Choosing your own punishment?

[munajadida]

This is pretty much a rhetorical question, as our BDSM is pretty much confined to the bedroom, but I do fantasize about a 24/7 relationship sometimes and what that would entail. One thing that has always intrigued me is the idea of the sub/slave choosing his/her own punishment after misbehaving. If you do this, how does it work out for you? Do you choose something you think your dom would choose, what you think you deserve, or the lightest you can get away with? Why do you choose what you do?

[fetishdj]

I have heard of cases where the sub chooses the punishment using some random method - a box with punishments written on paper slips, sub picks one out, maybe rolls a dice to see how many/how long. I have also heard of cases where there is a strict contract - if transgression A occurs, punishment 1 is incurred - and the Dom may sometimes ask the sub what level of punishment they think they deserve (works better if there is a strict and clear set of guidelines than a case where the Dom usually decides the punishment on a case by case basis). Of course, if the Dom does not agree with the sub they can change it...

The main problem with completely open choice is that a sub is likely to choose something they enjoy rather than something they hate. But then if the Dom has final veto this is irrelevant unless the sub is deliberately misleading them as to what they enjoy and do not enjoy (hard to do effectively).

[denuseri]

I allways tell him that my punnishment should be taking me shopping for expensive shoes or being forced to have a nice day at the spa.

Actually I am joking...alltough stuff like that has often been my responce in the face of that question just to be spirited and or ammuse my Owner.

The reality of it is that it muchly depends upon the context of why I am being asked such a thing. One may get a wide variety of responces, depending upon the situation and what I think my Owner will find pleasing or not at the time.

Sometimes I open with a "whatever Master desires" as well.

Which can also be a lead in for him to further press me to choose, as he will then sugest something outragous, which may elicit a variation of the same responce of "If that is what Master truely wishes" or may get a gasp of surprise from me, or some pleading for it to not be the thing he sugested etc in which case we will eventually get around to me being allowed to beg for the touch of his lash or undergoe whatever he planned for my punnishment to be to begin with, but thats all part of the ritualized dance we go through when it suits him.

[skye67]

God, i hate it when he does that! I tend to be harsher on myself than he would be, especially if i really fucked up.

[Bobbitsj]

I don't get to choose my punishment but rather have to guess what it was. My wife uses several different belts, several different canes, a few different floggers and paddles. I have to guess which one was used. If I am wrong it starts all over again untill I get it right. She knows if I was given a choice of punishments I would pick a long and deep BJ. Now that would be cruel!

[Ozme52]

God, i hate it when he does that! I tend to be harsher on myself than he would be, especially if i really fucked up.

That is why I no longer let subs choose for themselves. Too harsh, too cruel, too self damaging. Learned that long ago now.

Besides... my personal disappointment is often punishment enough. Letting it show is worse. And if something physical is required, it's required because I need something. Why would I let her choose my appeasement?

[fetishdj]

I think it can go either way - either too harsh or too lenient. But it is irrelevant because there is really only the illusion of choice. if you don't choose a punishment the Dom/me agrees with then they will impose thier own ideas anyway. I think the true punishment in this situation is the dilemma of having to make that choice (knowing that the Dom/me is judging you as you make this choice) and, as Oz says, the sense of disappointment and negative self reflection.

[13'sbadkitty]

That is why I no longer let subs choose for themselves. Too harsh, too cruel, too self damaging. Learned that long ago now.

Besides... my personal disappointment is often punishment enough. Letting it show is worse. And if something physical is required, it's required because I need something. Why would I let her choose my appeasement?

i would have to say that when He is disappointed i crumble inside,
although there are times when He says when physical is what He wishes something like how many lashes and makes me count them out. i hate that because i never know if i pick if it is too much or too little and if it was too little....its amazing what can go through your head when you are in whipping position...

[Masters_kitty]

I personally know I am much harsher on myself than Master ever has been. He needs only say I have disappointed Him, and the emotional ringer I can put myself through is worse than anything He could do.

That said, it helps to have Him assign punishments. When I am done with my punishment (usually writing a long essay on how I messed up, or being put in the corner for extended periods of time), I kneel before Him and know that He still loves me, and forgives me. If I picked my own punishments, I wouldn't have the comfort of knowing I had done what He felt was needed. I've had times where I've fidgeted too much or written a poor essay, and had to start over. Yet when He is satisfied, I know I have made a step towards redemption for my transgression. That brings me comfort, and is why I could never pick my own punishments.