The importance of clarity

[jeanne]

Clarity is vital in what we do. Clarity of communication, clarity of thought, clarity of expectation. I have found, for myself, that having clarity of knowledge of my 'place', my status, is incredibly helpful. It gives me the freedom to be my submissive self. If I know where my place is in a Dom's life, then I have the ability to be open, to be vulnerable. Not having that knowledge leads me to hold back. To protect my emotions, to refuse to be completely vulnerable, to be unable to give as I'd like to as a submissive. And being submissive without being emotionally and mentally open is not satisfying to me. For me, it isn't submissive at all.

So, I find myself in a situation with a Dom that I believed was clear. I believed I knew my status, I believed I was aware of his, I believed he was being clear and open, as I was. I was wrong. Now I am in the unenviable position of having to discuss this with him, again, in search of better clarity, and frankly, I don't know that I'll be willing to continue the relationship. My feelings are not yet deeply involved (thank God I was being cautious about that) and at this point, I have pulled back even further.

So my question is - how important is clarity to you? When you are entering into a relationship that you hope will be more than just 'play partners', do you prefer full disclosure of other relationships and such up front, or would you rather be kept in the dark? This is not a matter, for me, of wanting to 'replace' another submissive - I was very clear about my own status of being owned by Milord - it was simply a matter of wanting to have all the pertinent information while making my decision to submit to this person.

[cadence]

I can fully understand where you are coming from jeanne, at least I think I do. I don't know your specific situation, nor is it my business either.

But in what I have read, my circumstances do fall into the general meaning of your questions, so I'll give you an answer based on my thoughts about how I am trying to deal with my own situation.


I fully believe in having that clarity to know where you stand within the relationship.
I need it, if only for my own peace of mind. I need to know that I am significant and that no matter if I am the second in his life or if he chooses to bring in other submissives into the mix, that I still know where my place is and that I am still significant to him.
Things do change and they always will. Time factors, commitments, responsibiliities and such can change the course of the relationship over time, it can at times move you out of the comfort zone and mix up your feelings.
I want the clarity, but I already had that in the beginning. Sometimes I want it revisited, but really in the end, it will come down to the same thing as it was in the beginning.

I have a collar, I am owned, I am his, but for me sometimes there is a grey area that I can slip into without even trying.
I know where I stand, but at times other factors get in the way of what I know and it's a matter of dealing with them as they happen.
I can't control everything, but I can control who I am and where I am headed. If I feel that I need to revisit my place, then I will do so, but I try my best to understand that he gave me a place, and that place is where I will be until he tells me otherwise.

[DowntownAmber]

So my question is - how important is clarity to you? When you are entering into a relationship that you hope will be more than just 'play partners', do you prefer full disclosure of other relationships and such up front, or would you rather be kept in the dark? This is not a matter, for me, of wanting to 'replace' another submissive - I was very clear about my own status of being owned by Milord - it was simply a matter of wanting to have all the pertinent information while making my decision to submit to this person.

Part of a relationship is getting to know the person you're in the relationship with. This doesn't (and can't) happen immediately, and it can't all happen before you decide to enter into said relationship. It's a process that is ongoing, no matter how committed you are. The question is, I suppose, how much do you need to know to start out with?

Based on your post, this seems to be an issue of full disclosure in regard to other relationships. In my case, yes, I prefer to know about others involved and where we all stand in relation to each other. I'm perfectly okay with a Dom saying, "this isn't something I want to go into detail on right now," because that gives me the opportunity to respond with, "okay, then I'm not ready to be involved very deeply right now." At least that's still honest on both sides. What I'm saying is that I am okay with information being revealed slowly and cautiously, or even being told it's none of my business, but I am not okay with being lied to.