From fantasy to an actual experience...

[phantasy_seeker]

I finally had the chance to experience BDSM in real life, after fantasizing for so long.

I still love it! :wave: However, some things don't quite turn out like they do in fantasy...

There just seem so many little annoying things that crop up during a bondage scene, especially if done spontaneously, without prior planning. My nose itches. My hair isn't tied properly and it tickles my face. I need to pee. Etc etc...

Is that normal? Or is that just the beginning stage of easing from fantasy into reality? I find myself not being able to enjoy myself fully sometimes (even though the bondage really is good!) because I'm worrying about those nitty gritty annoyances...

[symphony]

well i dont know about anybody else but, YES its absoloutly normal! Everythings going great untill you get pushed to into the bed and take the lamp and a glass out with you on your way down!
Try not to worry about it it happens to the best of us try and have a sense of humour about it and keep trying, it will get less of a problem as time goes on if im anything to go by but it still happens, laugh it off and try again and if its not working for you then stop.
Good luck

[WyldWyl]

I just love your examples there, Symphony.

But yes- it's never as good as fantasy, because in fantasy we can smooth the rough edges over. Practice, makes perfect- or at least as close to perfect as we can make it, there's always a margin of error in these things.

But well done for having the courage to take that next step- it's not easy and a lot of people can't. So congratulations!

[Kahlann]

My master made the mistake once of having a light on the headboard. After it hit him in the head during some aggressive sex, he never made that mistake again. Oh did I laugh cause I had questioned it being there before we started.

Just roll with what comes at you. Nothing in real life ever goes as smooth as we wish. Getting hung up on the minor details that aren't potentially harmful is just gonna ruin the experience. Besides, you can pause and properly tie your hair back, or have the other person.

[fetishdj]

Just like real sex is never the same as porn sex (they never seem to get elbows in the way or miss the hole or get the wrong hole or spend 10 minutes recovering the condoms that have fallen down the back of the bedboard in porn sex... :) ) real bondage is never the same as porn bondage.

The trick is good planning. If you are being spontaneous then you are going to lose out on this. You could, however, also argue that in planning you lose out on some of the tension of spontaneity. However, you can get over that by planning in a very ritualised manner - telling the sub to go and 'prepare themselves' (tying hair back, getting dressed/undressed, making sure they have itched all the places they think may need itching, making sure sexual organs are clean etc) while the Dom/me prepares all the equipment for bondage.

But there are always going to be unforseen circumstances... you just have to accept them and live with it.

[Arria]

Am I the only one who asks her hubby to please scratch her nose or please re-tie my hair properly if something like this happens...?

Yes, at first you get a good laugh (that much for humiliation), and you have to ask extra-nicely (which helps your begging abilities), but in the end, you get helped...

In order to get help, you have to ask for it, of course...

[phantasy_seeker]

Thank you all for your replies! :)

Wyld: Oh, I always wanted to, always would have taken the next step, it's just that I never had the right person or right opportunity to do so before. :)

Kahlann: I know, I try! Sometimes it all goes really well and I don't have any such problems... and sometimes we manage to smooth them over... but there's just those times when I keep worrying! 'Oh dear, I feel half-like-peeing, but he's just tying my hands in front of me and bending me over for a spanking... if that's all I can just go pee later... but what if he's actually planning for a long session? (he likes the element of surprise, and I do too, it'd quite spoil the experience to be told what will happen to me in advance) In that case I'd better go now, before it gets more intricate...'

Just to clarify, he doesn't really mind untying me to go pee, tying my hair up for me, etc, it's just that it's a minor annoyance to us both to need to keep interrupting the scene... and I don't like that. I want to try and relax and not think so much about such things and just enjoy the bondage... but what if I don't realize that I need to pee or that I haven't eaten for the past 6 hours and am close to gastritis, and it just occurs to me when he's gotten me into intricate shibari that took 20 minutes to prepare?

We're both very new to this, first time for both of us even though we've both read/watched lots of stuff, and I've tried quite a bit of self-bondage before.

Edit: fetishdj, good idea... I suppose I'll try suggesting it to him, or maybe he'll come around to thinking of that as well, if it begins to bother him.

[bip0lar]

something i enjoy about what Arria pointed out is that asking/begging does not [necessarily] mean interrupting a scene. Quite the contrary, at least for myself, asking for the silly little things i'm supposed to be able to do myself to be done to me puts me exactly where the scene has me at that moment: helpless and at his 'mercy' if you will. Heck, even if i ask and ask and he says 'no' re-enforces and ultra-highlights the point of him being in control.

[Logic1]

Fantasy and porn is perfect. Normal sex or the BDSM variety never is but I completely agree with Arria actually. Ask your Dominant to scratch that itch or redo the hair or whatever. It makes everything go so much smoother

I have been to hotelrooms with too narrow beds to have sex on and when the beds were pushed together then the floor was too slippery so that the beds moved apart again. We just laughed it off and skipped sex for that night :p
Life is never just perfect now is it?`:p

[cheyanneautum]

After i read your post i thought you had been peaking in my bedroom window rofl , you described what happens to me all the time Thanks made me smile

[SubmissiveDoll]

lol This makes me remember the time my Master and I jumped into a scene without thinking first, and I was so swept up into that all I could think about was the scene. Until that last minute when I realized I was still wearing a tampon. *sigh* At least we laugh about it now.

