New Sub to break in

[BlackDom32]

Hello all,
I have a new sub, who is indeed new to the lifestyle and I'm just starting to form ideas on how best to begin her training. We've agreed that I should take things slowly because of her lack of experience and rather than having her fail at everything, allow her time and some room to find her place. So far she takes commands well and stumbles a bit trying to find words. So I'm thinking of focusing on speech first and moving that towards her goal of being a full sub. Since she has pierced nipples I was toying with the idea of adding weight to them every time she stumbles in her speech or speaks out of turn. I believe that would be a fitting corrective measure, however since I'm on the fence I'll open this up to everyone.

[jeanne]

Even though I'm not a Dom, I'd like to answer anyway, from a sub perspective.

That seems a little harsh to start out with. She's been your sub less than a few days (based on your previous posts about looking), so maybe giving her some gentle verbal correction at first would be the way to give her an opportunity to help herself with this. Then, if after some time passes she still can't control her speech, your idea would be completely appropriate.

Of course, that's just my opinion, based on the fact that slow but firm worked really well with me for my Owner. :)

[BlackDom32]

Thank you for your input Jeanne. I did not intend to jump directly past verbal correction and did not explain myself well enough. Suffice it to say that verbal correction is always my first corrective measure. How gentle it is, is in direct relation to my experience with the sub.

[Flaming_Redhead]

I'm a big fan of the punishment fitting the crime. To me, nipples have nothing to do with speech. If verbal reminders fail after a time, writing lines might help her to remember the proper responses, or you could refuse to respond to her until she phrases the question or answer correctly. If she constantly interrupts while you're speaking, restrict her from speaking at all for a time, or put something in her mouth, such as a gag, the handle of her leash, etc. If her speech is disrespectful, i.e. argumentative or foul, take a hint from "A Christmas Story" and have her hold a bar of soap in her mouth.

[BlackDom32]

Very good suggestion Flaming_Redhead. I don't know why I didn't think of the soap before. I usually do try to make the punishment fit the crime however I drew a blank on this one which is why I was probably headed in the direction I was. Again, this is why I joined and asked for everyone's input.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Thank you! *smiles* If you don't have a gag, you can always use a clothespin on the lips or tongue....or a couple of chopsticks and rubber bands....or a 9-volt battery.....

[BlackDom32]

Red, you are a bad influence on me. I like that

[Flaming_Redhead]

It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of such. *evil grin*

Umm...I mean...who? Moi??? *tries to look all innocent and shit*

[denuseri]

Is this an online or real life relationship thats developing?

[BlackDom32]

This is real life. I'm not a fan of online and actually have another thread on that running to try to figure out the whole online thing.

[Ozme52]

An excellent training tool is position practice.

First assign visually appealing positions that for her will induce a contemplative mood as well as instill her sense of correct posture.

On her knees sitting back on her haunches, body erect, hands on her thighs, palms up. Or I call call it. Position One. Five minutes to start, more later as she grows stronger. Daily. She should be in this position when stressed or nervous. She should be in this position just before doing tasks for you, or just waiting for you... thinking about the joy her submission brings you.

Position Two transitions nicely from position one. She need only bring her hands up and clasped behind her neck. Displaying herself for you or your guests. Available for inspection and fondling and general play. Her knees are equally wide as position one, or wider if necessary to make her available of checking her readiness for you... for indeed, her anticipation of being used should make her wet. When you add this postion, five minutes at a time.

Position Three transitions from position two, she need only lower her upper body to the bed (or floor) and reach between her knees to clasp her ankles. A form of self bondage.
Clearly, this is a position that allows further and deeper inspections. It is a position in which she knows she is offering herself for your use. It is also a position in which she knows you may play with her ass should you be one who enjoys applying your hand or a paddle, flogger, whip or cane. Or if she deserves a punishment (and you are so inclined,) it is a position in which she must not only offer herself to you, she must maintain her grip on her ankles. Ten minute sets once you add this.

I sometimes let my girl masturbate for me from this position, hand or dildo, because she has done such a good job making herself ready and available for me.

BTW, these are also great training tools for when you are absent, or for an online sub. Just give her specific instructions to chant a mantra or thank you by name, and an image of her to put in her mind, whether it be you in your customary clothing, or holding your crop, or just you "watching" her (my favorite.)

[Ozme52]

There are two more I use for training which I can share if you like these and you find they are working for you.

One for begging, one for strengthening her legs so she can become and even more excellent fuck. ;)

And of course, I highly recommend you have her do kegals in any and all of these positions while she practices them.

[denuseri]

Well, as my Owner if fond of saying the best one to train you is your submissive.

