All by myself...

[Gentle]

Heh, this'll probably seem pretty silly, but...

Speaking as someone who has just recently come to realize an interest in bdsm, I am not yet comfortable with the thought of declaring myself this or that and then running out to find my self a master or servant respectively. I have noticed a lot of people came into their 'selves' under the guidance of someone else, but I have stumbled onto this on my own and I trust my self more than anyone else to keep me safe while I'm learning. I do however wish to explore my own interests, and get some ideas, so the question here is...

Would anyone here be willing to talk about their favorite forms of masturbation that include bdsm elements (or just in general, I'm not that particular :) )
Or even any of the non sexual activities you experimented with while you were attempting to decide what was most comfortable/interesting for you?

I have found that lovely hard limit list in one of the other threads and it is turning out to be a good starting point. Unfortunately a lot of those seem like couple (or group) activities, so I am looking for activities that are solitary in nature until I know where I am and can decide what I am looking for in someone else. I wish to have a clear idea of my boundaries before I let anyone else play on my field.

Some experimentation seems in order, so any advice in this matter would be appreciated.

[Gary's Star]

Unfortunately there aren't many things one can do alone. Self bondage can be combined with masturbation. Nipple clamps can be self applied. I have heard of spanking or whipping one's self, but really it's not quite the same as receiving a good spanking at the hand of another person. It's also hard to experience wax play on yourself or zippers, you can do it yourself but it isn't really giving them a proper chance because the anticipation is so much of the thrill. You can't find someone you trust to experiment a little with you?

[Gentle]

Hm, really was a silly question wasn't it?


...You can't find someone you trust to experiment a little with you?

Unfortunately no, not yet.
I am a recovering amnesiac. Relearning how to live on my own and whatnot, I haven't managed to make any really close friends since I've started over. I got a clean slate so to speak, but as my attention has been occupied, no I don't know anyone else that I would feel comfortable exploring with. Therapy took up a lot of time, and I had moved shortly before that, so I didn't have a lot of friends prior to my accident. Most of the people I know now are either medical professionals, or co-workers at my new job. That's why I want to figure out what I want before I bring anyone else on board.

I could get online and find somebody to play with, but I don't relish the idea of doing anything for someone else just because they call themselves a master. If I'm going to do anything for anyone else's pleasure it'll be becuz they made me want to.
Similarly I can't imagine wanting to order someone to do something if I'm not going to be there to enjoy my efforts. Besides, I've already admitted I'm new here so it's unlikely anyone would want to take any orders I give, assuming that is what I decided would be best for me.
(Wow, that sounds conceited doesn't it? :D But that's the way I feel about it.)

I know I've given myself a huge limitation to start out with, but I want to give myself something to work with, and learn from while I am looking in real life. I know I can probably camp out on this site (and I probably will :) but I would also like to try to find some ways to experiment on my own while I read about other experiences, and learn from what everyone else is doing. Does that make sense?

[skittish doe]

I don't think that it is impossible to explore on your own. If fact, I commend you for your insistence to understand yourself before you "let anyone else play on your field".

I would suggest you read stories that are here. You may be able to notice which parts you identify the most with and what activities excite you. Of equal value perhaps, you may be able to pick out the areas that don't interest you.

[anxious girly]

my advice as a newbie myself, is to read, and fantasize. you will quickly decide what you like and don't like. it was NOT a silly question. i too am alone and have been very successful in figuring out my place in the bdsm world. it's like a snow ball, just get it rolling my dear. good luck and if you want to talk with another newbie, i am always around.

girly

[anxious girly]

and watch out, they come out of the woodwork. no offense to anybody, i swear. just trying to help. you will know who is right for you. never hurts to play a little though.

[ravenbounduptight]

Self bondage is out there. BUT it is best to learn from some one who knows how to do it to some extent. You can go to conventions and such and watch then go home on your own and try it (as long as you follow safety procedures). i do self bondage to practice and have a good time on my own or when my Tops are busy with their other play partners.

One suggestion on solo things anyway. Self bondage is good for learning to tie and finding out what it feels like tied. so ya get the best of both sides so to speak.

you could try wax play on yourself, altho it wouldnt be the same if you had a partner,, but you could still learn the basics of it and do it on yourself.

All the stuff i can think of is basically different forms of play. Learning to use a flogger, and other things of impact play, ectect. They're not really at a deeper level as i like to think of it of D/s. They're what's used in scenes and what not, but it's not submitting or Dom-ing anyone because you are by yourself. So you would be learning the tools of the trade not necessarily the emotional/mental core of it.

good luck, eventually when you're ready you'll find someone, and i figure if you do learn some of these things that interest you on your own you'll be a step ahead of a few others out there.

~j~

[brwneydgirl]

I have to second what skittish doe mentioned about reading some bdsm or D/s fiction...here or elsewhere (they have some pretty hot stories out there if you're into that). One series of books that I'm currently reading may be of interest to you. They're The Marketplace series and although I haven't yet masturbated while reading them ;), I NEVER say never. :D

I'm relatively new to this as well and I've always sort of been a "researcher" before I try something...so I applaud your question(s) and I hope that you get some really helpful answers...the hard limit questionnaire is a bit lengthy and somewhat geared towards an already established D/s relationship but it wouldn't hurt to go through it and google what you don't understand...so that if/when the subject does come up (and it will, believe me--lol), you will at least feel confident in discussing it.

