my 2nd assignment

[suissepervert]

Hi, here is my second try. For the first part of the following please read the first assingment here:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13686

I have to say I don't like this piece too much. But I even after several hours of thinking I couldn't come up with something I would like better. ;)

Hope you enjoy.

[suissepervert]

Part 2

“Yes!”

“OK. But we need to buy something first. Let's go.”

Rebecca and Emma left the café and went to the next bus stop. During the ride Rebecca kept on asking Emma what she wanted to buy. But all that she got from Emma was “You'll see.”

After some time they arrived at a big hardware store. “I don't have enough stuff at home, we need to buy some in order to arrange your first attempt worthy.” Emma explained the stop.

Rebecca nervously followed Emma through the maze of shelfs. They stopped several times at different points where chains, ropes, locks and all that stuff Emma deemed necessary was located. This all took quite some time. Finally they were out of the store.

“Rebecca, get us a cab, I'll fetch something to drink for us.” Emma ordered. Emma couldn't even say yes, as Emma was gone already.

Emma noticed that Rebecca's nervousness grew only more during the cab ride. After they arrived at her flat she tried to put Rebecca at ease. So she opened a bottle of chilled white wine for them. They chatted over the bottle and when it was finished Emma asked suddenly: “Should we start?” Immediately a shiver ran down Rebecca's spine. “Um, Okay.” She said.

“Well then let's start. Strip!”

Rebecca hesitated a few seconds, so that Emma had to repeat her order. Slowly Rebecca stood up and peeled of her top. She threw it over her vacant armchair. But then picked it up and draped it nervously but carefully over the backrest. Next she stepped out of her shoes. After a short glance at Emma she opened her skirt, and let it drop to put it on the armchairs backrest too.

Again she hesitated when she stood in only bra and panties. “All of it!” Emma ordered briefly. So Rebecca slowly dropped her bra and panties. She looked at Emma and could see that she eyed her from top to bottom. Obviously she liked what she saw.

Eventually Emma stood up and went to get the shopping bag. She returned with the goods and a knife she got from her kitchen. “Today we'll try just a little hog tie”. She said while cutting some pieces from that long coil of cotton rope they purchased earlier. Seeing Rebecca's puzzled expression she added: “Oh, don't worry you'll see what it is.” Then Emma pulled her victims arms behind her back.

Rebecca shivered when she felt the ropes wind around her wrists. Emma wrapped them in a few more turns of rope then she did Rebecca's elbows, knees and ankles in the same fashion.

All the time while being wrapped in rope Rebecca felt her excitement grow and grow. She could feel the heat rise between her legs. Even Emma took notice of this while helping Rebecca lay down. She could literally smell Rebecca.

Emma couldn't resist and stroked Rebecca's perfect ass longingly. That raised Rebecca's excitement even more, so that she gave a low moan. After a few seconds of this Emma finished the hog tie by tying Rebecca's bound arms and wrists not to tight together.

“Can you bear that?” Emma asked.

“Yes, it seems to be tolerable. What now?”

“I'm nearly finished” Emma said grinning. She removed her scarf and tied it over Rebecca's eyes.

“What are you doing? I want to see you.” “I like my damsels blind. So they can concentrate better on what is going on.” Emma said while hiking up her skirt. Then she stripped off her panties, what Emma of course couldn't see. When Rebecca started a second try to protest Emma took the advantage and packed the panties in Rebecca's mouth. “...And I like them mute too.” Emma said with a audible smirk in her voice.

Next there was a ripping sound and Rebecca could feel an adhesive tape sealing her lips. Earlier in the store she had wondered for what Emma would need this. Now, she had the answer. And there was something else, Rebecca could taste a sweetness as she chewed on the panties. Emma must like this too, she thought.

Again Emma started to caress Rebecca's body. First her sides then her ass again. Rebecca couldn't help but enjoy Emma's ministrations. She moaned loudly. Next Emma turned Rebecca on her side. Now Emma was caressing Emma everywhere. She suckled her nipples, and kissed her everywhere.

After a few minutes Rebecca felt like drifting in the air. She wished Emma wouldn't neglect her overflowing pussy much longer. And finally Emma reached it. After a few long strokes. She worked on the clit. It took Emma only a short while to bring Rebecca to a mind-shattering orgasm. It was so intense that Rebecca was in a deep daze.

