Male submissives

[moonlitsub]

I tried this way last time and it kind of got washed away with no response. I haven't been on the forum much because holidays are starting up and people have to eat but it seems like from what I've seen there aren't very many male submissives it is that or they don't go on the forum much. But I always hear how there are so many male submissives and so few female dominants that makes me wonder how many are actual submissives or just guys thinking they can get easy sex. How many are truly masochistic, how many love bondage. I just wonder feel free to place input or let this thread die also.

[jeanne]

I hope you get more response this time. (BTW - good to see you here! :wave:)

I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

[voxelectronica]

In my experience....

I've found that even male Doms message me from time to time wanting to switch. They end up admitting that they feel more comfortable with a switch as well.

Also I only talk to people who are interested in only actually submitting. So, I haven't encountered this idea of scripting so much.

What I think is the culprit to this phenomena?

I think it's two fold. People I talk to aren't to keen on being "found out" and consider this part of them to be very *very* private and aren't keen on setting up even an online persona. Though some will get themselves out there via more profile driven websites they don't make it a point to share their opinions.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

[dave]

I think many male subs are poor communicators, but i enjoy chat and getting to know someone. I tend to have pretty good relations with the people online. and i thank you all for your posts. If you want to be sucessful with any of the real Dommes here, you better learn how to communicate.
dave

[DIXIE LASS]

I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

It also seems to me that they post intros and then disappear. And lately it seems like there are an ever increasing number of male subs joining and posting those intros and even reposting intros a few weeks later. But they get no replies except the usual "welcome" ones and if you visit their page they have neither visitor messages nor friends. This leads me to believe that there are so few Dommes that they get no hits and just gradually fade away. Jeanne may be right about the chat rooms but I don't go there either so I don't know.




I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

Dittos. Men in general are very poor communicators. A common occurance is this: First, we are treated with the mind-boggling news of, "Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Unoriginal, unexciting, unexceptional, dull, stale..........and so on. Then, we go visit their profile page and we are overwhelmed and brought to our knees with the enlightening and refreshing information that they are: "Male". "Submissive". If we get really, really lucky that day we might discover that they are located in "No Where".

What????? Do they think they are paying by the word? I'm not a Domme but if I were this sure wouldn't attract my attention.

Moonlitsub, the answer is probably a combination of the above.

DIXIE

[dave]

I couldn't agree more with all the above!
dave

[voxelectronica]

LOL Dixie! It is pretty bad.

There is scientific evidence that the male and female brain are mapped differently for different tasks. Communication just seems to be our thing.

It is incredibly frustrating to go to someones profile anywhere and see nothing. Not even the slightest hint at an interest. I've taken to asking people why they messaged me. What part of *My* profile they found intriguing just to get a basic understanding. On another site I'm very open about gender fluidity as it's important to me in a BDSM sense so I delete *any* message that has female indicators in it as it's clear they didn't read my profile.

As much shit as I do give male subs. The ones I do talk to are awesome people and I wish they would come here and post here. I do wish that there was more communication than "I'm a male sub... yay". I also do think the lack of participation in the community kinda hurts them in quality too. (from time to time and person to person).

[James2024]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

[voxelectronica]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

awww well we love you!

[Tufty]

Ah, the 'lack of male subs' thing...something that I've often thought about since joining this place.

Dave thinks that many male subs are 'poor communicators?' Oh dear...so what does that say about male subs??? :eek: Does that mean that male doesn't communicate well because he is submissive - or are we talking about males in general?????????


James2024 said that "...The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong."
Erm...I have NEVER had that feeling here - in fact, quite the opposite!


Jeanne said "...I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.
Yes, there have certainly been a few male subs that have joined and they do seem to vanish fairly quickly. I have only ever spoken with one male sub in chat (I don't go there often, either) and this guy certainly seemed to out to fulfill his fantasies

I agree that many will see FemDom as a fantasy - and I do know of one Domme that has become so pissed off with being contacted by male submissives asking if she will do this and that - and she now simply doesn't bother to reply to PMs!

I do agree with Dixie Lass to a certain extent that the male subs coming here tend not to post much information in their profiles. I smiled when I saw her comment about the introductions; "...Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Every time I see an intro like that, it just makes my eyes roll and I think to myself, "Oh no, not another one!" What happened to 'getting to know people' - or don't folk bother with things like that these days? I suppose thats where the communication thing comes in :)

Is it the stereotypical 'Macho' thing as well? While it may be OK in fantasy to be dominated by a female, the majority of males wouldn't admit to it.

[Little Man]

Personally I find the dearth of male submissives rather sad. I know that we are out there, but we struggle to come out and do more than grunt a "hello". I am heartened to see some in this thread. I am not alone! LOL.

I don't think that I am a freak, but I do think that some people see a male sub and think "only wants to get his rocks off and no commitment". I guess that those people do exist. I am perhaps a little odd because I am in an LDR, no sex with my Dominant, just the ubiquitous mind fuck. Being submissive answers a need for me, it is part of my lifestyle, but isn't my entire life (unfortunately). I don't see too many others like me and that may, in part, keep me more of a lurker than a participant.

[Pearlgem]

Now you come to mention it...I guess you don't see that many male subs around here beyond the introductions. And now that you've pointed it out...you don't see that many contributing to the forums. And are they really...looked down on as misunderstood manipulative freaks?

So, all you male subs out there. Come and talk to us. Let us get to know you.

[yama]

So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

It is a very interesting thread, I have learned a lot from the posts, having read each of them. There is an expression: "In my humble opinion." Well, my dears, my opinion wants to be truly humble. I am new, young and unexperienced. Please don't hesitate to correct me, I want to be really docile.

I am neither a male sub nor a Domme. But my submission became reality when I found somebody that was ready to fulfil my secret fantasies. I found another girl whom I was able to have long, intimate talks with, and, first time in my life, I was able to reveal my masochistic fantasies. To my surprise, she expressed, very shyly, her readiness to humiliate and torture me. This talk ended up with my getting topless and her whipping my breasts and back with the strap of her bag. Since that it has been continuing on this line. She doesn't tell me what dresses to wear, but she takes the whip and tells me to strip naked and grab my ankles, and I obey. I can express it so that we are not in D/S relationship, only in S/M, sadist/masochist relationship. She fulfils my fantasies, and I fulfil her fantasies. It was surprising when she first told me to open my mouth and then she spat into my mouth, but I swallowed her spit without hesitation and thanked her. I have a strong experience of being humiliated, without being regulated in my every step.

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

Please, please, understand me, I ask really humbly, it is not irony at all. I am ready to be corrected. Thank you for your kind attention.


:crawlgirl

[Flaming_Redhead]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

[thir]

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

That is also my experience.

[thir]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

By whom especially?

Back in Denmark I was a member of a club where the male subs were definitely under pressure from the male doms. I am not sure why, except they (the doms) seemed personally threatened by them for some reason, and it came out as contempt. We had special evenings for male subs and fem doms for that reason - among others ;-))

This is a club that put great store on having equal numbers of fem doms and male doms and fem subs and male subs. Go figure..

[thir]

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?



:crawlgirl


No, absolutely not. IMO there is not way that is better than another, even if you'll meet people who'll say that their particular way is the way not just for them, but for eveyone. Just ignore them ;-) The point is that the people in question are happy.

And that is where the problem may be. If, for instance, one of the partners is not honest about what he/she wants - say the have the fantasy of wanting to be a slave, but do not what to do this in reality. This is ok and what many want, but should be said openly, as many people waste time and energy and eventually their hopes of finding a good matching partner because they have to go through so many people who do not admit what they are really after.

The other problem that can arise is that in some cases the sub just want his/her needs met, without having anything to offer.
I am sorry to say this, but I have also encountered subs, male subs mostly, who saw me as some sort of tool to satisfy them, not as a partner in a relationship who also happens to want something out of the whole thing.

That said, this is of course not to mean all male subs, I have met some truly wonderful subs as well :-)

[thir]

I tried this way last time and it kind of got washed away with no response. I haven't been on the forum much because holidays are starting up and people have to eat but it seems like from what I've seen there aren't very many male submissives it is that or they don't go on the forum much. But I always hear how there are so many male submissives and so few female dominants that makes me wonder how many are actual submissives or just guys thinking they can get easy sex. How many are truly masochistic, how many love bondage. I just wonder feel free to place input or let this thread die also.

Ups, I should have read more of the thread before answering - a lot of 'bad press' here..and I have repeated what is already said which is not necessary.
So let me once again say that as a domme I obviously appreciate the existence of male subs a lot ;-)) and would definitely welcome much more input from you all!

[fetishdj]

In my experience, it is not just the subs but also the so called Doms. There are, I think, just as many 'Doms' who go into chatrooms and try to 'dominate' any woman who is in there with such sterling lines as 'Bow down before me, bitch' which is rarely preceeded by even a cursory 'hello' to the room, never mind the Dominant lady he is talking to who was just having an interesting and rather vanilla chat with their long term online sub...

I think the problem (if it may be seen as such, personally I don't) in this site is that we have intelligent and insightful posts and the successful Dom/mes and subs are those who participate in discussions in intelligent and insightful ways. Some men come here looking for a quick, dirty shag or a bit of online play and, finding nothing but discussions on everything from politics and religion to 'what is a sub', get bored and wander off elsewhere.

At least I hope this is the case otherwise my whole strategy for getting a quick, dirty shag is useless (and I have been pursuing it for several years so far, success may not be far ahead... :) )

The chatroom from what I have seen is not populated by these missing subs. Most of those I see in the chatroom are those who also post in the forums and there are usually more female subs than males (but then this was originally a very Male Dom/fem sub orientated site, though us 'femdom wierdoes are creeping in now).

