GaryWilcox
04-07-2002, 10:11 AM
I'm loathe to give out perfect scores, but when something comes along this good, I *have* to acknowledge it.
In the "Favorite BDSM Libray Authors" thread, I mentioned how I was unsure if some of Kallie's recent offerings were new work she was hatching, or if, like Parker, these stories have been done for some time and are waiting to be offered up, one by one.
What's clear is, the work that has emerged this past week has been experimental and a good exercise for a growing talent. With "Cyber", she's getting into everyone's perspective. We know the villain of the piece with the same familiarity as the hero. This can be off-putting, but Kallie's very graceful, and she hit a home run.
My complaints, and there are very few, are:
1. I want more! I think this short story could be a novel, if you started with her time at the airport and had her recall the entire relationship, from first meeting to the planning stages, and he did the same. I'd love to learn all about the hero of the piece and what makes him tick. I'd also love an epilogue.
2. Show don't tell moments: Roger Porter's mental recollection of the events that lead uop to this makes great exposition for a short story, but I'd rather see the facts he's remembering so I can believe in it more than just know about it. Personally, I'd love more concentration on memory, recalling things as they were in his mind that led him to capture her.
3. Next time, for a challenge to perspective, give an animal's unthinking, not understanding perspective
4. Getting back to Roger, in epilogue, I'd like to learn more about him, and the other girls he's taken. Is this his second girl, or were there others? Did the other girl(s) come from SLC?
As for what was exceptionall good:
Tone/Plot
I felt that Cyber was lurid rather than erotic, but honest and a refreshing way to read stories in the genre. This reads more like a Stephen King novel than the average "he fucked the beautiful blonde fuckslut" BDSM.
Ever read James Patterson's "Kiss The Girls"? (That's the Alex Cross novel that was made into a Morgan Freeman/Ashley Judd thriller a few years ago.) When Patterson gets into the villain's darker fantasies, "Casanova" forces a woman to take a snake in her rectum as a means to stretch her for his own pleasure. He never got into why the woman didn't try to kill the intruding snake. It was maybe five paragraphs of action before the scene cut away to the heroes of the piece, probably because it was a bit more hardcore than the average Patterson fan could stomach something that vulgar.
The result is a quick, lurid snapshot of a woman being forced to accept a snake into her ass, instead of really understanding the event from both perspectives. We miss seeing him experience pleasure at her suffering, and we miss experiencing her horror at the ordeal... what happened after, as Casanova coaxed the snake back out of her body and what words he might have exchanged with her. (This is probably the result of the fact that Patterson has never actually seen the act performed and didn't want to make an inaccurate statement.) When we next see his victim, he's hanged her for refusing to play into his hands, but we never get to see her struggle, her defiance. She chooses death over acceptance, but we only see what the author cares about-- how her death effects Naomi Cross, who wants to live through her ordeal and surrenders.
Locations
Kallie is great at using places in her story that seem real. I don't know if there's a Eagle Range, but I can 'see' it through her writing.
And so, Kallie's "Cyber" is either the second or third 10 rating I've given.
Kallie, stop giving your work away. Someone will pay very dearly for this. Give us the scraps you don't feel are worty of selling, and start looking for a publisher.
In the "Favorite BDSM Libray Authors" thread, I mentioned how I was unsure if some of Kallie's recent offerings were new work she was hatching, or if, like Parker, these stories have been done for some time and are waiting to be offered up, one by one.
What's clear is, the work that has emerged this past week has been experimental and a good exercise for a growing talent. With "Cyber", she's getting into everyone's perspective. We know the villain of the piece with the same familiarity as the hero. This can be off-putting, but Kallie's very graceful, and she hit a home run.
My complaints, and there are very few, are:
1. I want more! I think this short story could be a novel, if you started with her time at the airport and had her recall the entire relationship, from first meeting to the planning stages, and he did the same. I'd love to learn all about the hero of the piece and what makes him tick. I'd also love an epilogue.
2. Show don't tell moments: Roger Porter's mental recollection of the events that lead uop to this makes great exposition for a short story, but I'd rather see the facts he's remembering so I can believe in it more than just know about it. Personally, I'd love more concentration on memory, recalling things as they were in his mind that led him to capture her.
3. Next time, for a challenge to perspective, give an animal's unthinking, not understanding perspective
4. Getting back to Roger, in epilogue, I'd like to learn more about him, and the other girls he's taken. Is this his second girl, or were there others? Did the other girl(s) come from SLC?
As for what was exceptionall good:
Tone/Plot
I felt that Cyber was lurid rather than erotic, but honest and a refreshing way to read stories in the genre. This reads more like a Stephen King novel than the average "he fucked the beautiful blonde fuckslut" BDSM.
Ever read James Patterson's "Kiss The Girls"? (That's the Alex Cross novel that was made into a Morgan Freeman/Ashley Judd thriller a few years ago.) When Patterson gets into the villain's darker fantasies, "Casanova" forces a woman to take a snake in her rectum as a means to stretch her for his own pleasure. He never got into why the woman didn't try to kill the intruding snake. It was maybe five paragraphs of action before the scene cut away to the heroes of the piece, probably because it was a bit more hardcore than the average Patterson fan could stomach something that vulgar.
The result is a quick, lurid snapshot of a woman being forced to accept a snake into her ass, instead of really understanding the event from both perspectives. We miss seeing him experience pleasure at her suffering, and we miss experiencing her horror at the ordeal... what happened after, as Casanova coaxed the snake back out of her body and what words he might have exchanged with her. (This is probably the result of the fact that Patterson has never actually seen the act performed and didn't want to make an inaccurate statement.) When we next see his victim, he's hanged her for refusing to play into his hands, but we never get to see her struggle, her defiance. She chooses death over acceptance, but we only see what the author cares about-- how her death effects Naomi Cross, who wants to live through her ordeal and surrenders.
Locations
Kallie is great at using places in her story that seem real. I don't know if there's a Eagle Range, but I can 'see' it through her writing.
And so, Kallie's "Cyber" is either the second or third 10 rating I've given.
Kallie, stop giving your work away. Someone will pay very dearly for this. Give us the scraps you don't feel are worty of selling, and start looking for a publisher.