family

[daddiesslavegirl]

has anyone had any bdsm encounters with a member of thier family

[denuseri]

Not me and it will stay that way too if I have anything to do with it.

[leo9]

I played tying-up games with my sisters in our early teens, but that was just the kind of thing most pubertal kids do, plus ropes. If they turned out to be still into that sort of thing (I've every reason to think they aren't) I'd wish them well, but I certainly wouldn't want to do it again.

[MDamon]

I read your profile and noticed your situation. Social mores are certainly working against you, and I'd expect that other members of your family would find it difficult to understand. I'd also expect that it would be difficult to find people to talk with.

[Jennifer Williams]

Do you mind if I ask why you're asking? Are you considering telling a member/ members of your family?

[daddiesslavegirl]

i think it is to late for that,i was well and truly found out

[Jennifer Williams]

Oh, I see. Well, without knowing very much about the situation, I would say that being truthful will usually make you better off in the end, if you're able to have a conversation with them. Every family is different, but sometimes they'll surprise you in a good way. My ultra-conservative "everyone who is different from me is wrong" father was able to accept that my sister is a lesbian, because he loves her just a little more than he loves his closed-minded ideas. Even if they're going to get upset, let them get upset over what is the truth- that way, you at least give them the chance to come around one day, maybe.

[daddiesslavegirl]

although i didnt want it i had no option,to keep my secret bdsm life of whichno one, friends or family knew about,i had to go along with it,you could say i was blackmailed into it.it was either that or i was going to be exposed,which i couldnt allow to happen.

[denuseri]

Sounds like someone needs to call the cops on someone.

If your saying what I think your saying.

If a famiely member tried to blackmail me I think the whole kit and kaboodle would just have to come out dammed the consequences while someone got their ass beat, cuase they wouldn't be considered worth spit in my eyes after they pulled somekind of crap like that.

[daddiesslavegirl]

its aright for you to say let it all come out,but ive got a very grand lifestyle that i dont want to lose,ok i made a mistake in getting caught and i love my bdsm life.i also love my lifestyle which i think comes first,to many people would get hurt if it all came out

[fetishdj]

Family and BDSM is always a clash, in most cases people don't want their families to know (as clearly you did not, otherwise it would not be the situation it is). Though sometimes it can be a happy combination - I know of one couple who found out that her father and mother were also a BDSM couple and were fine with what she did.

Usually, however, parents thinking of grown up children having sex and children thinking of parents having sex is not a comfortable thought which is why things are usually so circumspect - in vanilla as well as BDSM.

I hope you find a resolution to your situation that satisfies you. Be careful, is all I will say in advice. If you want to share more information (completely confidentially) to me in private I may be able to offer more advice but will not do so without knowing the full story.

[denuseri]

So long as whatever your doing is safe, sane, mutually consensual and only involves adults I honestly don't care truth be told.

I am not here to judge anyone.

I only responded with my own views as to the original question and then to the implication brought up by the op that someone in their familey "forced" them to do bdsm things with them, which of course makes things non-consensual.

Blackmail or roleplaying a blackmail scenario as a fantasy is one thing, its a very common theme in "stories" but as with most things an entirely different matter in real life.

[Jennifer Williams]

It sounds to me like there is a lot more going on here than you've told us, and I'm hesitant to give any advice about something without knowing all the facts. What I can say is that it sounds to me like you're at a point in your life where you need to make some serious choices and perhaps this site is a good place where you can get un-biased, anonymous advice, if you'd like to tell us more of the story.

[daddiesslavegirl]

i was a member of a site called collarme and i met a guy on there whom i went to meet,we had a good time and he took pics of me in various positons,but unknown to me my stepdad whom ive never got on with was unfortuneately also a member and this guy showed him the pics.well you can guess what happened next,my stepdad contacted me on the site for a meet,i didnt know who it was till i got there,where he showed me the pics the other guy gave him,so i had a choice be his slave or everyone would find out what i was up to.

[daddiesslavegirl]

may i also add i have a high profile job as has my hubby,i am also high up in the local council and church,so you see i and my hubby have a lot to lose,not to mention my mother.but dont let us forget i love my bdsm life and sometimes what my stepdad does,although i hate who im doing it with,is it possible to serve someone whom you detest

[fetishdj]

Thats more or less what I thought had happened...

