PMS and submissiveness

[13'sbadkitty]

i was wondering how anyone else copes with a bad case of pms with regard to being submissive? Master understood this one as my mother passed away a few weeks before. i had such a difficult relationship with her and pms hit at about the time i had the memorial. it got me wondering in general though as now that He lives with me and W/we have decided to make this a 24/7 thing. Normally i feel more comfort from pms by His dominance of me, this last time i just felt like a rolling bitch. This is not what i wish to be to Him at all and He wasn't exactly happy with it either. i may end up gagged for an extended period of time, lol! any experiences would be most helpful!!

[Miner]

If a dominant's reply is welcome here....

my girl is going through her monthly bout of PMS at the moment. It's hormonal, and there isn't much either of us can do to stop them, however, there are ways to reduce the impact of PMS, at least for us.

We reduce the effects in the following way. Miner's_girl asks for permission to take a warm shower. In winter, she finishes by putting on my dressing gown (yes, we have central heating, but there are drafts, and it is winter in the northern hemisphere - she does it naked in warm weather, though she finds wearing my dressing gown comforting). She returns to the living room and lies over the pouffe at my feet, bottom up. Fifteen to thirty minutes is usually enough to calm her hormones and put her in a much less grrrish mood.

Spanking is not an option during her period - she gets highly sensitive, and spanking and clamping are very uncomfortable for her. When she feels grrish outside her PMS cycle, a spanking is added. Note, the spanking is not a punishment. A good spanking always puts a huge smile on her face (and mine).

[fetishdj]

You say that, usually, your PMS is alleviated by his dominance but that the special circumstances of the memorial made things difficult? In this case, why do you assume that it will always be this bad? Assuming you have handled the grief properly (if not, you may want to think about talking to a good friend or getting counselling) then there is no reason why you should get a repetition of the same problem.

If it does happen again then communication is the key, as always. If you feel as if your PMS is causing bad moods to the extent that you are likely to strike out at him then you tell him. If he feels that you are acting out of character, he should pay attention to that (but not tell you cos I know how women who get told they are 'having PMS' react... :) This is one exception to the 'communicate' plan) and react accordingly - hugs and affection rather than beatings and gaggings.

If the PMS gets really unbearable, by the way, then you may need to talk to a doctor about dysmenohrea. There are treatments for extreme symptoms of menstruation (cramps, excessive bleeding) which also treat the mood swings at the same time. Usually this involves some form of contraceptive medication - the progesterone pill, injection or implant will, for example, reduce the intensity of menstruation and therefore the symptoms of PMS.

[B!tch]

Raging hormones, sensative body, the bloating cramping overaly exhaustation.. even though we go thru PMS every mth from puberities frist strike til "the Change" PMS is not always seen by us.. actually for me..PMs is what tells me Im about to be on.. lol..
I have had a few bad temper fits that the real cause was PMS and being hypersensative emotionally bc of the stress I was under.. yes we do hate being told that it is caused by our homornes.. but it also kinda clicks too..
badkitty ..this was a good post thanks..
Our Doms care, nuture and help us grow in virtually every aspects of our lives.. so no I dont like to "go off the deep end". i try to hold in what it is at that time I am upset about.. go back over it later when i can be rational.. maybe journal it out.. If your Dom seems to be pushing a "friendly PMS" reminder to Him maybe needed.. I have realized too that on PMS communication is harder if its a tough mth. Or maybe there is something that has been bothering but I have it nicely tucked inside somewhere and then Boom something sets it off.. and guess what. it was PMs.. lol but our cycles have ups and downs..
i do agree that the memorial was probobly sending your emos into full on over drive and i am very glad to see your D was able to cut you some slack.. I like Miners lil ideas, but uh.. well with a girl like me i would have to stay in the shower til my attitude really adjusted..lol.. not easy anyway and then PMs on top.. Oh DOMLY MAn you better Steer clear..
Having girlfriends to vent to has been a save all for me in the past.. its easier for the PMS to get called out by a friend then my Dom who doesnt really knw what it is like.. I cant stand when Men think they can basis it all of typical reactions.. each women is diffrent.. do you get more depressed, more angry, are you just sensative over all when you are on.. the emos are always a hard thing... yes communication is key though.. i think once the two of you settle in to a routine with living together you will both find ways of getting around it.. give yourself a lil slack as well..Tough times always hit us hard. and besides.. its not like men dont have their own versions of PMs each mth.. they just get bitchy N cranky overly moody just like they were on their cycle.. Keep your head up badkitty.. were women.. we perserver

[fetishdj]

And this is why it is not a good idea to point it out... my experience (which is extensive 'from the other side') is that the best course of action is to not mention it, let her get on with whatever she needs to do, take the 'slings and arrows' in good grace as and when needed (you can store up the bad karma to throw back later if you like, but punishment during the period tends to be a bad idea - this is time for caring Dom not stern Dom) and basically ride out the storm. If she mentions it, then discuss it but keep the caring vibes on.