[Pearlgem]

I think the problem (if it may be seen as such, personally I don't) in this site is that we have intelligent and insightful posts and the successful Dom/mes and subs are those who participate in discussions in intelligent and insightful ways. Some men come here looking for a quick, dirty shag or a bit of online play and, finding nothing but discussions on everything from politics and religion to 'what is a sub', get bored and wander off elsewhere.

At least I hope this is the case otherwise my whole strategy for getting a quick, dirty shag is useless (and I have been pursuing it for several years so far, success may not be far ahead... :) )

Never give up hope, fetish! Your dirty little secret's safe with... ah, um, you may just have blown it. All those years on here as a mole just waiting for an innocent newbie and the right moment...

Curses!

[fetishdj]

Damn... foiled again.... Now I will have to delete you all! :)

[DaveAM]

Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.

[Pearlgem]

Dave, honestly I feel the same about the chat room. It makes me dizzy. The forums are where you really get to know people and express yourself so give it a good go. I'm sure you'll get on better there and feel more part of the community. See you around x x

[Pearlgem]

Damn... foiled again.... Now I will have to delete you all! :)

You'll never get away wi

[Ozme52]

In my experience....

I've found that even male Doms message me from time to time wanting to switch. They end up admitting that they feel more comfortable with a switch as well.

Also I only talk to people who are interested in only actually submitting. So, I haven't encountered this idea of scripting so much.

What I think is the culprit to this phenomena?

I think it's two fold. People I talk to aren't to keen on being "found out" and consider this part of them to be very *very* private and aren't keen on setting up even an online persona. Though some will get themselves out there via more profile driven websites they don't make it a point to share their opinions.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.


I think, rather than being a communication thing, it's a control thing. In our society, boys are taught to lead and be in control... so even the "submissive" ones come expecting to "lead". The "script" is actually the fantasy they want fulfilled... not a script per se.

We're missing the point... it's easily described if a female sub tries this... we just don't think to apply the words to male subs who are in fact, Topping from the bottom.

[Ozme52]

LOL Dixie! It is pretty bad.

There is scientific evidence that the male and female brain are mapped differently for different tasks. Communication just seems to be our thing.


I'll give you that, grudgingly. LOL.

So it comes easier to women, but I know for a fact, that when an effort to be open and communicate is made by a man, women appreciate it and respond to it.

I can only assume that submissive men would do as well by opening up more to dommes, but I don't have any first hand experience from that perspective. ;)

[Ozme52]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong


I think that's a self-imposed perspective.

Switches seem to think it too, but that may be mostly the male switches.

What that tells me there is still some feelings of guilt about wanting to be in the submissive role. But the women who feel guilty about giving up on feminism, learn there is room to be both, and get over it. Submissive men should take that as a lesson.

And as far as being "freakish", well, let me tell you, that in the real world, the most despised people are the "abusers" and to the vanillas, that translates to the dominant males.

Any of us can say "woe is me." But it isn't very attractive. I suspect that male subs who just keep posting and presenting themselves will get all the attention they can handle from the dommes they're looking for. It just takes time.

I was on the forum for well over a year, with thousands of posts, before I started making the connections I wanted. It just takes patience and persistance.

[Ozme52]

Ah, the 'lack of male subs' thing...something that I've often thought about since joining this place.

Dave thinks that many male subs are 'poor communicators?' Oh dear...so what does that say about male subs??? :eek: Does that mean that male doesn't communicate well because he is submissive - or are we talking about males in general?????????

-------------(in response to the "freak" comment)

Erm...I have NEVER had that feeling here - in fact, quite the opposite!

-------------(in response to the "intro and done" comment)

Yes, there have certainly been a few male subs that have joined and they do seem to vanish fairly quickly. I have only ever spoken with one male sub in chat (I don't go there often, either) and this guy certainly seemed to out to fulfill his fantasies

I agree that many will see FemDom as a fantasy - and I do know of one Domme that has become so pissed off with being contacted by male submissives asking if she will do this and that - and she now simply doesn't bother to reply to PMs!

I do agree with Dixie Lass to a certain extent that the male subs coming here tend not to post much information in their profiles. I smiled when I saw her comment about the introductions; "...Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Every time I see an intro like that, it just makes my eyes roll and I think to myself, "Oh no, not another one!" What happened to 'getting to know people' - or don't folk bother with things like that these days? I suppose thats where the communication thing comes in :)

Is it the stereotypical 'Macho' thing as well? While it may be OK in fantasy to be dominated by a female, the majority of males wouldn't admit to it.


Exactly my points Tufty. You're the perfect example of a submissive male who makes his way through these forums just fine. As I said, patience and persistance.

[voxelectronica]

So after reading this all I have to say is OMG!

I never realized that I was *lucky*. My first encounter with a male sub was what made me be a switch because *he* was that good. He would say things like "i like it when you do this, what else do you want?"... the entire thing was almost... innocent in nature.

I'm still very selective to who I talk to and wont engage in conversation that's at all sexual in nature until *I* choose to make that the topic. So far my lucks been pretty good with this approach. I would however love it, if there were more male subs who contributed to the site.

I am leaning towards Fetish's idea as another contributing factor though.

[Ozme52]

It is a very interesting thread, I have learned a lot from the posts, having read each of them. There is an expression: "In my humble opinion." Well, my dears, my opinion wants to be truly humble. I am new, young and unexperienced. Please don't hesitate to correct me, I want to be really docile.

I am neither a male sub nor a Domme. But my submission became reality when I found somebody that was ready to fulfil my secret fantasies. I found another girl whom I was able to have long, intimate talks with, and, first time in my life, I was able to reveal my masochistic fantasies. To my surprise, she expressed, very shyly, her readiness to humiliate and torture me. This talk ended up with my getting topless and her whipping my breasts and back with the strap of her bag. Since that it has been continuing on this line. She doesn't tell me what dresses to wear, but she takes the whip and tells me to strip naked and grab my ankles, and I obey. I can express it so that we are not in D/S relationship, only in S/M, sadist/masochist relationship. She fulfils my fantasies, and I fulfil her fantasies. It was surprising when she first told me to open my mouth and then she spat into my mouth, but I swallowed her spit without hesitation and thanked her. I have a strong experience of being humiliated, without being regulated in my every step.

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

Please, please, understand me, I ask really humbly, it is not irony at all. I am ready to be corrected. Thank you for your kind attention.


:crawlgirl

No, of course not. That's what we all desire. But it is, imo, appropriate that the dominant directs how and when the submissive's desires get realized.

Our roles are different, and complementary.

[voxelectronica]

I'll give you that, grudgingly. LOL.



She blinded me with science!

[Ozme52]

So after reading this all I have to say is OMG!

I never realized that I was *lucky*. My first encounter with a male sub was what made me be a switch because *he* was that good. He would say things like "i like it when you do this, what else do you want?"... the entire thing was almost... innocent in nature.

I'm still very selective to who I talk to and wont engage in conversation that's at all sexual in nature until *I* choose to make that the topic. So far my lucks been pretty good with this approach. I would however love it, if there were more male subs who contributed to the site.

I am leaning towards Fetish's idea as another contributing factor though.


We make our own luck vox. ;)

[Ozme52]

she blinded me with science!

:d

[yama]

Thank you thir - or am I supposed to say Ma'am? I am ready
to bow down before you, really.

Thank you very much for your enlightening post. I start seeing
what is it about. Obviously I had no problem with Lila because we
were already close friends when the SM relationship started. But,
as I have pointed out, there were cases when she lead me in
a surprising direction, and I always followed her lead, even
enjoying my submission. (She accepts ideas from me, though.)

Without previous acquaintance, if I offered myself as a slave,
I would have a strong decision that I would seek what pleases
my Mistress/Master, giving up my own ideas. (I am here with the
same intention, ready to give up my ideas, be as docile as I can.)
Without this, I can well imagine that the Mistress/Master sends
away her/his incorrect sub. I can see what is the problem.

Thank you very much and very humbly again, your were
really very kind in answering me.


:cayvvotg:



No, absolutely not. IMO there is not way that is better than another, even if you'll meet people who'll say that their particular way is the way not just for them, but for eveyone. Just ignore them ;-) The point is that the people in question are happy.

And that is where the problem may be. If, for instance, one of the partners is not honest about what he/she wants - say the have the fantasy of wanting to be a slave, but do not what to do this in reality. This is ok and what many want, but should be said openly, as many people waste time and energy and eventually their hopes of finding a good matching partner because they have to go through so many people who do not admit what they are really after.

The other problem that can arise is that in some cases the sub just want his/her needs met, without having anything to offer.
I am sorry to say this, but I have also encountered subs, male subs mostly, who saw me as some sort of tool to satisfy them, not as a partner in a relationship who also happens to want something out of the whole thing.

That said, this is of course not to mean all male subs, I have met some truly wonderful subs as well :-)

[voxelectronica]

We make our own luck vox. ;)

so I'm going to have just a tad rant here... sorry.

On another site my profile clearly says gender queer with Male persona while Dominating and that terms like Domme or Ma'am do not suit me. I get soooo many people messaging me with Ma'am...

I just delete them.

[yama]

Dear Dave, I avoid chat rooms for the same reason
you describe so well. Forums are much better. Some may
have the ability to follow chats, I have not.

May I bring up an off-topic subject? I don't want to start a new thread
just for that. In your post I can see that you use lowercase "i" in the
pronoun "I". I have seen it in many posts of subs. First I thought
it was just a superficial typing, but I had a chat session with a gentleman
who demanded me using a lowercase "i", and made me understand that
it was a humiliation. Well, I loved it, only I kept making mistakes,
and was always punished painfully for those. It was OK with me,
I loved the punishments, too. I am in full peace with the thing.

But I want to ask (not just Dave, but everybody): am I supposed
to use lowercase "i" on the Forums, too? If I am, I will be glad to do it,
I really want to humiliate myself in every possible way. Only it will
slow down my typing, I am used to the opposite. And I will do lots of
mistakes, of course.

