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Varalese
02-12-2009, 03:08 PM
Here's the story: I've known that I'm dominant for most of my life, however I have only recently made any effort to find a submissive. This effort consisted of hanging out in online fetish chatrooms until I found someone. Eventually I did, she is even more inexperienced as a sub than I am as a dom which is perfect for me. This way, I'm hoping, her expectations of me won't be more than I can deliver. Nevertheless, I'm still having trouble coming up with tasks for her to perform that, while sensual, can be done by herself and with household items.

So what I'm asking is for ideas on how to carry on an online relationship, how to interact with my sub, when and if a webcamera would be appropriate, and just general tips for a dom.

fetishdj
02-12-2009, 03:42 PM
There is now quite a lot you can do in a long distance BDSM relationship that was previously difficult or even impossible. First, however, a warning - a LD relationship like this can be frustrating as it is never as 'real' as face to face sessions can be. Just be warned and do not expect much...

First thing, you can take the relationship beyond just being 'online' and into a true LD relationship. Use the phone, for example. If she has a mobile and you have the number then use it to make sure she is aware that you are always there, not just when she logs into her computer. A simple text message can remind her you are still there and in control. If she does not have a mobile (or has one she does not wish to 'play' on such as a work bought one) and you have the resources, send her a cheap pay as you go one. She does not need to add credit to it as it only needs to recieve your calls. This can be a phone only for the two of you to use.

I assume you are already sending her tasks by e-mail. If not then this is another line of communication to exploit. Again, be mindful of work and family (i.e small children in the house) but you can send her quite explicit mails with some tasks in to be completed by a set deadline. If she only has a work mail do not use that (so many risks of being caught by even the most rudimentary audits of the e-mail system). Get her to set up a webmail address (most of them are free - gmail, yahoo etc).

The idea of the above two points is to make sure that she has the feeling that you are not thousands of miles away, sat at a computer, but right there next to her, viewing and controlling her life. Having been in a situation where an LD Domme had my mobile phone and e-mail address I have to say that it is quite a powerful feeling of being owned, knowing that the next text message or phone call could be her with some instructions.

I would also have her set up a blog of some form where she can record her feelings about tasks. INstruct her to update this regularly - either after each session or once a week (or both) with reflections on her thoughts and feelings about tasks you set her. This can either be public or set to private (so only you and her can read it) and you need to make sure that she knows she can be honest in this - even if she thinks it may hurt your feelings or whatever. And there should be no punishment for honesty. You use this blog to adjust your domination of her. If she hated something, use it only as punishment (if at all). If she liked something, use it more often and so on.

I would also, between the two of you. do some research into self bondage techniques. These can be quite useful to use during web sessions. There are a lot of sites out there with ideas - some easy, some complicated, some safe, some less safe, some downright dangerous. Start with small experiments and see what works.

A webcam linked to a messenger system is a good investment, especially if you have it set to a VOIP set up (where you can speak to her over the internet rather than just typing). The VOIP makes a massive difference because a) she can hear your voice and there is so much more you can do with tone and inflection than mere typing can achieve b) you can hear her voice and therefore hear those nice little whimpers and screams which makes the whole process more rewarding for you as a Dom c) she does not have to type. This is important as I know how frustrating it is to have to have hands free enough to type and having to lean over the keyboard while tied, dripping hot wax and covered in clothespegs in order to 'speak' to my Domme. I'd also go the extra money to get a webcam that can be remote operated - usually by a remote control. This means the sub can switch views on the cam a lot easier as they don't have to go up to the camera and move it around manually. The ideal would be a cam controlled by you, from your computer, but I am not sure if such is available.

I would also suggest setting her cam somewhere far back from where she is and high up, pointing down so you can see a lot more of her than just her head.

Things you can get her to do:

- clothespegs on parts of the body (need I say which parts?)
- hot wax on parts of the body
- tying legs to chair legs or together (it is difficult to tie arms, for obvious reasons)
- things like gags and hoods can easily be used
- doing a striptease/perform a sex show with a dildo/vibe for you
- she can whip/beat herself on various parts of her body

You can also control various aspects of her life, if you so choose. You can tell her what she is to wear, what she is to eat and other things. There is a program (Cybermistress which was orginally designed for male subs but recently has acquired a female sub aspect) that allows you to set certain parameters and rules for behaviour. She runs this on her computer and it requires her to log every time she wants to do something that you control and gives a percent chance of being allowed to break the rule (determined by you). You write the script the program follows and you recieve the e-mailed logs from the program which tell you when she broke rules and what punishments the program randomly determined.

