A desperation to cum...

[GenieInABottle]

Hate this feeling...its been over a month since I've been allowed to cum...and for various reasons...

Tell me I'm not alone here...lol...Anyone else gone an extended period of time without cumming?

[greatdevourer]

Since the beginning of pet's time with her owner, which would be just shy of 5 months. That said, it's partly pet's choice (given the choice of having an orgasm or being allowed to eat Mistress' pussy, it's a foregone conclusion).

So, your "various reasons"...? :P

[Carpe Coma]

Well, there was one time when she was on chemo and was under doctor's orders not to engage in sexual activity for the next couple of weeks. So I took great amusement in verbally getting her worked up to the point where she was instinctively humping the bed *grin*

[Bears2009]

:span::spermsmil:bondage:To night I get to cum after 7 weeks of not cumming I am allowed to but it will come with a price that price is a good old Spanking . I messed up but good about 7 weeks and I forgot two words that would of at least worked " Iam sorry" at 5;00 pm I am to start paying my tab.

[SubmissiveCandy]

Sir usually makes me wait at least every two weeks or so...if I really misbehave it is longer. There was one time I had to go without cumming for I want to say about a month or so. He would tease me so bad and get me all worked up and tell me that I couldn't have play time. I wanted to cry so desperately.

[denuseri]

Well everyone may be different and all but: some things taken to extremes are just plain foolish.

I would be LMFAO at those cuaght in this plight, but as a submissive to me its just not funny.

Ive been up and down on the whole cum denial game with several different so called dominants, and frankly imho its so old hat it bores me to tears and I dont even bother entertaining the idea of submitting to those who profess to follow this line of thinking.

It is most certianly not everyones cup of tea, nor should it have to be the "defualt setting" for handeling a submissive's needs.

In fact I think reliance on this method of control (as a punnishment or otherwise) most often stems from insecurity, lack of imagination, and or sometimes plain meaness on the dominants part, when it comes to this.

As Aristotle once said, everything in moderation. Cum denial for months on end isnt moderate.

I bet no dominant ever goes even a week let alone a month or more without an orgasm if they have anything to do with it.

One may also wish to keep in mind that if one were to deny a submissive's physical and mental needs (such as being rewarded with an orgasm on occassion for instance) for too long; one may find themselves "sans sub" or holding limited "false" dominion over a sub who seceretly goes elsewhere to have those needs met.

D/s is a two way street.

If the needs of all parties are not being met, someone is doing somthing wrong.

[13'sbadkitty]

i would have to say that i am again grateful for my Master...He has only not allowed me to cum for very short periods of time for any reason at all. Not as a punishment or as a method of training. He has in fact used forcing me to cum till i begged Him to stop, He has stopped me mid orgasm with a flogger which sucked. Part of my attachment to Him has been His fair treatment of me, even when i don't deserve it. Yes saying sorry is a requirement when i am bratty or disrespectful which usually takes some punishment for me to get to, but even then...once i am back to behaving and right attitude Master is kind to me.

[leo9]

I really, really can't see the attraction of this. One of my most basic rules is that you dom men by stopping them coming and women by forcing them to. Any vanilla idiot can not bring a woman to orgasm.

OK, making a sub wait a few minutes (which may feel like years to her) and making her beg is good. But it's so much more fun to make her beg to not be made to come again when she's already on sexual overload.

Women in an unsatisfying marriage will tell you that they cope by locking their sexuality away and trying not to get turned on at all. Where is the fun in teaching a sub not to feel sexy?

[Guera]

Good point Leo. It sure is easy to not make a person cum, and then take credit for it. LOL Of course, when the ability for both parties to enjoy cumming and cumming is not in question, then the rewards/deprivations are meaningful.

Another factor to consider- some people (both dom/me and sub) derive so much pleasure from their partner, that deprivation of the other would also mean depriving ones self.

[kurious25]

I was about to make the same point as Guera. Sir says that watching me cum repeatedly is such a beautiful sight, so why would he deprive himself? Plus, CR makes me cranky if I go too long, so why put either of us through that when we both find pleasure in my release? But, to each their own...

