Dilemma

[Kibbick]

Note: This is written from a male-dom/fem-sub point of view, for clarity and brevity.

I propose an interesting lifestyle dilemma, and wonder if any have experience with it… It appears to me that as a lifestyle submissive gets better and better the dominant must spend less and less time training her. This can certainly be delayed by becoming stricter, but as she asymptotically approaches ‘perfect’ there is less and less that needs to be done about training her, and she meanwhile spends more and more time thinking of and acting for him. It appears to me that this would result in an unbalanced, non-reciprocal relationship, where he is more important to her than she is to him. Does this happen? Why or why not? What can or should one do about it?

[woodsman'sgame]

If he loves her, I would think this "perfection" of her role would not be a problem. He still needs to devote time and attention to her, satisfying her emotional and sexual needs. If she is a masochist, then he needs to satisfy those needs also. I would think if he began to neglect her, she might resort to bad behavior to get the attention she craves.

The main thing to remember is that complacency in everyday life and laziness in the bedroom will kill any relationship, vanilla or BDSM. Both partners need to make an effort to keep their relationship important and alive and explore new areas from time to time.

I speak from 31 years of being married to the same man (33 years of having him as my partner). It's been a rocky road at times, but at least we've kept it interesting.

[esclava]

I don't see level of training and level of importance to be at all related. But I do see a few issues here.

First, is training really EVER completed? Most human beings learn and grow and evolve over time. Even dominants. :D So, as a dominant's tastes and desires evolve, so would the training of his slave.

Second, does the goal for the relationship center only on training, or on enjoying the results of having a slave who has reached that "perfect" ideal? There are some dominants out there who seem to have a primary focus of training (or fixing, in some cases), and it does seem that once the fix is done, the glow seems to wear off.

OTOH, there can be the objective of enjoying the fruits of one's labors. Master and I have been together for over 5 years now...the last 2+ living together. From conversations we've had over this time I know our goal has been to get past the adjustment period so we can be comfortable and just enjoy each other. Yes, I focus on him and his needs, do my best to serve him in the ways I know he expects. I most certainly do not feel neglected or unimportant. I'm quite sure of my importance to him, as well as his importance to me.

I think of it as balance, but with the fulcrum being offset...I carry a heavier load, but he exerts more force. ;)

[Jones, Nikka]

...but as she asymptotically approaches ‘perfect’ there is less and less that needs to be done about training her, and she meanwhile spends more and more time thinking of and acting for him. It appears to me that this would result in an unbalanced, non-reciprocal relationship, where he is more important to her than she is to him. Does this happen? Why or why not? What can or should one do about it?

It does not happen. I would assume that a master with a slave approaching excellence in her training (since perfection is obviously impossible) would actually be more and more interested in:

expanding her limits
enjoyng the fruits of said training
nurturing his prized posession
showing her off
giving her that which motivates her. (love, attention, sex, pain, humilliation, etc)

Besides, a slave that feels neglected by her master will probably rebel in some way, therefore regaining her master's attention. (Even if it comes in the form of punishment)
As a submissive, I am far from being well trained, but my relationship with my partner is such that we see no end to the learning and growing that is still in our future.

[Wontworry]

I think of it as balance, but with the fulcrum being offset...I carry a heavier load, but he exerts more force. ;)

That is very well put, esclava.

From a Dom's perspective, I can't see how the "training" period would ever end as I seem to continually be able to think of new variations for My sub. This is perhaps helped by the fact that I am also a sadist and enjoy giving her pain merely because I wish to do so. The occasions on which punishment or training are the reasons for My sub receiving pain are actually fairly few.

I doubt My sub would describe herself as well trained and while we aim to improve her submissive ways, this is not the reason for our relationship. Nikka's point about "learning and growing" is also valid for us.