Letting Go

[lucky#13]

Alright, well i recently became the property of my new Master :) ... the problem we are experiencing is my relunctancy to let go of myself and completely give myself to him mentally... the physical aspect is no problem.. letting him do as he pleases with my body is not the issue.. and i try DESPERATELY to give myself mentallly completely to him.. i really do.. and he is very patient with me and has no problem waiting.. i have many past experiences that i have been hurt like i am sure all of u have.. however mentally i do not deal well .. and have learned to bottle up ALL MY EMOTIONS.. perhaps this would better be explained by this... i have cried probably 3 or 4 times within the past yr.. and only 1 of those times was in front of someone else.. until this week where i have cried probably 2 or 3 times and twice while on the phone with him... i have learned to numb myself to feeling.. but i finally decided to give into my submissive side.. HUGE STEP.. and now i must give up all that hidden pain, anger, sadness, etc..burried deep within me .. he wants me to completely show myself to him as do i .. b/c i want to show him how much i luv and care for him.. but i am having trouble letting those emotions out.. to letting my innerself out... if any of u have some experiences or advice on how u have been able to give your emotional side over please share them with me i would greatly apreciate it .. thank you

[jeanne]

I don't think I have any really good advice here, but I'll try.

First, accept that letting out those bottled-up feelings is going to feel yucky for a while. Then just let it happen.* When you want/need to cry, do so. Journal about what's on your mind and what you're feeling. As you move through these repressed emotions, forgive yourself for having them. Forgive yourself for your part in the creation of them. Accept that you are human, and as you stated, we all have our "stuff" to deal with. It's being human.

I can't overstate the value of working through repressed emotions/thought/issues. You'll be surprised at how different you begin to feel as you do this. I wish you the best of luck.

*Note: Given your daily life - work, etc. - there may be times when holding back emotion is appropriate. Please don't put your job or anything else important at risk by emoting all over the place. :p

[PinkSugar]

It takes time, it is not like you can just open the bottle pour it all out and clean up the mess in one step.
To use Jeanne's word...yea some of it is going to feel 'yucky' but from the sounds of it your going to experience a wide range of emotions and your going to have to learn to express them and deal with them in ways your unaccustomed to. Not all of it will be yucky, some will be quite a relief, even joyful.
Just let it happen....very good advice. AS much as your master wants this, and your ready to give. It is not something that can be forced.
Have you ever heard about how someone who has had extreme brain damage being taught to use different part of thier brain to regain function ? Some cases the person is in an infant like state and has to be taught, to suck, to swallow because it is not natural to them anymore. They have thier bodies moved to reproduce crawling.
I am not saying you were extremely brain damaged, just that you may have to learn totally new ways that are unfamiliar and possibly have to start the learning all the way back to the beginning if that makes sense.
I would also advice stocking up on tissue's, the boxes are so much prettier than having rolls of toilet paper all over the place.

[denuseri]

It cant be forced thats for sure.

Well it can but not if you want your submissive to be bound to you by love as opposed to turning her into a doormat or worse.

He will need to be patient if he wants this to work too.

As my Owner likes to say:
"True submission is slowly coaxed forth from a girl like the gentle rays of the sun a flower with dawns embrace."

Stop trying lucky, dont think about it and with time (and I mean years not days) you will eventually find that you are both attuned (yes both of you will be changing not just you) to the same song and that the music you make with your voices sounds like the harmony of a single new being.

It is also like I have said in another thread with an excert bellow:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15978

Regardless of what title you wish to use.

The path to that of being a kajira is one of self awarness and truth.

First you are free and curious and only really play at being a slave girl, eventually even submitting on occasion to the will of another or many as the whim may strike .

Then later, you start to actually feel as if it is right for you to be submissive and seek it out, craving the feeling it gives and find yourself submiting in more and more ways to a specific individuals will. If you are lucky mabey even falling deeply in love and this is where most of us stop.

Rarely but it can happen:

When the strength of the bond between a dominant and his submissive is great enough (strength of character etc not merely the physical) and the, respect, trust and devotion is tempered by a sence of disipline that grows with a love that knows no boundary...

....you start to submit not only to your Master, but to yourself as well. Any conflict you struggled with about your submission dies with this acceptance and what you thought was your submission before becomes somthing so strong the word love only begins to describe it, and the bond between you and he is made stronger than anything eaither of you could ever imagine...

It is then you learn what true joy and freedom lays in your utter surrender to another.

It is then that you wake up a slave at the feet of your Owner.

In any event know that it takes patience empathy and love on both your parts.

Good luck my sister in your journey!!!