So please let me know what am I supposed to do. I will be docile
and obedient. Thank you very much.

:dunno:




Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.

[Ozme52]

yama, some insist on upper and lower case usage as a protocol... some don't.

Regardless of your own preference (now or in the future,) please don't adopt the practice of using both when you don't know the orientation of the reader... or when you are addressing both orientations...

Because W/we A/all really hate it when P/people take I/it to excess. ;)

[lucy]

Originally Posted by DaveAM View Post
Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.
You can always go to a private room to talk with someone. I'm one of those too who can't follow a discussion in the chat's main room, so if i go there i usually end up going to a private room.

[voxelectronica]

.

Because W/we A/all really hate it when P/people take I/it to excess. ;)

sometimes I really think you might be better than ice cream.... sometimes.

[yama]

But it is, imo, appropriate that the dominant directs how and when the submissive's desires get realized.

Our roles are different, and complementary.

I understand you, Sir, and I fully agree. A submissive must submit.
Even a sadist/masochist or fetish top/bottom relationship means a
sort of domination/submission, only not necessarily in all area of life.
I hope I could make clear that I really submit to my dominant girl,
even if she has surprises for me. And I would obey her if she wanted
to dominate me on other areas. My craving for being humiliated could
make me a real slave. But neither of us is interested in that.

Thank you for your reply. I found it late, because as a silly girl I started
to read the thread at its end. Sorry, Sir. When putting clamps on me,
please remember my misdeed and make them tight. :)

(Referring to a former conversation on the "Clamps on the clit?" thread.)

[yama]

Because W/we A/all really hate it when P/people take I/it to excess. ;)

T/thank Y/you, S/sir, I/i T/hink I/i W/will K/keep M/my F/former P/practice. :)

I can see now that lowercase "i" is not obligatory. I want to obey every real rule,
but I don't feel this a self-humiliation. A protocol, as you say. And it was rather
difficult to learn English spelling... I hope everyone will understand.

Thank you for teaching me. Your posts are so clear.

[moonlitsub]

Jez, wow I threw this thread up expecting a few replys four maybe tops it gets me kind of gitty to see all this conversation from silly little me. I have to throw my two cents in now though. I love talking to anyone who is fetishist or d/s or what ever. I find myself blending into lots of "alternative" cultures also being bi I find that the Domme/sub relationship and the Dom/sub relationships to be completely different. I would love to chat on here more but my I am currently in what I would call an apprenticeship and my job takes most my life. I wanted to give my thoughts on points to some things people have said through out the thread.

First being how men are raised to take the lead. I find this true but only in some instances and this ideal is being slowly bled away as women are raised to lead there own career lives and so on. Yet still in some instances like in a vanilla relationship the guy is expected to take the lead, and if not he tends to fall into the dreaded friend category. Also in a d/s relationship I think a Dom/me can sit back and let the sub do all the work as long as there are specific orders and guidelines already set up.

Also as being a male sub who has frequented this site on and off for about three years (I changed screen names for certain reasons.) that I would love to converse more but I find myself so limited in this online dialog and enjoy face to face, or face to feet depending on how restrictive the Dom/me is ;)
which brings me to a question I have for the people here, I work in a kitchen overnight and my boss is pretty chill well a chill as a short french man can be but I keep wanting to ask for specific days off (one day every month) so I can go to the monthly munch in the area, but he knows me I don't ask for days off unless its important, so I don't know what to tell him so I can get said day off without having to trounce out my whole sexual lifestyle. Any suggestions ladies and gents?

I think this is satisfactory and it makes sense but then again I all caffeined up.

[shayna{L_D}]

:cayvvotg:

[Mr_Clock]

First time poster... and first day on the forum. I wanted to respond to moonlitsub's original question with my two cents. I haven't been on this site because I feel like being a male sub is such a minority already and from playing on the yahoo rp chat rooms that trying to find a woman just interested in online play is very hard. So I've been discouraged and haven't looked.

Additionally (and more of a side note) I don't know if it's just me, but while I have fantasies about femdom I find that when I read a story involving femdom, or watch a video I'm not nearly as turned on as I thought I might be. Perhaps this supports the theory that men are looking to have a specific script acted on.

[DaveAM]

Dear Dave, I avoid chat rooms for the same reason
you describe so well. Forums are much better. Some may
have the ability to follow chats, I have not.

But I want to ask (not just Dave, but everybody): am I supposed
to use lowercase "i" on the Forums, too? If I am, I will be glad to do it,
I really want to humiliate myself in every possible way. Only it will
slow down my typing, I am used to the opposite. And I will do lots of
mistakes, of course.
:dunno:

Yama, i saw the use of lower case i in some of the stories i've read. i liked the idea of making myself less important in this small manner. i have no idea what others do or expect. If it slows down typing you probably don't want to bother unless you are directed to by a Master/Mistress.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

[moonlitsub]

hm... mindofasubpgh it could possibly be it just isn't want your looking for I know without realizing it that when I watch porn especially vanilla I usually see myself in the girls possition "taking it" or taking an image and instead of how vanilla guy see fucking the girl I just see her topping my subby ass. Also even more so I know what you mean I seem to have different taste then what the professionals think is good, or writers (so I just write my own stuff.) but I find that a lot of porn vanilla, fetish or other isn't as great as it could be. I also remember the saying that we are the ones that knows what turns us on the most.

[yama]

Dear Dave, thank you for your useful reply. I will use lowercase "i" without any hesitation if somebody declares that she/he is offended by my uppercase "I"s. I accept this correction not only from dominants but from submissives, too. Nothing want I less than to offend anybody.

It is only that I trust the judgement of Sir Oz very much, and will base on it and my own clumsyness till there aren't other reasons. And I can see myself that the use of lowercase is widespread but not general.

So much for the Forums. Messaging to a Dominant, male or female, I feel natural the use of lowercase "i" and uppercase "You". D/double C/characters I don't understand and will not use.

Thank you again very much indeed. Merry Christmas to you and everybody. :)



Yama, i saw the use of lower case i in some of the stories i've read. i liked the idea of making myself less important in this small manner. i have no idea what others do or expect. If it slows down typing you probably don't want to bother unless you are directed to by a Master/Mistress.

[Mr_Clock]

Moonlit.. it is nice to see I'm not alone in my views.

[voxelectronica]

hm... mindofasubpgh it could possibly be it just isn't want your looking for I know without realizing it that when I watch porn especially vanilla I usually see myself in the girls possition "taking it" or taking an image and instead of how vanilla guy see fucking the girl I just see her topping my subby ass.

I find this really interesting because I knew that I was at least a switch when I started watching porn and identifying in the male role... I knew it was totally true when I started imagining the male role as my role during vanilla sex.

[Mr_Clock]

It is interesting to see how one identiifes. I typically identify with the man in porn be it vanilla or something harder. However, when watching harder stuff (or reading a story) I do feel a bit of jealously watching the woman climax while restrained in one way or another.

[moonlitsub]

Actually for a long time I always thought that I was identifying with the man in the porn but it wasn't until I was able to admit to myself that it was the women I was identifying with. I find I keep only saying "this is what turns me on" and that is only the aspects about myself I am able to identify with.

[Lisais mine]

It is interesting to see how one identiifes. I typically identify with the man in porn be it vanilla or something harder. However, when watching harder stuff (or reading a story) I do feel a bit of jealously watching the woman climax while restrained in one way or another.

It really is interesting. bryan'sgrrl and I were looking at bdsm porn over at this morning, when we realized that I'm more interested in pictures of girls faces- when they look a little nervous(because that face or a whimper isthe hottest thing to me). she likes to see that strong Dom arm or face.

and Oz, I think you are right about the "topping from the Bottom thing. if I had a sub who thought they could control the scene we were in, I would love it- it's a chance to disabuse them of the idea they had that power. communication needs or desires is fine. but if I'm in charge, I'm in charge.

[voxelectronica]

It really is interesting. bryan'sgrrl and I were looking at bdsm porn over at this morning, when we realized that I'm more interested in pictures of girls faces- when they look a little nervous(because that face or a whimper isthe hottest thing to me).

mmmm yeah. I don't have to watch anything else but her face.

[moonlitsub]

Sigh I wish I could pin down what really really really gets me going, some days it lips of a close friend as she tells me a story for awhile it was when I burned myself at work (500 degree ovens) and that lasting pulsing pain, one that always works is blood seeping out of my skin. In porn itself I don't think it is actual images from the porn I tend to take the people I see in all there fully exposed splendor and create fantasies in my mind with them.

[markus_valtion]

i'm a male sub. or at least i think i am but i'm still learing. i hope i can put in my 2 cents as well :)



In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

i agree with you. there are alot of people who just see it as a thrill but dont want to be out of control. and to me thats the main thing of being a sub. to not be incontrol. i love the feeling of being out of controle. and i'm only truly happy to please my partner.

also communication is more difficult for a man. at least for me it is. but i do my best :). its difficult at time but aslong as your patient and keep going things will always work out. i guess some people just dont want to put in the effort.

[db05]

I think that part of the problem is the very thin line between having limits and preferences vs. a "script". I've had Dommes comment to me on other forums that it is ridiculous for subs to try to set out very specific do's and don'ts; that they're taking the Domme's power.

On the other hand, we all have things that work for us and things that don't. To me (and I mean no offense to anyone whatever their own likes and dislikes) the whole ritualistic Domm(me)/sub "Master/Mistress" interaction along with stereotyped costumes (leather and/or latex) make the whole thing seem something of a game. It seems a bit like dressing up in Star Trek garb and learning to speak Klingonese. And I happen to not be into pain also. This doesn't make these things wrong, but they're not right for me.

To me the greatest area of female power is their sexual power. And I don't think a woman has to wear leather or be called Mistress to exert her power over men. I truly believe that almost all men want to serve women but many are too proud to admit it! I am totally thrilled when a woman uses my sexual excitement to subdue me and makes me totally submit to her.