“Hmm, you really like this.” Emma said smirking. “I will let you relax for a bit, just enjoy the experience.”

After letting her rest in bondage for a few hours, Emma untied Rebecca. It was dark outside already. Rebecca noticed that the session had to have lasted for some hours. Emma had prepared a bath for Rebecca. Emma helped her friend in the tub and let her soak.

Rebecca relaxed and enjoyed the bath. 'What a day!' Rebecca thought. That's what brought her in Emma's tub.

A few minutes later Emma returned. She hid something in her hands behind her back. It made a jingling sound. “I have a present for you. It's for your bondage graduation, so to say. Close your eyes.” Rebecca did, though she wondered what that sound was. Emma dug up her present from behind her back. Rebecca felt a stiff flat belt like thing rounding her throat. Then there was soft click.

“Ok. Open!” Emma said, passing her captive a mirror. Rebecca looked in the mirror, she saw a collar with a chain already padlocked to a d-ring in front of it. That's where the sound came from. The chain led to Emma's bedroom. Rebecca felt for her new jewellery. There was a second lock on her neck, so she couldn't remove the collar without Emma's help.

“When did you get this thing?” Rebecca asked.

“There was a small pet store next to the market where I bought our drinks while you were waiting for a cab. I bought a matching leash for you too.”

Just when Rebecca wanted to protest Emma tugged her forward with the chain to kiss her. Rebecca melted into Emma's lips. After some serous tongue smacking Emma finally pulled back. “Ok. Let's finish you up here. Then you can show your mistress how thankful you are for your funny afternoon.”

End

[Aussiegirl1]

Thanks for adding more to your story. In the absence of Pejanon, I am going to review this for you.

“Yes!”

“OK. But we need to buy something first. Let's go.”

Rebecca and Emma left the café and went to the next bus stop. During the ride Rebecca kept on asking Emma what she wanted to buy.( a comma would be fine here, making one sentence.) But all that she got from Emma was “You'll see.”

After some time they arrived at a big hardware store. “I don't have enough stuff at home, we need to buy some in order to arrange your first attempt worthy.” (the word worthy is not needed here)Emma explained the stop.

Rebecca nervously followed Emma through the maze of shelfs. (shelves)They stopped several times at different points where chains, ropes, locks and all that stuff Emma deemed necessary was located. This all took quite some time. Finally they were out of the store.

“Rebecca, get us a cab, I'll fetch something to drink for us.” Emma ordered. Emma couldn't even say yes, as Emma was gone already.

Emma noticed that Rebecca's nervousness grew only more during the cab ride. After they arrived at her flat she tried to put Rebecca at ease. So( It would sound better to join these two sentences) she opened a bottle of chilled white wine for them. They chatted over the bottle and when it was finished Emma asked suddenly: “Should we start?” Immediately a shiver ran down Rebecca's spine. (always put new conversation in a new paragraph and okay needs a comma after it and a small s for she) “Um, Okay.” She said.

“Well then let's start. Strip!”

Rebecca hesitated a few seconds, so that Emma had to repeat her order. Slowly Rebecca stood up and peeled of her top. She threw it over her vacant armchair.(Join these two sentences together, changing the first but to than) But then picked it up and draped it nervously but carefully over the backrest. Next she stepped out of her shoes. After a short glance at Emma she opened her skirt, and let it drop to put it on the armchairs backrest too.

Again she hesitated when she stood in only bra and panties. “All of it!” Emma ordered briefly. So Rebecca slowly dropped her bra and panties. She looked at Emma and could see that she eyed her from top to bottom. Obviously she liked what she saw.

Eventually Emma stood up and went to get the shopping bag. She returned with the goods and a knife she got from her kitchen. “Today we'll try just a little hog tie”. ( replace the full stop with a comma and put a small s for she.)She said while cutting some pieces from that long coil of cotton rope they purchased earlier. Seeing Rebecca's puzzled expression she added: “Oh, don't worry( put a comma here) you'll see what it is.” Then Emma pulled her victims (victim's) arms behind her back.

Rebecca shivered when she felt the ropes wind around her wrists. Emma wrapped them in a few more turns of rope then she did Rebecca's elbows, knees and ankles in the same fashion.

All the time while being wrapped ( put a comma after time and another after rope) in rope Rebecca felt her excitement grow and grow. She could feel the heat rise between her legs. Even Emma took notice of this while helping Rebecca lay down. She could literally smell Rebecca.

