View Full Version : help a girl out?
anxious girly
12-13-2009, 02:04 PM
Okay...so i'm new to this. gotta tell you i like typing in all lower case simply because it's easier...?lol! anyway, how does one figure out where they fit in? i can say without hesitation that i enjoy being submissive during sex and there is nothing i like better than being told i'm a good girl, but since i don't have a boyfriend or playmate in real life, how am i gonna explore my newfound interests in bdsm? i'm itching to start. can you help a girl out here?
Okay...so i'm new to this. gotta tell you i like typing in all lower case simply because it's easier...?lol! anyway, how does one figure out where they fit in? i can say without hesitation that i enjoy being submissive during sex and there is nothing i like better than being told i'm a good girl, but since i don't have a boyfriend or playmate in real life, how am i gonna explore my newfound interests in bdsm? i'm itching to start. can you help a girl out here?
Either seek out a Real Life group for your local area, or frequent a chat room. Either way you will make friends, connections and eventually find a person who piques your interest enough to want to play with them.
There is a chat room here, or you can find one on a few other kink sites around.
For a local group, search your local area for a group that has munches and such through one of these sites...
http://www.thedomsview.com/TDV/linksb.htm
http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html
http://www.fetishscene.com/fetishscene/cgi/main.cgi
TheSeeker
12-13-2009, 03:35 PM
how am i gonna explore my newfound interests in bdsm? i'm itching to start. can you help a girl out here?
welcome to the site
I am curious are you looking for an online fantasy affair
or something real
you might be a little disappointed if you are hoping to meet someone in person on this site
but everyone is willing to play fantasy games
epiphany
12-13-2009, 04:39 PM
Seeker that is not true....You can meet people in real life. You must be patient. There are times that people live near you or you can actually fly and meet them. You are being a pessimist. My glass is always half full...
Good luck in your search....
Ozme52
12-13-2009, 05:29 PM
I've met 20+ kinksters from this site.
MyOwnWorstEnemy
12-13-2009, 07:37 PM
"you might be a little disappointed if you are hoping to meet someone in person on this site"
While it does depend greatly on the effort put into finding someone on your part, your ability to be patient, and your ability to be sociable/your social skills, believing that you can find someone, and having the determination not to give up, I think it is totally possible to meet someone here. I met my first real life sub here. It was the best relationship I had ever had at that point. The relationship we had was very rewarding, enjoyable, educational, and fun! She later, after we where together, met a dom on this site to whom she is now married. I have also met several online subs here. Including the sub I have now, and she's wonderful. All of this given the fact that I have always been somewhat shy, and socially awkward. It is only within the last few years that I have started to change in this area for the better. And that, quite frankly, I know very few people here, yet I have met one person, and one of my two real life subs has met two people here (one she liked well enough to move for & marry) begs to differ with you...
welcom. feel free to ask people derectly. and take your time enjoy it for ti's full measure
anxious girly
12-13-2009, 08:53 PM
At this point I am looking for something online. I still may have the bopportunity in real life with a certain someone, although he brought all of this up to me and then walked away. Hopefully just for a mintue though, he's sort of skittish. But the brief introduction he gave me left me wanting more! Thanks to all of you for the information and support.
girly
anxious girly
12-13-2009, 08:53 PM
tee hee I said bopportunity. oops
RogerWilco
12-13-2009, 11:26 PM
I would love to help you discover how and where you fit in. I am relatively new myself but I do have a sub (tho she is in another country for another year). we talk all the time and I am learning more and more about subs and how they think. If i can be of any help please let me know. and there are MANY more experienced doms here that are willing and able to help. ask and ye shall recieve.
kyosai7
12-14-2009, 02:54 AM
The best advice I can give to find out your role, is to just relax, hang out, and see how things work out...
TheSeeker
12-14-2009, 07:39 AM
My glass is always half full...
Good luck in your search....
epiphany I am an engineer so whenever someone tells me the glass is half full or half empty I always must point out that the glass is the wrong size LOL (I know that is a horrible joke, engineers have little sense of humor)
good point all of you, anxious I hope you meet the right someone under the circumstances that are the most comfortable for you
Guera
12-14-2009, 03:56 PM
I like that joke, and it is the first thing that comes to mind when speaking of half full glasses...
carry on
Ozme52
12-14-2009, 04:21 PM
good point all of you, anxious I hope you meet the right someone under the circumstances that are the most comfortable for you
So... be more specific in your profile... location? Where in the west? Western Hemisphere? West Coast? Maybe West Texas or West Virginia? ;) The more you're willing to say, the more likely someone near you might make contact.
