Why is humiliation a turn on?

[His little one]

Okay, obviously this is pretty new territory for me, so please bear with me and my personal confusion here. I am finding it hard to understand why I find humiliation to be such a turn-on, and I was wondering if any subs had thoughts on what makes it a turn on (I realize that it's probably not a turn-on for everyone, but for those to whom it is...). Any insights would be much appreciated. Forgive me if there is already a thread on this subject.

[TheSeeker]

I can't speak for the subs but as a Master I can say why I find humiliation a turn-on
the scenario is planned in advance, the sub is going to surrender herself to something humiliating
a sub's sweet surrender ALWAYS blows my mind, let keep in mind BDSM is a big mind orgasm

on the flip side something unplanned that is embarassing is just plain embarassing not humiliating

[His little one]

Thank You for Your response Seeker. As love is a very intricate part of D/s for me, I am also curious about how a Dominant feels about His sub afterwards, perhaps that question is better left for another thread though.

[brwneydgirl]

I am finding it hard to understand why I find humiliation to be such a turn-on, and I was wondering if any subs had thoughts on what makes it a turn on


Humiliation is such a large topic...and as with any large topic, there are degrees. I do enjoy some aspects of humiliation (and to TheSeeker: embarrassment can be part of that...). Some of the enjoyment I receive is a bit worrisome to me...like, why do I get off hearing/doing things that others find offensive (and I mean other subs...)?

On one side of the spectrum, you have fairly mild verbal humiliation...name calling and such: Filthy slut, cum hole...etc. To some, this may be pushing the envelope further than they want it pushed. Meanwhile, I'm screaming...give me more! :) On the other side of the spectrum are things I probably can't even imagine (okay, maybe I can...but I'm trying to stay on-topic) ;) and it's further than I'd like to go with humiliation...

I guess the trick is to find where, on the spectrum, YOU like to be...discuss it with your partner (hope that he/she is willing--that's sort of important as I've come to find out) and have fun without being overly concerned about it. Dwelling and worrying too awfully much can sometimes kill the pleasure/excitment.

[TheSeeker]

Thank You for Your response Seeker. As love is a very intricate part of D/s for me, I am also curious about how a Dominant feels about His sub afterwards, perhaps that question is better left for another thread though.

it is a good question, please let me know if you start it on another thread
or you could PM me if you wish to discuss it further

I promise my love for my sub grow by leaps and bounds with each act of submission

[His little one]

Humiliation is such a large topic...and as with any large topic, there are degrees. I do enjoy some aspects of humiliation (and to TheSeeker: embarrassment can be part of that...). Some of the enjoyment I receive is a bit worrisome to me...like, why do I get off hearing/doing things that others find offensive (and I mean other subs...)?

On one side of the spectrum, you have fairly mild verbal humiliation...name calling and such: Filthy slut, cum hole...etc. To some, this may be pushing the envelope further than they want it pushed. Meanwhile, I'm screaming...give me more! :) On the other side of the spectrum are things I probably can't even imagine (okay, maybe I can...but I'm trying to stay on-topic) ;) and it's further than I'd like to go with humiliation...

I guess the trick is to find where, on the spectrum, YOU like to be...discuss it with your partner (hope that he/she is willing--that's sort of important as I've come to find out) and have fun without being overly concerned about it. Dwelling and worrying too awfully much can sometimes kill the pleasure/excitment.

I guess I had never really thought about the verbal stuff as humiliation, but the spectrum is moving and I'm okay with that. I think I find being okay with it almost more of a mind fuck than the actions themselves lol. Good point about dwelling and worrying, both common occurences for me in most aspects of life. Thank you for the insightful reply.

[TheSeeker]

his little one I would like to turn your question back on you
how do you feel towards your Master after he humiliates you?

[His little one]

his little one I would like to turn your question back on you
how do you feel towards your Master after he humiliates you?

Ummmm...awe, respect, adoration, completely owned...still trying to figure that out myself lol.

[TheSeeker]

have you ever had regrets after being humiliated?

[ravenna78]

Humiliation has been a bit of a turn on for me too.

I haven't thought too much about it, but as I see it (and this certainly isn't true for everyone), humiliation is a type of pain, but rather than physical pain that goes right to the body(like a whipping), it's more of an emotional pain that goes straight to the mind itself.

