On The Subject Of Training

[Flaming_Redhead]

Is it just me, or does anybody else snicker when browsing through personals which offer to "train" submissives or help them discover their "true" nature? Surely I'm not the only one who finds them condescending at best and predatory at worst.

I'm often tempted to respond to the ad and ask what kind of training is being offered. Accounting for Dummies?! Trying to help me learn to do my own taxes would require a masochist, not a sadist. LOL But seriously. I've always wondered since they invariably never expound on exactly what worthwhile lessons they're offering to teach or what their qualifications are.

As far as the ones who kindly offer to assist with exploration of my "true" submissiveness, I have serious doubts that they can teach me anything I don't already know as I'm convinced that it's nothing more than code for kinky sex. Being a red-headed slut who enjoys kinky sex fairly regularly, I'm wondering if there's some sort of exemption policy whereby I might skip all the "slut training" and go right to.....well.....whatever it is that cums next? LOL

[Seri]

>.> *shameless chuckles ensue*
Would you believe me if I said that I would never...?

[kalitat]

BDSM for Dummy Doms

[kalitat]

Sarcasm aside, I have the deepest respect for Doms asking questions even better for help in the forums. Imho it's not done enough....

[Carpe Coma]

Absolutely it is sleazy to predatory, along with most offers to 'mentor'. 99% of training 'offers' are indeed code for no strings attached fun. Be wary of strangers offering to do you a 'favor' as there still aren't any free lunches. Unless someone is offering to teach an actual skill then you aren't getting trained in anything but being a patsy.

On the flip side, I certainly have trained submissives in real skills before. However, these were all non-sexual in nature and skills which were needed for day to day living, such as how to write proper business correspondence or how to create and stick to a budget.

[satisfied]

i live in the US and have a friend who is planning to travel to Germany to attend a slave training camp. Wha??!! My first response was "Are you stupid?" i mean seriously, i care for her a lot, but what kind of an idiot travels to a country, where they don't speak the language mind you, to attend a slave training camp?

At worst she is foolishly putting herself in grave danger.

At best, she is what? Being trained to be a slave and she doesn't even have a Master. Who is to say that the training she recieves will even be pleasing to her future Master?He may spend one day with her and simply see it all as something that He has to undo.

You want to learn to be a good obedient slave while you do not yet have a Master? Get out of the house, go to some local events, pay attention to the slaves who show a lot of respect to their Doms and make an attempt to befriend them. Choosing to surround yourself by people who will be a positive influence on you is just smart. Talk to local people and find out if there is anyway to get in touch with people who can teach you certain service techniques that you are interested in. I.E. cooking, budgeting, entertaining, belly dancing, boot blacking...whatever. There are things that you can learn that will allow you to provide good service to a Dom, without being trained as a slave in a way that they will not find pleaseing.

i am signed up to take a tea/coffee service class in a few weeks. i have reached out to the local community, to a sub mentoring group, and they have agreed to help pair me up with submissives who have been in the lifestyle for years and have the ablility to teach me some of the specific techniques that Sire and i would like for me to learn. They are not teaching me to be a slave, i am a great slave, they are simply teaching me things that had i been born 60 years ago, my mother and grandmother likely would have taught me.

i know this is a bit rambling, but i hope it helps.

~slave sirenity~

[Archeon]

satisfied.....tie ur friend down, and beat her with a stick until she realises what an idiot she is being lol

On the subject of training, it does almost invariably seem to be inexperienced doms looking for a way to get their foot in the door and they feel it is the "right thing to say" in this situation.

The truth of the matter is, "training" from one dom will teach a sub to be what that dom wants, if the sub gets another dom in the future, it is likely a lot of what they have been trained to do will be undesirable to the new dom. (hurray for using the word dom 4 times in one sentence!)

The main problem this actually has for the community, is that when a bad/new/predator/inexperienced dom "trains" a new sub, quite a lot of the time what they are being told to do and trained to do is not related to BDSM or gives across a very negative image of the lifestyle, and usually a false image of the lifestyle, putting people off permanently after one bad experiance. (e.g. well i tried it, and didnt enjoy it with him because he made me do X against my will, therefore it must not be for me)

Regards,

Arch

[satisfied]

satisfied.....tie ur friend down, and beat her with a stick until she realises what an idiot she is being lol

Regards,

Arch

i told her that if she wants some RL experience to what it feels like to be a slave then she is welcome to come here. That while she is not interested in poly, she could get the same feeling and experience in a safe environment. She has her mind set on going for some dumb reason. i truly hope that it never happens.

[denuseri]

Just a little food for thought:

If one were a well trainned slave, one would be quite capable of not only pleasing several different dominants over the course of her life, but also even in the course of one evening if nessesary.

A good slave is quite ready to accomadate in a fluid manner adjusting rapidly to new conditions, criteria and needs as they arise, and will not in any way need complete re-training.

For instance one may be familar with some of the different word trap games commonly used with a slave, trick questions designed to catch the slave in a falshood and find themself in need of correction? etc etc A cruel game perhaps? Both the slave and dominant know how it ends? (It ends however the dominant wishes is how it ends lol).

Well its actually also a well known training technique in some circles to help a slave improve his or her's wits and focus. Not to mention stress levels, disipline and a number of other things.

Often times endured while preforming other tasks, to increasingly more difficult levels of perfection. Try being interogated by a drill instructor or two while bound and or preforming sex acts.... not so simple right.

Most soloist practicioners of the art may or may not be aware that a lot of what some consider to be play or games (also once and still in some circles taught as such) serves as useful training tools that will serve that slave well when/if the day comes that the slave find his/herself without their dominant and or in the dominion of another.

[fetishdj]

DEn: I agree - you can be trained to be a good slave and possibly a good slave to more than one Master/Mistress... however, those offering this training publically are not necessarily the ones who can actually do it and I think most cases are sleazy. It seems as if 'training' is a buzzword used in many personal ads because 'that is a word you have to use' and I am not sure many actually understand fully what it means.

One thing I think it means is allowing a sub to find out if they really are for this lifestyle. Letting them experience aspects of the lifestyle in a safe manner, exposing them to various practises and seeing which, if any, they enjoy. Too many have the fantasy (oh, I want you to be rough with me, clamp my nipples, whip my pussy...) and find that nipple clamps *really* hurt when they finally get to experience them for real. It would be nice if there were a more structured method for this than 'finding a Dom/me who is willing to 'train' you and relying on them to be good at it...

[denuseri]

Oh yes fettish I agree completely about the online offers of training from random individuals who dont really know didily about each other for real being a bunch of shady types or rather poor pick up attempts, or worse, some kind of lures used by predators.

Not that all such offers are from those with ulterior motivations nessesarally, I just think to be safe a sub should carefully screen perspective dominants. Not to mention other submissive mentors, who imho have way more to offer a new submisive when it comes to these things. Maby thats why the site has the Tasking society and Womb to begin with...hint hint.

I was just pointing out that the training of a submissive or slave need not be considered somthing so personal that it has to be tailored to fit any one dominant for life despite our romantic inclination to think that D/s is all about the monogamous life pairing of a couple, some things are pretty basic and allmost universally applicable.

Plenty of subs/slaves move on in their lives to have other dominants, and others start or are involved in poly arrangments, sometimes including multiple dominants and what they learned for the one, often improves their service to another, as well as improves themselves.

And a well trainned slave/sub will be flexible and willing to learn new tricks and much easier to tailor if any tailoring is even nessesary becuase of his or her's past experience, not the other way around as some seem to think.