Online Vs Real Life

[BlackDom32]

I've noticed that many of the people in the scene I've met online as well as some in real life have online Master/Mistresses. Am I missing out on something? The question is as a dom, I love the touch of leather in my hand, feeling my sub quiver as they feel cold steel imprison their body. I don't understand how I could ever receive as much from having an online sub, nor how the sub could receive as much from me. So without trying to make this a complaint festival, maybe some of you could impart your online experience and how you deal with an online sub. Thanks in advance

[shayna{L_D}]

Oh lord the imfamous Online Vs. Real Life thread, how many of these are going around?

So you dont have to dig. Ill just say my part and leave it at that. For some people they have never expierenced anything in real life. Like me i started out online, i didnt know a lick about BDSM, D/s nothing. I came here to learn and expand my mind so to speak.

Then how do you know if you really like doing bondage if you havent tried it? Thats where having an online Dom/me can help. you can webcam with them, they can make you do tasks and its up to you to complete them and not lie about it. They can guide you by giving you advice and you can be open with other subs about your fears, whats wrong and or right and whats good or bad. The joy of a forum is that you get varity.

I was with a Dom online for some time, and never met him, but through him i tasked and learned about what i may like and what i may not like. Different pains that i may like and not like. Clothespins, crops, belts, ice, etc.

Sometimes certain people cant move to real life, becuase they are either married in real life to someone who is vanilla, and or they cant find anyone that is close enough to them that is into D/s or bondage. Believe me there are a lot of little towns that people live in where they cant just go to some local munch right down the road and pick up a Dom. Some people have to travel VERY far to get to a "local" munch. Either way this is why some people choice to keep it online, becuase they are either cheating on there other half, or they are in an open relationship but the other open side can only be online, and or they just cant find someone to be with in there town that is understanding.

I moved to real life about a year ago, it doesnt compare to online at all. Of course the touch of rope, leather, your sub or Dom/mes hand isnt the same as if you were on the computer, lets not be stupid now. Do i down-play online relationships? Never that. Ones connection on the computer can be just as strong if it was in real life. I know some people that have online relationships and they see their online Dom at least once a year, so its sorta in real life and sorta online. Long distance D/s relationships are commonplace, so the computer is a very vital component in there relationship. (or the phone)

Would i ever go back to being online? Not if i can be with someone in real life. I am greatful that i have met my Dom (not from this site) in real life and that we can have a real life connection verses just a mental one (using the computer) but not everyone is as lucky or can find it so quickly or at all.

Sometimes people have online Master/Mistress online just for tasking purposes and or for some mental play. When they have someone in real life that will beat the shit out of them, but maybe arnt good at mental play and or tasking.

Not saying that you have but dont ever down play the relationship of someone online. I know many many people from a D/s stand point and a vanilla stand point that have met there other half (that they are now married to) online. Seriously. Its do-able, the sensations may not be there but the mental connection can be much stronger.

end of my rant. Someone else take over

[Belgarold]

Shayna, great rant, and I agree totally. I have had r/l subs AND online subs and they are different but online can be almost as fulfilling as real life and it certainly works for me now.

The argument IS tired and even though I will give the creator of this thread the benefit of the doubt, most of the threads now and in the past were there to somehow express the superiority of the dom asking the question.

If you are a real life dom or sub that doesn't GET online? That is your prerogative, you don't ever have to do it. It does NOT mean that you are any MORE a dom or sub than those who do, however.

Since I have experienced both, I find you have to be MORE creative online. Yes, the offline experiences are more fulfilling. Nothing can match touching a real person. But I and my online subs have had no problem in having a lot of fun.

[BlackDom32]

Thanks for your input. I was just curious about the online D/s and didn't quite understand. Your post in particular was most helpful Shayna, so thank you. Belgarold, I do agree that if I don't get it, that it is my prerogative however I was looking more towards the reason/fulfillment one receives from the online experience. I also thank you for your input.

[shayna{L_D}]

your welcome BlackDom and im sorry if i came off bitchy.

[BlackDom32]

Nah, I took the comment for what it was.. Honesty

[denuseri]

Like with all things in life, bdsm or otherwise, you get what you put into it.

Ive done both types myself alltough I was admitably sceptical when I first started as I was many years in real life prior and never imagined online would be "all that".

