How should a sub say no to you respectuflly?

[BelovedPet]

I posted this in the sub forum and was asked to post it here as well:

Sir gave me a task that I did not want to do. He directed me to masturbate in front of him for thirty minutes with various toys while he watched me and had his morning coffee. I can appreciate wanting to have such a show as I love watching people masturbate, but I feel very uncomfortable being focused on like that. I would not have enjoyed myself at all, I would have felt very badly about not doing a good job because I felt so uncomfortable, and thirty minutes is a looooooong time for something like that. I probably would have ended up crying and being very upset. Masturbating is not a hard limit for me, but crying during sex is.

I refused to do the task in a very poor manner and have been duly punished. What is a good way to express my feelings about a task while being respectful? I would have been willing to start off with baby steps - like masturbating with one toy for five minutes and work up to what he wanted over time. How do I say that without 'topping from the bottom' as Sir put it?

Thanks!

b

[shayna{L_D}]

:cayvvotg: ive been wondering the same thing. Hope you get some good replies. :)

[Lisais mine]

this is an interesting topic. I would say that your Dom should be able to read you well enough to tell when you are going to balk at a task. I think one of the hardest things about Domination is knowing how to move towards your subs limits without crossing them.
I guess for me the game isn't about breaking my sub, but conditioning her. allowing her to find pleasure in the activities we do, providing that carrot on a stick to lead her where i want her to go.

It is also important for you to be truthful with your Dom. that is a huge part of the relationship. If your Dom doesen't know what it is that you want/like or hate/don't want, how can he make the scene good for both of you? clear communication outside of the scene can allow the Dom to create a truly wonderful experience for both of you, Imho.

[Euryleia]

In my experience, a lot of times when a sub is accused of topping from the bottom, it reflects more of the Tops insecurity than a particular failure of the sub. That being said, open and honest communication is essential in building a successful relationship. That includes talking about hard and soft limits, experience levels, likes, dislikes, fantasies and nightmares. You both have to talk and both of your opinions should be respected. Just because someone is a sub, does not mean that they no longer have the right to say 'no.'

However, that isn't really what your question is.

My response is this--be polite and speak clearly. Use ‘I’ statements. Keep the focus on the problem you're having, not on accusing or blaming the other person. Example: “I'm not comfortable with this scene. May we take a moment to talk about this?” instead of “You’re out of your mind if you think I'm doing that!”

I hope that helps.