[numenor]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong
Just my thoughts…
That is possible, but the female Doms that I know who have male collars don't feel that way. I like to think that I don't feel that way either, I am not sure that I have consciously thought of any submissive as doing "something wrong" I am not sure that I can relate directly. However, I think others have the key to it - that the dearth of communication provides no approach vector to engage in polite or maybe not so polite conversation. When you talk to someone it is much easier to ask questions and query responses, which implicitly provide positive feedback to the person that you are talking to (the "Yes, I am listening to you, and I want to know what you think/feel/want" effect). Without that interplay male subs may not feel welcomed to most conversations and having the desire combined with the fear of not being accepted just go looking elsewhere. This is compounded by the perceived lack of presence of male subs in the forums (which is not accurate there seems to be lots who post to the intro area) while there appears to be a plethora of female subs (I believe the fem subs have their own subforum – not an attack just an observation). If I miss my mark that Womb subforum is run by/for fem subs while the male subs don’t support each other… yet another example of “male non-communicativeness”.

There may be another psychological effect occurring, with more self identified male subs who want a highly scripted play with no deviation being more willing to speak up and approach, because that is safe and known to them instead of unknown regardless of their deeper desires to be dominated.

I do know that many people have a hard time communicating and perceive many comments as negative when those very comments could be construed as either constructive or neutral.
Jay

[numenor]

[QUOTE=moonlitsub;786898]...I work in a kitchen overnight and my boss is pretty chill well a chill as a short french man can be but I keep wanting to ask for specific days off (one day every month) so I can go to the monthly munch in the area, but he knows me I don't ask for days off unless its important, so I don't know what to tell him so I can get said day off without having to trounce out my whole sexual lifestyle. Any suggestions ladies and gents?
[QUOTE]
Chill=Boss
you=you

you: Chill some of my friends get together every month and spend time together, i don't usually go because i work and they understand that, but a few of them have asked me multiple times and have been giving me crap because they say i am being "antisocial" <you could let Chill know that you are trying to be more social with your friends and that is something that you are working on - which puts more power in his hands, not sure if you are comfortable with that but it might work, then Chill is provided with an oprotunity to be supprotive to you>. i don't want to be rude but i couldn't say yes until i asked for a day off, could i have <insert day off here>.

i got invited to go to a <insert event here e.g. party, get together with friends, etc. >. i don't want to be rude but i couldn't say yes until i asked for a day off, could i have <insert day off here>.

[IAN 2411]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

Thankyou for that discription, i love it.

I wrote in this thread before the crash, and I have just read all the posts to refresh my mind. I have to admit that I only joined this site just less than four months ago. In that time I have written a few posts, and read many threads, I have always been interested in BDSM, but unlike many I have failed to participate on a regular basis. There are many types of male submissive, and I too have noticed that many that post their first post are never seen again. I think that you have to blame that on magazines, and the type of books that I write, because the males are all young, and are all looking for a Fem/Dom. They are all looking for that beautiful Fem/Dom with the hour glass figure and the long blonde hair, it is not BDSM they are after it is lust, but anyone that knows anything about women, and reads the adverts in those magazines, that there is a painful price to pay just to get close to them. I also believe that if they all got what they were asking of the Fem/Dom just once, 80% would never be seen outside their house let alone on a BDSM site ever again.

I am a sub but nothing special, I was a Master at my work and respected by my peers during the day, but at night I was the opposite. My wife died 18 months ago, and although it was a vanilla marriage, even now I’m not sure if we were not playing a game with each other, and without the other knowing. I would do all she asked and without question, I would let her win the argument even when she was wrong. She would strike out with her hand if something was done wrong; I dared to show my feelings for fear of another strike. She would screw a jaw, or give a little jab, but there was always room for love afterwards. Her eyes never left me when at weddings and parties; I would always look around and see her smiling at me, jealousy, possessiveness, or protectiveness? She made the decisions and she made the plans, there was never shall we, or can we? It was always we are and we can, and I let her do it, she was domineering and I was her sub, and if she said get down and kiss my ass I would have done it, well she had a very nice ass. Just to throw a little more light, there was BDSM before ever I married her 31 years ago. If these young subs had to come in with their real name, instead of a username, they would have a little more respect for the Domms they are talking too, a person can only gain respect by giving respect.

I am not sure if all men are bad communicators, but I am with women and always have been. I fear them a little, and mostly because they can hurt by just verbally chastising. A woman or girl could never hurt me physically to the extent I would not want to see them again, but verbally they are awesome, and having said that my first wife could always bring tears to my eyes. Some things that women and girls have said to me over the years have hurt, and some that have done it unintentionally I have avoided for a long time afterwards. Yes I go into chat and sometimes I participate and sometime I just listen, and there are more female subs than male, but who gives a damn, I don’t? I go there because being there makes me feel liberated from the vanilla world, and the company is sound. I don’t think anyone thinks a male sub is a freak, apart from someone in the vanilla community, but what sub is going to tell them his secret anyway?

Regards Ian

[FirstBorn]

I have labeled myself a Dom/switch for my profile here.
Not that im a huge fan of labels really, i dont take pride or feel shame in having fantasies about dominating or submitting even when the topics turn to rape and permanent injury.
I have a lot more experience dominating than submitting, moreso than my fantasies would indicate but not to an extend where i feel i have to seek out a Domme no matter the costs (cash or emotional).

Really the sub in me is not looking for a godess or anything pretentius like that. I dont play that way as a Dom and dont want to as a sub. Come to think of what id really like is to be on the reciving end of a female version of my Dom self for a little while. I cant buy that and rarely get to talk to Dommes that i feel i have common ground with.

I did get in trouble commenting on the 21 replies a Domme in the personals got. I felt i was being polite and helpful but apparently others didnt and im sorry for that.

My comment was something to the effect, that she got plenty of offers from males apparently trying to be as generic and adaptable as possible. Im not saying theyr not allowed to be that way or that she shouldnt accept someone like that. But thats not what i look for in a sub and its not what i want to be for a Domme.

The point is slightly lost now with my post deleted and me living in europe only considering an online relationship anyways. But those were my five cents.

[Guera]

Lots of good information was lost, plus some silliness... I think FetishDJ mentioned that sub male physiologists are extra fun in bed, and I pointed out that mechanics are also very useful in bed. and other places.

[fetishdj]

Its all about what you can do to repair problems 'under the hood' :)

[Guera]

as well as routine maintenance, plus trouble shooting and diagnostics

[Keane]

I think many male subs are poor communicators, but i enjoy chat and getting to know someone. I tend to have pretty good relations with the people online. and i thank you all for your posts. If you want to be sucessful with any of the real Dommes here, you better learn how to communicate.
dave

I agree on that....

[Seri]

Or...just, to tip the otherside of the hat. Be yourself. Don't over communicate in your search. Just relax and be polite, there's no need to kneel to every domma. Just relax and let the ride take you. When it's time. Its time, there's nothing that any of us can do, and if you spend all of your time waiting and scraping your knees on the floor, then you are going to enjoy the ride a lot less the rest of us. In short. Be polite and be yourself.

~SeriBelle

[Guera]

at the same time, be prepared to spend some time on your knees, and not getting a thing out of it. you might want to have fun, but you get out of WIITWD, what you put in to it

[Seri]

Yes, of course. The trick is, to know when to kneel, and when not to. But I can't tell you how to know. That's something that every one just needs to learn on their own.

~SeriBelle

[wolfpup]

I'm a submissive male, but I play the role of a pet. I play the role as a wolf pup for my master, and I"m really into that. Even just eating out of a bowl has turned me on before.

[Guera]

I was talking to a friend, who is a male sub and really "gets the girls". He isn't especially special. He just wants to make sure that his domme has fun. It seems to work.

[moosehunter]

I'm a male submissive who has started several posts. The only time I recieved responses on my original which now is in the wrong catagory, dominants looking for submissives. I'm willing to most humbling activities and will try all types of self-punishment that shouldn't lead to serious injury. I'm married and my Wife does play with me from time to time.

So all I'm looking for here is ideas and online domination.

[SissySlut]

I'm trying to be an active male sub. It is hard out here, because SO many people want to be Dom's of females.

I think it's because male is "normally" the dominate role thats to society today, so when a inexperianced guy has to pick his role, 9/10 they will not choose sub, as it's "un-manly". Same with girls, I see a lot of female subs, who would be Domme's except for some reason, they think they can't be.

[IAN 2411]

SissySlut; I think you have got your facts a little mixed up, subs and Dom are not picked in a lottery whether male or female, it is normally a natrural accurence. A person is a sub for a multiple of reasons, but i doubt the being un-manly as you put it comes to my mind. I allowed my wife/Domme to be who she was, because at work i was master of my trade and master of my employees, to arrive home and give that up, and letting someone else take command if you like, has its own satisfaction. A person is a sub because they feel comfortable being in that position, but it does not mean that they are less manly than the body builder next door. As for female subs i would not dare to make assumptions, as they have their own reasons, and it might be better to ask them before making statements.

Regards ian 2411

[SissySlut]

SissySlut; I think you have got your facts a little mixed up, subs and Dom are not picked in a lottery whether male or female, it is normally a natrural accurence. A person is a sub for a multiple of reasons, but i doubt the being un-manly as you put it comes to my mind. I allowed my wife/Domme to be who she was, because at work i was master of my trade and master of my employees, to arrive home and give that up, and letting someone else take command if you like, has its own satisfaction. A person is a sub because they feel comfortable being in that position, but it does not mean that they are less manly than the body builder next door. As for female subs i would not dare to make assumptions, as they have their own reasons, and it might be better to ask them before making statements.

Regards ian 2411

Yes, but a lot of guys not experienced with BDSM just looking to get into the game naturally pick the Dom role, before they dive deep enough to discover their true nature, thats was i was saying.

