submissive or masochist Dom?

[buffalo1]

I don't know if I am a submissive or a masochist Dom. I am excited by being tied up, mild cbt and nipple torture among others but I am not into slaving, humiliation, bootlicking, etc. While exciting someone else can be a real turn on, that's not everything for me. I like the idea of feeling the effects of the torture the next day. I often tie myself up for masturbation and use a dildo and occasionally electro but it's hard by myself. I've considered building a machine with a mind of its own. There's added excitement to someone else at the controls. Is there a name for this role so I can advertise more easily? I don't want to disappoint. Thanks.

[fetishdj]

Everyone has different likes and dislikes. Not every sub likes bondage and not every Dom likes tying people up... the important thing is to find someone who has the similar likes and dislikes to you.

[Velvet Rush]

I have to say I struggled led with this same issue myself. Somehow when you say you are masochistic people seem to automatically put you in the submissive category. When I came back to the BDSM lifestyle I couldnt label myself submissive but didnt know if I was Domme either. I have since discovered I am not really Dom or Sub, I am a sadist with masochistic leanings...how better to understand what your partner is feeling then to have it done on yourself. The sounds of whimperng and groaning while playing with him is an amazing turnon, but I cant turn that into sex without some pain myself....Does that make me submissive? no... it just means we are Sadist/masochist. There is more then one style of BDSm and for some D/s isnt their area. So many people think you have to have D/s and need to have others catorgorized into sub/dom/switch so they know. But thats why I say "Other". S/M isnt always D/s. Sorry if I rambled but I hope it helps you at least a little. :D

[fetishdj]

It was for many of the above reasons that I labelled myself a switch for many years and I think a lot of those who are switches have similar feelings. I later realised that I was useless as a Dom (as many on this forum already know, having heard the tale many times - I was too nice and not nice in a nice way :) ) so decided to concentrate on being a sub.

However, I still get turned on by the thought of women tied up and gagged despite also liking that myself.

It is human nature to be contradictory...

[DIXIE LASS]

It is human nature to be contradictory...

It sure would save some of us a hell of a lot of heartache if we just remembered this monumental mega-profundity more often. Really good one, fetishdj. So simple and elemental we overlook it.
I don't know if I am a ................. Is there a name for this role ..................


I have to say I struggled led with this same issue myself. But thats why I say "Other".

"Other" is good. Great label. But of course it is only human nature for me to think this. Buffalo1, you're in good company. There's a whole bunch of us who don't know exactly what we are either.

On a more serious note, buffalo1, you might want to read up on this site and some bdsm informational type sites about the more classical definitions of "Top" and "Bottom". That helped me understand myself a lot better. And I'm sorry that I can't give you the names of any of them now. But I think googling "bdsm information" and/or "bdsm glossarys" ought to get you where you need to go.

DIXIE

[fetishdj]

The trouble with 'other' is that is reinforces some stereotypes about switches - the 'misc other', do what you want, change mind in the middle of a scene view which is generally inaccurate. Of course, it is difficult to work out a better label.

Top and bottom are good labels as well as they do tend to describe the need for kinky sex without the requirement for submission or dominance. In fact, in a relationship between two switches you may sometimes see one being Top for a scene and the other the bottom then the next time they play they change places. Thats what switch means, technically, you switch roles depending on circumstances (personal feelings, the person you are playing with, the rota you set etc)

[GrandMaster]

Everyone has different likes and dislikes. Not every sub likes bondage and not every Dom likes tying people up... the important thing is to find someone who has the similar likes and dislikes to you.

This is true. Me and my sub both agrees that it's hotter to NOT tie someone up when they are beeing whipped for example. Means they have to hold position with no help from ropes and the like! While others consider bondage an integral part of bdsm.
And yes everyone into bdsm likes really different things, can handle different levels of pain, finds different things humiliating etc etc. So I'll have to repeat that the important thing is finding someone who shares your interests and needs.