feeling comfortable with yourself

[GreyWolf-25]

I always had a slight interest in bdsm, but I never thought it was something that I'd ever really need in a relationship. I also grew up in a conservative christian home and felt uncomfortable about these things

Then I met my current boyfriend. Every time I said something that was slightly out there, he'd either think it was hot or accept it, and I started to feel more comfortable and accept this side of myself. He was never into it before and I noticed some slight discomfort about some things at first, but he's quickly gotten into it now.

That leads me to my question. He is comfortable with himself and isn't shy about it. I'm the one that is more into it and yet many times I still feel uncomfortable and inhibited.

Does this eventually go away as you learn to be more confident about it? Has anyone else ever gone through this?

[tigergirl]

i also grew up in a very conservative christian home. My family would absolutely die if they knew what i do with Master...

Yes, it eventually goes away. One of the things that helps me is when i talk to other subs/slaves and even other doms (with permission of course). Accepting your own desires is easier when you are talking with other like minded people, seeing your desires accepted so very readily helps you to lose your reservations about them. If you ever need anyone to talk to PM me, i would be more than glad, i am somewhat of a newbie myself but i have gone through the conservative home and can definitely relate.

[hemliga]

GreyWolf, I feel the same way myself. I am uncertain all the time with the things I find that I enjoy or the things I’m able to do that I never thought I could. I worry about my kinky life spilling into my vanilla one. I worry about the things I don’t like at first and then later crave to please my partner.

I think what you feel is normal and not just for this lifestyle.

hemliga

[craveshumiliation]

from my personal view i havent been in the lifestyle all that long but i have been into for alot longer,
there are times when i am still shy but for me personally it is easing as i see my partners smile when i do things that i wouldnt normally do... i think its all about a sense of pride and for me personally his pride has made me feel more confident in what i crave and more comfertable with my desire xx

[Jennifer Williams]

Hey Greywolf,

Almost everyone feels some sort of discomfort and reservations when they first get into BDSM, because it is so taboo and so many vanilla people think that it's "wrong". But the fact is that you are who you are and you have to accept yourself, you have to learn to be comfortable with yourself, because you are stuck living with yourself 24/7 no matter what kind of life you choose (advice from my good ol' mom). I also was raised in a Christian house, but it was a liberal Christian house with the attitude of God made you who you are and he's not ashamed of you, so you shouldn't be. It takes time for a person to get used to any new idea, so don't worry about it, take it slow, and it's wonderful that you have a partner who is able and willing to go through your self-discovery with you! And yes, so long as you work towards it you will become more comfortable with yourself, just as would happen with any other change in life.

[willing_slave]

Jennifer:
Thanks so much for that statement "God made you who you are and he's not ashamed of you so you shouldn't be either."

Ive been searching for a way to word the same feeling.

Sorry if that was off topic, I just felt I had to comment :)

[wyldrose]

i'm a bit of an example of what is possible with time and patience and training.

When i started to tell partners about my kinkier side, they would often be horrified or call me a freak. i was in an abusive relationship for 2 years in which my 'Dom' made me accept his 'punishments' because he believed that it was what i wanted and deserved.

i hated my kinky self. i hated my desires, i hated the way my mind worked.

Pretty much right up until i found this site. When i started here, i was able to interact with some actual Dominants, and They taught me that there was nothing wrong with my desire to serve. When i stated training under Master He focused me on accepting myself as i am.

Sometimes, i have bad days, and i wonder what made me like this, and how i can possibly get rid of it. Those days are getting less common now.

But most of the time, when i wonder what made me like this, i know that it has made me the happiest i've been in my life, and that i couldn't live any other way.

[Jennifer Williams]

When you find the place you belong, not only do you feel happy and free but you find you can't even resist it; you're drawn to it like air.

willing_slave, I'm so glad you appreciated my remark! I can't take all the credit; the way I phrased it is mine, but the idea itself is actually something I got from my sister, as she has grown in her struggle to accept herself as a Christian lesbian.

She too was absolutely miserable when she tried to date men, and now she's finally at peace with herself and I've never seen her so happy (and she's been with her girlfriend for a year and a half, her longest relationship ever).

Sorry if that was a little off topic, but my point is that you will find true happiness when you accept yourself for who you truly are, and stop trying to make yourself be what everyone else says you should be.

[skittish doe]

my point is that you will find true happiness when you accept yourself for who you truly are, and stop trying to make yourself be what everyone else says you should be.


Thanks for that reiteration. I think I am going to write your quote down, in ball point ink on the inside of my forearm. (Not really -- but thanks so much for your above point)

[Jennifer Williams]

You're welcome! :)