[ravnseye]

I've only been a member here for less than a week. I have been masochist since before I knew what one was. For me, it took a great many years to get past the mask that society laid out for me. A few years ago, I accepted, and really started exploring who and what I was/am. Still, I do find it hard to be that in front of others, even in cyber space. In the really real world, I am about as redneck as it gets, more by the people in my life, and where I am and such. Since the first time I pinched my own nip while...er..."relaxing" I have known it wasn't something to talk about, because of what I was taught. Now, I try to get to know people, and read the situation, before I speak. So, for me anyway (I can speak for no other) it isn't a matter of hiding, it's a matter of assessing the place before I speak. I am a sub, and love being so. Give me time to know you, and soon you'll be telling me to shut up, instead of openup:26:

[VicSub]

I really like this post. I am very new to this forum, and was at first surprised that there was a lack of female dommes in the dom looking for subs thread.

It is my personal belief that life is all about balance. In my public life, due to the profession I have chosen, I have to be a very dominate, go getting personality. I find it very exhausting and have to have some me time (for a better term). In my last relationship I had a girlfriend that was very dominate in the bedroom but somewhat submissive in public life. This is how I found out how enjoyable it was to give some one else control.

Now I have decided to take the journey to discover this side of my life.

I know I have my fantasies, through reading the stories in the library. But it is my belief that to fully enjoy my submissive side I have to give up my needs to someone else. I hope that this website will help me do this.

[IAN 2411]

I really like this post. I am very new to this forum, and was at first surprised that there was a lack of female dommes in the dom looking for subs thread.

It is my personal belief that life is all about balance. In my public life, due to the profession I have chosen, I have to be a very dominate, go getting personality. I find it very exhausting and have to have some me time (for a better term). In my last relationship I had a girlfriend that was very dominate in the bedroom but somewhat submissive in public life. This is how I found out how enjoyable it was to give some one else control.

Now I have decided to take the journey to discover this side of my life.

I know I have my fantasies, through reading the stories in the library. But it is my belief that to fully enjoy my submissive side I have to give up my needs to someone else. I hope that this website will help me do this.


VicSub don’t spend the best part of your life looking for something that might not be there. Fem Domme come in all ways and they do not wear a lable, because most dont know they are Domme until their chance comes along. There are many Fem Domme out there in the world but to find the right one is the crux of the matter. My wife/Mistress was not one before we got married, it started off mild and i allowed her to go to the lengths she did, and it was that reason my marraige lasted. I was playing a game of submissive with her, but unintentionally she was being Dominant, she was getting her buz at the same time i was getting mine, it was a real game that neither of us realised we were playing. There is more to a Fem Domme/ male sub than beating a man into the ground, and at the end of the day, there is a far stronger loyalty to each other than in a vanilla maraige.

Regards ian 2411

[thir]

most dont know they are Domme until their chance comes along.
Regards ian 2411

Why would you think that?

[IAN 2411]

Fem Domme come in all ways and they do not wear a lable, because most dont know they are Domme until their chance comes along.


Why would you think that?

I didn’t explain myself very clearly and I apologise for that, I was in fact referring to Domme’s in vanilla marriages. While writing my BDSM books I try to keep the theme to scenarios that take place in real life, and then I place the most extreme consequences that could possibly take place. But most of the starts to my book are based on real life experiences, and although they are not my experiences they are as real as you would like to believe. I get my ideas from forums in magazines, reader’s letters of their journey over to the dark side. I have to admit that possibly 50% should be on a wish list, but there are a few that hit home, and it is those few that I work on. I have had two wives and I loved them both, the latter more than the first, but neither was Domme before marriage, but after a time their intentions were made known. The first wife went to extreme to show that she was Domme, but it never took place over night, and I knew that she was never like that before marriage. It was caused by talking to her friends saying things to her, and because I let her get away with little things, the power went to her head. As I did explain, Domme’s do not wear a label, and that is a fact, and I know from experience that a good Fem/Domme is very hard to find, and if you are looking for a certain type then it is almost impossible. I was very lucky in my second marriage that I found both, and it was all done so subtle that it worked, and at no time were my limits breached, and once again it was because I allowed her to take charge. What took place between my Mistress wife and I will never be open to discussion, because she passed away two years ago and I will never replace her.

Regards ian 2411

[thir]

I didn’t explain myself very clearly and I apologise for that, I was in fact referring to Domme’s in vanilla marriages.


Ok, thanks.



As I did explain, Domme’s do not wear a label, and that is a fact, and I know from experience that a good Fem/Domme is very hard to find,
[/quote

Well, neither does a sub, or a Dom for that matter. You have to look in the right places is what I think.

I have often got into discussions about how many there may be of each kind (subs, Dom(me)s, switches) and it seems to vary a lot, but again, in the right places there they ALL are :-)

[Slavejamesuk]

i have spent many years reading stories from the library, and only very recently registered for chat. I think many men are more interested in pictures, stories and cyber than in chatting to discuss s&m.

I have been submissive all my life, for many years only to women, and most of whom I had to pay for thier attention.

I have been fortuante to have had a couple of girlfriends dominate me, but both only did it for my pleasure and neither were dommes, but i did live for 8 years with a pro dominatrix and she really enjoyed her work.

I am now bisexual in s&m and this has really opened me to new areas of submission.

With regard to chat and cyber I was very good at impersonating a female sub and had lots of fun and many hours with an erection teasing myself for as long as possible, one handed typing gets better with practice.

Hope everyone enjoys their submission and domination.
Deepest respects
James

[wannabeslave]

i am a male sub who does not have an agenda. i have posted here a couple of times and some other forums, but gotten very little response.

[thir]

i am a male sub who does not have an agenda. i have posted here a couple of times and some other forums, but gotten very little response.

What do you want a response to? Have you got a question or a topic you would like to discuss?

[thir]

With regard to chat and cyber I was very good at impersonating a female sub and had lots of fun and many hours with an erection teasing myself for as long as possible, one handed typing gets better with practice.

Hope everyone enjoys their submission and domination.
Deepest respects
James

Did you do this impersonating because you cannot get answers as a male sub?

[wannabeslave]

i was simply commenting that i am a male sub as someone earlier claimed that we were hard to find

[thir]

i was simply commenting that i am a male sub as someone earlier claimed that we were hard to find

Ok. Glad to see you and others popping up :-)

[Slavejamesuk]

I impersonated because I had deep fantasy of being a female submissive
i could see myself as a female slave. But it is also true to say I found it easier to get cyber as fem sub. But when I was impersonating Suki
I did not act out my bi male fantasy
hope that explains
best wishes James

[Bernardobravo]

Hello everyone

Just joined the library. First try at posting ?? Does it work ???

[wannabeslave]

It doesn't work if you are a male sub trying to find a Domme. i guess they just don't believe us.

[spank_my_]

My personal experience...

I joined a week or two ago.

I had a look at the welcome postings and at the submissives seeking Masters forum postings. I noticed that female subs get quite a few responses, Male subs get very few, if any.

Undeterred, I posted a introduction and "seeking" messages. I got the few "welcome" messages which i did appreciate, but no interest (as yet) from a Domme.

My profile isn't a 200 page novel, but it is not empty either.

I will keep checking back, but i'm also looking elsewhere.

I guess that is what the other male subs did too.

Perhaps if i keep looking, i'll find where the other male subs have gone. Maybe i'll find the dungeon and my superDomme.

still hopeful
sm_

[denuseri]

Posting an add in the personals section or having a pretty profile is not the only or best way to attract a female dominant.

You need way more exposure than that.

Posting frequently and meaningfully in a wide variaty of places in the forums as well as participating in an adult and respectful manner in chat can help a lot more.

Attending functions within your local scene is also a good idea.

And as ian mentioned, you never know when you will find a woman out there who may feel willing to fill your needs.

[spank_my_]

Thanks Denuseri,

Your answer makes perfect sense.

however, it is a little daunting for a newbie to post in the forums and to participate in chat. I'm trying and so far had a wonderful welcome from everyone involved.

As i said - i'm still hopeful, but it seems to be a steeper uphill battle for male subs than female, so not surprisingly, fewer of us find what we are looking for here.

Don't misunderstand me - this is not a complaint, just an honest newbie male sub response to the question that was asked to start the thread.

sm

[IAN 2411]

Thanks Denuseri,

Your answer makes perfect sense.

however, it is a little daunting for a newbie to post in the forums and to participate in chat. I'm trying and so far had a wonderful welcome from everyone involved.

As i said - i'm still hopeful, but it seems to be a steeper uphill battle for male subs than female, so not surprisingly, fewer of us find what we are looking for here.

Don't misunderstand me - this is not a complaint, just an honest newbie male sub response to the question that was asked to start the thread.

sm

It might be a little daunting, but you are not going to find what you’re looking for by doing very little or nothing at all. Read the forums and post in the ones that you think you can learn from, or help. Go into chat and sit back and learn from others that are talking fact, just because you are there it does not mean you have to speak more that polite welcomes until you feel easy to join in. The hill is steep and not just for male subs, but life is full of compromising and you might have to do that to go forward. Denuseri has given you some good advice by telling you to get exposure of the correct kind, because all that a couple of posts will get you is forgotten, and you will be cast aside like the hundreds before you. Be remembered and talked about for the correct reasons. There is also real life to think about, there are what your looking for out in the world that are not on this site, and they are looking for you just the same as you are looking for them.

Regards ian 2411

[Bernardobravo]

It may also be that submission is a lot more arousing in fantasies than in real play ?

[Dryhill]

Oh god I hope not.

It has taken me most of my 60 years to realise that i am submisive and that there are others like me. It has taken me several years (since I learnt that it was ok to be submissive) to find the courage to start looking for a Mistress. So I hope real play can be as good as fantasies.

[IAN 2411]

Oh god I hope not.