[Master Eq]

I'm glad you are taking this step kitten. Like your friends have told you, it is going to be a long road, but I will be here the entire way. Just be free, if you fall, I will catch you, then whip you just for fun.

[thir]

.. i have learned to numb myself to feeling.. but i finally decided to give into my submissive side.. HUGE STEP.. and now i must give up all that hidden pain, anger, sadness, etc..burried deep within me .. he wants me to completely show myself to him as do i .. b/c i want to show him how much i luv and care for him.. but i am having trouble letting those emotions out.. to letting my innerself out... if any of u have some experiences or advice on how u have been able to give your emotional side over please share them with me i would greatly apreciate it .. thank you

This is not for everyone, mind. But I have the same problem, too much self-control. As we play with whippings, one of the best things for me is to have a whipping, slowly going from light to very hard, ending with my screaming freely. This is a breaking down of barriers - a forced letting go.
It is not for everyone, and there must be a lot of trust and knowledge of each other, as no one knows what comes out when the walls are down, and after-care is important.
But it can be great!

[leah06]

Well, all of this is good advice. But please remember that a D/s relationship is first and foremost a relationship. You only know each other as well as the amount of time you have spent together will allow. You said that this is a new relationship for you, or a new phase of your relationship, and I see no reason that you should open up completely at this point. Please go at a natural, organic pace for a new relationship and don't let the power imbalance mislead you. Revealing yourself is meant to be a process, not a core dump.

[Zarine13]

Lucky, I can totally sympathize with you here. I have the same problem you do, I bottle everything in, so much so that at one point in time, I only felt anger or nothing (ie: normal)

I'm not sure what will work for you. Having my son helped me tremendously. That little bundle of helpless wrinkles that needed me totally undid whatever walls I had built up. I think a large part of it was that unconditional love that a child gives. (I am NOT saying to go out and have a baby lol, just thought I'd clarify that)

I STILL have to work on expressing myself to others, and I rarely cry unless I'm extremely angry.

It sounds as if you have someone there who is willing to help you and may stand by you through it all. I wish you all the 'luck' in the world on this journey. It's not going to be easy but it will be worth it.

[erish]

as someone just beginning to explore and live out their submissive side, i have found the blogs on here to be extremely helpful. my Almost-Master asked me to keep a diary, so i began to write to my blog here for Him to read (once He agreed to register and make an account here). Something about the anonymity of my account here, plus the blank screen and keyboard (i type much faster than i write) made it easy for me to put my fears and doubts and desires out there for Him to read. And when He gives me the joy of a reply.. well, it's just more encouragement to keep on going. So try blogging...

And be gentle with yourself. Those defenses didn't just spring up overnight, and they have served you well by keeping you safe up until now. Let them melt away just as gently and slowly.. give yourself permission to disclose as much as feels safe - and then the next time, just a little bit more.

Good luck!

[good_girl]

however mentally i do not deal well .. and have learned to bottle up ALL MY EMOTIONS.. perhaps this would better be explained by this... i have cried probably 3 or 4 times within the past yr.. and only 1 of those times was in front of someone else.. until this week where i have cried probably 2 or 3 times and twice while on the phone with him... i have learned to numb myself to feeling

About 5 months ago I had a health scare that turned out to be nothing, I didn't tell anyone, I didn't let anyone see my fear, I didn't let myself feel, I shut down again. The day I got my test results back the relief was almost overwhelming, I sat on the couch with a box of tissues and tried to cry....it was then that I discovered that I couldn't, I had become so adept at shutting down that I couldn't turn my emotions back on. Very embarrassed and frustrated I told my Master about this, he listened to me and told me that when the time comes when I'm ready he hoped that he would be here for me (we live 3 hours apart). As it turned out he was here when that time came...I was a mess of emotions, tried to hide it, fought the tears with everything I had but when he put his arms around me they came flooding out, I didn't think it would ever stop and it scared the crap out of me to feel that again, but he held me until I was calm and then for a while longer. It was horrible and wonderful all wrapped together but I'm glad it happened, I'm still pretty good at shutting down and it seems that this is my first reaction when something isn't right but I did make one step forward, I just had to do it when the time was right for me, now my Master and I laugh about how happy he is that he made me cry like that LOL

This is part of what I wrote on another forum, when I read about you bottling up your emotions it reminded me of this, before this day I hadn’t let myself cry in almost 4 years. It’s good to hear that you are making progress and good to hear that you have found someone to support you while you travel this leg of your journey.

It’s not unusual for us to shut down to avoid hurting but for anyone who reads this, please don’t let yourself get so good at shutting down you can’t open up again. I have done a lot of damage to myself this way and I expect it will take years, if ever, for my emotions to flow like they once did.