Good luck to you in your journey!

ps--the forums have A LOT of information so read, read, read!! :)

[denuseri]

Just remember that the "stories" are just that, stories, not to be confussed with reality.

Safty first, kinky second.

In addition to a lot of information in the forums we also have a wonderful safe site ran Tasking Society that is exactly something that may be right up your alley Gentle.

Its located just a little further down in the forums.

Self bondage though no substitute, can be as much fun as the creativity and effort one puts into it and is a good skill set to develope. Especially useful for those in long distance relationships, and one doesnt nessesarally have to progress from being alone to with an online partner, to real life if they dont wish to do so.

Please feel free to ask if you ever need any assistance.

[Gentle]

Thank u all for the advice. I realize that mostly what I would be having to do is learning the more technical end of things and working out ideas.

Since I haven't really been home much this past week and have had no real time to do research on what is already out there I have found myself thinking about what I have read about so far and looking at everything around me for ideas.
Although admit I find myself vaguely alarmed by some of the ideas that have cropped up. It has proved to be a very enlightening experience. More research is in order.

Thank you all, and if any ideas strike you, I would be more than happy to hear any further suggestions.

[Saheli]

When it comes to masturbation, I'm terribly lazy. And I only masturbate clitorally? (not sure how to make clitoris an adverb..) Anyway, I usually always needs vicks vapor rub and about 3 or 4 hours just to cum once...which lasts like 5 seconds... it's really annoying. Fucking is just so much more convenient. I used to love masturbating, but now it hardly seems worth the effort. My head hurts from constantly trying to keep coming up with better fantasies...after a couple of hours that becomes really hard! I usually try not to masturbate, because it's rare that I have a nice 4 hour window to do it in.

I always masturbate alone because so much of what makes me orgasm is my own fantasies in my mind...anyone else there will only distract me from that...so if the scene ISN'T a fantasy, then my basic mindset is, "GET OUT!" May sound rude, but hey, you gotta do what works.

[leah06]

I agree with Ravenbounduptight that the things you do to yourself can give you an idea of sensations, but not of the experience of Domination and submission. Reading, or watching kinky porn if that's up your alley, is more likely to help you understand your emotional reaction to the idea of submission. But, listen to Denu, who is very wise. The stories are about what, in general, floats your boat, and what those submissive or Dominant emotions might be like. They are NOT blueprints or even vague sketches of real life. Don't be alarmed at things that seem extreme - if they're extreme for you, but you like the general idea, then you'll do something less extreme. But more important, don't be seduced by extreme things that seem very exciting to you. Your fantasies are more likely to be excited by the thought of, say, flaying than your actual experience would be. And, as a newcomer, if your fantasies are excited by the idea of 24/7 TPE Master/slave... don't. Take a lot of time before you let anyone control you.

Not that you seem to need advice to be cautious, but still. There's a lot of sub frenzy out there, and Dom frenzy too one would imagine, so just be aware.

[sub_nia]

What part of bdsm turns you on? When you fantasize, what side do you see yourself being on? I don't know how you would experiment on yourself with the dominant side, but you can always see if you like the pain aspect of being a sub. I always knew I was submissive, but at first I tried to fight it. LOL... that's how stubborn I am!

[BabyNightOwl]

I understand where you're coming from as a newbie myself. It's one thing to admit and accept that you have such desires to yourself but to actually trust someone to help you take the first steps into that world and not lead you astray takes great strength.

As for mastrabatory efforts, I recommend setting aside time for it before you just jump to it as any number of interruptions can pop up. Oils, toys and videos are always helpful as well. :)

[fetishdj]

Look at the things you have in your house which may be usable in kink... for example, clothes pegs are very good as cheap nipple clamps (nowhere near as painful as real clamps but good enough for beginners).

For a bit of fun play, I suggest you check out and download Cybermistress (do a search). This is a computer program which acts like a virtual Mistress and gives you a small taste of what it may be like to have a Domme. It can be programmed for different levels of intensity and will decide things like what you wear, when you are allowed to go to the toilet (you have to ask permission), how you eat and so on. There are also various scenarios you can load into this which give you tasks or punishments (for example, one of them is a puppy play scenario which has you wearing a dog lead and drinking out of a bowl and fetching toys). The reason I suggest this is because the tasks on there are all designed to be done alone and so you get a better idea of what can be achieved and what sort of equipment you might need.

True self bondage is very dangerous and you should take great care with it. You need to make sure you always have an 'out' in any self bondage set up (usually a knife within reach that you can use to cut ropes or a spare key to the handcuffs somewhere). Never restrict breathing or put anything around the neck (in face to face bondage a Dom/me may put things round the neck or restrict breathing but they are also there to stop the activity quickly - in self bondage you are hard pressed to release yourself before damage or death may occur).

A common trick in self bondage is to create an ice key. This invovles freezing a handcuff key in a cube of ice which is then put within reach of you wnen you are bound. When the ice melts you can get the key and release yourself but until then you are in bondage. However, it can take a hell of a long time to melt depending on your climate and even a few minutes in bondage is an eternity so be warned of that. My preferred method is to tie the key to the handcuff chain with a shoe lace. This means that you can easily pull the key up and unlock the cuffs.

One thing you may want to try is tying a vibrator to your penis and having it running while bound. You are not allowed to release yourself (barring emergencies) until you have cum (or how about a real challenge - 2 or more times?)