Archeon
12-14-2009, 04:34 PM
welcome to the site
I am curious are you looking for an online fantasy affair
or something real
you might be a little disappointed if you are hoping to meet someone in person on this site
but everyone is willing to play fantasy games
cynic, i met my fiance on this site, as well as several other people in real life.
Arch
anxious girly
12-14-2009, 08:15 PM
Thanks to all of your for your insight! The "anxious" in this girly is becoming more excited and less shy. You've all helped make me more comfortable in a short time!!!
anxious
this site has a tasking society, it will allow you to explore your submissive side through various tasks in a safe and positive environment. it might be worth a try
morwyn{Myrddin}
12-14-2009, 09:11 PM
Welcome to the site hon, and also to lifestyle in general. Chat is always a good place to start on here, meeting other crazy/beautiful ones teehee. BDSM is an amazing journey, one i know well as do many Others on here, so please do not hesitate to ask any questions, W/we do not bite (least MOST of us do not!)
Warmest warmest welcome!
LaMarrKee
12-14-2009, 10:13 PM
Finding someone real is like prospecting for gold; you may get lucky 1st time out, or you may have to sift a lot of gravel before you find your nugget. good luck in the seach; make haste slowly. Use your commn sense and learn and Use safetynets (including buried safecodes). Ask questions; the only 'dumb' questions are those unasked. Knowledge is power, and in this, can be difference between safety and serious damage. Finally, don't be afraid to say no, if what you are asked to do seems stupid, illegal, or dangerous; being submissive does not mean check your brain at the door with your clothes. If the supposed 'Sir' wants a doormat, tell him he can find one for a buck-99 at wally-world. And if all he wants is use of your holes, tell him to buy a blowup doll; they even have holes that vibrate. Unless he is interested in the you between your ears as well as between your legs, it is hard to build a lasting bond.
And on that, lecture is over...lol. If you have questions, this is a good site to ask; the folk are friendly, and well informed as a rule. it is a journey of self-discovery; bon voyage.
ppr128
12-14-2009, 11:34 PM
I don't often do this, but:
Finding someone real is like prospecting for gold; you may get lucky 1st time out, or you may have to sift a lot of gravel before you find your nugget. good luck in the seach; make haste slowly. Use your commn sense and learn and Use safetynets (including buried safecodes). Ask questions; the only 'dumb' questions are those unasked. Knowledge is power, and in this, can be difference between safety and serious damage. Finally, don't be afraid to say no, if what you are asked to do seems stupid, illegal, or dangerous; being submissive does not mean check your brain at the door with your clothes. If the supposed 'Sir' wants a doormat, tell him he can find one for a buck-99 at wally-world. And if all he wants is use of your holes, tell him to buy a blowup doll; they even have holes that vibrate. Unless he is interested in the you between your ears as well as between your legs, it is hard to build a lasting bond.
And on that, lecture is over...lol. If you have questions, this is a good site to ask; the folk are friendly, and well informed as a rule. it is a journey of self-discovery; bon voyage.
Quoted for truth.
Just don't let anyone brow-beat you. There s no One True Way for BDSM, just what does or does not work for you. Anyone who demands you do something your uncomfortable with is not worth talking to, let alone playig with.
I would suggest that, in addition to LMK's post above, that you insist on geting to know any prospective dom/me you meet for at minimum a week, more if you need it, just one a mundane, no-sex/BDSM basis. Anyone who is worth your time and attention will be willing to do that at least :)
The best way to meet people here, though, is to join the chat (when it's working, heh) and see how they get along with others and what their personality is like.
epiphany
12-15-2009, 12:14 AM
Finding someone real is like prospecting for gold; you may get lucky 1st time out, or you may have to sift a lot of gravel before you find your nugget. good luck in the seach; make haste slowly. Use your commn sense and learn and Use safetynets (including buried safecodes). Ask questions; the only 'dumb' questions are those unasked. Knowledge is power, and in this, can be difference between safety and serious damage. Finally, don't be afraid to say no, if what you are asked to do seems stupid, illegal, or dangerous; being submissive does not mean check your brain at the door with your clothes. If the supposed 'Sir' wants a doormat, tell him he can find one for a buck-99 at wally-world. And if all he wants is use of your holes, tell him to buy a blowup doll; they even have holes that vibrate. Unless he is interested in the you between your ears as well as between your legs, it is hard to build a lasting bond.
