Triggers

[spicennice]

I have been dx'd with severe ptsd. I trigger like crazy. Severely and enough so that I will actually lose conciousness if threatened. This has been happening for about 3 years now to me. Quite honestly, it takes nothing for me to feel threatened. Is it realistic to work within this dynamic if your Dom is always having to worry about whether he does something that will make you react? We are talking things as basic as a quick shift from warm eyes to dominant eyes will create a severe reaction. Has anyone had to work through these types of issues with their Dom? Is it possible even?

[Ozme52]

I must say... no, I haven't had to work with someone with such severe triggering mechanisms.

I think it would be a worthwhile to try. Worthwhile for you and for your prospective dom.

But that said, it will be mostly up to you. Dom's love helping but can rarely, if ever, "fix" someone. So what do you have to do?

You have to create a mindset where that dominant look means safety. Where, while loving to see the warm eyes, it's the dominant look that you crave and need. You trigger because of the threat. You have to condition yourself to see him as anything but a threat. So those quick changes thrill you. Until you crave them and lament not seeing them.

It will be difficult. That's why you have to do it yourself. But he can help.

[symphony]

Yes I have done exactly that!, well obviously i dont know why you have ptsd or anything but I did and I worked through it with my Sir. I also used to get it so bad that I would pass out and i would also have things that i can only describe as a fit, twitching etc, not in the medical sense.

It was a nightmare in the beggining, I dont want to kid you there, but its tottally possible, I take it that you would never blame your Dom if he did accidentally trigger an attack? If so then keep reminding him of that so that he dosnt blame himself and pull back from you.

You also have to own your emotions, you might not be able to prevent an attack or anything I'm not saying that but try n remind yourself that its not a reaction to whats happening its a random set of chemicals that have been released in your brain.

To start of with I would have to get him to stop a few times a night, even a kiss sometimes would be enough, but then after a while it was once and then not at all. Old sayings help here aswell lol.

If at first you dont succeed try try again and get back on the horse when you fall off lol

Try continueing after you calm down, you might find that after its out of your system then you will be ok. Feel it out slowly what worked for me might not work for you but if you are both willing and patient then there is no reason that you cant work through it together.

Golden rule here: Be honest and forthcoming with him, I mean REALLY honest!

Good luck and pm me if you need a freind, I have been somewhere similar.

[denuseri]

HUGS spice!

Wise dominion need not be harsh, or cruel, in fact it can be very very gentle.

My Owner had to take a whole different approach to domination with me after what had happened to me before he came back into my life. My submission had to be gently coaxed forth. Everything had to be re-learned for both of us. Things I once enjoyed had become terrifing. Re-learning how to trust and surrender again to someone was very very difficult for me and him both. But it can be done. Have hope, find a kink friendly therapist to help. Stay strong and take things as slow as you need to take them.

[spicennice]

I think it would be a worthwhile to try. Worthwhile for you and for your prospective dom.
Thank you so much for the encouragement

You have to create a mindset where that dominant look means safety. Where, while loving to see the warm eyes, it's the dominant look that you crave and need. You trigger because of the threat. You have to condition yourself to see him as anything but a threat. So those quick changes thrill you. Until you crave them and lament not seeing them.
Brilliance! Yes, you are right, that is exactly where I am trying to get to. This statement has completely snapped my perspective into focus. Thank you so much Oz.


Wise dominion need not be harsh, or cruel, in fact it can be very very gentle.
This is exactly what I need to hear Denesuri - thank you so much for your perspective on this. It was making me afraid that harshness was a given. I have never been one to respond to harsh. Now, especially not. This statement helps me realize that I can move forward here with expectations that are not unrealistic for the lifestyle.

Things I once enjoyed had become terrifing.
It seems SO many things feel this way. I am chipping away at them one by one through sheer will or with the help of friends, but it can be so incredibly tiring (and trying for those that have to deal wiht me) at times.

keep reminding him of that so that he dosnt blame himself and pull back from you.
This resonates so much that it hurts. Thank you Symphony. I feel tremendous guilt because my reactions are so extreme that I feel like my needs trump all here. Look at me the wrong way and I pass out in front of you for hours? Puuuhhhhlease. Impossible odds to work with - but then, so have the ones I have already dealt with it seemed.

Thank you all so very much for having taken the time with me. So very much appreciated.

[13'sbadkitty]

i also have PTSD, which is healthier than i was a few years back, but still enough to make my Master nervous about playing with me. W/we took O/our time, and communication has been so important as said above. Sometimes a small miscommunication can bring me to tears because i say for example thought i wasn't going to be punished and was. i have found that there are times when W/we play that i need Him to kiss me so i can connect to Him and remember He loves me. If for whatever reason W/we have a busy few days with the kids and work i may need Him to spend some time gently touching me so i can slip back into feeling safely. i have found that i feel safer when "collared" so W/we moved into a 24/7 TPE kind of thing. There are moments the vestiges of past experience will surface for no reason at all, like flinching if He strokes my cheek but for the most part i feel safer with my Master than anyone on the planet. i hope it works out for you too!

[symphony]

i have found that i feel safer when "collared" so W/we moved into a 24/7 TPE kind of thing. There are moments the vestiges of past experience will surface for no reason at all, like flinching if He strokes my cheek but for the most part i feel safer with my Master than anyone on the planet. i hope it works out for you too!

I compleatly agree, I think that my sir is one of the few people that I feel safe with, and the whole situation makes me feel safer. His controll of me means that i have a little less to worry about I suppose lol and when I serve him its a way to recipricate and we are both happy ^.^. You need so much trust in your special someone to go into these things, but having that trust makes you feel safer.

[spicennice]

Yes, agreed, everything for me is about safety at this point. It drives my entire being. I am doing my best to 'step out' again but I find that the randomness of people's reactions highly impacts on me. It throws me off so much.

I have worked for decades - a female in a highly competetive male dominated field) raised four young men, been totally involved in a testosterone based world. I was so frustrated that it always seemed to be about 'getting your way' with no awareness that all are responsible for creating mutually fulfilling relationships. And then, I was introduced to you....EUREKA! What I had been trying to articulate to others for so many years was right here all along! How did I miss this?

Having a structured relationship where there are boundaries and rules that are discussed, honoured and made to be a priority by both participants (and their peers) helps to envelope me with a secure feeling. Thank you SO much for being here. You have no idea what lifeline you have been.