Emma couldn't resist and stroked Rebecca's perfect ass longingly. That raised Rebecca's excitement even more, so that she gave a low moan. After a few seconds of this Emma finished the hog tie by tying Rebecca's bound arms and wrists not to tight (too tightly)together.

“Can you bear that?” Emma asked.

“Yes, it seems to be tolerable. What now?”

“I'm nearly finished” Emma said grinning. She removed her scarf and tied it over Rebecca's eyes.

“What are you doing? I want to see you.”(this needs to be on a new line and it would flow better to make the next two sentences one) “I like my damsels blind. So they can concentrate better on what is going on.” Emma said while hiking up her skirt. Then she stripped off her panties, what(which) Emma of course couldn't see. When Rebecca started a second try to protest Emma took the advantage and packed the panties in Rebecca's mouth. “...And I like them mute too.” Emma said with a (an)audible smirk in her voice.

Next there was a ripping sound and Rebecca could feel an adhesive tape sealing her lips. Earlier in the store she had wondered for what Emma would need this.( take out "for" and put it at the end of the sentence) Now, she had the answer. And there was something else, Rebecca could taste a sweetness as she chewed on the panties. Emma must like this too, she thought.

Again Emma started to caress Rebecca's body. First her sides then her ass again. Rebecca couldn't help but enjoy Emma's ministrations. She moaned loudly. Next Emma turned Rebecca on her side. Now Emma was caressing Emma (Rebecca) everywhere. She suckled her nipples, and kissed her everywhere. ( you used everywhere two times close together, maybe try other words like "all over")

After a few minutes Rebecca felt like drifting in the air. She wished Emma wouldn't neglect her overflowing pussy much longer. And finally Emma reached it. After a few long strokes. She worked on the clit. (these sentences would be better joined - eg Finally Emma touched her clit, licking it with long, teasing strokes. )It took Emma only a short while to bring Rebecca to a mind-shattering orgasm. It was so intense that Rebecca was in a deep daze.

“Hmm, you really like this.” Emma said smirking. “I will let you relax for a bit, just enjoy the experience.”

After letting her rest in bondage for a few hours, Emma untied Rebecca. It was dark outside already. Rebecca noticed that the session had to have lasted for some hours. Emma had prepared a bath for Rebecca. Emma helped her friend in the tub and let her soak.

Rebecca relaxed and enjoyed the bath. 'What a day!' Rebecca thought. That's what brought her in Emma's tub.

A few minutes later Emma returned. She hid something in her hands behind her back. It made a jingling sound. “I have a present for you. It's for your bondage graduation, so to say. Close your eyes.” Rebecca did, though she wondered what that sound was. Emma dug up her present from behind her back. Rebecca felt a stiff flat belt like thing rounding her throat. Then there was soft click.

“Ok. Open!” Emma said, passing her captive a mirror. Rebecca looked in the mirror, she saw a collar with a chain already padlocked to a d-ring in front of it. That's where the sound came from. The chain led to Emma's bedroom. Rebecca felt for her new jewellery. There was a second lock on her neck, so she couldn't remove the collar without Emma's help.

“When did you get this thing?” Rebecca asked.

“There was a small pet store next to the market where I bought our drinks while you were waiting for a cab. I bought a matching leash for you too.”

Just when Rebecca wanted to protest Emma tugged her forward with the chain to kiss her. Rebecca melted into Emma's lips. After some serous tongue smacking Emma finally pulled back. “Ok. Let's finish you up here. Then you can show your mistress how thankful you are for your funny afternoon.”( I think you might have meant to say fun and not funny)

Overall, this is a great effort. You have created an interesting story line and I did like the ending. I would like you to redo this piece with the suggested changes.

Thanks for a great job
Aussiegirl ( temporary level one instructor, and level two instructor)

[suissepervert]

Hi Aussiegirl1,

thanks for your rieview. I changed my story according to your suggestions and joined the two parts. I altered to the end a little too.

I didn't know funny and fun is that different. I used the Altavista translation service for this specific sentence. I chaged from funny to wonderful, I hope that's OK...

I thought I could publish this story on the main site too, after I have completed level one. What do you think?

