training or just playing ?

[HOOTERS]

I have recently been involed with a Dom, which is all a very new lifestyle for me, we have had several play dates, talk almost everyday. I'm still researching all I can because (I truely enjoy him and his way with this lifestyle) hes says he is not ready for a relationship ,I am SO confused because ,I talk about scene's or other aspect's (which is what I think he want's me to do )and he gets real quiet or dont talk. Should I start these conversation's or wait for his cue ?? Trying to train myself to be a good sub for him....any suggestion's and comment's are well
appreciated...

[Archeon]

It sounds like you are over thinking things. If he says he is not ready for a relationship, perhaps he genuinely isn't wanting a relationship just now, so much as a friend with benefits.

Ultimately you have to decide if it is a relationship you want, you may have to find it elsewhere, or wait for him to be ready. Trying to change people and force these things almost never works out.

Regards,

Arch

[trissymac]

In somewhat agreement with Archeon. If he is ready and willing, then it will flow. It sounds like you might be over thinking the process. Good luck!

[ppr128]

Hmmm.

OK, a couple of things right off the bat; even though you might be in a D/s dynamic, this does not mean that your wants or needs should be neglected. So if you are wanting more from this, you most certainly have that right. Unrequited love- or infatuation, however you wish to call it- is never fun. Winding up in a situation where you are giving your all and getting nothing in return is not the ideal; ultimately, it is still a relationship (yes, that dreaded word) between two people; as such, it should always be addressed on that level.

Secondly, your idea and his of a "relationship" may conflict... or they may not. It could be well worth it to have that discussion; you may both be on the same page as to where you want things to lead. Even if you are not, it will save you a great deal of heartache in the long run.

Finally, what exactly is it about discussing scenes or the like that causes him to close down?

Is it that a sub is bringing the topic up? Personally, I do not understand the mentality that sometimes crops up where dominants refuse to take into consideration what their partner does or does not enjoy; to me, this seems to be a recipe for disaster. Particularly in the case of someone who is just starting out; hopefully, this is not the case, and if he is as experienced as it sounds, should not be.

Is it that he thinks you are trying to turn the conversation towards the relationship and where it is leading? (See above.)

Or is it, as I suspect, something else entirely? The possibilities are really endless. To me it sounds like there is a certain level of communication difficulties going on here; the two of you may just be talking at cross purposes.

The best advice I can really give is to sit down and have a really good talk about it :) As long as you both know where you stand, the rest will fall into place readily enough.

Hang tough; hope that helps.

[Ozme52]

I often try to look at what may very well be hidden between the lines (and often find out later I was smack on-target, but this may be more of a leap... so forgive me if you have knowledge to the contrary...)

I have come back three times and have read your post three times... and I wonder if he is as experienced as you might think.

He may not talk because he doesn't wish to reveal that he might not know as much as you think he does, perhaps not even as much as you do. There are some (very rare) naturals out there who just do it right... but you may well be his first actual sub.

My first submissive was totally overwhelmed by my skills and "knowledge" and dominance. She never, to this day, realized she was my first.

The woman who I first openly topped, experienced things she said she'd never done before, was transported fully into sub-space (I was a bit surprised by that too btw) and had a great time.

The other possibility is he doesn't want to overwhelm you.
Another is he may just get off on listening.
And yet another may well be he loves newbs... and doesn't want you to get too comfortable or worse complacent.

For those latter two, you have to talk to find out his preferences (and just put it that way.) And unless he wants it, don't train yourself. Let him have the pleasure of molding you into exactly what he wants from you.

[HOOTERS]

I wish he would talk..Im not a mind reader lol it is what it is gf says just wait it out see what develops. hes a hermit...I will give n time n space...

I came 2 this site 4 imput n knowledge in which Im gettin plenty of TY u all very much

[eager1]

try the book"Screw the Roses,Send me the Thorns"..it is kind of a beginners BDSM manual....
Good Luck

[summerBreeze{EDQ}]

Where is that book available Eager1? It sounds like something I should read,I live OS.

[eager1]

got it from Amazon.com

[anxious girly]

are you sure he's not my boyfriend? lol