And on that, lecture is over...lol. If you have questions, this is a good site to ask; the folk are friendly, and well informed as a rule. it is a journey of self-discovery; bon voyage.
You need to register SIR....and introduce yourself please *wink*
Pflutter
12-15-2009, 07:21 AM
You need to register SIR....and introduce yourself please *wink*
Ooh, look who's getting all Domly on us!
Can I watch?
Srsly this is all such good advice and especially the reassurances to follow your own mind and heart when it comes to what kind of role you want to play in this kink multiplex. Trust yourself then it will be possible to trust others, although personally it's a lot of "two steps forward and one step back".
Some will not be worthy of your trust, know that going in. But the ones that are make up for it IMHO.
Stone
12-15-2009, 07:27 AM
Hmmm I guess ill pipe in on some of this...as far as meeting people from this site...it can and does ahppen ive met with 2 from this site.......peach is my girl she is on the site as a tasking coordinator for the taskee society and me on the taskers.....and i can say that even with my good luck of meeting peach you still have to exercise some sort of caution....talk is cheap...anyone can make an account on here and claim to be whatever they claim to be.....but claiming doesnt make it so....I have dealt with all sorts on here from out right posers to liars and of course good little girls like peach......the key would be to take it slow and do not rush.....as the saying goes "only fools rush in" now as for the glass half full/half empty thing......i just say why the fuck didnt they fill the fucking glass i mean come on if you are going to do something do it fully....its like getting half of a blow job and who wants that? fill the fucking thing up...lol
anxious girly
12-15-2009, 07:41 AM
i'm a smart girl. i've already had people message me and demand this and that, and get pushy. not gonna happen! wouldnt happen in real life and certainly won't happen here. i've read books and paid very close attention since i've been here, lots of forum reading and listening in chat (although it's hard to tell the players without a scorecard). i think that perhaps the tasking stuff is my next step. and btw, i am not here to step on toes or tick anyone off so tell me if i'm talking the wrong way to the wrong person please. feelings will not be hurt. just dying to get the ball rolling, and i don't think i'm moving to quickly, i have a good head on my shoulders. damn i wish the chat was up!!!! thanks again and keep the advice coming.
girly
Stone
12-15-2009, 07:59 AM
No problem and if a few words being said is stepping on toes well they need to get a life....you can not please all the people all the time honesty is always the best way to be if that crushes a few toes so be it...
rosebud
12-15-2009, 08:02 AM
now as for the glass half full/half empty thing......i just say why the fuck didnt they fill the fucking glass i mean come on if you are going to do something do it fully....its like getting half of a blow job and who wants that? fill the fucking thing up...lol
~Giggles~ i like my glass full and slightly running over! :D
You've gotten some good advice on here girly...i too, have met several members of the site, including my Master! Take your time, sweets and good luck to you! :)
epiphany
12-15-2009, 07:44 PM
Master Stone...
I agree with your statement Master Stone, Fill That Glass Up....I am short changing my self....;)
Lisa
thepast
12-15-2009, 07:53 PM
BULLSHIT I say, BULLSHIT! lol
I met an o/l Dom in chat once. Then I met him in r/l. Liked him too. Over time, he became my owner. In the vanilla world, he became my fiance. This past August, he became my husband.
Torq & I met in the chatroom here in 2005.
Schikabibbles to anyone who says you can't meet your life partner o/l! Shichkabobulations to anyone who says you can't meet your life partner in r/l! And sichkaridiculoustupidness to anyone who says you can't meet your life partner on the site! I'm living proof!!