[leah06]

Let's remember that YKINMK, OK? I happen to have had fantasies all my life about orgasm denial and control of my sexual experiences. I have no interest at all in forced orgasms. I'm fortunate to have a master whose desire for control manifests itself partially in orgasm denial. Has he ever made me wait anything like a month? No, because I couldn't take it and he knows that. I believe he had another partner, though, before he met me who was able to be denied for much longer, so he did.

Just because you don't like OD yourself, don't fool yourself into thinking that subs who are denied are victims. You get what you sign up for.

[pervertedpages]

And to add to what leah06 said, let's not make assumptions that doms who kink on orgasm denial/control are insecure or uncreative or are using it as a crutch instead of unlocking some otherwise-attainable domly zen. In my own relationship, we have gone through great lengths to implant and reinforce the concept that I do NOT submit to him because of orgasms or my genitalia being stimulated, and we have taken that crazy train to the last station by saying "I would be with you even if I never got to orgasm." We've done really long term denials of orgasm, and even weeks of not being able to touch myself. It was murder, and of course I wanted to lie and pretend, but there's something akin to an orgasm just in the feeling that you get when you desperately want to touch yourself and can find the will to say, "Nope, that's not for me" and realize that's the only thing that's standing in your way. It's a rush of emotions and endorphins ranging from "my situation is so pathetic, ooh" to "I have the strength to yield this hard, oooh"... It's a huge rush for both of us to confirm that my submission/slavery/commitment/whatever goes that far, and that he has that kind of control over me. Will he often make me go without touching myself for weeks on end? No, because it's fun to watch the woman you love have pleasure. Can he? Well, we wanted to find out (hint: the answer is yes, if you put in lots of time and communication and almost die lol)... We both felt an attraction to testing the idea that I "could," and the increased sense of intimacy and trust that it brought about in both of us was worth anything. Although, I will say that we did this with lots of discussion about it before and throughout, and LOTS of mentally stimulating (read: mindblowing) smexy action to keep my sexual interest piqued and not just have me bury it. So, I admit that orgasm denial for weeks/months, etc. could be pretty detrimental or stupid if it wasn't handled with any sort of thought, but why assume that people won't be putting any thought into it? lol.

Also, just to add another perspective to this discussion, with our relationship we've tried to build upon a foundation of trust and surrender, with more of a "power displacement that is awesome and works for us" than "power exchange." It's not about whether he's satisfying my needs, or if our relationship is a "two-way street" -- it's not, and that's the point. Recently I found myself begging for him NOT to let me cum until a certain point because I wanted it to be "special"... but got reprimanded because, whether I'm begging to cum or not cum, the point is, I'll cum when he's good and ready :)

Perhaps it sucks for some, but I thought I'd stick up for the happily-being-unhappily-denied camp :)

[pervertedpages]

And just to clarify the somewhat crazy "I'd be with him even if he never allowed me any orgasms" statement... Would I? I like to think so. But I can't really know, and god knows I don't actually want to ever find out!

Just didn't wanna start sounding like I'm writing all these checks my poor, "overworked-and-under-paid" nether-regions couldn't cash. lol.

[tadri]

My -mostly- Dom has been leaving me hanging almost everytime we do anything, but he's been refusing to acknowledge that he's even doing it. He lets me cum about once a month, ( I satisfy him every two or three days, at least) the rest of the time he uses me for his pleasure and doesn't do anything long enough for me to be satisfied. If I had done something wrong and was being punished I may be able to handle it, but the only thing he ever seems to be upset at me for is bringing this up in the first place. I kind of feel like he's being horrible, or selfish, but maybe I'm expecting too much if I want him to make me cum every time we play.
Is it healthy to be denied orgasms that often for that long, on purpose or not, or could it lead to future sexual dysfunctions or difficulties, or even damage the relationship?

[sdgirl]

It would certainly damage my relationship 'cause there's no way i'd be staying with a dom who never or almost never let me cum.

[leah06]

What? He's upset with you for bringing this up? First of all, any woman would want to know why her partner seems to have no interest in getting her off, and being submissive doesn't change that. You just might accept different answers than a vanilla woman. Second, and more important in my opinion, I don't think that a Dom should "get upset" with a sub for bringing up ANYTHING, as long as it's done respectfully.

I have no idea whether it's expecting too much to want to be brought off every time you play. Clearly it's an unreasonable expectation in your relationship now. But it sounds to me like before you can even get to the question of whether you "expect" an orgasm every time you have sex, you need to know WHY you're not having one. If it's because he owns you body and soul, that's one thing; if it's because he's a selfish jerk, that's another.

