrJerseyGuy
09-12-2004, 09:13 PM
Did anyone bother to point out that in his first post that he misspelled responsibility?

Back to the original topic...my sister is a doctor and has many great stories of "extractions" from the anus. A dildoe is one of the less surprising ones. I would only suggest to the original posting member to stick to the ones with balls attached. They help prevent this type of problem! (Unless you push really really hard!)

duktig flicka
09-13-2004, 03:52 AM
Speaking of which, my mother was once a doctor and told me of a patient who came in complaining of stomach pains. An X-Ray showed two rings inside him. Very mysterious. Once extracted, it turned out that he had an empty tube of Ajax up him. Apparently he forgot that he had put it there, or was just too embarassed to say so. This wouldn't be so entirely farfetched had he not come back a month later, but this time the foreign object in question was a rolled-up newspaper. Some people just don't learn.

Lord Douche
09-13-2004, 06:35 AM
Wait... a tube of Ajax... a rolled-up NEWSPAPER?! *mind boggling* What on earth could possess someone to put a newspaper inside them?! I've heard of weird insertions, but that's... :o
LD

Duetta
09-13-2004, 08:23 PM
Signs BDSM playtime is over???

I might not have experiences with police showing up or having to go to the ER - Thank God!! - but in my first and (unfortunately) to this day only experience with BDSM, I already came across one of these signs...

The said experience started with some delicious play - me being spanked for the first time, tied up, talked down to somewhat - I enjoyed it immensely!!
That is untill he after a short break returned in his old rag-tag bathing slippers, taped up in gaffa and whatnot!!!

A bigger turn-off I've never experienced, I don't know how he imagined I would be able to surrender to someone wearing those monstrosities, but there you go....

Though the day over-all was pretty good, it will never happen again with this particular man, I don't think I've recovered completely yet :rolleyes:

duetta

(Just wanted to apologize for my grammar and possible spelling mistakes to the more sensitive members of this forum, though I speak English quite fluently, I can have trouble putting it on paper... er, or on screen ;) )

spike
09-13-2004, 11:20 PM
I enjoyed it immensely!!
That is untill he after a short break returned in his old rag-tag bathing slippers, taped up in gaffa and whatnot!!!

A bigger turn-off I've never experienced,
This guy is seriously cruel. Twisted.


(Just wanted to apologize for my grammar and possible spelling mistakes to the more sensitive members of this forum, though I speak English quite fluently, I can have trouble putting it on paper... er, or on screen ;) )
As one of the more sensitive members let me say you did nothing to offend my sensibilities. Although your ex-partner gave you good reason to strike out at anything that might hurt. :)

In future, you might consider carrying your own blindfold. For safety. :D

Spike

Chuckdom19
11-12-2004, 06:11 PM
When my wife worked emergency, she had a fellow come in walking with open legs, as though galded or too long on a horse. He asked to see a male nurse, or a male doctor, she told him it was just her and Dr. Jane, so if he wanted help...

After some hemming and hawing, he finally mentioned he had a problem with "leaking".

Nurse: "Leaking?"

Guy: "Yeah, you know. When you can't hold your water?"

Nurse: "Oooh. Incontinence!"

Guy: "Yah. Anyway my Mis.. my ladyfriend suggested I use one of those things women use for their periods, to absorb the liquid so it doesn't leak through. I, err, I guess she was a little rough on ol' John Thomas the other night."

Nurse: "And the problem is...."

Guy: "Well, the leaking kept on, so I put another one in.."

Nurse, barely restraining a scream, and laughter: "You used a TAMPON?"

Guy: "Yeah. Now I can't get either one of them out."

The hospital bill for open-organ surgery was in the $7000 range, plus ongoing medical care for over six weeks.

His mistress sent him flowers.

coy
11-12-2004, 08:06 PM
I'm sitting here completely slack jawed ... tampons? :eek: *shakes her head*

whew *wipes her eyes* thanks for sharing chksng19 :p

Chuckdom19
11-12-2004, 10:49 PM
I'm sitting here completely slack jawed ... tampons? :eek: *shakes her head*

whew *wipes her eyes* thanks for sharing chksng19 :p

The question I have is how the heck he got the *first* one in!

Every single man I have told the story to reaches a hand, consciously or un-, to their groins. Every single woman who hears the story laughs.

The "gentler, more sensitive sex" my furry fanny!

e.b.
11-13-2004, 12:37 AM
Every single man I have told the story to reaches a hand, consciously or un-, to their groins. Every single woman who hears the story laughs.

The "gentler, more sensitive sex" my furry fanny!

Maybe I'm just an exception to the rule but your story made me go "ow, ow, ow" and cross my legs. And my body parts get along perfectly nicely with tampons. ;)

However, regardless of my status as female and as a pain slut, thinking about that poor guy made me shudder. So, see, some of us are still "gentler and more sensitive". :p

eb (with apologies for the sloppy grammar, but it's three am here)

Chuckdom19
11-13-2004, 01:12 AM
Maybe I'm just an exception to the rule but your story made me go "ow, ow, ow" and cross my legs. And my body parts get along perfectly nicely with tampons. ;)

However, regardless of my status as female and as a pain slut, thinking about that poor guy made me shudder. So, see, some of us are still "gentler and more sensitive". :p

eb (with apologies for the sloppy grammar, but it's three am here)

Grammar is always forgiven at 3 AM. My dear lady has too many years as a nurse not to laugh; she's forgiven.

Another emergency night, she was cutting the slacks off a guy to prep for emergency surgery after a car crash; she felt this really *large* thing hanging down next to his leg.

Turned out to be a small salami, taped inside his leg, he later reported, to "impress the girls at the wedding".

Chuckdom19
11-13-2004, 11:40 PM
(snip)

(Just wanted to apologize for my grammar and possible spelling mistakes to the more sensitive members of this forum, though I speak English quite fluently, I can have trouble putting it on paper... er, or on screen ;) )

Duetta,
Your English word usage, grammar, and syntax is head and shoulders (and, if you toss in spelling as well, trunk and legs) better than many folks here who were born speaking the language.
And welcome!

Flogger
11-14-2004, 09:14 AM
It was several years ago, my sub were coming back to the house from an evening of dancing when I restrained her hands behind the headrest and was driving along exposing her. Needless to say I got pulled over by the police. Once he established it was consensual he let us go on our way. I thought the "evening" was over at that point. However, when we got home my sub was nonstop horny. We played for hours.

Word to the wise though: It could have gone way wrong if the Officer had been less understanding.