I am sure others will agree with me that this is illegal and unethical (from a duty of care, loco parentis point of view because step dad or not he is still a legal guardian). Several things to think about:

1) If you (at some point) outed yourself (when you felt up to it, bear in mind nothing in BDSM is illegal) theh he would lose all this power over you.

2) Given the very suspect legality of what he is doing, you should be aware that he actually has more to lose being outed by you than you have being outed by him. Look at the recent case in Austria with the man forcing his family to live as prisoners - who was it who was splattered all over the tabloids as an 'evil man'? Also, how long do you think he would last with your mother (assuming he is still with your mother) when it is revealed what he has been doing to you, her daughter? Snowballs in hell is probably an accurate description.

3) BDSM is all about trust and consent. Blackmail is a common fantasy but it is never 'for real', the submissive consents to give the blackmailing material to the Dom/me. If you do not trust the person and consent is truly forced then it is not BDSm but abuse. If you were under 18 when this started then it may even count as child abuse.

Now, it is not my place to tell you what you should do in this case nor when to do it. However, I hope that the above makes you think and gives you ammunition if and when it comes down to it.

[graptolite]

Sounds to me that your step father has even more to loose than you.

Not only will your mum find out, but he could go to prison for a very long time for blackmail and rape.

[chuck]

Try to document exactly what your step dad did and when he did it. Are there people you trust to confirm the facts? The stronger you can make a case to show his abuse, the more power and/or leverage you will have to proceed in what ever direction you take.

[daddiesslavegirl]

thats ok getting him jailed,but then my bdsm life will become public and i will lose my mum,hubby,job everything,so its not just about jailing him,i will be sentenced by all as well then i will have to start a new life somewhere else which i will find hard

[denuseri]

I personally would rather be proud free and alone, than abused by someone with no honor, but thats just me.

If your family rejects you over it, then they dont deserve to be your family.

I bet he won't want anything to become public and will lay off at the merest threat of exposing his criminal activity.

I wish you the best of luck and highly reccomend that you seek legal advice from a professional.

[Jennifer Williams]

thats ok getting him jailed,but then my bdsm life will become public and i will lose my mum,hubby,job everything,so its not just about jailing him,i will be sentenced by all as well then i will have to start a new life somewhere else which i will find hard

You will gain your dignity and freedom. And you may not lose as much as you think. Your family may surprise you. As denuseri said, if your family leaves you over this then they aren't good enough of a family anyway, and then you will be free to start a new life, full of people who can accept you for who you are.

So far as your job, who cares? You can get a new job. Of course starting a new life somewhere else is hard. I know. I did it. It was a long road. But I look at the life I have now, and the life I left behind, and it was worth it. I've never been happier. You can improve your situation. Take courage and do it.

[daddiesslavegirl]

thank you all for your advice esp denuseri and jennifer williams i have made up my mind to let tell everyone,i am going to end my relationship with him,and just take the consequences as they happen,if it means starting a new life somewhere else on my own so be it,at least i can get a master or misstress who will appreciate me,again thank you all i will try to keep you all up to date

[Jennifer Williams]

Good luck, sweetie, I commend your courage. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing. You know that we are all here for you, if you need more advice and company.

[craveshumiliation]

i wish you all the best you are such a brave woman! xxx

[denuseri]

I shall pray for your saftey and continued strength and courage in the days ahead.

[daddiesslavegirl]

just to let u all know it is all out now,albeit not the way i wanted or maybe expected it would.i am a bit upset at the moment,so i will tell you all what happened when i calm down a bit

[daddiesslavegirl]

sorry i forgot thank you all so much for your support

[Jennifer Williams]

Take deep breaths, honey, it's going to be okay.
At least everything you deal with from this point forward is based in the truth, so anything good that happens is real. I'm praying for you.

