Wiley Hunter
03-06-2009, 09:08 PM
I've been playing around with writing stories that contain only conversation--no description at all. I find that the more description that is added to a story the more tedious I find it. As an example, it can take several paragraphs to describe a certain type of binding, information that could be transferred in a single picture. I enjoy neither writing nor reading those types of descriptions, even if it is necessary to the story.
I also found, especially with stories written by VP Viddler and Pamela7, that the story became much more intense as soon as it became heavy on dialog. A lot was happening that the reader couldn't see, could only imagine, but that was the power of well-written dialog. In my own writing, too, my dialog has been weak.
I've posted several stories that contain only conversation on this site; here is a new one that is a bit more one-sided than those. I'm curious about people's opinion. It's unfinished, with only two more scenes to go.
Wiley Hunter
-------------
"You bitch!"
"What the...???"
"You fucking bitch!"
"Get out. Get out of my office!"
"Shut up, bitch, just shut your fucking mouth and sit down. Sit down!"
"Ah. Get your hands off me. Get off. Ah! You're hurting me!"
"I said SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"Jesus, Tom, what the fuck? You push me, you slap me, you're fucked. If you don't leave right now I'm going to call the cops and have you arrested."
"Really, Stephanie? You're really going to call the police with my hands around your neck? You're really going to speak when you can't even breath? Ah, yes, that's better, that pretty little face of yours gasping for breath, your hands pulling at my wrists. I like that. I like it a lot, shutting you up. This is even better, here, my belt around that throat of yours. Feel it cutting off your air, bitch? Huh, bitch? Where's your smart mouth now? Huh?"
"Please, Tom, please..."
"Tell me, Stephanie, tell me what you said to the boss to have him threaten my job? Or did you just shake your tits in front of him, or maybe gave him a blowjob, huh? What the hell do you know? You're what, one year out of college? What the hell do you know? Tell me!"
"Nothing, nothing. I didn't say anything. Really, I promise!"
"Lying bitch! Boss man told me it was you, told me you were complaining about my work and my attitude. Stupid cunt! I bet he was staring at those long, sexy legs of yours the whole time you were talking to him, wasn't he? Bet you flashed him some cooz under one of these miniskirts you love to wear every day. What did you promise him, slut? You want my job? What were you willing to do, cunt?"
"Please, please Tom. I didn't..."
"Shut it, whore. Shut it now. You keep lying to me and maybe I don't loosen this belt until you stop breathing altogether. Are you fucking him, Stephanie? Are you fucking the boss man? You letting him get a feel of these nice, soft titties of yours? Hmmm. They feel good, nice and soft and round, just a little bigger than my hand, and the way your nipple is poking into my hand, I like it, I like it a lot."
"Stop, stop please, please stop. Please."
"Nice tears, Stephanie, very nice tears. I like them. I bet you weren't crying when you screwed me, were you? Feeling them is nice, but I want to see them, see what every guy in the office has wanted to see since you started, those gorgeous tits of yours. Ah, here we go. I love a woman's tits pushed up by her bra. Nice. Very nice. Oh, and don't worry, the office is empty--even the janitorial staff has left for the evening. It's just you and me, Stephanie, all night long."
"Oh god, oh god. Please Tom, please, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I'll talk to him, I'll tell him I was wrong...aaaahhhhhgggg!"
"Shut your hole. Just shut it, you lying bitch. You really think I'm going to believe anything you say, you cunt? You screwed me, cunt, so I'm going to screw you, I'm going to hurt you so badly you'll wish you'd never been born, and I'm going to start with these sweet tits of yours, but first I need to shut that pie-hole of yours. A couple of rags and some packing tape from the mail room--you like the way it tastes, bitch? I like the way it looks on you, I especially like the tears streaking your face. You are gorgeous; too bad you're such a bitch. Feel that? Just a phone cord, but it does the job, doesn't it--keeps your arms and hands behind you; hurts too, doesn't it? That's because I've pulled the elbows almost together behind your back. It does lovely things to your chest, though. Now, down on your back. It's time for you to start paying for being such a manipulative, cock-teasing bitch.
...
...
"Damn, Stephanie. Hurting your tits really turned me on. That smooth white flesh all red and bruised makes me so fucking hard. And the way you begged me to stop hurting you with those big brown eyes of yours even as you sobbed and writhed in pain...delicious. Can you see my cock through my pants, bitch? It's all for you. Every inch of it. Let's get you to your feet now, Stephanie. I want to see that sweet ass of yours.