Another reason, for me, I think part of the reason humiliation fascinates me is because it's forcibly going against my normal will. So enduring it is an act of submission which proves my devotion to my top. I'm not sure if any of this made sense, but I hope it helps.

[His little one]

The Seeker,
not regret no. Fear that he will love me less maybe, but so far, never regret.

[His little one]

Humiliation has been a bit of a turn on for me too.

I haven't thought too much about it, but as I see it (and this certainly isn't true for everyone), humiliation is a type of pain, but rather than physical pain that goes right to the body(like a whipping), it's more of an emotional pain that goes straight to the mind itself.

Another reason, for me, I think part of the reason humiliation fascinates me is because it's forcibly going against my normal will. So enduring it is an act of submission which proves my devotion to my top. I'm not sure if any of this made sense, but I hope it helps.

Actually, it makes a lot of sense and I never thought of it quite like that. In that light, I can see more why it impacts me the way it does. Thank you for the insight.

[TheSeeker]

The Seeker,
not regret no. Fear that he will love me less maybe, but so far, never regret.

I'm sorry to be a dolt but why would you fear he would love you less
I look at any act by a slave to be an act of love

[His little one]

I'm sorry to be a dolt but why would you fear he would love you less
I look at any act by a slave to be an act of love

Lol, no apologies needed Seeker. I'm not 100% sure why. We had already had kids and been married for years before discovering D/s, and I don't know how you can love someone the same after watching them in the throes of humiliation. It seems like respect for the humiliated party would be impossible afterwards. Perhaps it's not really that I am afraid He won't love me anymore, as much as it is fear that He will think less of me. Not that He hasn't assured me of the opposite, but now I am alone to think and as brwneydgirl pointed out, over-analyzing is not always a good thing lol.

[Ozme52]

on the flip side something unplanned that is embarassing is just plain embarassing not humiliating

That's just plain semantics and is totally in the eye of the beholder, as pointed out by brwneydgirl.

And planning is irrelevent.

I can tell my girl to wear a short skirt and to shop for items on the bottom shelf... and not to bend her knees when doing so. Fully and deliberately planned. She will be embarrassed. The turn on will be generated by her embarrassment. It will further generated by her anticipation of her embarrassment.

If we are sitting at a table over dinner, even with kink friends, and I unexpectedly tell her to reach under her skirt and masturbate, totally unplanned and unexpected, I know she will be humiliated to do so.

Planning --- irrelevent. And recognizing it's all semantics, you might consider the two scenes to be humiliating and embarrassing respectively... but it's not your scene, not your embarrassment, not your humiliation. It's hers.

There is no one definition that fits every submissive. Each must be assessed by their respective needs, limits, and triggers.

[Ozme52]

My last post came after being called away mid-writing... and there's far more conversation since.... apologies if it seems misplaced...


Lol, no apologies needed Seeker. I'm not 100% sure why. We had already had kids and been married for years before discovering D/s, and I don't know how you can love someone the same after watching them in the throes of humiliation. It seems like respect for the humiliated party would be impossible afterwards. Perhaps it's not really that I am afraid He won't love me anymore, as much as it is fear that He will think less of me. Not that He hasn't assured me of the opposite, but now I am alone to think and as brwneydgirl pointed out, over-analyzing is not always a good thing lol.

Perhaps I have a simple answer to that statement for you.

Think of the reverse. What ever your dominant's primary pleasure, whether it is a spanking, or whipping, hot wax, or just humiliating you... does he get hard because of it? Does he become lustful doing it to you? Is he having a good time? Do you love him any less because he likes doing it to you?

If you can love a dominant for consensually enjoying beating you, or debasing you, or tying you up, or whatever, then why wouldn't he love you more for letting him do it.

[denuseri]

Humiliation...ahhhhh, some say there is no bdsm without it.

Others avoid it like the plague lol.

And some claim that humiliation doesnt do a thing for them (I bet they still get wet during humili play though winks).

Everyone, even the consumant hummili slut extrodinare struggles with it to varied degrees depending upon the individual circumstances etc.

