Begging

[damyanti]

This is not a philosophical question....this is a How To question.

It has been brought to my attention that I dont know how to do the docile, contrite thing... how to be beg...basically how to ask for things in a submissive manner. (what a shock, ;))

I have never done it before. I have been "trained" to lead, to be in charge, to take control, to not show vulnerability...so my instinct is to try to take control back.

Its not that I dont want to, I am simply lost as to how to. So my question is: how do you do the whole begging thing, asking for things in a submissive manner?

What do you say? Examples, please!

:wave:

[BelovedPet]

I'm not particularly good at it either but being on my knees helps me. That and keeping my eyes downcast. Once I had to beg to worship Sir's cock at least three times in an evening. I found that repeating the exercise made it easier to let go of my pride and be more sincere.

Good luck.
b

[HisButterflySlave]

When I'm begging, I get as close as I can to Master's feet, kissing his boots, begging, lots of "Please"'s, lots of whimpers...When I'm REALLY wanting something, I'll show tears. But when I do that, sometimes Master will give me a reason to cry...So it backfires. I'll also say things like "I'll do ANYTHING"...When Master's eyes light up from me saying that, I know I'm in for some 'anything'. Childish looks work a lot of the time as well. But in certain moods that Master gets I have to be careful that Master doesn't give me a reason to give that look.

[Arria]

Excellent thread, damyanti, thank you so much for it.

I am at a complete loss there as well.

As I am way too proud for my own good, I never considered begging. Neither did hubby request it. (I can beg him to _stop_ something, or beg him _not_ to do something... but the begging _for_ something is nothing that would go over my lips easily.)

However, I found myself fancying and trying things online that I would not have considered up to now in r/l. Much of it goes in the humiliation direction. :-)

But I still am at a loss when I get asked to beg for something. I feel like an analphabet who gets ordered to read aloud in front of the whole class. *ugh*

It is the worst when my first attempt is followed by something like "you can do that better". Did I mention I have issues with my pride getting in my way? What that sort of demeaning comment gets people in r/l is usually an angry look and a "fuck off and do it yourself if you think you are so much better at it".

*shrugs* I hope for more enlightening posts in this thread.

[snowflake]

Knowing what it was i was begging for would help in an explanation but..

on knees helps as mentioned before with eyes casted down but peeking up sadly as i beg helps.. describing the item and action that i want like~ pinwheel~= "i so need to feel the sharp teeth as they bite into my skin hungering for my blood.. i so need to feel it's touch to feel it dig deeper into me " but also explain how i am probably not deserving of it and how it would be so kind if you allowed me such pleasure and enjoyment and how i would love to please you in showing how much i am willing to take for you... but only if it all truly pleases the one i am begging for... and how i hope you would please find it in yourself to allow me such a joy and thrill as to have it done to me... in the midst of this there would be puurrs whimpers and a lot of pleases...

I would not expect it to happen the first phrase nor the second but actually have to work for it if it is a true begging .. With the person that is deciding leading me on .. with i know you would but are you deserving ..have you truly been good .. i just don't know .. hmm well maybe.. it is like a play session in itself if you chose it to be .. not just one or two lines matter how bad you want the person to suffer and plead and of course beg .. groveling helps as well..

Just my opinion
{just don't tell Master or Sir ..giggles.. i do like to play stupid at times}

hugs
snow

[TheVampireMistress]

From a Dominants point of view, begging for something verbally would have to be "please". It's not ever the repetition that makes it satisfying but the tone. If something is asked in a "proper" tone then it appears to be more satisfying. Whimpers, moaning, purring, and gestures are all submissive and encourages. Kneeling is a good gesture so is the lowering or cast off of eyes. Another thing is a teasing look. One where the submissive looks up slightly then immediately looks down. It indicates the need to please the Dominate despite her/his own needs.
Light nuzzling, nibbling, asking simply for permissing to do something and having a submissive posture are all other ideas. Doing something that the Dominant really likes. For example, I have a hair fetish and a good way to beg me for something would be to kneel and to accent with her hair being down around her shoulders in a pleasing way. All of this contributes to the beg and submission to that Dominant in particular.

[Arria]

Ok - I can do the sounds and the gestures and the looks. I just suck at the verbal part. *takes notes*

[Skarlet]

I'm a huge fan of begging with my eyes...I can't exactly explain that part but the "please's" and "thank you's" are good. I always find that by doing some submissive gesture: the previously mentioned eyes down, or boot/foot kisses, head on the floor, or for me putting my cheek on his inner knee and then clearly asking for what I want...then add a whimper or two for good measure :P

[snowflake]

Ok - I can do the sounds and the gestures and the looks. I just suck at the verbal part. *takes notes*

giggles

then flings my hair letting it fall loose as i look up at Jade... purrr..allowing it to flow as i always do when i see her..winks

[symphony]

I worry about sounding silly when I beg but lately I have realised that what I thought sounded silly to me doesnt actually sound silly to him and then it diddnt sound silly to me either... if you follow me!

relax and it will get easyer

[Stone]

Like i am going to tell you subs how to beg properly lol....good luck

[denuseri]

Looks at Stone and goes "pfft"

Some one has to teach, if not.... you never learn.

Good begging has to come from the heart.

Just like real submission.

If it doesnt come from deep inside its just an act and most preceptive dominants (those that arent totally thinking with thier libidos) will quickly see through any "false pretenses".

It really helps if the thing your asking/begging for is something only your dominant can give you and not somthing you can expect to recieve anyway with a demand or take for youself etc at some later time.

My best advise is to start small with any "training" in this department.

Try placing yourself litterally at your dominants mercy in practice a few times.

