how do you know?

[ravenbounduptight]

my friends and i talk alot about the different levels and areas that are D/s. He is labeled a "top heave switch", by His own words. (a better label would be rope slut, if it moves He ropes it, within a little reason). Mainly He is a rope top. He does bottom to only one person at this moment. i've asked Him before and He doesn't go into subspace at all. Infact, the one time i watched Him bottom to His Domme, the switch got flipped and He went from bottom to top in the blink of an eye. The signals got crossed that time.

That's one thing i've always wondered about switches, when and what sets off what side their mood/feelings lay on?

my other friend, again a Top heavy switch, is a different sort of switch. Where my first one, (i'll call Him Playful) He wont admit He has the mentality to be a bottom/get into subspace, she does when she is switching for someone she loves/is in a relationship with.

So those are two examples of top heavy switches in the same they'll only switch for one person and for everyone else they are the other. Now my question is i am and have alwys been a submissive. i have not had a desire to Top/Domme anyone. i don't want the responsibility or do i have the confidence to do it. It doesnt get my rocks off and it just seems "fake" when i even think of trying to top.

i go to local events and have fun, i relax and be myself. And everyone thinks i'm a switch. my friend, Playful, Tops me when we play and ropes me up. But at the same time He lets me get a bit. . .pushy, and this morning i tried something new (basically in the simplest form being a Domme). So i don't think i could be a Top for any long amount of time, because it does confuse me. So my long ass question comes to an end:

how do You know if your a switch? Oh and any thoughts on the different kinds/styles of switching would be lovely as well to talk about/go into with this thread.

~j~

[agog ab]

When i started on the library, i labeled myself a switch. However, as i researched more into things, i realized that i have a much more submissive personality. i tend to watch carefully over those that i respect and care for so that i may find ways to please and help them without having to be told over and over. i have also always been very attuned to the moods and personalities of others, so that i didn't cause them stress by my actions. This has always been who i am, even as a child.

That said, i am also the first person most of my friends come to for advice when they need a brutally honest opinion. i am pushy, and think i know what's best. One of my friends said once, "we don't come to you when we want something sugar coated." They also know i will do everything i can to help them and protect them if they need me.

i really believe for me, it's about the particular person. There are people i will never be the least bit sub to, and people who i couldn't Dom if i tried. With me, it's about my reaction to that person and our dynamic.

When it comes to sex/physical interaction, i definitely prefer to be a sub/bottom. In my opinion, that is a release for me, a way to let myself go, and Domming/topping at that time just doesn't get me where i need to be. Not to say a bit of "directed" topping can't be fun...:D

Anyway, i don't know if this helps at all, but it's something i think about alot as i tend to get the "are you a switch?" question quite often myself. And the people who've known me for years, before i figured out what i really am are truly shocked that i am submissive as i have tended to walk right over any man i've been involved with (which is probably why the relationships didn't work lol)

[denuseri]

Do you bottom to your employees at work or to your children when they they misbehave? Do you top the police oficer who has pulled you over for speeding or the coach of your basketball team at practice?

The above situations and whats considered appropriate interactions within any given dominance heirarchy between individuals is much easier to understand than judging if the person you meet in a club or some other setting (yes even online) is more or less dominant than you are, but thats only becuase they come to the table with recognized positions of auctoritas as opposed to dignatas which is somewhat more subjective.

How submissive or dominant one is with another person often depends upon the situation and the idividual dynamic between those involved.

This is especially evident when one is in a poly-group setting such as a formal "house" etc where there is often a Prime or Head Dominant or council of such, holding dominion over not only the subs but the other dominants as well and often times a "First" girl or Alpha sub, is given authority over the other submissives with varieing degrees of decending authority extending down within both the dominant and submissive quarters etc.

Once you wrap your head around the consept of existing in an dominance hierarchy in your day to day life (even if its unwritten most of the time) then you can realize there is no need to divorce D/s from your day to day world since it exists everywhere all the time (in other words the D/s aspect of bdsm is indeed a part of the world too, not some seperate thing that exists outside of normal vanilla behavior its even apparent in every level of nature from the micro to the macro level ) there is no more need for confussion anymore as to weather or not one is a "submissive" or a "dominant" since in effect we all switch behavioral orientations accordingly even if only on a sub-conscious level.

[denuseri]

How do you tell who is more dominant than you are in a casual bdsm setting?

Well thats going to be a very personal thing.

If I am alone at an event, or in a chat room, or just walking down the street, I watch how people are interacting with each other and then apply it to my own behavior where appropriate.

Dont get me wrong, I identify as a slave and a Gorean one at that, but that has little to do with how I carry myself with those who reside outside of my paticular condition of servitude or "circle of established dominion" other than I do strive to be a good reflection of my Owner's Dignatas. (I am not collared by anyone but my Owner, so the rest of you "outsiders" are technically free game until proven otherwise by his declaration or me by direct interaction) If my Owner recognizes you as having dominance over me somehow and or decides to share auctoritas (if only temporaraly_ which btw often happens between subs in a poly setting) with you over me, then we have a whole different ball of wax.

Of course if you do something thats just plain not very dominant imho with me, like oh say, begging and pleading for me to do something, or asking me to "fuck your ass good with a strap on while you call me Mammie" then you may find that in my eyes at least, your not all that dominant anymore etc. lol Winks.