The feeling of loosing ones dignatas in the eyes of their panoamar is directly derived from the clash between: one's contemporary social conditioning (which has been going on since before one learned how to understand language and continues throughout ones life in the vanila world) and with one's inner "slut" who thrives on the exquisit freedom brought by one's willing if reluctant blushing submission in total (even if only temporary and fleeting) to the will of another in a manner that is not common to normal social parlance, as well as one projecting their own social conditioning standards unto their dominant's physche (assuming that ones dom will think of them in the same way that a vanila would etc).

It is especially trying and delightful when witnessed by others for some.

Its also somwhat of a natural social interaction condition.

The blushing bride is an example of it in a much more vanila context.

The natural unconsious tendency for an individual in paticular a submissive to avert ones eyes from direct common contact with another isnt just done to avoid a dominance conflict within any given social heirarchy, its also done becuase one gets embaressed to be cuaght staring at the other person.

As with most fetishes what one person finds exciting about a paticular aspect of it, another will find revolting etc.

I say is its safe sane and mutually consensual for all parties and makes you wet ...go for it.

[His little one]

My last post came after being called away mid-writing... and there's far more conversation since.... apologies if it seems misplaced...



Perhaps I have a simple answer to that statement for you.

Think of the reverse. What ever your dominant's primary pleasure, whether it is a spanking, or whipping, hot wax, or just humiliating you... does he get hard because of it? Does he become lustful doing it to you? Is he having a good time? Do you love him any less because he likes doing it to you?

If you can love a dominant for consensually enjoying beating you, or debasing you, or tying you up, or whatever, then why wouldn't he love you more for letting him do it.

It never occured to me to look at it like that but it puts things in a differient light. Thank you.

[TheSeeker]

little one why are you over-analyzing this?
you seem to have a healthy and happy BDSM relationship
I am envious of you

does it bother you to be humiliated?

good vibes to you and your Master

[His little one]

Humiliation...ahhhhh, some say there is no bdsm without it.

Others avoid it like the plague lol.

And some claim that humiliation doesnt do a thing for them (I bet they still get wet during humili play though winks).

Everyone, even the consumant hummili slut extrodinare struggles with it to varied degrees depending upon the individual circumstances etc.

The feeling of loosing ones dignatas in the eyes of their panoamar is directly derived from the clash between: one's contemporary social conditioning (which has been going on since before one learned how to understand language and continues throughout ones life in the vanila world) and with one's inner "slut" who thrives on the exquisit freedom brought by one's willing if reluctant blushing submission in total (even if only temporary and fleeting) to the will of another in a manner that is not common to normal social parlance, as well as one projecting their own social conditioning standards unto their dominant's physche (assuming that ones dom will think of them in the same way that a vanila would etc).

It is especially trying and delightful when witnessed by others for some.

Its also somwhat of a natural social interaction condition.

The blushing bride is an example of it in a much more vanila context.

The natural unconsious tendency for an individual in paticular a submissive to avert ones eyes from direct common contact with another isnt just done to avoid a dominance conflict within any given social heirarchy, its also done becuase one gets embaressed to be cuaght staring at the other person.

As with most fetishes what one person finds exciting about a paticular aspect of it, another will find revolting etc.

I say is its safe sane and mutually consensual for all parties and makes you wet ...go for it.

I have to say, I like the way you think lol. Thank you.

[His little one]

little one why are you over-analyzing this?
you seem to have a healthy and happy BDSM relationship
I am envious of you

does it bother you to be humiliated?

good vibes to you and your Master

Lol. I think because I need to get off my ass and clean the house. It does not bother me. And thanks.

[craveshumiliation]

ok why i havent answered in here before i dont know but i will now.


for me it is the thing that gives me that feeling in my stomach... its a drug i need it. i enjoy being taken lower than i think i can go being pushed to new levels of humiliation then being built back up

i enjoy humiliation because it is something that you cannot control...IMO anyway.

something you said before did shock me somewhat and will no doubt have me writing in my blog.
I don't know how you can love someone the same after watching them in the throes of humiliation. It seems like respect for the humiliated party would be impossible afterwards. well personally i dont think it takes away from the love at all and respect afterwards dont you think there would be more respect seeing them do that for you? knowing they done it for you to please you and show how much the love you.

i may crave humiliation but i do always expect respect of people just because humiliation is something i need does not mean you can treat me like a doormat and a few people who have thought that have been told so.

if YOU and YOUR Master respect who you are then how would there be no respect after a 'scene' if for you humiliation is just a rare occurance then it wont lose respect... i dont think you ever lose respect just for liking/needing humiliation.

personal opinion/advice that got jumbled up in the middle from craveshumiliation


PM if you need anything more or have any questions and im pretty much always in the chat xxx

[brwneydgirl]

Lol. I think because I need to get off my ass and clean the house. It does not bother me. And thanks.


