Is my girlfriend into BDSM?

[egvgomez]

I always wondered how to know if my girlfriend would like the lifestyle. I never tried in real life w other girlfriends, exept w light spanking in the middle of sex, or light things only. But with my actual gf, i started by pulling her hair when we had sex from behind, she loved when i spank her, so now i bought a crop to do that, i tie her up at the start of our lovesesion and i find out that all these things really turn her on. She now loves it when i do her anally, and she agreed to me buy a buttplug. How can i make that step and convert our relation in a D/s one? She can react and obey any orders that i give her before having sex, but after she had her orgasm, she is totally different. She really has a bad temper, and is very very bossy. What do you think? I would love to hear your comments.

[jeanne]

Have you actually talked to her about more D/s in your relationship overall? This is not something you want to try to 'sneak in' on her. Think about how you envision it, write it down if that helps you clarify your thoughts, then talk to her. She may say "oh hell no", but she may say that she's willing to try. If so, start slowly. Maybe just have one "D/s day" per week or something at first.

[aprikot]

i love it! being the vanilla gf i only wish my not so vanilla bf would have brought to my attention sooner rather than later...a lot of heartache and pain (not the "good" pain). But, be careful what you wish for you just might get it-he had no idea his "closet" vanilla gf has such an outrageous appetite!

[fetishdj]

Its a classic dilemma and one which is hard to resolve. The simple truth is that if you try to 'drag' her in there is a good chance that she will respond badly and not only back away from the lifestyle but possibly also back away from you, the wierdo who tried to force her into something she did not like. Ok, there is also a chance that she may jump straight in with both feet and become a staunch lifestyler but I think that possibility is a lot less likely...

So, you need to be careful and make sure that she is aware that there is a choice at each step and that you will not think any less of her if she chooses not to get involved. You may also have to accept the condition that if she is not interested then you have to reduce your BDSM activities to prevent her from thinking that you are cheating on her with 'some skanky kinky tart' (trust me, this is how vanilla women think when their man has a 'hobby' they do not understand or like. They are petrified that he will elope with someone who understands their hobby better and this is not an entirely unjustified fear).

Small steps and lots of communication is the key. I have yet to meet a woman who is not interested in some aspect of BDSM. Many vanilla women will readily agree to some light spanking and a bit of light bondage and this is the shop window you can use to draw them further in. The difficulty usually comes when you try to introduce nipple clamps, ball gags and enemas :) Keep it light and fun...

[egvgomez]

Now i can see things more clearly. Thank you, really thank you very much. I am seeing more things now than before i read your comments. I tried the first time w her, a few months ago, in Dec/09, i just came w a bag which content she didnt see. I put a blindfold and the told her to satand still w her hands in the back of her neck, and i started to check every part of her anatomy. And told her to keep still, and slowly indressed her totally. Then i started to introduce one and then 2 fingers in her. Every time she moved, i spank her, harder every time. She was dripping. Then i told her to be on her knees, without letting her change the position of her hands and told her: Open ur mouth and pull out ur tongue. Then i let her ear my zipper, and put my penis in her mouth. I made all the moves, i told her not to move, just keep the mouth open. When i was readt y told her to stnd up and bend over and i fuked her from behind. Which was a little difficult because she is taller than me. (5 inches more). I told her to ask me if she could came, and she did. I let her this time. I pull out and came on her bottom. But as i told u before, all this last only until she comes. Then she doesnt want to know anything about sex. ??????? I can do this sort of things, only if she is horny. After sex, she in the same boosy woman, w a lot of friends, male friends. And we had a lot of fight because she is still seein at least 2 of her former boyfriends. Even that she promised not to, I one day saw her yahoo mail because she didnt close the sesion properly and I find out that she was seeing one of them. And he made sex comments on her email. making jokes of her as if she was s hooker. And she wrote that she found that very funny. I was shoked. I told her about this, and she didnt deny it, in fact she told me she will continue seiing him even though it was the one thing i asked her to stop doing and she had agreed. She lied to me. W this i want to tell u that she will never obey me in any thing, exept when she is aroused. The highest that we reach is that now she keep my crop and she sugests that i use it on her. so i hit her w the crop, everytime harder. Last time i made light strips on her. So now that u have a better picture of our relation, i ask u the same question. Is she? O will she ever be into BDSM all the time? What cani do to tame her? Or is it a lost cause?

[flying66]

bejadus, I agree that you can't 'drag' someone into bdsm... they have to want to try it themselves. I agree with the above posters that you need to sit down and talk to her.

Ask her about how she feels about bdsm... ask her if she even knows what it is. Some people think 'omg! bdsm! like bulwhips and chains and stuff? no thanks!' but they don't even know that bdsm can be as simple as a scarf to the headboard or a blindfold... you don't even need props like maybe you like to talk and do the more 'mind game' like stuff.

For example, my Dom likes to hold my wrists down during sex and tell me "this is your life now, you're just my little fucktoy..." or clapping your hand over her mouth so she can't talk... lots of 'softer' stuff can be done as a sort of introduction. Also everyone likes such different things, she might not like any of the above suggestions.

Ask her how she feels about you spanking her? Tying her up? don't do some intricate Japanese rope bondage, just tie her wrists together and hold them while you have sex... simple stuff and take it slow.

[Ozme52]

But, be careful what you wish for you just might get it-he had no idea his "closet" vanilla gf has such an outrageous appetite!

:d Here's to girlfriends with outrageous appetites. :hubba:

[flying66]

please disregard my previous post, there was a mixup with moving/merging threads

There's a few issues here... first of all, not all submissive want to be submissives 24/7 and totally want to be in the lifestyle ALL the time. A lot of people only 'play' in the bedroom and it sounds like your girlfriend is NOT one of them. This is something you'll have to talk to her about.

Next is that it's concerning that you have snooped around in her personal emails... and also do not want her to see her friends.

Once again there are submissives who wish to be slaves and want all aspects of their lives controlled but these sorts of arrangements are meant to be talked about and agreed upon by both parties.

At the moment it sounds to me like you have major issues that need to be sorted out with your girlfriend, one of which is discussing the nature of your relationship.

[Aibo]

Hello

I totally agree with flying66, 24/7 and true lifestyle persons are extremely rare.
I have lived with one such, but they really are one in a million.

Before that I spend 12 years with one of the bedroom variety.
And our story have somewhat more to do with the thread, because when we met, either of us had no idea about the other persons inclination.
It was something we discovered over the course of our two years, I quietly introduced this as a variety for erotic play at first.
And I use her habit of pinching me at erotic times as one 'excuse' for tying her up. Now in hindsight it is all obvious for everyone on a forum like this one that it was her way of trying to trigger me to handling her roughly.
Anyhow it took a full two years before we finally got it out in the open.

And that is my reply to the OP, if you see any such signals, or other submissive and/ or playful tendencies feel free to proceed. But else you might still have the option for some roleplay and a little light bondage as a variation. Nothing impossible even with one basically vanilla person.