[daddiesslavegirl]

Hi,just letting you know what happened.First i phoned my boss and quit my job then i went home to tell hubby about everything,well i received a severe beating and he gave me half an hour to pack and leave which i did.Next to mum,well i didnt even get half way there,when she phoned me ,hubby had phoned her,i didnt expect what she said.She called me a perverted slut and said if it wasnt for my perverted way of life all this woudnt have happened,i couldnt believe it,she was blaming me,well i suppose it was in a way,anyway she told me not to come near her i wasnt welcome then or ever,so i just kept driving and driving,thinking maybe i should just drive off a cliff or something,i pulled into a layby and cried my heart out thinking why should i ,i may have deserved the beating and my mums wrath but i didnt deserve to die.i just in that layby and cried myself to sleep then went to a hotel.Now im siting in a hotel room in a strange city with no family or friends,what may happen next you may think ,well i dont know,i will go to church on sunday and pray for forgiveness,then see what happens after the holiday weekend.One thing i do know is the support ive had from here has been fantastic,i from now on i will never keep a secret again about what i am.

[Archeon]

I wish your mother a very long life together with this man, evidently they deserve each other.

[bluefarie]

I am not even sure where to begin here, but my heart goes out to you! i have been in places in my life where my mother has chosen men over me and it is not an easy place to be. I have never been in your situation before, so i will not pretend to understand, however, as a social worker, i have seen similar situations. As a wife with an ex husband that cheated, i blamed myself and the other woman instead of seeing my ex for what he was and it was only after a long time in therapy that i fully understood. As a mother now, my first priority is my son, as it should be, however i know this isn't always the case.

All i can offer is a friendly ear if you need to talk and my support in this very difficult transition. It is true what they say, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. *hugs* Please feel free to pm me if you need someone to speak with.

sincerely,

bluefarie, very happily owned and engaged to Master Archeon

[thir]

Hi,just letting you know what happened.First i phoned my boss and quit my job then i went home to tell hubby about everything,well i received a severe beating and he gave me half an hour to pack and leave which i did.Next to mum,well i didnt even get half way there,when she phoned me ,hubby had phoned her,i didnt expect what she said.She called me a perverted slut and said if it wasnt for my perverted way of life all this woudnt have happened,i couldnt believe it,she was blaming me,well i suppose it was in a way,anyway she told me not to come near her i wasnt welcome then or ever,so i just kept driving and driving,thinking maybe i should just drive off a cliff or something,i pulled into a layby and cried my heart out thinking why should i ,i may have deserved the beating and my mums wrath but i didnt deserve to die.i just in that layby and cried myself to sleep then went to a hotel.Now im siting in a hotel room in a strange city with no family or friends,what may happen next you may think ,well i dont know,i will go to church on sunday and pray for forgiveness,then see what happens after the holiday weekend.One thing i do know is the support ive had from here has been fantastic,i from now on i will never keep a secret again about what i am.

I cannot even begin to understand the reactions from your family. But I believe that you are on the road to a better life, and I too will pray for you.

[Jennifer Williams]

Hang in there. You did the right thing. If that is how your family reacted then forget them, move on. You most certainly did not deserve to be beaten; beating someone is against the law, no matter what the circumstances are.

You will find people you belong with. Stay strong and it will be okay. If you are in a big city, there are places you can go for help, called "battered women's shelters" (sometimes called safe havens). They will provide support and guidance for you, and keep you safe. If you don't know where else to look, just find a police station and they'll help you (you don't have to tell them your name or where you're from or anything).

Just keep looking forward; one day you might look back on this as the best day of your life. <3 -Jenny

[daddiesslavegirl]

thank you all for your kind words and support,i am just going to take things one day at a time for the moment,maybe go on a short holiday to begin with,again so much thanks to you all

[craveshumiliation]

take care hun and stay smiling... you deserve better than that and im sure you will have bigger and better things in your life XXX

[roxi.slut]

The truth shall set you free.
Don't care what happens, you can't go wrong when telling the truth.
Honesty is always the best policy.

It is sometimes more convenient to be dishonest, but look at what the cost is long-term.

You did the right thing here, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You are paying the consequences of your prior actions. i fully understand what you felt, as i have been blackmailed myself. i know how it feels and i know what you thought you were risking.

i also know that when you allow someone to hold such knowledge over your head, you fail to see the flip-side. Your stepfather was also taking risks here. Your mother may not have been so forgiving with him, one never knows.