On a side note, I've met a bunch of other folks from here in r/l. Played, hung out, drank coffee. Nice folks, not psychos. They do exist (the nice folks, not the psychos... though I guarantee they exist too lol).
anxious girly
12-15-2009, 07:58 PM
don't hold back delia, tell us how you really feel!! Love it!!!! and thanks!
curious_kitten
12-15-2009, 08:37 PM
At this point I am looking for something online. I still may have the bopportunity in real life with a certain someone, although he brought all of this up to me and then walked away. Hopefully just for a mintue though, he's sort of skittish. But the brief introduction he gave me left me wanting more! Thanks to all of you for the information and support.
girly
Me too, I was also left high and dry after honesty.
anxious girly
12-15-2009, 08:41 PM
what was your situation curious? how did it happen? same as me? got ya all hot and bothered, then, poof?
pranadevil
12-18-2009, 09:59 AM
Regarding the glass half full/half empty discussion, my view is "you see the glass half full, I see it's time for another, Hey waiter!"
As for people randomly contacting you and giving instructions, the only person you should ever follow any kind of instructions from (well, other than the laws of where you live and rules of whatever building you are in/forum you are on, obviously :P) would be your future master.
I've found that some people try and claim themselves as a master and so use that title to demand respect from those who wish to be submissive and thus try forcing them to do what they demand. All this of course does is run true submissives away from their true calling, and harm those who really don't know what they're doing. All the while giving those of us with common sense a bad name.
I'm always of the view that I give everyone respect until they show that they are undeserving of it. Even a sub who wishes to be used, abused, humiliated and generally treated as worthless, I will respect fully because it was her choice to put herself in that position and it is her choice to no longer accept it if that is her wish. Anyone making demands of someone without properly opening a discussion and getting to know you as a person and an individual first has already shown you nothing but disrespect and deserves nothing but the same in return.
I do of course hope that this mystery person does return as it would sound like you would ideally want him to come back so you can have your... bopportunity ;).
brwneydgirl
12-18-2009, 02:09 PM
you might be a little disappointed if you are hoping to meet someone in person on this site
I have to disagree with you wholeheartedly on this point, TheSeeker. I've met a few folks and they've been nothing but a pure pleasure.
Good luck, girly.
pranadevil
12-18-2009, 04:01 PM
they've been nothing but a pure pleasure.
See, that's where you're going wrong, it's the non-pure types on this site you should be looking for ;).
brwneydgirl
12-19-2009, 07:06 AM
See, that's where you're going wrong, it's the non-pure types on this site you should be looking for ;).
Who said I was going wrong?? :cool:
And besides, aren't we all just as pure as the driven snow?;)
hippie chick
12-19-2009, 08:06 AM
While I'm still pretty new to the site (I'm a recent reincarnate), I have had some really good conversations with a lot of the people around here. Chat is fun and you never know what conversation might occur.
As far as exploring / learning about your submissive side, online is a very simple solution. Talking about sexuality is the best way to learn about it. Once you get the mental juices flowing, well.....the physical ones will flow too. :)
agog ab
12-20-2009, 11:35 AM
i have also met people from this site, and have several people i consider friends, online and R/L from this site. It takes the same consideration and common sense as anything else. Good luck!
TheSeeker
12-20-2009, 11:48 AM
i have also met people from this site, and have several people i consider friends, online and R/L from this site. It takes the same consideration and common sense as anything else. Good luck!
common sense is unfortunately not all that common
sabrisadist
12-24-2009, 02:16 PM
Sometimes (just in may case), real life is cruel. I was into BDSM for years but as feeling interest and as a "gee I wish, I can find someone real for this". I found someone for BDSM partner in real first time, but several years after I married (my wife goes just vanilla). Now I have a discreet life between vanilla and BDSM, I have to play MBA (Married but Available), and now I have to deal with the guiltiness sense, I got used to it. I love my wife, but I love BDSM too.
I mentioned about my story because I believe, in your case, your situation is better than mine and you will likely have more bopportunity :-) there in US. I think, men are less conservative in BDSM and people there is more open minded (as far as I know).
sabrisadist
12-24-2009, 02:19 PM
Additionally I have no hope to find somebody else from this site as a real partner because I guess the closest person here is thousands miles away from my location.
I mean I have all the empty part of the glass, remaining are full for you :-) Please be optimistic.
Dark_Perversion
12-29-2009, 05:08 PM
Greetings
I came across your posting "help a girl out". I would be pleased if you would read my profile and especially my "D_P Greetings 12 03 08". Perhaps then you may be inclined to send me an email. I would also advise that your first "don't" would be to discount an older aged dominant male. You will learn at some point that age should not get in the way.