Before you can teach your mind to be at his mercy during relaxed "play" etc it does help to actually know what its like to really be "there" totally dependent on him.

There are several ways to do this (some more fun than others) like :

One obvious and somewhat extreme way involves breath play, nothing will give you scincere begging like taking your "air" away etc.

Of course this might not be your cup of tea.

The dominat could tie you in a very compromising and perhaps uncomfortable if not painful position and you could practise by begging for release from the position upon the condition that the pain be increased or mery not be granted until you sound sufficintly sincere.

The threat of simular punishments could allways be held over you in those cases when you are not being ernest enough in the future (six wacks to the clitoris for each infraction with a thin crop is very effective from personal experience).

I well remember the first time the "slut get right" stick (lol not kidding thats what I call his cane) was "used" on me but fear of punishment is only one way to teach.

Denial of orgasm is another very effective method.

Lord knows I begged with verve for the chance to cum allmost instictually after the first few times I was taken to the edge of orgasm and held there without release until I had asked appropriately and begged egeraly enough for that special permission.

Of course real from the heart begging cant come easily unless you are really at your dominants mercy.

It isnt enough to sound like your begging well, you have to really truely mean it from the depths of your soul.

Safe words not withstanding (since in my humble opinion they are just a false saftey net) after all when your tied up ass high and face to the floor while someone is tearing up your bottom you can't really make them stop by screaming "red light" or somthing, especially if your gagged. (great way to learn how to beg with body language or your eyes alone btw is to be gagged)

Anyways I hope some of these how too scenerios are helpful damyanti

Just leme know if you need other ideas and good luck huggels

[damyanti]

I think my problem is...I may be a little bit of a prude. I have trouble vocalizing kinky stuff.

I am fine in written form. I am more than fine when we are talking about vanilla stuff or discussing BDSM in general (in fact I talk so much he barely gets to say anything, LOL), but the moment things turn "personal" I become this withdrawn, shy, blushing creature. It is very annoying and frustrating to myself.

For Heaven's sake, I am an *yada, yada*, I should be able to say cock without blushing and in a strong, audible voice (instead of mumbling).

I have decided to be a prude no more!

OK, so it may take awhile.

OK, a looooooong while.


Thank you girls so much for your help!!!!!!!

[Arria]

*completely agrees with damyanti*
Hey, don´t feel bad. I don´t even write / say stuff in my mother tongue, but seek refuge in using a foreign one. For some reason I feel like "this is not really me, being kinky", and I have no trouble if I do it in English.
I can send him parts of stories I like. I even write scenes I imagine down and send those to him. And I can express my wishes in English, speaking in a halfway normal voice.
Writing is a LOT easier, though. *shoots a poisonous glance at Stone*

I agree it is easy to talk in general terms, but the second it gets personal, I get all tongue-tied.

I must add it is easier for me if I am either 1. a little bit tipsy or 2. VERY, VERY horny. *lol*

As for what symphony says: I feel something similar, though "silly" would be too nice a word to describe it.
A man begging me to do something is a complete, total, and absolute turn-off for me.
And I am not only afraid of being such a turn-off by voicing my desires, but I also have this small voice in the back of my head that whispers "he will say no. he will be grossed out and horrified. he will laugh at you."

I really should know better after 11 years of being together, during which he never was anything but encouraging to me, but my experience with vanilla guys just scared a part of me into hiding...

[BryansGrrrl]

I've found that most of my begging really only involves the word "Please".

I've done the pouty look with the "Please" and that doesn't always get a positive response. It sometimes gets a firm "NO". It really depends on the mood He's in.

The best "Please" seems to be when I'm on the verge of desperation, and there is a pleading, crazy look in my eyes (I assume), I'm whimpering with need and have a hint of hysteria in my voice. ;)

[lozzy]

Damyanti, thanks for putting into words just exactly how I feel, im glad im not alone. I too find it tricky to articulate the second it comes personal!

[Arria]

The best "Please" seems to be when I'm on the verge of desperation, and there is a pleading, crazy look in my eyes (I assume), I'm whimpering with need and have a hint of hysteria in my voice. ;)

Exactly that.

[thenatural]

So glad you asked this question I too find this very difficult and my Master likes to hear begging a lot. I have found he is partial to the word "Mercy".

Since we don't have the time to bring out the authentic beggar in me very often, I am training to invoke it on command. He also does not care if it is authentic, but it should appear authentic. So I mimic what I have seen, I fake it. Also, I have found that if I take a professional attitude like "begging is my job so I am gonna give it my all" has helped me get past the "I feel ____ (insert your thought here) doing this attitude" If nothing else, he is pleased by my authentic effort to try to be as real as possible, even if I am not as convincing as I think I should be.

[bluefarie]

Some people have mentioned tone. That is huge w/ Daddy. I could say the exact same words but not in the proper tone and he will tell me I can do better and to try again. I wasn't very good at this until I remembered how a child acts when they really really want something. You can just hear the desperation on their voice. It's almost like if they don't have whatever it is, they will just die! (Think teenager borrowing the car for Friday night!) LOL I have to really be in a special place to do this very sincerely and that is exactly where he wants me.....desperate for whatever it is I am begging for and he is the only one that can give it to me! Due to the fact that our relationship is long distance, tone conveys a lot over the phone. Whimpering and kneeling help also for me to get into that desperate place. When I am there, it's not just a want anymore, it truly becomes a need and I will do whatever he asks in order to have it met. This is my submissive home or mindset or whatever you want to call it. I am fairly new to all of this and so I hope this helps. I have found so much info on here to be helpful, I just wanted to give a little back! :)



Blue

[leah06]

Like i am going to tell you subs how to beg properly lol....good luck

Please...? Oh, please.