LMAO. Nice one.

[parasmurf]

Like alot of things in my life i see it in the sense of music, lol.
The same is performing on stage infront of your peers and completely random people. You get the fear of what if, but then adrenalin(or some other effect) builds up and you go for it and it feels great and becomes addictive and you try and push your self higher and higher.
For most vanilla people singing on stage infront of 100's of people can make you faint but there are those who become junkies off of it. Same sitch.

[His little one]

ok why i havent answered in here before i dont know but i will now.


for me it is the thing that gives me that feeling in my stomach... its a drug i need it. i enjoy being taken lower than i think i can go being pushed to new levels of humiliation then being built back up

i enjoy humiliation because it is something that you cannot control...IMO anyway.

something you said before did shock me somewhat and will no doubt have me writing in my blog.
I don't know how you can love someone the same after watching them in the throes of humiliation. It seems like respect for the humiliated party would be impossible afterwards. well personally i dont think it takes away from the love at all and respect afterwards dont you think there would be more respect seeing them do that for you? knowing they done it for you to please you and show how much the love you.

i may crave humiliation but i do always expect respect of people just because humiliation is something i need does not mean you can treat me like a doormat and a few people who have thought that have been told so.

if YOU and YOUR Master respect who you are then how would there be no respect after a 'scene' if for you humiliation is just a rare occurance then it wont lose respect... i dont think you ever lose respect just for liking/needing humiliation.

personal opinion/advice that got jumbled up in the middle from craveshumiliation


PM if you need anything more or have any questions and im pretty much always in the chat xxx

Looking at your id, I could have just skipped the thread altogether and gone straight to you lol. I hope that my statements regarding humiliation were not found insulting to others who enjoy it. They were not meant to be so, and while I am going through my own personal reconciliation with the issue, I do not think less of anyone for enjoying humiliation or inflicting it. In retrospect, I think that it's probably not a good idea to push limits right before He had to leave for a few days. It has given me to much time to dwell on my own insecurities. Once again, I am sorry if my statement about respecting the humiliated party afterwards was insulting to anyone, I was really refering to Master and myself and could have made it much less of a blanket statement. Thank you for the input. :)

[craveshumiliation]

your opinion didnt offend me dont know about anyone else....

i found your opinion facinating which is why i said it would have my writing in my blog..
maybe not today as i have the most awful migrane and i cant move from my bed haha...
but im sure within the week it will when im slightly more alive lol xx

[chuck]

I am finding it hard to understand why I find humiliation to be such a turn-on, and I was wondering if any subs had thoughts on what makes it a turn on...I feel that pride and ego are a natural emotional shield and can be compared to bondage and nudity.

Mobility gives one a means to defend oneself. Being bound eliminates the option of defense. Clothes are a shield from touch and sight of others. Being naked eliminates that shield. Losing one's pride (through humiliation) strikes down an emotional shield.

In summary, the feeling of having one's defenses stripped from them and being completely vulnerable is a turn-on that is common to all three examples.

[StormKat]

I am finding it hard to understand why I find humiliation to be such a turn-on, and I was wondering if any subs had thoughts on what makes it a turn on

There's pretty much nothing that will turn me OFF faster than being humiliated. And not even just cut my interest level but flat-out piss me off.

My original dom humiliated me once - I hated the situation, I hated the outfit, I hated being in public, I hated him for doing that to me & I hated myself for going along with it. There was nothing about the whole episode that turned me on. Needless to say, there was a big fight afterward & I'm much better off without him!

Yes, your dom may ask you to do things that might be outside of your comfort zone & you'll do them. But he should know you well enough to understand the difference between things you wouldn't normally do but you'll ultimately enjoy with him & those things that are beyond anywhere you'll willingly go.

