Online to Real Life Transition

[wind_dancer{W_W}]

Okay so here is my thing....

Has anyone here Sub OR Dom/me gone straight from online/phone to living with their D/s partner and done so successfully, with no prior meeting? If so please please please let me know and either post on here or just PM me... and please if you are just going to criticize me please dont reply to this.


This is something i really need some confidence in... even though i love my Lord i know that there is also a major difference between Online/Phone and R/T. I just want some good news about my decision instead of the bad news that i recieved in chat.


Thank You

[Willsubmit2]

my Master and i began with on line (different web site) for communication, then it went to phone and on line, but i, as a normal person for my life, met my Master twice (for around five days in a row) to see if we would be compatable also together. The meetings were successful and my Master moved in with me a few months later (we just got married in December, that's how successful we were). So my advice, meet them at least twice before you make the big jump. good luck.

[Arria]

Well, imho it is not wise to do something like that before having met r/l at least once.

The reason for this is that no matter how great you get along talking, and no matter how much you like each other´s picture, it might still be that the chemistry is wrong - meaning, one of you or even both might dislike each other´s scent/taste/way to talk and to move... simply all the things that usually give a "first impression", and that make you want a person, or be repulsed by a person, or be indifferent to a person.

My opinion might be seen as critical and unwanted to you - but if you only want "fine, great idea, go ahead with it" answers, you have obviously already made your decision, and do not really require any feedback.

From my point of view, jumping from online to live-in real life is plain crazy. (Yes, that is critical.)

It might be an option if the two of you have no children or other family to live with, and if you two are located in the same city, and the moving-in thing does not involve quitting your job or having to leave all your friends and acquaintances several states away. But only then.

Please be aware that there are even couples who know each other well and are basically happy with each other, but still found the living-together thing does not work for them.

I don´t know if this decision to move in together was yours or his - but if it was his, I would question that VERY much.

Which reason exactly speaks againts a first casual meeting to get to know each other in real life? Makes me wonder. And not in a good way.

The best thing would be to take the relationship to r/l and see if it works. If it does not work while you live in separate flats/houses, there is no way it will work when being in the same place together all the time.

[thepast]

Look, it's like every other kind of relationship: you have to meet to know if it's going to work. If you don't, you're being a fool. Pardon the bluntness, lol.

I met T here on the site, in the chatroom to be exact. When we were ready to meet in r/l, we did so, in a public place. Gave us both an out. Then we spent the weekend together to see if there was chemistry, but spent about 50% of it in public spaces, where there was always an ability to leave or get help if needed (there wasn't, but you get the point). After that, we progressed to multiple days at a time together... then a week... then a couple of weeks... Then we seperated for a bit for reasons beyond our control, but that was actually a blessing. We realized how much we loved eachother & wanted to be together. When we were back in geographic range, we spent another few days together at various intervals to ensure we were still "right" for eachother. THEN we moved in together.

And when we moved in together... it wasn't all beatings, all the time. There's r/l issues that occur when 2 adults move in together: jobs, outside responsibilities, families, etc. You can't just live in a vortex or a vaccum--you have to take care of business! Sure, there was plenty of time for fun, but we had to dance a bit to really find the rhythm that worked for us.

So the road to be together wasn't easy or simple... it never is if it's worth it. Sure, you'll know whether or not you LIKE someone after a short period together in r/l... but anyone can keep up a facade for a short time... they can't do it forever. Better you know the truth about eachother, even the little things, BEFORE you take that leap to move in with eachother rather then after.

And if there are kids involved... do NOT even get me started. Your kids should come first & your sex life second. I'll leave it at that for now.

Any good Dom would go SLOWLY. What the hell is the big rush?? You & he aren't going anywhere if you're meant for eachother... and if the time it takes to really go slowly & do it right causes you to seperate, then you weren't really meant for eachother anyway, were you?

This post isn't meant to be critical of anyone or their relationship, just my thoughts & my experiences... so don't be offended... this is just my viewpoint. It isn't The Law on relationships... Everyone does things differently, this is just my way.

Just some food for thought.

[Miner]

very sensible precis delia - thank you

[lily27]

I am sure it happens, but I would be willing to bet that more often than not, it doesn't work out. When your only communications are online, your relationship is a mix of reality and fantasy. You only know the side of the other person that they are willing to show you. When you meet in real life you might be pleasantly surprised, or your fantasy might come crashing down.

There was a couple that were quite active here a couple of years ago. His_pita and her_Joe (sorry if I got the names a little off, just going by memory). She left her husband and moved in with Joe without a previous in-person meeting. It seemed to work out very well at the time, but I don't know what has become of them over the last couple of years. I would be willing to bet, however, that they are the exception rather than the rule.

Good luck!