Hope this all helps...

headman
02-12-2009, 03:44 PM
What I found is that you need to know what submissive tendancies your sub likes best. eg pain, humiliation and set your tasks around them. For some humiliation suggest she goes to buy a vibe to think of as masters cock, but ask the staff to help her choose. For pain use clothes pegs, can also get sub to sit in a position and keep still for some length of time. Get back to me if you want to know more

Varalese
02-13-2009, 12:02 AM
Thanks for the responses. I'm quite eager to try out some of these suggestions. I especially like the idea of a private blog. I like to know what's going on inside a sub's head. Again, your help is much appreciated.

katze
02-13-2009, 01:41 PM
something my Master had me do, especially when i was starting out, was to keep a detailed journal of what we did, if i liked it, fantasies, etc, that he could read... and of course i got into trouble if i didn't :)

unmastered
02-25-2009, 12:02 PM
I am currently in a online D/s relationship. mySir does things like give me tasks to do thru the day and it keeps me in constant reminder of who i serve and belong to. We are definitly far apart( me in the US and mySir in Sweden) but when we are talking over the voice or instant messaging, it is like He is right there with me.

I agree with fetishdj, there is soo much that can be done online. For some, online is just a warmup to a real life D/s relationship. For me, it has given me time to see my dedication to another. It takes a lot of work for mySir, i am sure, to give me tasks daily, talk with me, make sure i am punished immediately, praised immediately and still have a daily life. For me it is a test of my submission. Not just to Him but to this lifestyle period. If i can insert a vibe and go to the mall simply on the command of a person who is thousands of miles away, it says a lot about me and my submission and the control mySir has over me.

You spoke about webcam...lol any online subs know they can be your greatest joy and your worst thing in the house. I have not gotten one yet( well tried but the wrong kind). But i know once i do, it will take things to a different level with us.

I also agree that it is sometimes difficult to not have that actual physical touch aspect. It is something that W/we talk about often. So communicate about that and realize the reality that it eventually will be a definite need. You will know when.

Just this subs 10cents.....

unmastered

miners_girl
02-25-2009, 12:47 PM
I was in a couple of online D/s relationships and Master and i started out as online- and if it's manageable and appropriate webcam/voice software such as skype or yahoo are really helpful and do enhance the interactions. It means you can see and hear each other- and can hear and see her reactions more clearly.

I found a daily journal for me to complete, thoughts, feelings etc was wonderful. Email journals or even a journalling site that you can sign up to and friends lock- such as insanejournal or livejournal.com. Maybe set her a reading/research task to put into her journal that helps you both learn. For example what is SSC and RACK and then discuss the differences. Or self bondage for example.

Wooden spoon is a wonderful household item if she likes spanking, clothes pins, candles ( although be careful with this as a sub on her own can get a bit carried away with wax play- lol) Large cable ties for breasts although again be careful. Set tasks such as what clothes she can wear- let her show you what clothes she has and you can choose which ones you want her to wear. Maybe set her a getting up time if appropriate- just for control. Household tasks- such as cleaning while naked if appropriate.

muskrat3o3
01-05-2010, 06:42 PM
everthing here has been helpful to me. im new to this and lookin for online play and looking for a mistress to intruct me.

summerBreeze{EDQ}
02-14-2010, 10:18 PM
I to have found this all really helpful as my relationship is online.

Grandpadom
02-27-2010, 12:19 PM
In the way of accessories to accompany the tasks, might I suggest that you buy her the equipment she requires, and have it shipped to her? Certainly, a well-manufactured toy can be more easily adminstered to her body than can a substitute. I have discovered that it leads to a greater respect on my sub's part to know this is what I would like her to do, and I have provided her with what she requires to do it. Of course, it depends upon the nature of the particular task at hand. Sometimes, ordinary household items work just as well as anything you can by online.

xRavenx
03-01-2010, 01:31 PM
One thing I did for my ex Master was to send him an email every morning describing and containing pics of what I was wearing that day for work. From underwear to shoes/boots to jewellery to clothes. Of course he loved me to wear no panties, and I would send him pics of that too! During the morning I would receive a text telling me how deliciously sexy I looked for work that day.

pervertedpages
03-05-2010, 09:40 PM
An important thing to remember, if journaling, reports on tasking, etc. ever gets "serious" is that she's pouring her heart out to you, so it's good to show that you're actively accepting her "submissions" to you. Shocking how much a "I liked when you said X in today's journal" and bringing up something she said in conversation can really help her feel intimate with you and appreciated. Seems self-evident, I know, but it's easy to forget.

I found having a bed time to be deliciously humiliating and a very elegant and simple way of letting me know I am owned. Just things like that, that "normal" girls don't have, has always kept me feeling very close to my Master by making me feel farther apart from who I used to be before I met him.

PixieStick
05-16-2010, 09:35 PM
I'm new and in an online D/s as well, this is a very helpful thread. Thank you!