So here is the final version (at least up to now. :D)

[suissepervert]

Emma and Rebecca

Part 1

Rebecca leaned back, letting the perfumed, steaming water work its magic on the tension in her muscles. Her body was stiff from being held in the same position for hours, especially her arms. It was a strange experience but it was very exciting too. Since she the first time she came upon pictures of bound people on the internet she had wondered how it feels to be bound hand and foot. Now she knows. But what happened?

She recalled the events of the day. This morning she had met her old friend from childhood, Emma. They had not seen each other for years. As kids Rebecca and Emma had been inseparable. They lived with their parents in a small village near a major city - a few houses apart in the same street. Emma was only a few days older than Rebecca. Both went to the same class in school, played and hustled through homework together. To make a long story short, they did everything kids could do together)

One day, shortly after they had turned ten years old, Emma’s father had to change his job. So Emma had to move away with her parents and that was the last day they had seen each other – until today.

Today, 15 years later, Rebecca had grown up to a really beautiful woman. She is 1,70 m tall with a slim figure of 55 kg, and has gorgeous breasts and a fine bum. She wears her black hair shoulder-length.

Rebecca was just doing some shopping in the nearby city, when she saw someone strolling on the sidewalk directly before her. This person seemed to be strangely familiar. She had to be the same age as Rebecca was. And she had the same figure Rebecca has, only she was 2 or 3 cm shorter than her and had blond hair that reached her butt.

At fist she did not recognise the woman. But a few seconds later it dawned on her. This could be Emma. So Rebecca approached her and it really was Emma. After some hugging and crying they decided to celebrate their reunion and went to a nearby café.

Over a glass of champagne they talked about their lives, their relationships and what they had done in general. Rebecca learned that Emma has returned a week ago and now lives in the city. At some point they came to talk about what they do for a living. Rebecca reported, that she works for a large law firm. She told Emma she has a boring office job, writing letters for her superiors all day. “Simply boring,” she said.

Now it was Emma’s turn. She told her that she is a secretary too. However, Rebecca was shocked when she learned about Emma’s second job. Two years ago she had found a really exciting one. She does modelling for bondage magazines. At first she only played the “victim” but now she is more the “villain”. Emma reported that she had acquired many tricks and techniques through her modelling career. Now she likes to more to be in the dominant role.

For a moment Rebecca was shocked after Emma finished her story. Then she got curious and asked Emma many questions about her adventures. Emma patiently answered all of them. She noticed her friends curiosity has grown only more after that. So she decided to make Rebecca an offer:

“Do you want to try?”


Part 2

“Yes!”

“OK. But we need to buy something first. Let's go.”

Rebecca and Emma left the café and went to the next bus stop. During the ride Rebecca kept on asking Emma what she wanted to buy, but all that she got from Emma was “You'll see.”

After some time they arrived at a big hardware store. “I don't have enough stuff at home, we need to buy some in order to arrange your first attempt.” Emma explained the stop.

Rebecca nervously followed Emma through the maze of shelves. They stopped several times at different points where chains, ropes, locks and all that stuff Emma deemed necessary was located. This all took quite some time. Finally they were out of the store.

“Rebecca, get us a cab, I'll fetch something to drink for us.” Emma ordered. Rebecca couldn't even say yes, as Emma was gone already.

Emma noticed that Rebecca's nervousness grew only more during the cab ride. After they arrived at her flat she tried to put Rebecca at ease, so she opened a bottle of chilled white wine for them. They chatted over the bottle and when it was finished Emma asked suddenly:

“Should we start?” Immediately a shiver ran down Rebecca's spine.

“Um, Okay,” she said.

“Well then let's start. Strip!”

Rebecca hesitated a few seconds, so that Emma had to repeat her order. Slowly Rebecca stood up and peeled off her top. She threw it over her vacant armchair, then picked it up and draped it nervously but carefully over the backrest. Next she stepped out of her shoes. After a short glance at Emma she opened her skirt, and let it drop to put it on the armchair's backrest too.

Again she hesitated when she stood in only bra and panties. “All of it!” Emma ordered briefly. So Rebecca slowly dropped her bra and panties. She looked at Emma and could see that she eyed her from top to bottom. Obviously she liked what she saw. Eventually Emma stood up and went to get the shopping bag. She returned with the goods and a knife she got from her kitchen.

“Today we'll try just a little hog tie”, she said while cutting some pieces from that long coil of cotton rope they purchased earlier. Seeing Rebecca's puzzled expression she added: “Oh, don't worry, you'll see what it is.” Then Emma pulled her victim's arms behind her back.

