Hello all

[ZD3319]

I'm glad to be on these forums. I'm an 18 year old guy who's very interested in the lifestyle. I don't know to much about it, or even where I fit into it, but am eager to learn. I will appreciate anyones help who wishes to help me learn more.

[SirBosk1]

It would be a good idea for you to check the forum for BDSM 101. There are a lot of articles on basics there. Read all of that and if you can't understand something, ask.

A good way to get involved in real time is to find a real world mentor. I'm a Dominant male and I joined a local group through a Munch. An experienced sub and a dom/sub couple took me under their wing to help me learn.

A munch is basically a meeting of local kinky folks at a restaurant under an assumed name like "computer group." The folks there have lunch/dinner and talk about BDSM, sports, cooking, whatever. Sometimes one of the leaders will have a play party after the munch. If you're polite and helpful, you might be invited.

Observe the others. Be friendly and helpful. Your goals are to become known and to find a mentor. Either a Dom/sub couple or a sub are good choices to help you learn what goes on and who's safe.

Eventually you'll blend in and if you do your homework, you'll find one or more safe play partners. Usually there are one or more "match makers" that are only to happey to hook you up once you're a known person.

Your safety is your responsibility. The more you know about what safe play is and who the safe players are, the safer you'll be. Read and ask questions of people that are known to be safe and experienced but watch out for preditors. Often people start or join groups to prey on newbies. Just because they're the leader, doesn't mean they're safe!

You might joine collarme, or fetlife to find contacts after you read the basics. I'd say the most economical way is to join fetlife and register. It's free and you can find local groups and organizations near you to join. that site has articles on safe play as well as erotic stories.

Remember, when you go to a public meeting, unless otherwise specified, dress normally for the place. Think you're taking your mom to the restaurant. What would you wear then?

Also, remember that the people that are there are also kinky so if you recognize someone, they're not going to out you since doing that will out themselves. The benefit there is if you know them already and they're ok people, you have a ready made introduction to the group!

Generally the people into BDSM are extremely helpful to new people since they were once new too. Don't be shy about asking questions. Just be discrete. However, learn what you can in advance by reading BDSM 101 and other info you'll find at fetlife, on the internet and commercially from how to books.

Ignore what you read in erotic fiction. Much of that is complete BS and the play you read about is not always real or safe. It might even maim or kill you.

A good book is "Screw The Roses: Send Me The Thorns." It's a sort of well known manual of play for the BDSM lifestyle. You can get it at amazon. Buy a used one since a new one is $$$.

So, the starting point is read BDSM 101 on the forum, by the Screw The Roses book, join fetlife.com. Study and learn what's correct before jumping in with both feet.

If you think you're a submissive, remember you're equal to the Dominant male or female until you submit. Be sure to set limits you're comfortable with. You can always expand your limits later. The Dominant will be happy to help you with that. <evil grin>

If you think you're a Dominant, don't play until you know what you're doing. BDSM uses "sharp" toys and people can get hurt. Asking for help from trusted experienced Dominant is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of intelligence.

[Dejah Thoris]

Welcome to you ZD, I wish I had known myself so well when I was your age!

[denuseri]

Welcome to the Library Forums!

[rosebud]

Hello, Warm Welcome hugs to the Library!

xx rosie