"Does it hurt, bitch, your tits squashed against your desk? I hope so. But don't worry, I'm going to take your mind off of your tits. Let's get this pretty skirt around your waist...ah, there, what a sweet ass, and great panties there bitch...oh man, great ass, great ass bitch. I've always loved those sexy legs of yours, but your ass is better, much, much better. Let's turn it nice and red. Ah. Ah. What a wonderful sound, leather against a bitch's flesh. Keep squirming bitch, it just turns me on more. What a great shade of red your ass is, cunt. Fight me, bitch. Scream. I want you to feel it, you teasing cunt!
"Jeez, Stephanie, you tired my arm out. What? No fight left in you? Ah, that got a squeal out of you--figures. You're going to have a hard time sitting down for the next week or so. It'll be something to help little teasing sluts to remember not to fuck with people's jobs. Don't worry, though, we're not done yet. I'm going to rape you now, rape that sweet, beaten ass of yours. That's right, that's right, fight me. Make the sexy body of yours squirm. Ah, god, feel it bitch! Feel it! Feel my cock up your tight ass. Ah god, your ass is going to tear the skin off my prick. Oh jeez, that's better; a little blood will make things easier. How do you like it, bitch? How does it feel, getting fucked over? Remember this, cunt, remember my cock tearing apart your ass the next time you think to cross me, you little bitch. Ah, ah, get ready, get ready, here it comes, you bitch, you fucking cock-teasing whore!
"Damn, Stephanie, you've got a sweet asshole. Usually I'd be up for a second round but you've drained me. Now, I'm sure you're thinking right now that after I untie your arms--heh, you look so hopeful there--you're going to call the police and have me arrested for teaching you a lesson you should have learned a long time ago--not to fuck with a man's livelihood. Just think about this, though, bitch. I'm the smart one; my older brother is the sadistic one. He'd be awfully pissed if anyone screwed with his little brother, and I wouldn't even want to think about what he would do to some piece of cunt that accused me of raping their ass. I suspect that she'd wish that she'd died about five minutes after he started. Oh, by the way, did I forget to mention that he's a made man? I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early, Stephanie. Trust me, I'll be looking forward to it."
...
...
"Hello Stephanie, how're you doing?"
"What! What the hell! What are you doing here, you bastard?"
"Well, it seems you've been avoiding me, leaving early, not leaving your office much, that kind of thing. But you stayed late tonight, didn't you?"
"Don't come near me, don't."
"What are you going to do
I also found, especially with stories written by VP Viddler and Pamela7, that the story became much more intense as soon as it became heavy on dialog. A lot was happening that the reader couldn't see, could only imagine, but that was the power of well-written dialog. In my own writing, too, my dialog has been weak.
I've posted several stories that contain only conversation on this site; here is a new one that is a bit more one-sided than those. I'm curious about people's opinion. It's unfinished, with only two more scenes to go.
Wiley Hunter
-------------
"You bitch!"
"What the...???"
"You fucking bitch!"
"Get out. Get out of my office!"
"Shut up, bitch, just shut your fucking mouth and sit down. Sit down!"
"Ah. Get your hands off me. Get off. Ah! You're hurting me!"
"I said SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"Jesus, Tom, what the fuck? You push me, you slap me, you're fucked. If you don't leave right now I'm going to call the cops and have you arrested."
"Really, Stephanie? You're really going to call the police with my hands around your neck? You're really going to speak when you can't even breath? Ah, yes, that's better, that pretty little face of yours gasping for breath, your hands pulling at my wrists. I like that. I like it a lot, shutting you up. This is even better, here, my belt around that throat of yours. Feel it cutting off your air, bitch? Huh, bitch? Where's your smart mouth now? Huh?"
"Please, Tom, please..."
"Tell me, Stephanie, tell me what you said to the boss to have him threaten my job? Or did you just shake your tits in front of him, or maybe gave him a blowjob, huh? What the hell do you know? You're what, one year out of college? What the hell do you know? Tell me!"
"Nothing, nothing. I didn't say anything. Really, I promise!"
"Lying bitch! Boss man told me it was you, told me you were complaining about my work and my attitude. Stupid cunt! I bet he was staring at those long, sexy legs of yours the whole time you were talking to him, wasn't he? Bet you flashed him some cooz under one of these miniskirts you love to wear every day. What did you promise him, slut? You want my job? What were you willing to do, cunt?"
"Please, please Tom. I didn't..."
