having to be forced...

[flying66]

I came to a realization this morning... whenever I have intercourse with my Master it HAS to be a D/s dynamic...

the times when he tells me "I'm not your Master now, you don't need permission (to cum), we're just making love" or, you know, something along those lines... I'll call Him Master anyways... it's like, I can't give myself to Him as just me.

The D/s has to be there... as if I had no choice. I have to be on the bottom, or tied up or, if I'm on top , he has to be forcing me down with his hands...

when he has his fingers inside me, in my mind it's a violation... oft-times I say to Him "violate me" when I want him to finger me and I want Him to, it's all consensual but it is a violation... it's not just pleasure even if we aren't 'playing'. He can't do it to me without me being violated... there's no divide and intercourse is an extension of that violation.

I don't know what's the issue there... it's like I'm holding back and not truly giving anything to him so much as letting him take it whether he intends for it to be a scene or a play session or just ... us as we are.

[Ozme52]

Nothing wrong with any of that from my perspective.

Clearly...
it's like, I can't give myself to Him as just me. is an inaccurate statement, this is, for you, "just you."

Why "apologize" for being the submissive you are... you're lucky you found someone with whom you can indeed be yourself.

[Rivernymph]

I hope one day I can express myself like you did. I feel the same need to be "used" and "violated" like you described that wonderfull way. I hope you stay happy with your life. Happy 2009. Feliz ano novo

[DowntownAmber]

Like the other posters, I don't really see an issue here.

Now, if you feel a sense of shame stemming from your constant submission and the need to express it as you do, I strongly recommend that you explore where that comes from - attaching shame to activities that bring us pleasure can only end badly if left unexamined. Is it something within you that makes you wonder about your need to perpetually submit, or perhaps the pressures of friends and society?

Simply, there's no reason to be concerned about the needs and wants you have, but it may still be a good idea to examine why you think it's problematic or why you feel the need to question your identity.

[leo9]

I am just the same on the other side. I can make vanilla love when it's appropriate, but at some stage I have to think of it as rape or abuse, or it's just cold potatoes. That was what finally broke me up with my ex: even though I accepted her wish to drop BDSM from our love life, she knew me well enough to know it was still going on in my head, and she couldn't accept that.

It's nothing to be ashamed of: we are what we are. You should be proud that you can please your Master by going along with his wish for an occasional vanilla fuck, even though it's not really your thing.

[flying66]

DowntownAmber and leo9 I suppose that is the exact issue I feel like I'm having... that I can't have vanilla sex... even when He tells me we are.

hm... what is it like for 'nilla people when they have sex? how does one not feel like they are being violated when a cock is being thrust inside?

I think... those may be my true questions...

[leo9]

DowntownAmber and leo9 I suppose that is the exact issue I feel like I'm having... that I can't have vanilla sex... even when He tells me we are.
Since you're not posting this behind his back, he must know that you have to turn it into violation in your head in order to enjoy it. So you're doing it the way he wants in order to please him, like a good sub; what's not to like?


hm... what is it like for 'nilla people when they have sex? how does one not feel like they are being violated when a cock is being thrust inside?
I guess it's the difference between letting in a guest and having an intruder kick down the door. And people who don't like having guests do experience every visit as an intrusion.

[Mr_Clock]

hm... what is it like for 'nilla people when they have sex? how does one not feel like they are being violated when a cock is being thrust inside?

I think... those may be my true questions...

That question reminds me of a joke. It's about a man and a woman talking about who enjoys sex more. I forget what the man said, but the woman asks when your ear itches and you scratch it with your finger what feels better your finger or your ear?


I guess the answer may be it's like an itch thats being scratched.

[Arria]

I wouldn´t worry about you being the way you are... I am much the same.

But I agree that you should try and find the reason why you think something is "wrong" with you, and eliminate that reason.
Could it be that this "you can´t do it NORMAL"-issue stems from prior vanilla relationships? (I know it was like that for me.)

What does your Dom comment on that?

[flying66]

Arria that makes me feel better ^_^ knowing I'm not the only one who feels that way... and thanks to everyone else who is trying to convince me it's normal lol

to leo9, my Dom doesn't know actually, I haven't had a chance to call Him recently... the holidays and all so we're both busy but I am anxious to talk to Him about it >.<

though, knowing Him, He probably has already guessed it, He's really intuitive like that...

[Logic1]

I like "nilla" sex just fine but there sure is something missing and that something is the D/s element. I totally understand what you mean and your Master has to be one lucky guy to have such a girl at his side.
Even if Me and my girl are just having plain sex I am holding her down for her and My benefit :)

[Flaming_Redhead]

I came to a realization this morning... whenever I have intercourse with my Master it HAS to be a D/s dynamic...

That's usually the way it works. *smiles* The dynamic doesn't stop just because you're not scening. It's always there. It's who you are.

To me, there should be no such thing as vanilla sex with a dom. It has to be kinky to be satisfying. That's why I'm with a dom and not a 'nilla guy, right?! If we have "normal" sex too many times in a row, which is only about twice, I begin having difficulties, i.e. vaginal dryness and inability to achieve orgasm. I just can't do it. While we might not always have time for a full-blown play session, he now tries to always incorporate something whether it be placing his hand over my nose and mouth, holding me down, pinching my nipples, or talking dirty...usually a combination of 2 or more. Also, I can't be on top without having dommy feelings. It must show....'cause he hurts me more in that position than any other. heh heh

So, you know you're not vanilla....I don't really see what the problem is.

[StormKat]

Also, I can't be on top without having dommy feelings. It must show....'cause he hurts me more in that position than any other. heh heh

Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one whose dominant streak comes out when I'm on top! And it's totally just about my favorite way too. It's great when I'm riding a subordinate guy, just exactly the way I want it, but I learned from a very alpha man that being on top does not necessarily equate to being in charge...

[satisfied]

Whether or not this is "normal" thinking is all a matter of perspective. As most things are. In a room full of vanilla people, you are not normal. We are all fucked up from their point of view. I'm cool with that. I've always loved being the freak in the group. LOL.

Around here, you are totally normal. I love it best when Master is "forcing" me. When he walks into the room and grabs me by my throat and forces me into the position he wants. *fans myself* I get all worked up just thinking about it. (he he he) It reminds me that I am his slave and really he can take what he wants when he wants. We do both have the ability to make love, but even that I wouldn't classify as vanilla. I have a deeper emotional connection with him than I have ever even come close to in any vanilla relationship. That alone makes sex so much more even when we are not being rough.

Cheer up! None of us are normal according to 90% of the population. Just own it! I do.