And I do repeat my advice from earlier - if the symptoms are really unbearable, to the extent you cannot live a normal life and are in fact taking time off work for it, a doctor should be seen as there are ways to minimise it a lot. Trust me, I have seen this to be true in person.

[13'sbadkitty]

i suck at the quote button so far so pardon this....

Miner....i think that once all kiddies are settled for the night that this is similar to what W/we do as the worst day of this last bought Master just let me find a safe and submissive position to remain in till i felt calmer. i think its harder when kids are around as its hard for me to stop what has to be done.

fetishdj....i do think that my pms is within normal range, it just varies in intensity. although W/we work so hard on communication it is never a good idea for a man to say anything like pms-ing? lol He has thus far not punished me for pms behavior although He is letting me be nervous that its coming.

B!tch... i think my experience varies pretty wildly now. Probably as my 40's are now mid 40's (yuck) i would say that some of it has calmed down compared to just a few years ago although as vanilla relationships didn't offer the safety He has given me. most of the time i am more sensitive and end up feeling like a bad sub/girlfriend and He spends His day telling me i am fine. As soon as this rageful episode subsided that showed up in a i'm so sorry Master how do You put up with me kind of way. i wish i could wear a choke collar and have it yanked on when i have entered into the you are in so much trouble territory. Mostly, though for me the hard part was observing myself in a 3rd party sort of way treating Him rudely and feeling out of control of it.

[Missy_Me]

That's an amazing post, badkitty!

I suffer from HORRIBLE PMS and although I know how incredibly hard it must be to put up with me, I do expect/wish a certain type of behavior from my Dom. And what fetishdj said is basically what works for me:


(you can store up the bad karma to throw back later if you like, but punishment during the period tends to be a bad idea - this is time for caring Dom not stern Dom) and basically ride out the storm. If she mentions it, then discuss it but keep the caring vibes on.

Also, as he said, the symptoms got better when I was on the pill, but I don't want to deal with its side-effects (which are strong for me, affecting even my sexual drive).

Communication during PMS is seriously in danger and I try my best to avoid discussing ANY subject that has medium importance. If it can wait a couple of days, than I shut my mouth and wait. It's hard, it's taken years of trying and I haven't perfected it yet, but I'm really proud of myself afterwards. :)
I just focus on relaxing, doing something for the pain and blowziness and receiving all the caring I can. No punishment, no spanking and, most of all, NO ORDERS! Don't tell me what to do!!! lol

So yeah, your Dom seems to know what he is doing if you feel comforted by his dominance. I hope the next PMS will be easier and I also hope you can deal with your grief in a comforting manner too.

[denuseri]

My attitude ussually improves as if by majic when I am on the pms power trip whenever my owner mentions needing to take his "slut get right" stick out for a spin.

Of course its hard for me to be a bitch while actually being fucked too, lol sometimes to shut me up he just drags me off to another room and puts me to "use". But even in a world filled with viagra that doesnt last forever.

Other times he drops some ice cream off in my general vicinity and then goes out back to work in the garage for a while, which ussually means I am really going to "get it" later as ussually what he is working on will involve my participation when he is finnished.

But there are times when all of the above doesnt allways work for me. Sometimes after the beating, fucking or yes even the icecream and four hour shibari orgasm-athon I am still a pms bitch from hell. So then its eaither lock me up until its over, or leave me be/ send me away, somtimes with the credit card for shopping therapy until I am finnished having my fit.

You could allways negotiate a "break" in the normal routine from time to time if things just need to take their course.

Even 24/7 TPE relationships have to take a little vacation on occassion.

As much as we may prefer it to be otherwise, the reality of day to day existence (including pms and blah days, doesnt allways allow for the theoretical and highly misconcieved romatisized "perfect" D/s or M/s relationship's standards to allways apply.

[13'sbadkitty]

That is where i feel lucky to have the Master i do have, as of the moment He is waiting for kids to be in school and nobody home tomorrow for trying out the new suspension cuffs He got on ebay and a nervous me waits to see if its going to start with punishment for the behavior i displayed...which i deserve. There is chocolate and fucking and comforting to a large degree. W/we work opposite schedules so O/our life is usually somewhat catching up with each other anyway. It helps everyone so much to know i am not alone in this as i am perpetually judging my submission and behavior constantly. My Master keeps reassuring me that i am doing fine and that i am learning, just be yourself...sigh...thanks again

[fetishdj]

Yes, some women have bad side effects on oral cons (though sometimes it is a case of finding the right one that works for you) and I have heard a few women complain that the way the POP pill works is by stopping you from wanting to have sex (its the perfect fundamentalist Christian contraceptive - stop having sex :) ). But the side effects are varied and not universal and with any drug you have to weigh up the main effects with the side effects and determine if it is worth it for you.