"Shut it, whore. Shut it now. You keep lying to me and maybe I don't loosen this belt until you stop breathing altogether. Are you fucking him, Stephanie? Are you fucking the boss man? You letting him get a feel of these nice, soft titties of yours? Hmmm. They feel good, nice and soft and round, just a little bigger than my hand, and the way your nipple is poking into my hand, I like it, I like it a lot."
"Stop, stop please, please stop. Please."
"Nice tears, Stephanie, very nice tears. I like them. I bet you weren't crying when you screwed me, were you? Feeling them is nice, but I want to see them, see what every guy in the office has wanted to see since you started, those gorgeous tits of yours. Ah, here we go. I love a woman's tits pushed up by her bra. Nice. Very nice. Oh, and don't worry, the office is empty--even the janitorial staff has left for the evening. It's just you and me, Stephanie, all night long."
"Oh god, oh god. Please Tom, please, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I'll talk to him, I'll tell him I was wrong...aaaahhhhhgggg!"
"Shut your hole. Just shut it, you lying bitch. You really think I'm going to believe anything you say, you cunt? You screwed me, cunt, so I'm going to screw you, I'm going to hurt you so badly you'll wish you'd never been born, and I'm going to start with these sweet tits of yours, but first I need to shut that pie-hole of yours. A couple of rags and some packing tape from the mail room--you like the way it tastes, bitch? I like the way it looks on you, I especially like the tears streaking your face. You are gorgeous; too bad you're such a bitch. Feel that? Just a phone cord, but it does the job, doesn't it--keeps your arms and hands behind you; hurts too, doesn't it? That's because I've pulled the elbows almost together behind your back. It does lovely things to your chest, though. Now, down on your back. It's time for you to start paying for being such a manipulative, cock-teasing bitch.
...
...
"Damn, Stephanie. Hurting your tits really turned me on. That smooth white flesh all red and bruised makes me so fucking hard. And the way you begged me to stop hurting you with those big brown eyes of yours even as you sobbed and writhed in pain...delicious. Can you see my cock through my pants, bitch? It's all for you. Every inch of it. Let's get you to your feet now, Stephanie. I want to see that sweet ass of yours.
"Does it hurt, bitch, your tits squashed against your desk? I hope so. But don't worry, I'm going to take your mind off of your tits. Let's get this pretty skirt around your waist...ah, there, what a sweet ass, and great panties there bitch...oh man, great ass, great ass bitch. I've always loved those sexy legs of yours, but your ass is better, much, much better. Let's turn it nice and red. Ah. Ah. What a wonderful sound, leather against a bitch's flesh. Keep squirming bitch, it just turns me on more. What a great shade of red your ass is, cunt. Fight me, bitch. Scream. I want you to feel it, you teasing cunt!
"Jeez, Stephanie, you tired my arm out. What? No fight left in you? Ah, that got a squeal out of you--figures. You're going to have a hard time sitting down for the next week or so. It'll be something to help little teasing sluts to remember not to fuck with people's jobs. Don't worry, though, we're not done yet. I'm going to rape you now, rape that sweet, beaten ass of yours. That's right, that's right, fight me. Make the sexy body of yours squirm. Ah, god, feel it bitch! Feel it! Feel my cock up your tight ass. Ah god, your ass is going to tear the skin off my prick. Oh jeez, that's better; a little blood will make things easier. How do you like it, bitch? How does it feel, getting fucked over? Remember this, cunt, remember my cock tearing apart your ass the next time you think to cross me, you little bitch. Ah, ah, get ready, get ready, here it comes, you bitch, you fucking cock-teasing whore!
"Damn, Stephanie, you've got a sweet asshole. Usually I'd be up for a second round but you've drained me. Now, I'm sure you're thinking right now that after I untie your arms--heh, you look so hopeful there--you're going to call the police and have me arrested for teaching you a lesson you should have learned a long time ago--not to fuck with a man's livelihood. Just think about this, though, bitch. I'm the smart one; my older brother is the sadistic one. He'd be awfully pissed if anyone screwed with his little brother, and I wouldn't even want to think about what he would do to some piece of cunt that accused me of raping their ass. I suspect that she'd wish that she'd died about five minutes after he started. Oh, by the way, did I forget to mention that he's a made man? I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early, Stephanie. Trust me, I'll be looking forward to it."
...
...
"Hello Stephanie, how're you doing?"
"What! What the hell! What are you doing here, you bastard?"
"Well, it seems you've been avoiding me, leaving early, not leaving your office much, that kind of thing. But you stayed late tonight, didn't you?"
"Don't come near me, don't."
"What are you going to do