It has taken me most of my 60 years to realise that i am submisive and that there are others like me. It has taken me several years (since I learnt that it was ok to be submissive) to find the courage to start looking for a Mistress. So I hope real play can be as good as fantasies.

Be very sure of what you are looking for, because there is more to being a male submissive than having a Mistress to worship. Loyalty, respect and devotion are all factors, but before you get even close to all those there has to be buckets full of trust travelling both ways. You might in the end find that your fantasies are nothing like the real deal, you might even find that you are not as submissive as you first thought, but there is no harm in pursuing a dream, as long as your expectations are not greater than reality.

Regards ian 2411

[Dryhill]

I think my submissive nature and trying to copy my fathers dominent role in his marriage was what led to my marriage breaking down.
I married someone with a stronger character than me but constantly tried to be "head of the marriage/family". Of course this led to disharmony. When I started to let my wife take the lead I felt happier with life but by then too much harm had been done to our relationship.

[Guera]

little tip: reducing yourself to nothing more than a role, ie "wannabeslave", is a turn off to many of us ladies (and gents too??) I don't mean to pick on wannanbeslave, lots of people do the same thing.

Anyhow, I think women prefer a more complex dynamic, and for a male sub to also be a person with a name (pretend though it may be), is good.

[fetishdj]

I think everyone is looking for depth in any relationship, especially BDSM where the choice of partner you make can have a more serious impact on safety and well being. It goes both ways... I am usually more suspicious of a Domme who comes across as 'uberDomme' than one who displays some level of humanity in her interactions - sense of humour, vulnerabilities and so on. The former may have something to hide (in some cases what they have to hide is that they are not really a Domme at all) whereas the latter is more likely to be a real person with real needs.

So, both sides need to be aware of how they come across to others. Especially in things like forum posts and e-mails where emotional responses are harder to convey.

[Guera]

"I think everyone is looking for depth in any relationship, "

that I wouldn't be so sure of. Esp. when it comes to sex or fantasy, which is all that some people (esp. online) are interested in. So, exactly like you said, when words are all we have to go by, emotion and conveyance are just somethings we have to guess at.

[IAN 2411]

I married someone with a stronger character than me but constantly tried to be "head of the marriage/family"

I believe this is fighting for control between two strong minds, and was inevitable that something was going to break, and I also think it has very little to do with Domination or submissiveness.



When I started to let my wife take the lead I felt happier with life but by then too much harm had been done to our relationship.

This statement does not mean you are a submissive either, are you sure that your brain never resigned to the fact that you were in a losing battle, and it felt more comfortable just giving up for peace. The fact that your marriage broke up could also be down to the fact that you did give up, and it was the continues battles with your wife that was keeping it alive. Is it really a Mistress that you are looking for, or another mate that is strong in mind that you would freely hand over power to? If this is the case then i advise you to be very careful, because sometimes people get more that they wish for.

Regards ian 2411

[Dryhill]

The fact that your marriage broke up could also be down to the fact that you did give up, and it was the continues battles with your wife that was keeping it alive.

Regards ian 2411[/QUOTE]

[Dryhill]

Sorry I cannot seem to work out how the quote thingy works. In response to ian 2411's remark about me giving up and my wifes battles keeping the marriage going. I suppose that could be the case but it was her that walked out leaving two young children behind. The comment about me wanting a Mistress or another mate, now that is a good question which I had better look at again. However it is not all about handing over power I would need to respect her.

Being a taxi driver 16+ hours a day I meet plenty who are only to keen to show how much more superior than me they are, mostly it is women. None like that, male or female, have had my respect. The reverse is true of those who show some concern about me waiting long into the early hours for them, or are willing to explain why their job has kept both of out to three or four in the morning.

Any way thank you for your comments, which I will have to go away and think about.

[Ozme52]

Sorry I cannot seem to work out how the quote thingy works.

Press the button that says quote.
Wait for the next screen.

Type your comments either before the quote or after the /quote.

[Ozme52]

Sorry I cannot seem to work out how the quote thingy works.

Press the button that says quote. :rolleyes:
Wait for the next screen. :1850:

Type your comments either before the quote or after the /quote. :dunno:

[Jennifer Williams]

Be nice, Oz.

The code needs to surround the text, it starts with [quote] and then ends with the same thing but there's a / before the word quote (I can't type it or else it will work and you won't see the code)

As far as your marriage falling apart, without more details I can't really say, but I had a similar experience where I tried to have a power-equal relationship with my little one for years and all we did was fight, argue, and be miserable. I kept on asking him things like "where do you want to go to eat," "what should we have for lunch," "what movie do you want to watch" and his answer was always "whatever you want," and I was so bent on making us be equal that I'd yell at him to have an opinion, and his response was always "but I just want to please you; I just want what you want."

This misery lasted years until I admitted to myself (and then to him) that yes, I really would much rather dominate and he just sighed and said "Oh, thank God. Now please just tell me what to make for dinner."

[fetishdj]

As far as your marriage falling apart, without more details I can't really say, but I had a similar experience where I tried to have a power-equal relationship with my little one for years and all we did was fight, argue, and be miserable. I kept on asking him things like "where do you want to go to eat," "what should we have for lunch," "what movie do you want to watch" and his answer was always "whatever you want," and I was so bent on making us be equal that I'd yell at him to have an opinion, and his response was always "but I just want to please you; I just want what you want."

This misery lasted years until I admitted to myself (and then to him) that yes, I really would much rather dominate and he just sighed and said "Oh, thank God. Now please just tell me what to make for dinner."

This sounds so familiar... in my case, I generally say 'whatever you want' because I know that whatever I say she'll do what she wants anyway :)

[Dryhill]

This misery lasted years until I admitted to myself (and then to him) that yes, I really would much rather dominate and he just sighed and said "Oh, thank God. Now please just tell me what to make for dinner."

Something like that, she would often be dominant in bed but was not interested for the rest of the time. Of course when kids come along it is not as easy, but I am sure others have found ways round that problem.

[Dryhill]

[QUOTE=Jennifer Williams;865277]Be nice, Oz.

The code needs to surround the text, it starts with [quote] and then ends with the same thing but there's a / before the word quote (I can't type it or else it will work and you won't see the code)

Great now I have got the hang of it. Thanks a lot.

[chuck]

{QUOTE=Jennifer Williams;865277}Be nice, Oz.

The code needs to surround the text, it starts with {quote} and then ends with the same thing but there's a / before the word quote (I can't type it or else it will work and you won't see the code)

Great now I have got the hang of it. Thanks a lot.Well You almost have it, Dryhill. In this case, you typed in the word "quote" bracketed by "[" and "]" in the text when you were talking about it. This caused the quote function not to work properly. (I edited your quote and used the curly brackets so it wouldn't screw up my entry). I'm always screwing up, so I take advantage of the "Preview Post" function to assure I got it right. Of course I have previewed then forgot to actually submit a reply and lost the post entirely... just something to keep in mind.

Another useful feature is the "Edit" feature that is available right after a post. (The edit button disappears after a while). It seems like I always have something else to say or have screwed up on my initial post and it gives me a way to correct it.

[Jennifer Williams]

Preview post is great. If you need more help with it, there is an entire tech question thread at the top of the forum and people will be happy to help you figure out how to make all kinds of crazy posts. :)

Back to the discussion at hand, just like anything else in life if you want something, you have to work towards it. "How to win over a Domme" is almost like asking "how to win over a girl". Pay attention to her; listen when she talks, remember what she says, take note of if what you do makes her happy or not. Repeat things that make her happy, do not repeat things that make her upset. Just like any girl. Except, well, the tasks before you might be very different...

Did I mention pay attention? My little one wins me over every day by just doing that. For example we were having a conversation, I mentioned to him in passing what my favorite movie was and that I always wished I'd owned the soundtrack to it. And then after our first date, there it was, the CD of that soundtrack sitting on the seat of my car. I never asked for it, he just gave it. He got nice rewards that night ;)

And if you're trying to win over an online Domme, the only way to do that is to talk to her. Just like in real life. Start with posting on the forum, then maybe move up to PMs, then maybe you'll get her email address, right chuck? ;)

[moonlitsub]

kind of funny how this discussion continued on even after I left the forum for awhile I had gotten into a relationship and been distracted by that and I definitely know all about trying to win over a Domme now. It seems tricky at times being submissive yet having the flirty nature. My Mistress would respond in equal to how submissive you where which was hard because I am kind of reactive as well but I think after awhile I learned a little bit of what to say and how to say it to make Her happy. Yet not seem too forward.

[lejonhjarta]

well... in the interests of not being a "lurker" or another silent male sub, ill toss my hat into the ring.
for me just starting on here (and just starting to realise what being submissive means), i find it can be quite intimidating and overwhelming on here, not intentionaly, but i somtimes worry about responding to a thread, about my feelings on somthing right after somone who's been a sub 24/7 for 8 or 10 years. it's not that i feel my opinions are invalid at all, but most of the time the posts i'm realy interested in have somone who's beaten me, (ouch, no pun intended!) to the punch by expressing what i would have in words so simple and eliquent that all i can do is shrug and be glad somone else understands and can articulate the expericen.

[thir]

most of the time the posts i'm realy interested in have somone who's beaten me, (ouch, no pun intended!) to the punch by expressing what i would have in words so simple and eliquent that all i can do is shrug and be glad somone else understands and can articulate the expericen.

But, since male subs feel or are so invisible here, why not say your piece anyway?

So you can find each other?

[lejonhjarta]

thir, that's why i posted that. i'm workin on finding my voice here :)

[didoanna]

Umm...from a very personal point of view, I think that the issue for males and 'submissiveness' isn't that members of the chatrooms don't want to chat or talk but rather as a non-pushy type, it is difficult to kinda 'drop in' to the conversations and 'little groups' on the forums.