The following is a post of mine on a similar topic:


"Many here dont know or remember what kind of cyberslut i was when i first got here, whisper whisper whisper, i used to be allways in whisper lol

i have a certianly seen and done all of those online catagorial discriptions myself, i didnt classify them the same way exactly, i used to call it the five forms of cyber sex or online bdsm

1) foreplay in the lobby: hi how are you today, nice weather, yes, oh really, cool... ... ... etc etc etc ... ... flirting... ... teasing... ... .... i looked at your profile ...etc...etc...etc,..... want to pm?
(or coure if its a "Troll" you usually skip straight to whisper with: "hey baby your hot get on your knees slut" unless its a shy troll with manners than its in whisper again out of the blue with:" mind if we pm?" LOL, or the veteran troll, that says nothing much in chat to anyone but follows the rules at least and asks permission to pm in the lobby first. giggles

2) First person action/cyber fun:this ussually happens in whisper or private chat, or with the pic sharing web cam crowd on yim or sumthing, this is where i as a submissive, preform in real life what i am told to do (sans web cam in my case), for the girls with web cams i might remind you to charge some money or sumthin i mean sheesh i dont do even close to any real sex at my nite job dancing and i make bank! (also btw the flicker girls make mad cheddar for what your doing for free) not to mention your cam session may be streamed by the guy all over the internet or sold by him at a profit lmao in a sad way, now dont get me wrong this form of cybersex is in my opinion the most fun if you have a real good dom giving directions that has patience and understands you type better with two hands, i know more than a few that excelled at this type of dominance, some of the tasks they order are highly erotic, and the ones that know thier business are great, the vast majority of them however are ussually lacking in imajination, and thats where reverse mentoring comes in (some call it topping from the bottom) but i am sorry if a guy obviously doesnt know what he is doing here then he needs some help (carrot and stick as my owner calls it)

3) fantasy role play real time online: now this one is just like reading a dirty story, but getting to participate at the same time, it takes time, and is sometimes done in the forums, but if you have three hours to blow its worth it with a well versed dom/domme into doing short scenes in chat (whisper private room, etc) and some times rather exciting, especially if you can type with one hand real good like me

4)poof, pretend we are in real life right now: not big on scene discriptions but still wanna have story orientated cyber sex? then this is for you, its like poof , majically you pretend to be in the other personas pressence, some do it in the lobby, whisper, open chat, dungeon, where have you, you simply describe your actions in text, just please dear lord for any others in the lobby that have to see your posts, try to be more descriptive instaed of just "this slut obeys" or "i suck sirs cock" or" ohhhh omg ohhh ohhh sir mmmph" etc etc winks

5)forum/ email role plays: cyber sex for the people that dont mind taking a long long time to get the job done, again this form is like other roleplays, and is even more like actual writting your part of a story as opposed to any actual roleplay, so the name is kinda ironic, but for the "writers" this form of erotisim is very fufilling and gives a sence or permacy, but in my opinion is just as much cyber sexing as first person or any of the above catagories

Sufice to say the only form bdsm or any sex takes isnt just physical penetration in real life eaither, from a knowing glance and flirting to between the sheets the mating rituals of earthbound humans are complex to say the least with many different perspectives and diffenitions and of course human nature is to self justify guilty pleasures in many many ways and to downplay there signumancy

food for thought for all you that think cybering with another while you have an online only dom (which some find laughable to begin with- I used to be one of them till I discovered its allmost just as much fun) or real life dom is wrong : each time you read a dirty story (let alone roleplay etc) your having sex with the authors/doms mind, even if its indirect, especially if your personifing yourself into the main characters role, cyber sex and bdsm has many many forms just like real life, WEG

[Ozme52]

I always love how the subs rush to the fore to answer questions asked of dominants. ;)

While all useful and welcome information as to circumstances and even methods, I heard in your question that you were curious what the dom would get out of it.

Well, from a D/s perspective, there is the underlying power exchange and resulting control. So even though I am primarily an in-the-flesh (itf or r/l, if you prefer,) dom, and there is nothing in online to compare to
the touch of leather in my hand, feeling my sub quiver as they feel cold steel imprison their body - seeing for yourself the look in her eyes knowing she will soon feel your touch... the touch of her skin beneath you fingers... and the sting of her flesh against your palm...

The appeal of being capable of bringing out your girls' submissive side, of training them to cum, to be thinking of you throughout their day, to clearly need your approval, can be heady... satisfying... and is a great way to stay both aroused and in practice.

I have learned that there is a cadence to be found in chat, that can translate to voice skills in person. I can make my girl cum by voice command alone. Some come to it more easily, some never at all... but I have been successful in doing so in a number of instances.