While humiliation is a common theme for many subs & doms, it is not a universal turn on. Interests are specific to the people involved & they'll also vary based upon the situation & circumstances & timing. There is no one universal way to be submissive or dominant, just what works for the people involved...

[Aetolian]

Now, I'm new to the community and I was just browsing through posts when I saw this one and couldn't help but respond. Regarding the question about respecting someone less after seeing them humiliated, this is how I feel.

Maybe I'm new to the 'scene' or maybe this holds true for a lot of people but when a sub is willing and able to allow to humiliate them, it tells me a few things.

One, they trust me enough to put themselves in my hands and that in itself is something awe inspiring.

Second, the fact that they are willing to try and or enjoy aspects of humiliation tells me that they simply -know- that they are cared for (in most cases, at least with me) and that they don't question if what I'm saying is what I truly feel. They simply know and trust that it's not and have the faith in me, themselves, or both, to know that I -do- respect them and that this is simply for fun (or lifestyle). It shows me how much they trust and care about me as their dom and as a person.

Frankly I believe it takes a hell of a lot of courage to be a 'good' sub and trust in someone else like that. So, to sum it up, I respect someone more if they are willing and able to be humiliated or try something that puts them in their dom's hands.

Ah... and I hope I didn't offend anyone that doesn't like that kind of thing.

[StormKat]

Frankly I believe it takes a hell of a lot of courage to be a 'good' sub and trust in someone else like that. So, to sum it up, I respect someone more if they are willing and able to be humiliated

OK, so I'm not really offended but I don't see how being willing to be humiliated makes someone a "good" sub. Everyone has their individual likes & dislikes, their hard & soft limits. I'm not a bad sub because humiliation doesn't do anything for me...

What about the courage it takes to be a "good" dom? A dom who forcibly humiliates his sub knowing she does not enjoy such activities isn't deserving of respect in my book, even if she trusts him enough to do as he asks.

[denuseri]

I do believe he means be a good or better submissive for him Kat. It was after all his opinion.

Personally I believe what constitutes a good submissive is going to be very individually subjective in many regards.

[Aetolian]

But, while the thread is focusing on humiliation, notice that I added the "or try something that puts them in their dom's hands. "? I noticed that you cut off your quote right before that.

I'm not talking about just humiliation, I'm talking of the trust that comes from just about any dom/sub play or lifestyle.

[wyldrose]

For me, the hotness comes from what i'm willing to do/be/say/etc for Him.

It's giving up my individual identity, dignity, humanity and composure to please Him. It's becoming what society tells me i shouldn't be, saying things i shouldn't say, wanting things i'm not 'allowed' to want. it's incredibly freeing, to be able to strip off all of the constraints of society and live to tell the tale.

It's an exercise in trust- it's being completely vulnerable and having somebody there to catch you, it's believing that you're as special in that moment as you are to Him always, regardless of what you've done.

It's difficult- it takes time to be able to trust to the level humiliation demands, it takes practise to be able to degrade oneself in front of others and to fully strip off the constraints of everyday life, it takes patience and dedication. But it's well worth it.

[denuseri]

Personally I find it exciting in ways that are very hard to describe.

For me at least regular ole bondage etc without it...just doesnt cut the mustard.

[nawteeone]

For me, the hotness comes from what i'm willing to do/be/say/etc for Him.

It's giving up my individual identity, dignity, humanity and composure to please Him. It's becoming what society tells me i shouldn't be, saying things i shouldn't say, wanting things i'm not 'allowed' to want. it's incredibly freeing, to be able to strip off all of the constraints of society and live to tell the tale.

It's an exercise in trust- it's being completely vulnerable and having somebody there to catch you, it's believing that you're as special in that moment as you are to Him always, regardless of what you've done.

It's difficult- it takes time to be able to trust to the level humiliation demands, it takes practise to be able to degrade oneself in front of others and to fully strip off the constraints of everyday life, it takes patience and dedication. But it's well worth it.


Very nicely put! I wanted to answer, but the words weren't coming to me til I read your post! That's it for me, as well. Outside of the bedroom, or let's say in the wrong situation, those very things that turn me on would turn me into an extremely angry girl, and NOT be acceptable at all!