I thought very long and hard about that when I first started visting the chat rooms & forums but I think thanks to the nice people on here I've spoken too, I can be far more open and honest about my submissiveness and my non-pushyness. I found it extremely difficult to open up and admit that I really couldn't cope with canings and being chained up as it made me really cry (as it does in real life relationships).

I think once I had been that honest in the forums and chat rooms, I seemed to 'connect' more both with Dominants and submissives whom I chatted with. I think though the first step, and I found it really hard, is to try and chat with people openly. I mean I felt, and it will sound very silly, very stupid when I first explained to people (who were openly talking about caning and stuff like that) that I just couldn't cope with that sort of pain and that I really wasn't very pushy.

Yes, now I get teased a bit for being not very 'fierce' but I find it much easier to talk in the rooms as I find it easier to discuss my 'non pushyness' with people of all status' who want to chat with me. I think the danger for some male submissives is that they still want to be 'pushy' even if the situation is clearly not meant for that.

Umm, I've probably not explained it very well, but hopefully, people will understand what I mean.

[thir]

Umm...from a very personal point of view, I think that the issue for males and 'submissiveness' isn't that members of the chatrooms don't want to chat or talk but rather as a non-pushy type, it is difficult to kinda 'drop in' to the conversations and 'little groups' on the forums.

I thought very long and hard about that when I first started visting the chat rooms & forums but I think thanks to the nice people on here I've spoken too, I can be far more open and honest about my submissiveness and my non-pushyness. I found it extremely difficult to open up and admit that I really couldn't cope with canings and being chained up as it made me really cry (as it does in real life relationships).

I think once I had been that honest in the forums and chat rooms, I seemed to 'connect' more both with Dominants and submissives whom I chatted with. I think though the first step, and I found it really hard, is to try and chat with people openly. I mean I felt, and it will sound very silly, very stupid when I first explained to people (who were openly talking about caning and stuff like that) that I just couldn't cope with that sort of pain and that I really wasn't very pushy.

Yes, now I get teased a bit for being not very 'fierce' but I find it much easier to talk in the rooms as I find it easier to discuss my 'non pushyness' with people of all status' who want to chat with me. I think the danger for some male submissives is that they still want to be 'pushy' even if the situation is clearly not meant for that.

Umm, I've probably not explained it very well, but hopefully, people will understand what I mean.

It good to hear about things that work :-))
Pain does not have to come into it at all, did you guys discuss that as well?
Nor does restraint of any kind.

About being pushy, do you mean as in getting into the conversations in the chat. I am not on the chats myself, but if there is a problem there with being a male sub, it would be good to have it discussed. The forums could do with some more male subs :-)

[didoanna]

Umm, the only time I get caned is if I really do something stupid such as drink alcohol without permission or choose to stay out late without letting them know where I am. As I've had major issues with alcohol in the past, these are rules set in my best interests but they are absolute boundaries....If I break them, I get a caning.

And where ever possible on a Sunday all of us sit down to eat lunch together. They both feel it is a sensible thing to do and I don't mind at all. Other than that, at the weekends I can plan to go out to the cinema and stuff with my two best friends.

The two people who run my life know I can't cope with being handcuffed or anything like that. It is purely a mental thing and I'd scream the place down if they tried to punish me in that way. So of course they don't....but they do know I love listening to music so I might loose the use of my MP3 player or music center in my room for a period of time. And travelling to work without an MP3 player is sooo boring. Likewise, I love Dorito's and Diet Coke and can find those luxuries stopped very quickly indeed if I do something wrong.

The key though is communication, I always get a chance to put my side forward before they (and I stress they) make a decision. Umm, I know it seems weird but it seems to work for us and that's pretty much my view of all lifestyles that people freely enter into...if it works for others, who am I to say. I should say though that I've got supportive friends which also helps a huge amount.

[bd1240]

as a bi-male sub and new to this site I'm hoping to meet a few DOMs. I've been with more male DOMS and unfortunately just one female DOM. Big problem is finding people who are serious, aren't crazy/deranged, and can understand schedules. i travel frequently enjoy serving people.

[IAN 2411]

well... in the interests of not being a "lurker" or another silent male sub, ill toss my hat into the ring.
for me just starting on here (and just starting to realise what being submissive means), i find it can be quite intimidating and overwhelming on here, not intentionaly, but i somtimes worry about responding to a thread, about my feelings on somthing right after somone who's been a sub 24/7 for 8 or 10 years. it's not that i feel my opinions are invalid at all, but most of the time the posts i'm realy interested in have somone who's beaten me, (ouch, no pun intended!) to the punch by expressing what i would have in words so simple and eliquent that all i can do is shrug and be glad somone else understands and can articulate the expericen.
Sites are only as intimidating and overwhelming as you wish to make them, the whole point of a thread is for a person to give their view. It does not matter if another has written the same as you were thinking, what counts is you telling them that you think the same way whether right or wrong and by doing so giving them your support. All 24/7 relationships are different and there are no set rules. I was 24/7 for 30 years as a submissive, but I never came home from real work and was hung like a bat overnight from the ceiling. Once my Mistress had children the D/s relationship was more like a few hours some nights and the odd weekend. I also had work away from home, and after a two day stint away I was to knackered to breathe let alone play games.

Be well Ian2411

[bd1240]

I'm a male sub--and I enjoy relationships, but looks like this site has a lot of people into pyscho-analysis. Does anyone here really have relationships? I'm sure I'll get lambasted but a good beating always feels good :-) Probably why I always end back at the gay sites with a good DOM gay male who just enjoys a good sub bottom. i'd love to meet a woman who enjoys dominating a man, I love serving a woman's needs--sexual and otherwise. I love kinky sex, but just doing what I'm asked to do is good too. Mistress, are you out there? Failing that, Master are you out there?

[thir]

This site also has a place for seeking partners. Here people discuss what they like.

[master baker]

I'm naturally a dom but I have had a hard break up with my last ... long-term relationship where i was her master but now I feel ... lost and after talking to one of my freinds who is a switch we talked about the idea if me being a sub this idea is ... strange to me and I was wondering if their is anyone here that can help me with this i am a fit and healthy 19 year old male willing to try anything once if your intrested please contact me
Thank you for your time
Master .... sub ? ... switch baker ?

[thir]

I'm naturally a dom but I have had a hard break up with my last ... long-term relationship where i was her master but now I feel ... lost and after talking to one of my freinds who is a switch we talked about the idea if me being a sub this idea is ... strange to me and I was wondering if their is anyone here that can help me with this i am a fit and healthy 19 year old male willing to try anything once if your intrested please contact me
Thank you for your time
Master .... sub ? ... switch baker ?

You'd have more chance going to the section where people seek partners.

May I ask why you are not seeking a new sub? Or giving yourself time to get over your relationship? That kind of thing does take time, just as with any other divorce or other bereavement.

[master baker]

It was 3 months ago and I'm not. Geting over it so I thought I would try and explore my submissive side as is something I have never really looked at or explored also its something i can devote my new life to
Matt

[master baker]

aand I'm not really looking for a dom here just someone with experience who can help me just talking mostly tho before I try anything

[thir]

It was 3 months ago and I'm not. Geting over it so I thought I would try and explore my submissive side as is something I have never really looked at or explored also its something i can devote my new life to
Matt

Good hearing.

Good luck with it.

[thir]

aand I'm not really looking for a dom here just someone with experience who can help me just talking mostly tho before I try anything

Ok, I understand. Could you say a little more about what your concerns/curiosities are?

[FaerieLytes]

posting here mostly because i like posting XD

so... i am a submissive female, who during her last longterm relationship was asked to top, weird right? ive always thought of it as something to the effect of "pleasing" my boyfriend at the time by doing as asked, and if that means topping for a night, well sure. but im off topic... anyways, he would never admit to it but he was quite happy being a sub, but only when HE wanted it, now ive seen male submissives, they are an interesting lot really but not that hard to find. it all depends on what kind of sub you want, the younger ones (anywhere from 18-23ish) tend to be more innocent and pliable, whereas the older ones have a set THING in their mind that they want USUALLY , ive met 50 year old innocent male submissives online as well. now keeping on topic, its wrong to call them sex hungry or looking for masturbatory aids SOME are like that but thats as bad as lumping all of us female submissive into the category "mentally unhealthy, probably crazy, slut" ect... there are alot of reasons that one submits, be it because they like it, because it works, or like most lifestylers ive met, because they had something happen to them in the early stages of development that though traumatizing caused them to seek out BDSM therapy(atleast thats what i call it... being in the submissive mind puts all my fears and anxieties to rest)

either way, yes male submissives are rare, not because they are all obnoxious but because half of them dont even know what they want or have no idea about the lifestyle or are afraid to show it because "men" are supposed to be the Dominant ones. :) like my ex, who now probably craves more than anything to find a Domme as good as i was for him but wont tell anyone because its embarrassing.

[damon]

Whats up

[thamlin]

i am a male sub and i am gay and trying to find a a Male Dom is proving hard anybody have any tips

[small ck sub]

Now I have only been on for a few months now but I been post blog's and forms and talking to a lot of ppl about trying to find a domm id like nothing better then to serve a woman but I gave up after a while on posting because I was getting nothing back

[small ck sub]

Thats sorta what I do now was well. That and its hard to be a full service submissive do to ny profession but online here is the only place I feel safe talkin g about my fanticies and desires because here everyone understands

[subpeter]

I think I might qualify as one of those "silent" male subs. I go into the chat room from time to time but don't last there for very long because I don't really know anyone and the people on there all seem to know each other and have a running dialogue that's very hard to break into. I do browse the forums and participate in the Task Academy (which is a GREAT idea!) but overall have noticed a fairly general lack of response to most places where I have participated. The Tasking Academy is great because It's been near impossible to find a domme who wants to chat because it seems like every time they raise their head they get hounded by a bunch of fake subs (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about).