But, yes, the hair, the itches, all of that happens, I think to all of us.

[bpqueen]

Any and all introductory BDSM books begin with a disclaimer on the difference between fantasy and reality. Just remember to roll with the punches :-)

[Mr.Quirt]

Selfish girls! Thinking only of yourselves. Don't you think your Master may want you to experience an itchy nose, or having your hair out of place? It seems only Arria comes close to getting it.
Mr. Quirt

[leo9]

Am I the only one who asks her hubby to please scratch her nose or please re-tie my hair properly if something like this happens...?

I used to tell newbies, as an example of how to cope with reality, how my late wife could break off screaming in agony to say "Can you scratch my left thigh, love? - up a bit - there!" And I'd scratch as directed, then go back to making her scream.

[Midnytedreams]

one time when she was all tied up, bound and the phone rang, I checked the caller id and told her it was her mother, she said she had to answer it as may be emergency, I held the phone to her ear as she talked to her mother, I hung up and we went back to having fun.

[leo9]

one time when she was all tied up, bound and the phone rang, I checked the caller id and told her it was her mother, she said she had to answer it as may be emergency, I held the phone to her ear as she talked to her mother, I hung up and we went back to having fun.

I once had a naked sub roped to the whipping bench when her mobile rang. So I have had the pleasure of seeing the joke about "I can't talk now, I'm really tied up" actually happen.

[fetishdj]

I have been to hotelrooms with too narrow beds to have sex on and when the beds were pushed together then the floor was too slippery so that the beds moved apart again. We just laughed it off and skipped sex for that night :p
Life is never just perfect now is it?`:p

You mean you didn't just carry on while on the floor! :)

This just reminds me of the sex scene in the Tall Guy (Jeff Goldblum and Emma Thompson) where they wreck the bedroom and you see the infamous 'piece of toast' on the arse.

[ravenbounduptight]

hahahaha... i can't count how many times my mother has called me when i'm in the middle of being tied up. my phone is always on vib, because i'm too lazy to get ringtones. (one time my friend decided to tease me with the phone when i kept getting a huge amount of texts.)

But about "porn bondage", they're only showing you what is "pretty"/eye pleasing (thank god for edit buttons). i'm a bondage model and the first time it was like: wow is this really what it's like? i have fun whenever i get tied up, but when i'm working it's me being serious and focusing on showing myself/the ropes as good as i can. i do not hit subspace, i do not cum, i do just focus on what sells.

i get to have "fun" and tell Him to go fuck Himself, He's fucking crazy, ect. and not worrying about the D/s part of bondage. But the point is, even with those making clips and doing photos for sale. . . those girls are having the same issues that you are. We stop and readjust, i answer my phone and say: mother i'm busy right now, HANGING out with my friends.

Only difference is when the calls, pee breaks, smoke breaks happen we hit pause on the flim and fix it, then go on. Ya can't really hit pause on real life scenes.

~j~

[Ozme52]

There's and ebb and flow to life, including sex, and including bdsm sex. It'll be different with each partner (may you experience many) and the experience gets better and better the more you learn each others' idiosyncracies and tempos (may you get lots of practice.)

[buDdha]

This is a great topic; thank you for bringing it up. I, too, have found it frustrating to realize that bondage requires both time and, at times, re-tying of knots; that I have to get up to pee; and other little tics (like Ma'am humming to herself or furrowing her brow when tying knots) that just don't appear in my fantasy life. It's very important for me to be reminded, here, that fantasy is just that -- not real. I take particular inspiration from these postings by reminding myself that my reactions of being irritated or feeling let down when real life doesn't correspond to my fantasies are just one more way that I am being judgmental and not relinquishing all control to my Ma'am. Many thanks, friends.

[~faerie~]

one of the first times he dripped wax all over my whole body and had just tied me between to posts in the basement and had begun to crop it off. His sister decided on an impromtu visit, and let herself in. He heard the door and her call out His name and we both kinda looked at eachother and went oh shit. He half untied me and ran upstairs to head her off, while i finished untying myself and tried to get as much wax off as i could and get dressed asap and run up stairs. need less to say, i spent a very uncomfortable evening cooking dinner and making small talk while being covered in wax under my clothes. i was constantly blushing and checking the floor to make sure none of the wax had flaked off and fallen out of the legs of my pants. we laughed our asses off later and then He finished cropping it off.
and then there was the time we were in the living room and i was naked he was cropping me and His kids pulled up in the driveway....
it is all normal. shit happens. like the others said just roll with it. :)

[fetishdj]

LOL. I think in the first situation, I would probably have snuck to the bathroom once free and tried to get most of it off while claiming that you are 'just finishing off in the bath' but I think it is impressive that you got away with it. :)

[TexMa'am]

This is a great topic; thank you for bringing it up. I, too, have found it frustrating to realize that bondage requires both time and, at times, re-tying of knots; that I have to get up to pee; and other little tics (like Ma'am humming to herself or furrowing her brow when tying knots) that just don't appear in my fantasy life. It's very important for me to be reminded, here, that fantasy is just that -- not real. I take particular inspiration from these postings by reminding myself that my reactions of being irritated or feeling let down when real life doesn't correspond to my fantasies are just one more way that I am being judgmental and not relinquishing all control to my Ma'am. Many thanks, friends.

Next time, I'm singing show tunes and making silly faces while I tie you up. And then I'm going to tickle your feet again.