Rebecca shivered when she felt the rope wind around her wrists. Emma wrapped them in a few more turns of rope then she did Rebecca's elbows, knees and ankles in the same fashion.

All the time, while being wrapped in rope, Rebecca felt her excitement grow and grow. She could feel the heat rise between her legs. Even Emma took notice of this while helping Rebecca lay down. She could literally smell Rebecca.

Emma couldn't resist and stroked Rebecca's perfect ass longingly. That raised Rebecca's excitement even more, so that she gave a low moan. After a few seconds of this Emma finished the hog tie by tying Rebecca's bound arms and wrists not to tightly together.

“Can you bear that?” Emma asked.

“Yes, it seems to be tolerable. What now?”

“I'm nearly finished,” Emma said grinning. She removed her scarf and tied it over Rebecca's eyes.

“What are you doing? I want to see you.”

“I like my damsels blind, so they can concentrate better on what is going on.” Emma said while hiking up her skirt. Then she stripped off her panties, which Emma of course couldn't see. When Rebecca started a second try to protest Emma took the advantage and packed the panties in Rebecca's mouth. “...and I like them mute too.” Emma said with an audible smirk in her voice.

Next there was a ripping sound and Rebecca could feel an adhesive tape sealing her lips. Earlier in the store she had wondered what Emma would need this for. Now, she had the answer. And there was something else, Rebecca could taste a sweetness as she chewed on the panties. Emma must like this too, she thought.

Again Emma started to caress Rebecca's body. First her sides then her ass again. Rebecca couldn't help but enjoy Emma's ministrations. She moaned loudly. Next Emma turned Rebecca on her side. Now she was caressing Rebecca everywhere. She suckled her nipples and kissed her all over.

After a few minutes Rebecca felt like drifting in the air. She wished Emma wouldn't neglect her overflowing pussy much longer. Finally Emma touched her clit, licking and teasing it with her tongue. It took Emma only a short while to bring Rebecca to a mind-shattering orgasm. It was so intense that Rebecca was in a deep daze.

“Hmm, you really like this.” Emma said smirking. “I will let you relax for a bit, just enjoy the experience.”

After letting her rest in bondage for a few hours, Emma untied Rebecca. It was already dark outside, Rebecca noticed. That meant the session had to have lasted for some hours.

Emma had prepared a bath for Rebecca. She helped her friend in the tub and let her soak. Rebecca relaxed and enjoyed the bath. What a day, she thought. That's what brought her in Emma's tub.

A few minutes later Emma returned. She hid something in her hands behind her back. It made a jingling sound.

“I have a present for you. It's for your bondage graduation, so to speak. Close your eyes.”

Rebecca did, though she wondered what that sound was. Emma dug up her present from behind her back. Rebecca felt a stiff flat belt like thing rounding her throat. Then there was a soft click.

“OK, open!” Emma said, passing her captive a mirror. Rebecca looked in the mirror, she saw a collar with a chain already padlocked to a d-ring in front of it. That's where the sound came from. The chain led to Emma's bedroom. Rebecca felt for her new jewellery. There was a second lock on her neck, so she couldn't remove the collar without Emma's help.

“When did you get this thing?” Rebecca asked.

“There was a small pet store next to the market where I bought our drinks while you were waiting for a cab. I bought a matching leash for you too”, Emma answered while showing her the fine, braided piece of leather. It had the same dark brown colour as the collar. “And as tomorrow is saturday, we will use it in a club I want to show you.”

Just when Rebecca wanted to protest Emma tugged her forward with the chain to kiss her. Rebecca didn't really try to fend off the kiss, instead she melted into Emma's lips. After some serous tongue smacking Emma finally pulled back. “Ok. Let's finish you up here. Then you can show your mistress how thankful you are for your wonderful afternoon.”

[Aussiegirl1]

Nice job on the changes, and quick work too!

As to publishing the story, I would suggest waiting for a while so you can gain more from the lessons to be learnt in each level. Of course, this is up to you, but you will find you will want to keep fine tuning this piece as you progress.

What I would like you to do next is to write a short passage ( no more than 5 paragraphs but at least 2 paragraphs) describing something you feel passionate about. This does not have to be erotic. I am looking to see both how you use words and the emotion you can put into the piece.

Feel free to PM or ask here if you have any questions.