Sounds funny right? But It is her you will be dominating after all. Her wants needs and desires you are taking responsibility for right? Her life you will be holding literally in your hands right? What works for one sub doesnt nessesarally work for all, every single submisive is unique.


This doesnt mean you are not the leader it just means you plan on being a good one when you learn how to "Know thy submissive better than thyself".

Experienced or not she will allways be your best guide, learn how to read her responses to a variety of stimuli, sit down with her and discuss it all. Your best inspiration for her training will come from her. I can not say enough times that communication is key. No reason it cant be fun, you can even make it seem like an interogation of sorts. I answer questions best when holding my cheeks open and my face is to the floor. lol

Honestly find out what her expectations are? Then figure out what yours will be, come up with a plan together then stick to it during play especially (the middle of a session is no time to change the rules on her especially with hard limits).

Keep it safe sane and consensual.

Is she also a member of this site and if so why not?

There is a great Tasking society here for doms and subs, as well as a special section called the womb for submissives only that help people grow in thier respected roles.

There is also a section in the tasking society just for people to share "tasks" and scenarios.

As FRH said I too am fond of the punishment fitting the crime. I am also extra fond of not being punished on a whim for new girls in a fashion that makes it a reward. This misconstrues the boundary between play and punnishment in a girls mind. The distinction should allways be very fair and clear.

You could start her where a lot of us do and teach her the basic slave poses and how to transition fluidly from one to the other. Speech training can be done right at the same time.

Here is a link to the thread where I placed the discriptions of the 48 positions my owner likes for me to keep in mind, if you need any inspiration. The positional discriptions start on post 20.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15978&highlight=kajira

Good luck.

[Ozme52]

Well, as my Owner if fond of saying the best one to train you is your submissive.


denu, that might be good advice if he had asked about getting training for himself. That doesn't mean life isn't one long learning experience...

But how does his inquiry imply he was asking for Dom training?

[girlwearingglasses]

please could you tell us more about the leg strengthening position ...

[WyldWyl]

Odd. I was going to say almost exactly the same things as Ozme. Even the positions I used to train my rose were very similar. Anyway, they're great suggestions, and I heartily recommend them.

One thing he touched on but didn't really take further is the idea of a mantra. This is basically a set phrase of a few lines that the sub can repeat to herself, either internally or alound. I try to create a statement that gives the sub both a place to feel secure, and a thing to aim for. A sort of combination identity and mission statement. It takes a while to have effect, but combined with the position training it can soon give your sub a shortcut switch into a happy, submissive state of mind.

This is particularly helpful if you combine it with making her recite it for you in odd situations, say while she's kissing your feet, being beaten or right on the edge of orgasm. Watching her try and get it out while struggling not to cum is always entertaining.

Hope these help.

[Ozme52]

please could you tell us more about the leg strengthening position ...

Ahhh. Found the thread you asked me about I guess.

Basically, on your back, legs spread wide, weight on your shoulders and feet, so that you can lift your buttocks up off the floor or bed.

You do so in a manner that invites your dominant (or bed partner) to use you. You do so in a manner that shows you can be mounted and can actively pleasure your partner from the submissive position.

It will tighten your thighs, calves, as well as your butt. It will help your pelvic girdle. Combine it with kegels and you will become a tight cockmilking machine.

Phew... now I'm horny too!!

PS. For all intents and purposes, this is equivalent to the kajira position Sula-Ki (in case you want to look it up or find an illustration.)

[girlwearingglasses]

wow. i like your style.
i'll give that "exercise" a try.
thank you for getting back to me, i'm quite intrigued.

[MstrWolf_ncs_lilbrat]

i remember when i first started being slave. i'd never had a master before, and things sounded so strange to say because i had never said them before. Master didn't say anything about it, but he took me to the edge of climax and had me beg Him. That's how He trained me to say the right things lol...it was pretty effective because i didn't care so much about how stupid or inexperienced it might sound coming out (no pun intended). After that it wasn't an issue at all. But i feel like if this girl is new, adding weights to her nipples every time she speaks out of turn might be a bit harsh to begin with, but then, i don't know how much advice you want to take from me considering i'm not a switch and don't know the first thing about training someone. All i know is that i would think, "holy shit if he's being so strict now what if i make a bigger mistake later?" And then i might be so scared to upset or disappoint you in some way that i wouldn't be as open about my slavery (or submission...not sure which she is)...i would hold back for fear of messing up. You gotta give her room to grow, and if she's new, she's going to fuck up...be gentle.

[razor91]

Hi everyone I am new sub here....