You were trading your health and happiness for position and possession. Now you are free from a man who (if he wasn't already) would be abusive to you. Your mother may come to her senses and thank you for exposing her sorry excuse for a husband. She is angry and hurt right now, and the words she said may have been just a knee-jerk reaction.

Do yourself and any future women who connect with your husband a huge favor...get photos of those bruises if they are still around and make a police report...and do so now. Even if you have no bruises or proof! Start a paper trail. That jackass had no right to put his hands on you! Do not keep it secret! Do not go quietly, don't think for a second that he won't do it to someone else.

i wish you health and happiness in your new honest life, being yourself! Congratulations!! Good Job, young lady!

[daddiesslavegirl]

thank you again to everyone for your support i now feel confident enough and free enough to now post my profile pic

[Jennifer Williams]

Honey, you are beautiful! I am so, so proud of you, so proud *sniff*.

[craveshumiliation]

you are beautiful i noticed you live in the north of the uk me too.
xxxx

[denuseri]

I highly advise one use cuation when putting personal information, such as ones location, address, phone number and yes, pictures with identifiable features such as face shots out there on the internet for anyone and their cousin to do with as they please.

Once stalked, twice shy.

[Mizar]

I haven't been on the library in a very long time. And seeing this as the first post I have read is fairly upsetting in more ways than I care to count. I want you to know that you are incredibly strong and that (although I am not religious) between your obvious strength and your faith ,I am sure that you will make it through anything thrown your way. These words seem feeble to me to express the immesity of how I feel. The world is filled with "evil" people but those like you are our hope. Good luck in everything and anything you may do. But from what I've read...I don't believe you will need it. I hope I have expressed myself properly. Its always darkest before dawn.

[daddiesslavegirl]

denuseri=i havnr put my address or phone number on ,as for my ic i dont care anymore from now i am what i am,no more hiding it is all i am saying

[denuseri]

Thats your perogative, I hope it serves you well, and I shall pray for your saftey.

[roxi.slut]

denuseri=i havnr put my address or phone number on ,as for my ic i dont care anymore from now i am what i am,no more hiding it is all i am saying

While i understand what you are saying here, please keep in mind that there are always dangers involved when you put your photo on the net. There is no taking it back. Remember that if you have children, this photo can be found by them, either now or in the future.

Likewise, remember that we are considered mentally ill in many circles. You don't just have to worry about stalkers, in other words. There will be times when you are better served to keep this side of your life a secret. The words of The Gambler come to mind:

"YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD EM, KNOW WHEN TO FOLD EM, KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY, AND KNOW WHEN TO RUN"

This isn't only for card players.

Trust me on this one, it really can come back to bite you. i know that you are excited since you've outed yourself. You feel that people should accept you for who and what you are, or go on and leave you alone. But there is always a price to pay, and you can't even begin to imagine how this can affect the things that you do in the future.

Enjoy your newfound freedom! i am certainly not interested in dampening your fire here, but you really do need to be smart. Stop and think before you act, always.

[daddiesslavegirl]

yes you are right ,im so sorry for being so foolish,thank you

[leo9]

If it's any consolation, I doubt if your stepdad is getting the free pass it may have sounded like at the time. A common pattern for people in your mother's position is to blame the victim in the first shock of denial, but to take a more balanced view when they've had time to cool down and think.

She's going to start asking her husband some nasty questions. "I was helplessly seduced" is not a dignified excuse for a man even if he's believed, and it doesn't carry a lot of weight in the 21st century.

As for your own husband, I may be wrong, but I get the feeling that you already had little commitment to that marriage emotionally, it just represented comfort and material security. You don't say if he beat you before, but you don't sound surprised at this one, so we are entitled to assume the worst. It's not unusual for people with submissive needs to mistake abusers for dominants, and it takes not only courage but clear understanding to break loose from that.

I've lost two lovers who chose to stay in unfufilling relationships for the house and the money, and I still feel sorry for them. You will look back on this as your day of liberation.