I think Den has hit on one good way to alleiviate the cramps of a period by way of a tangent...


Of course its hard for me to be a bitch while actually being fucked too, lol sometimes to shut me up he just drags me off to another room and puts me to "use". But even in a world filled with viagra that doesnt last forever.

Sometimes sex can help relieve the cramping pain (like a very nice internal massage :) ) and good sex can often relieve negative feelings as well because you are too tired to get angry about anything :)

[CuriousNYsub]

I wasn't going to post, because what I have to offer if slightly off topic, but since fetish broached the topic, I thought I'd have a go. Sorry if i offend anyone.

Most women have PMS, but if your PMS is really bad (and getting worse) and you happen to be on Yaz, Yasmin or Ocella (the generic), that might be why. I was on Yasmin/Ocella for three years, when I started experience really bad symptoms, like the following:

Around the time of month, suddenly having extreme PMS (crying, yelling, picking fights for no reason, severe depression)


Mild to moderate depression (crying, anxiety) on a regular basis

Insomnia


Lack of energy and lack of sex drive/inability to get wet (which ladies, nothing sux more than that!)


Sudden heart palpitations, loss of breath

By accident I stopped taking Yasmin a year ago (just forgot to fill a prescription) and within a few weeks I started feeling like myself. I didn't realize I even had a problem until I felt normal and my behavior started to dawn on me.

Anyway, just thought that might be helpful info for some ladies out there. There are great support groups for dealing with the side effects of coming off Yasmin, because the side effects are really hard to deal with after a month or so of coming off of the drug.

[fetishdj]

I think your problems are a known side effect of that drug:


Ocella (drospirenone and ethinyl estradiol) side effects
Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Stop using this medication and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
sudden numbness or weakness, confusion, pain behind the eyes, problems with vision, speech, or balance;

chest pain or heavy feeling, pain spreading to the arm or shoulder, nausea, sweating, general ill feeling;

a change in the pattern or severity of migraine headaches;

stomach pain, loss of appetite, jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes);

a breast lump; or

symptoms of depression (sleep problems, weakness, mood changes).

Which is why you need to try several different drugs with different mechanisms of effect. The problem with drugs is that everyone has an individual reaction to them, which cannot always be predicted, especially when you are dealing with steroids (which are really indiscriminate in their actions - like hitting a building with a nuke when all you really need do is shoot one person with a sniper rifle - because most cells and tissues in the body have steroid receptors of some form). You may find that a different oral contraceptive has less side effects for you even though a friend may have nasty side effect from the same drug. This is one reason why doctors usually prescribe the pills first before committing to a long term injection or implant - to test out the side effects.

What amuses me is that there are some antidepressants which can cause 'symptoms of depression' as part of their side effects.

At least you found out what was causing the problem for you and stopped it.

[Missy_Me]

Same here, CuriousNYsub!

I had the same issues using Yasmin and only realized that a couple of months after I stopped taking it. The side-effects can be nasty - especially the sex drive, pfew... never again!

PMS is still a problem, but I guess I'll just have to try to handle it better.
By the way... my PMS can be minimized when I work out regularly. (another great reason to go back to the gym :D )

[CuriousNYsub]

Thanks fetish! You are absolutely right, drugs affect different people differently. I'm sure Yasmin is fine for some people although the ad that says "the FDA would like us to clarify something..." is a little freaky :-) Actually, the FDA is looking very closely at Yasmin right now for a number of reasons and their are tons of lawsuits being filed. Bayer has some problems with other drugs too.

The scariest thing is that I went to a psychiatrist one time and they wanted to prescribe me anti-depressants, but they never questioned me about my use of Yasmin. I thought about it but then decided to wait because anti-depressants are really serious (and Im not diminishing their purpose at all, it's that it's a big decision) Being off it now, and feeling fine, its scary to think that I would have used another drug to counteract a drug. Interesting to me that Bayer makes Yasmin and one of the leading anti-depressants out there...just sayin'.

Missy - Glad to hear Im not alone! How were the side effects of coming off it for you? It's been absolutely miserable for me. Worth it, but miserable. :-) I agree, excercise makes PMS better for sure :-) so does sex!

[fetishdj]

I have to say that it is a drug I had never heard of until it was mentioned here and the side effects do look worse than some of the newer drugs (apparently there have been a lot of changes in oral contraceptives in the past 10 years). There have also been a lot of cases where drug companies have dropped the ball with respect to testing, especially in America. I read some reports of the FDA allegedly being bribed to let some drugs in (though I have no evidence either way...). I wonder if Yasmin is not known here because our equivilent didn't accept it as safe?

[Miner]

I wonder if Yasmin is not known here because our equivilent didn't accept it as safe?


You're wrong dj - Yasmin is avaiable here. My girl was on it and had some fairly radical mood swings from it too.