Advice! I'm lost on this one, lol

[thegirlwonder]

Alright, story: i have a friend, we'll call her A. She's a pretty close friend, but also someone i work with (which isn't as big an issue as you might think -- theatre people work a little differently than most...) AND she's completely into me. And not just me; A is completely a closet lesbian, and is just figuring this out. She was raised pretty conservatively, but as we got closer she found out about my past girlfriends, etc... once we even skipped class to check out the local strip club. (She's a hoot, lol, but SERIOUSLY)

We've also talked about some of our turn ons, etc... She's mentioned wax, blindfolds, rope bondage, and other fairly kinky things, so naturally that twisted little light in my head screams BDSM! However, if she's just now figuring out she's brave enough to maaaaaaybe try and tell a few friends she's gay (and is totally open to me hooking her up with a girlfriend, btw) -- should i press the BDSM button? With her background, i'm pretty sure she has no idea there's a name for what she's into... but even without knowing about the lifestyle, she's more or less asked me to Domme her before ("Can I be your girltoy?" oh lord... let it be said that i'm like 0% Domme, lol)

i just don't know what to do with her! Everytime she gets drunk i pretty much have to pry her hands out from under my shirt (as Sir chuckles, lol.) i'm afraid when i leave in the summer she's not going to have much of a support system; she's surrounded by conservative thinking, and while we work in the least conservative part of it all, i still wouldn't say the community is radically accepting. Any advice would be super appreciated =)

[shayna{L_D}]

i'm afraid when i leave in the summer she's not going to have much of a support system; she's surrounded by conservative thinking, and while we work in the least conservative part of it all, i still wouldn't say the community is radically accepting. Any advice would be super appreciated =)

you just gave yourself advice right there. If she is just coming outa the closet and she is newly into BDSM, then thats a double virgin whammy. Sadly its hard for virgins to let go. and if you are leaving in the summer, then you better be perpared for her to be c l i n g y!

are you even into her at all?

[satisfied]

I would tell her. It seems that when people are into our stuff and then they discover there is a name for it they are like.....I've come home!!!

She will probably need this support system.

[thegirlwonder]

are you even into her at all?

Um, besides the fact that i'm thoroughly taken XD-- but no, not really. i mean she's pretty and all... but no, lol.



And i suppose that's true sati... but at the same time am i supposed to be like "Tada! This is BDSM; i know you're having a hard time with the whole gay thing, but here's something even less socially acceptable" ?! LoL, i just can't find a scenario in my head where that would go smoothly! Where do you start?

[satisfied]

Tell her that all the stuff she is describing sounds like the kind of stuff you are into and there is actually a whole lifestyle built around it. Then if she asks questions.....answer them.

[anniedoe]

I think satisfied is right. I'd start by telling her how you have some common interests. maybe tell her about some experiences and answer any of her questions. Make sure if your are going to pursue it to take it slow. Speaking as someone who was virgin, and very new to everything, when I first discovered the world of bdsm it can be extremely overwhelming at first. Ant it will probaly help her to know that there are others who are interested in the same things. Especially knowing that one of her good friends is one of those people. Good luck.

[thegirlwonder]

Tell her that all the stuff she is describing sounds like the kind of stuff you are into and there is actually a whole lifestyle built around it. Then if she asks questions.....answer them.

Awesome! i suppose i have trouble beating around the bush, i'm usually very blunt. And she loves asking questions -- =) thanks sati!

[DiablosLittleOne]

I almost wonder if she's not feeling you out to see what you know about the scene? But who knows. It's still not acceptable to be openly gay in many places and so many people have stereotypes such as "gays people are into kinky things", she might assume they go hand and hand and is looking for input or support. Maybe next time she brings up a little kink you could say "I know this really great site....." She'll have an in without you being completely blatant about it and you can see where it goes from there. Good luck. :)

DLO

[snowflake]

i agree with sati and DiablosLittleOne comments hun.. if you let her find out on her own and you have already left then where will the support be..?? At least right now you could direct her to this site and even after you leave she will find comfort here ...

If you don't know how to approach bringing her here .. you coudl always gt her near a compute and bring the site up telling her it is a place you frequent all the time and the friends you have ..and what the site is about letting her know you are into this sort of thing to .. so there won't be any more beating around the bush and she knows it is ok to open up to you .. just as she has over the lesbian issue...

just my thoughts good luck

hugs
snow

[SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN]

Well I'm going to throw in my 2 cent here. Based on what you are saying your friend has picked up on your STYLE to some extent. You aren't comfortable bringing her in, or confiding in her totally. Yet you aren't tolally negative to the concept, within reason. Well take it easy and direct her here as Dail. said. She'll probably go ape know about this site, and you will be her hero. Plus you and your friend can be friends as you move on if You want to.