They say the mind is the most erogenous zone you have. If so, then being able to communicate erotically is as important to your sub as being able to act erotically. So there is pleasure to be gained therein as well.

And finally, from a particularly selfish perspective... the very best itf subs I've found, I found online. If you can attract those who are the most ready and in need of an itf relationship to you online, the rewards, both physical and mental, are superb.

[shayna{L_D}]

No need for harsh words.

This could be answered by a sub or Dom, or so i felt and BlackDom didnt seem to have a problem with me answering. So i am not in the wrong.

[Ozme52]

No need for harsh words..


Well, first of all. Show me the harsh words? Second, I winked. Not in any way an angry motie. Third, I said the information was useful and welcome.

But when a dom does speak up and asks an opinion of the dominant community... I think the fact that we get inundated with submissive commentary makes us tend to keep to ourselves.


This could be answered by a sub or Dom, or so i felt

Dealt with a lot of online subs as an online dom have you?

Just saying. We get chided a lot for not being as vocal about things as the subs are, and it's true. I wonder why. Maybe because subs take offense where none was given? So....

...well, enough of that because I didn't intend to hijack this thread.

[thepast]

*blows my whistle* Down shayna, down. LOL... Oz was just makin a joke ;-) He's a green wizard... completely harmless... most of the time, at least *eyes jeanne*...

Look, let's be honest. There are benefits to r/l relationships you can't get o/l. There are also benefits o/l you can't get r/l. As T always says, "eating chocolate ice cream makes you hate it if you eat it every single day." THAT is why many people use a combo of o/l and r/l. They may have a r/l mate, but o/l gives them that "something different." Others start one way and roll another. People (as shayna also mentioned) may have factors restricting their ability to meet in r/l, but might have an expanse of o/l possibilities...

I would say this. Be CLEAR in your desires w/a sub, or sub w/ a Dom. If you want r/l, and your partner only wants o/l, it's headed for disaster. A good solid chunk of relationships break up because of differing expectations... so it's all about openness and honesty.

Additionally, there is a GREAT expanse of o/l types of relationships. Some are an hr a day on a messanger. Some include r/l tasking. Some incl. webcams. Some incl. a phone or txt messaging. It really just depends on what the couple prefers. Same can be said for r/l. Some couples meet a few times a yr, others a few times a month or a few times a week, and still others live together, either having a deep bedroom kink or living some form of D/s 24/7. Again, REALLY just depends on the couple & what you want. I can't say it enough... having clear expectations & communicating them w/your partner is critical. Sure, the relationship may change direction, etc, or may expand/contract over time... but starting out w/some realistic expectations often helps quell disagreements & arguments...

If you are someone that needs to touch things to make them "real" to you, I would suggest you might do better w/ a r/l partner. If you are perfectly happy w/mental play & don't need to touch, but maybe only need to see, then you might be great with o/l...

That confuse you enough? LOL...

[Dr_BuzzCzar]

Well, first of all. Show me the harsh words? Second, I winked. Not in any way an angry motie. .

I read her post and her edit to mean she removed her harsh words. Of course there's the odd chance I'm wrong. It could happen:cool:

[thepast]

Ok... if I wasn't clear before, and I must not have been since I have recieved multiple PMs & 15 people have viewed the thread since I put in my post...

FLAMMING IS NOT TOLERATED. You can NOT insult anyone. Keep the posts on topic. If you feel insulted, contact an admin & stop posting. ANY further off topic discussions will be removed & admin action may be taken.

KEEP IT ON TOPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nighttimestar]

I've noticed that many of the people in the scene I've met online as well as some in real life have online Master/Mistresses. Am I missing out on something? The question is as a dom, I love the touch of leather in my hand, feeling my sub quiver as they feel cold steel imprison their body. I don't understand how I could ever receive as much from having an online sub, nor how the sub could receive as much from me. So without trying to make this a complaint festival, maybe some of you could impart your online experience and how you deal with an online sub. Thanks in advance



I am going to to put my 2 cent in first.... Ideally I would love to find a something in the Real Life... The troubles i run in too is on how to meet people that share you interests, in a Respectful, way that is very non confrontational Setting and relaxing.

Then Online. See if you have the same interests, chat for a bit nothing to personal "coke or pepsi" "Tribune or Sun". and then eventually meet up in a safe place. And get to know to some more and a little deeper about each other
Once each is comfortable then play.