I haven't migrated to another place because there isn't really another place for me to go and though this hasn't been a perfect fit, it's the best that I've found. The forums are a great resource!

[subpeter]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

I think that is what makes it especially difficult for a male sub since a lot of "Domme's" expect us to tell them what we want when I believe it should be the other way around! And please, no wig! Your hair is beautiful as is :)

[Chris the Great]

Oh, wow, this thread has been around for a while! I recognize some of the names from 2008 from other sites!

Well, in response to the OP, here's my story of being a new male subordinate:

My wife and i have been married for 15 years and we've been BDSM lifestylers for several years. We began as a Master/slave relationship complete with a blood-signed contract, and after a year or so we relaxed into a D/s S&M agreement where I was the dominant male. Everything was fine until I began drinking again, and occasionally i became an overly dominant ass when drinking heavily and i lost Her trust. I'm still drinking, but not as heavily. We decided it was time for a change a couple of weeks ago and now i am Her submissive beast and She is my dominant Princess. CLICK HERE FOR MORE OF MY STORY (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php/26624-Taming-the-beast-my-transition-from-Dom-to-sub?highlight=taming+the+beast)

Regarding the OP's comment of male subs being quiet here on the threads, i don't intend to be.

[arbysworld]

didn't see the actual date of this thread but definitely good reading in here went thru every page ever comment very addictive hehe. I'd say there are many great points made by some members but me being very new to this (bdsm) and this forum I felt a little butt hurt (phun intended) wink* by some of the comments made towards the new members or male subs. some of us new members or new to the life the style need somewhere to start, or need direction. I have learned more here in the last 4 days reading and chatting with a few members than I ever knew in my previous 32 years about what it means to really be a sub and to really give yourself to your dom.

just my .02 cents please don't persecute me for my comments I have no bad intentions for anyone on here. just want to help my cause of making educating my self about BDSM and make some friends here :)

arby-

[Chris the Great]

We're all still learning regardless of how much experience we have or lack
Don't let anyones poor attitude get to you. Rest assured the admins here won't allow much BS from what i understand.

[98tiller]

On the subject of the male subs having "fantasies", isn't that where we all started? We had a fantasy in our head and we wanted to find out if someone wanted to share it. Like it or not we were all noobs at one point and didn't know a paddle from a pair o' nipple clamps. The fantasy is usually the jumping off point for an interest in all forms of kink, some of the things that really turn me on now I didn't even know existed when I first started to explore.

I have mostly lurked on here for a while, I do not like chat as it is too superficial I prefer thought out responses rather than, I better type quick (I don't). I am not a natural communicator as I am a male, a New Englander, and Scottish).

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).

Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).

Is it not obvious that male subs are nervous about putting themselves out there? The first is look how "submissive" men are portrayed in society, they are certainly not valued and are usually shunned. On top of that how about having your deepest desires dismissed and crushed (and not in the fun way) by the very sub-culture of society that is suppose to understand?

Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.

[LooseLois]

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation)

That's about how I feel. The bdsm is a fantasy life. In real life I am not submissive and have professional job. I guess I created my persona to underline that fantasy element. It also makes it a lot easier for me to be kinky when it's obvious that I'm playing a role. Like an actor, I guess. Not that my profile is untrue. It is pretty true to my kinks and age and gender. But I ain't a fictional cartoon character from a non-existent RI town! But Lois's sassy sexuality is how I'd like to be in real life and there's plenty of kinky piccies of her on the web to attract the occasional male doms:rolleyes: I really just want to submit to other's fantasies while making sure they know the hot buttons of what really turns me on, so we both get a thrill from it. It makes a big change from being in the driving seat in real life. That's how I feel.

[Chris the Great]

Lovin the avatar Lois.

We realized that we were each struggling for dominance in our relationship before we even knew about BDSM. For us, the lifestyle is a way to cope with that struggle by clearly defining who is in charge and establishing the responsibilities and expectations of each other. To me dominance and submission is not about kinks, fetishes, etc. Sure, those things are enjoyable, but still separate from D/s. i believe that even vanillas participate in D/s at some level, they just don't know it.

I really like the comment that 98tiller made regarding society's view of male submissives, and media portrayal of males in general adds fuel to the fire. Men are depicted as dumb, fat, and lazy beer drinkers. How many times have you heard, "you can tell who wears the pants in that family"?

[98tiller]

There is no doubt that there are power roles in any relationship, it does not even have to be romantic. Most failed relationships occur when those roles are not fulfilled, one must lead and one must follow. My parents divorced (I was just a wee lad) because they both wanted to be in charge and make all the decisions. I have also seen many relationship die because no one wanted to make a decision, one is spectacular to watch and one just fizzles.

I think where you end up in the discussion we are having is when it moves to be combined with our kinks and fetishes. Many times the roles are reversed from the "outside" world in order to provide that escape from the mundane. I do not disparage people who "live" BDSM as a lifestyle I wish them all the fun and happiness it can provide. I just wish that they didn't put off the vibe that those of us that do not are not really into it. Just look at us as the "National Guard" of kink, a couple of weekends a month and two weeks a year to keep all our kinks up to date and fulfilled.

I agree with Strypi's Beast in that modern culture portrays men as drunks and dullards and then scratches their head (or more correctly other parts) and wonders why men pantomime the roles they see. Unfortunately for young men these days there are very few positive roles portrayed in modern culture and even fewer are based in realistic settings. Behavior has always been taught through first stories, then plays, and now movies and television. If the positive roles are not there then they will mimic the negative ones provided.

Alright now lets look for the off ramp from this tangent so we can back to the subject. Whose's lining up to tie me up and spank my ass.:cool:.

[thir]

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).


I think you may find that one reason some dommes ask this (me, for instance, I am a domme/switch) is that for some unaccountable reason in many places there seem to be quite a number of male subs for every domme. You tend to get contacted a lot by people who are eager to tell you in great detail what you should do to them, while what you (or at least I) want is a relationship, or at least a play partner. In other words, something mutual. I am not a service organ, but get approached as if I were, rather than a human being with own interests. Thus, the expression 'what will you do to please me' is often a way to weed out people who haven't given the idea of what the partner might want a second thought.

Secondly, BDSM are so many things, from care free play to dead serious submission, and again, the expression 'what will you do for me' is appropriate and useful if what you want is dominance and a sub who wants to serve.



Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).


There is no 'of course' in BDSM, we are a much too diverse bunch of individuals for that. So no, not everybody want a domme in costume, some do not have this fetich, others are more interested in the personality of the person than the outfit, and for some, who may want a more life-style kind of relationship, it is not relevant, at least not on a daily basis.

As for me, my self-respect is not depending on costume or no costume ;-)
We had a saying where I come from, that if you could not dominate someone either naked or in daily clothes, you should hang up your whips ;-)



Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.

Reach out! You have to be kidding, we are being flooded as it is!
As for the rest, I think you will find that on this site people do try to share experiences and help each other as best we can.

[98tiller]

I can understand you ideas behind the "what will you do" question is valid, from my own experience and personality is it doesn't even cross my mind to not please my partner. That goes for either vanilla or kink play.

My "of course" was not referring to BDSM, but rather to human nature in general in that we seek out what pleases us. The self respect was alluding to the fact that some Dommes (fortunately a minority) do not put the effort into being worthy of respect but rather demanding respect just because someone identifies as sub. Just as we have identified some who identify as sub for perceived easy sex so the same is true for the other side of the coin. This does not have to do with body weight, measurements etc... this is about the air in which they carry themselves and how they interact with the world around them.

Your saying is very apt someone who has a Domme's personality would give off and air or respect no matter the "costume" or situation, I fully it agree that that comes from the core of their being and not from any clothing.

When reaching out I was addressing the original statement of the lack of male subs and the resulting comment of the lack of communication from the ones who do show up. I was not implying that you should be a latex clad tour guide and school teacher (if you want to, I am game :wave:)

I have seen much in the way of good advice and guidance on this forum and it is a wonderful thing to find when you are exploring new feelings that are shunned in public.

I hope you did not see my comments as being negative towards anyone, I was just offering my opinion of what I saw when I first started to explore this lifestyle.

I have a saying too, "opinions are like a$$h0l3s, everyone has one and they all stink".

[98tiller]

And yes, I do need a proof reader/editor, all interested persons apply within.

[dwarfeedick(sub F/m)]

Hi , I'm relatively new here- I truly believe the female is superior to the male in so many ways. I don't want to demand anything- what the Dommes says goes- All subs have certain needs too and a good Domme is able to meet those needs without the sub topping from the bottom- important to build a good relationship before truly committing- this way each knows the other and can be satified- It is always important to meet the needs of the Domme as a priority, because they ARE the Dominant and it should be all about them. Submissives are able to satify the Domme much more when their having a need met, whether through humiliation which is my major key to subspace or whatever. May 2005 is my joining date but I have participated little till now.

[hellman]

well again i'm a new sub malehere and would like to say all the people her are great well most but you know you can not get on with them all like most have said befor me the chat room is a hard place to get in to some time and i for one find it hard to keep up as i'm a one finger trper and can not spell well so by the time i do post in there the chat has moved on or the one i'm chatting to goes but that said i do my best but i have seen and read alot of the sub males com on and if that they are looking for is not sat there waiting they go off but that my just be seeing thing but the is more to do with RL as this time most people just wont it all now now now but is they just slowed down and look a ruold they will see how lovely kinky it all looks and feels people forget that finding some one should be as fun as meeting them and i'm the tip of sub that just love of what is next what will my lady wont next that not know is so good and hard as i dont like not know thing i my of gone of the traks there ok back to my point if you stop looking and have fun you will find the one for you this is not a 100 meter run it is a nice walk in the park that you just got and dont know so look at it all

thank you reading this hope you get what i mean and i think some of the long timers should think about slowing some times it is fun just to walk :)