View Full Version : On the subject of collars......?
ravenbounduptight
12-19-2009, 07:50 AM
What does a collar mean to you?
To go on, i know that a collar means different things to different people, i know that there are different types of collars. i'm just wanting different opinions on the matter of what it means to different people.
my own personal thing is that a collar isn't something to be taken lightly, you don't get collared every other week online/real life to a different person. But at the same time nothing lasts forever. i don't want to insult anyone in the lifestyle, but i've had these problems lately with people thinking this that and the other, some people thinking they can touch me, some people thinking they can put me down (cause somehow they're a better submissive/slave then me). So after talking with my friend He has bought me a collar for when we go out in public that i can wear it and others will more or less get the idea not to touch what isn't theirs (somehow i find it amusing alot of Dom men can think they can talk to a girl any way they please with out knowing them).
Now my problem is that between me and Him we know what it means, (i'm not going to share all the details of that conversation). But our close friends have been in the lifestyle for years years years... and i don't want to offend them. So that's my really long ass reason to why i'm asking this.
~j~
Essentially you are wearing a collar of protection. If your friends are really your friends, and they've been in the lifestyle a little while, they should understand that concept.
To me a collar is representative of devotion to your Dom/Master/Sir. There can be different 'levels' of collar, but in the end what the collar means only matters to the couple involved. What anyone else assigns to it is of their own perceptions and assumptions.
ravenbounduptight
12-19-2009, 08:26 AM
Thank You. . .i do believe it's that and such, due to our group dynamics it's just going to be hard and i'm having doubts now. i'm a sub (sometime switchy) and He's a switch and our close friend is a Domme. somehow it works out great and i'm just alittle scared how she is going to take it. (smiles weakly, thank god He's gets to explain it). confused and worried is alittle bit how i feel.
~j~
Guera
12-19-2009, 08:57 AM
Why don't you ask for your Dom friend's input? I think she could only add to the significance and pride that is involved in your choice to wear this collar. As IDCD said, your collar is specific to you and yours and has a special purpose, so why not highlight that?
lot of Dom men can think they can talk to a girl any way they please with out knowing them gag, sigh, shit like that is one reason why WIITWD has such a bad rep. But, just like you (both) can choose why to use a collar in your relationship, they can choose to call themselves Dom. This is starting to sound like a human rights issue now. sigh.
Wiscoman
12-19-2009, 10:30 AM
I don't think you have to worry about offending anyone. This strikes me as no different than wearing a wedding ring when you go out, to ward off the horny. I don't know of any married people who take offense at that.
To paraphrase what pretty much everyone has said in this thread so far, what that collar means is what it means to you.
Ozme52
12-19-2009, 03:08 PM
Types of collars are as varied as the types of rings, some merely worn for decoration.
The contention when discussing this is that we use the same word for the act of declaring a closer bond and the item we use to signify it.
We don't do that with rings. One gets engaged and eventually married, we don't say they get "ringed".
So seeing a collar does not automatically mean you know the nature of the wearers' relationship.
Now, if you asked the question "what does it mean to you to be collared" you'll get a different flavor of answers. Still, some will answer with an adjective. Do you mean a play collar or a training collar or a collar of respect or one of ownership... so forget what I said, it is still an unknown.
We need better words. Like dating, going steady, engaged, and married. The verbs help us understand what the accompanying ring means.
Midnytedreams
12-21-2009, 06:14 PM
When my wife/sub fire is asked by others not in the lifestyle about the collar she wears 24/7 . She shows them her wedding ring and says this is so others will know I belong to him by law, then shows her collar and says this is so others know I belong to him by right.
Malvolio
12-22-2009, 12:14 PM
Among BDSM-people, being a collared slave does announce that you've got an owner / master / whatever. To me, that doesn't mean an uncollared slave can get ordered around (unless it's a specific party rule), that is still rude behaviour.
Privately, I like collars to put my sub on a leash, to tighten it uncomfortably – to play with, but there's also the kind of collar that makes the relationship more permanent. I'd probably go out and buy a special collar then, to differentiate from the play collar.
up front i have to tell you i am dyslexic. so excuse my spelling. collered or not a sub gives them self and that is not to be taken lightly. define for your selfs what it meas. tell non bdsm frends it is specal between you and yours. and then smile. it should make you feel safe if you and yours have agreed on what it means. it can be as powerfull as you want. above all enjoy it.
Kraus
12-22-2009, 03:55 PM
Among BDSM-people, being a collared slave does announce that you've got an owner / master / whatever. To me, that doesn't mean an uncollared slave can get ordered around (unless it's a specific party rule), that is still rude behaviour.
Privately, I like collars to put my sub on a leash, to tighten it uncomfortably – to play with, but there's also the kind of collar that makes the relationship more permanent. I'd probably go out and buy a special collar then, to differentiate from the play collar.
I have to agree with this, as I have two collars for mistik. One a public collar that consists of an O ring on a silver chain. The other the typical leather play collar. Both are important to us. Oddly enough in no one on either side of our family or friends has ever questioned her public collar. Either A the don't notice or B they could be afraid of the answer that they'll get.