I am not a fan of online playing. Its just one dimensional for me. i rather feel, hear the snap of the whip then read *snap* on a computer screen :icon176:

NTS~~

[jeanne]

He's a green wizard... completely harmless... most of the time, at least *eyes jeanne*...

Oh yes. Completely harmless.

~waiting for lightning to strike me~

:p



As T always says, "eating chocolate ice cream makes you hate it if you eat it every single day."

What is wrong with that man? :rolleyes: Hate chocolate ice cream? Maybe if I ate it for every meal....nah. I'd still love it. :D

All the rest though - I agree.


i rather feel, hear the snap of the whip then read *snap* on a computer screen :icon176:


Ditto.

[Belgarold]

I too, Blackdom, am sorry for any harshness in my post. It is just that I have seen those that have used that question to express the distaste of those that do online play.

And I for one, am a dom that appreciates the input from EVERYBODY, subs and doms and do not like the implication that all are not welcome here.

For me there are differences and each have their pleasures. The main difference, for me, is that I have to check in more when conducting online play. In real life play I can check in with the submissive by looking into her eyes or by her reactions. Not as easy with online.

Online can be just as intense however. It is definitely built more into mind play. Also, in my case, I use roleplay in conjunction with tasking and such with online play.

I hope this helps.

[shayna{L_D}]

:wave:

[FirstBorn]

Maybe im feeling old and tired this morning. But i really cant be bothered with a sub that dont match my likes and dislikes. Sure i can go play with a non perfect match for a night and such.

But i realised long ago that just being young pretty and sub doesnt cut it with me. Most likely same thing goes for the subs out there but some and especially the newcomers tend to have wery limited understanding of limits and actual desires other than being dominated (my personal experiences).

So where does online play come into all this? Well i can get om my keyboard most anytime and chat up a sub online. Obviusly if i wanted to meet her IRL id go to a danish or atleast scandinavian chat. But thats not really the point.

My online games are pretty much explorations of other peoples sexual deisres and the things they like in play. Sometimes that turns out not matching what i want to spend time, money and effort on trying out IRL but still a rewarding insight offering inspiration for other games.

The last couple of subs i met were from online games and should i go seeking again itd probably be online. Spending weeks exploring and discussing likes and dislikes online pretty much gets rid of discussions youd have to have IRL before getting anywhere. Obviusly youll still need to evaluate and have debriefings once leather meets flesh.

But the perfect dom that i sometimes see subs expecting is better armed for perfection with a bit of online fantasy exploration under his belt. (prolly ill screw up anyways, but hey live and learn)

[Miner]

I always love how the subs rush to the fore to answer questions asked of dominants. ;)

While all useful and welcome information as to circumstances and even methods, I heard in your question that you were curious what the dom would get out of it.

----snip----
The appeal of being capable of bringing out your girls' submissive side, of training them to cum, to be thinking of you throughout their day, to clearly need your approval, can be heady... satisfying... and is a great way to stay both aroused and in practice.

I have learned that there is a cadence to be found in chat, that can translate to voice skills in person. I can make my girl cum by voice command alone. Some come to it more easily, some never at all... but I have been successful in doing so in a number of instances.

They say the mind is the most erogenous zone you have. If so, then being able to communicate erotically is as important to your sub as being able to act erotically. So there is pleasure to be gained therein as well.



I agree with you on both counts Oz. Met my girl o/l (I originally started in r/t a long time ago - before electricity, never mind confusers), made a strong mental connection with her o/l (oh yes, indeed - the mind is most certainly the biggest erogenous zone), moved on to r/t with her and am now married to her.

O/l and r/t are different - o/l is primarily mental, r/t is mental and physical. But that's really a minor distinction in the great scheme of things. because other than that, both are very real.

Now to your other point, Oz. I agree - a question to doms deserves an answer from a dominant. And, as usual, the most prolific posters are submissives, who tend to get quite upset when someone points out that they have answered questions posed of dominants. The sheer volume of submissive input, at times, swamps the dominants on here. And I will admit that there are times when I read what a subbie has written, disagree, but can't be bothered answering because of the way some subbies here react to criticism. In other words, I have better things to do with my time than get into an on-line argument with someone with whom I do not share (nor wish to share) a relationship.

I have no problem with subbies posting where ever they wish to post. However, perhaps in some ways I'm just old school enough to get a little annoyed (hear my eye-brow cocking, girls) when subbies come over all dominant-like when someone says something they don't wish to hear.