[fetishdj]

I think part of cum denial, done right, is an appreciation of orgasms that you do, finally, get allowed to have. It is also a level of self control and discipline - you are taking away the sub's right to touch themselves and therefore give themselves an orgasm. This places the ability to grant an orgasm solely in the hands of the Dom.

Not convinced that for women it is now 'normal' to force an orgasm rather than deny it. That speaks of a Victorian concept of 'lying back and thinking of England' and implies that women do not want sex and therefore have to be forced. Modern women (like women all through history regardless of historical myths) have strong sexual needs. However, even if you prescribe to this view, it must be considered that cum denial actually builds desire.

I agree that long term denial is a bad thing. It is a little unimaginative and can get routine as a result. Also, certainly for men, there is a level of risk of damage (albeit very small) if there is denial with teasing and no outlet (denial without teasing is ok as it does not build up prostate secretions).

I have only been on denial for short periods and that was only after I partook of a particular operation popular among young Jewish gentlemen (for medical reasons, not religious reasons :) ).

I think denial long term needs to be made 'interesting' for a woman. It needs to build desire and encourage sexuality. I am currently experimenting with a method of CR where someone is given a month of CR but split into periods that increase with each step. So, step one is one day CR followed by a day of break then 2 days CR followed by one day break then 3 days and so on. This is accompanied by daily clitoral stimulation. Still in the middle of this...

It is not for everyone, I agree, but it is also not necessarily unimaginative if applied right.

[sdgirl]

I find the idea that cum restriction will somehow build desire and encourage sexuality incredibly amusing.

[leah06]

It does if it's accompanied by regular teasing. Really.

[sdgirl]

I'm going to have to disagree.

Sex and orgasms increase my feelings of sexuality and desire. Being teased just pisses me the hell off.

[fetishdj]

But that is your personal preference. Everyone is different. To be honest, any Dom who intended to increase sexual desire who found it not working would change tack - this is why you negotiate and communicate. For many the allure of something that is restricted or forbidden is strong. I have known women who get INCREDIBLY turned on during their period partly because they rarely get the chance to have sex then. It all depends on how you relate to sex in your own psyche. Some find chastity easy because their desires just switch off until needed. Others find it very difficult. Some think they won't get horny when on CR and are surprised when they do.

[denuseri]

Or not surprised at all becuase their desire as expected wains.

Unfortunately its been my experience that the type of dominant that resorts to this as their defualt setting with a submissive rarely if ever changes their own mind about it.

[sdgirl]

I believe women get horny right before and during their periods due more to hormonal fluctuations in their bodies and not necessarily because it's taboo to have sex during it.

Go without anything long enough and the mind and body will adapt and start to lose desire for it. Waving a cookie in the face of a person with a sweet tooth and then smacking their hand when they try to take a bite will not increase their desire for a cookie. Soon enough they'll say who needs a fucking cookie. Or they'll go find a cookie down the street.

Though not nearly as experienced as Denuseri or many others here, I have also found that Doms do not take well to adapting their style.

[fetishdj]

If it were purely the hormones then it would be more reliable... there are equally many women who lose desire altogether during period and many who do not have problems having sex during a period and so don't have any positive or negative effects on libedo. Its a complex tapestry.

Not adapting style is foolish, though... persistance as described is not a good way to achieve an end, it is more likely to have the opposite effect. That is an issue with the Dom, however, not the technique. As is persisting on long term celibacy as the default setting. What I am talking about is setting a goal (whether it be greater or lesser arousal or better control) and working towards that in a co-operative manner using whatever means work. The means depends on the sub and what you wish to achieve. Better control, for example, may be achieved in some by slowly extending the period of CR and accompanying it with lots of encouragement to do better. Plan, perform, review, revise, redo... if it does not work then try something else until you find something that does.

[denuseri]

Well as someone who has tried the other way plenty and then found a whole new and wonderful world existed with a different way that worked much much more effectively, I can say that at least for myself and others like me who have made that journey and or know themselves well enough to foresee what that journey entails; that from our perspective there isnt any doubt as to whats better.

I only hope and pray that all will find what works best for them on their own journey.