lucy
04-30-2010, 08:53 AM
The Ultimative Submissive's Guide to eternal Bliss and a sore Butt
Foreplay
Ha! Gotcha! You probably just clicked on this thread because you thought "ah, here we go again, some wiseass chick who thinks she's Miss Knowitall and wants to tell us what submission is. Let's click on that link and give her the thrashing she deserves". But it's not. It's not the ultimative guide to submission to end all guides to submission. I've got no clue about submission. At least not in general. I might have a small clue about my way of submission, but that's by far not enough to even think about writing a guide. Which, in my very humble opinion, is very often a stupid thing to do and stupidly done anyway. But, and I admit I'm not only proud of this, I have a quite vast experience with a certain aspect of this my way of submission.
Other authors of similar guides tell you 'I know the secret to so and so' or 'I wanted to share my knowledge with everybody because I think everybody should be happy/rich/famous' or even 'I heard a voice inside my head telling me that I should write a book about how to find eternal love/your way to God/the missing socks in the laundry'. That, of course, is utter bollocks. Nobody who really knows how to get laid by all the women he dreams about will ever tell you his secret, just like nobody in his right frame of mind would reveal his way of making 1000 $ out of one in a month. All they want is your hard earned money. Yup, face it, they're not interested in your good, they're only interested in your $.
Not me. Spend your money on something nice. An icecream. Not a lasting investment, true. But nice nevertheless. Or a whip. You might well find yourself in a situation where a whip comes handy if you read this guide and decide to act on it. No, my motivation is much simpler. Cheaper too, in every sense: I'm a desperate attention whore.
Yup, there it is.
Ok, so I'm a desperate attention whore and because writing a book is an easy way to get attention and, judging by the mountains of crap you can find in any bookstore's advice section, almost everybody writes a book about how to get rich/be famous/get your boss's job/get laid I thought it's about time I'm writing one of those too. Since I have no clue how to get rich or famous and don't want my boss's job (although i do have a small idea about how to proceed when I want to get laid) and in fact almost everything else, it took me a while to find a field in which i'm expert enough to dare write a book. But eventually, I did, and therefore, here it is, the
Step by Step Guide on
How to get in Trouble.
Disclaimer
First, before i go into details, I need to say that I can under no circumstance be held liable should you get into troubles that are more than you can handle/have expected/think you deserve. You are solely responsible for all your actions. In case you think of sueing me because you spent the last two weeks in a crammy little cage with only tepid water and stale bread after having gotten not into troubles, but into a real big, Jupiter-sized predicament: Forget it. My lawyers are better than your lawyers. And we won't settle. Eat your stale bread and go away!
Getting in the Mood
It might seem like a somewhat questionable venture to get yourself into troubles on purpose. But only at first glance. When you look at it more closely, you will soon see that this is not true. Being in trouble means several things, not all of them negative. Of course, you'll have to tread very carefully to keep the negative effects to a minimum while reaping the sweet -or painful - fruits of your "troubling" behaviour.
First, there's attention. To do something that gets you in troubles means you'll get the full attention of your Dom/me. Being at the center of attention is almost always nice. Okay, there are exceptions to this rule. Like standing on tiptoes over a spanish horse smeared with Tabasco sauce with your nipples being in the firm grip of clover clamps tightly attached to the ceiling. Just to make an example. What? You're a pain slut? Kewl, go for it!
Anyway, attention is not the only thing you can get out of being in trouble. Spankings come easily to mind. Granted, you'll only get a thorough spaking if you're really lucky, but a good and extensive spanking is well worth taking some risks.
A Snowball to Hell
There are various ways to get yourself into trouble. The first and easiest one is by chance. If you're not perfect, that will happen sooner or later. I'm far from perfect and so it happens on a quite regular basis. If - as unlikely as it is - you're a perfect sub or slave, it is highly probable that you don't want to get into trouble. You're probably also totally boring. And, most of all, you're not reading this because you're busy being perfect and perfect subs don't read such crappy guides to misbehaving anyway. Suit yourself, but don't blame me when your life remains to be one long boring drag.
Imagine the following scene, please: It's Saturday afternoon, the day's chores are done, the missing socks in the laundry still missing but you know there's nothing you can do about that, all that remains to do is to start cooking an imperfect dinner (remember, we're not perfect. But dinner will be tasty and fantastic nonetheless) for you and your beloved Dom, but you still have an hour, maybe two until you have to go to the kitchen. It's been snowing all day and the two of you decide it's time for a walk in the snow. Very romantic! Wonderful!
It stays romantic and wonderful until your Dom starts to throw snowballs at things, either to impress you with his accuracy, or just because that's what guys do. Eventually he thinks a moving target is even more of a challenge and you find yourself dodging snowballs. Wanna get in trouble on purpose? Here's your chance: Tease him every time he misses you, laugh loud, make a singsong out of your teasing.
But that's for sissies. Instead, remain calm, press a handful of snow into a tight ball and next time he doesn't look at you because he bends over to pick up some fresh snow to press into a ball, you throw it. With any luck, you'll hit im square in the face when he straightens up again. You almost certainly can count on swift and massive retaliation if that happens, most likely followed by some slow, wonderful torturing later in the day. It might get tough, but that expression on his face in that split second when he realizes that he's gonna be hit square in the face by a snowball and can't do anything about anymore is worth a looooooooot of trouble.
Note: Credibility is important here. You can only tell him "oh my goodness! I'm so very sorry darling! It was pure chance, honest, usually I can't hit a barn when I'm close enough to touch it!" so many times. After about the third time he most likely won't believe you anymore.
Shoes to drool over
Another way of getting into trouble is to go to the very limits of your leeway, and then a little bit further. That's tricky. It's a very fine line between pushing the borders and a breach of trust.
He's sent you to buy a dress. And gave you his bankcard, too. Okay, that's very unlikely to happen. But it is not entirely impossible. There are rumours that one Dom has actually done it. Only once, though, he knows better now.
You go, you buy a dress. After all it's not for you to question his commands. You obey, because you might not be a perfect submissive, but you certainly strive to be a good one. So you go and buy that dress. And then you buy another dress, because you want to be prepared for every eventuality. That's already stretching the leeway you have a bit. But now, being smart (and a woman) you know that you need shoes too to go with the new dress. He didn't, after all, tell you not to buy shoes, did he? Nope. All he said was "go buy a dress. And make that a sexy dress." Yessir! Willdo! And you did.
No mention of shoes, neither positive nor negative. You're not supposed to buy shoes, but with a tiny little more interpretation of his commands than usual you could argue that you were not supposed to buy no shoes. A dilemma? No! Only a fool would think of this as a dilemma. It is an opportunity. So go ahead, buy them. This is your once in a lifetime chance to get a freakin' sexy pair of shoes and get into trouble at the same time.
Knowing what's best ...
... for your Dominant, that is. You know your Dom/me well and as a good sub you only want the best for him or her. Of course. So you go ahead and make assumptions on what he or she would like to do next. If you play that right, there's a good chance of getting exactly what you want, or at least something very close.
Example: He is busy watching a hockey game on the telly or finishing the tax declaration. Or any other activity/task that either just needs to be done but is not fun (like watching hockey, heaven knows why anybody would do that voluntarily ...) or just needs to be done but is fun (like the tax declaration, it's always nice to see your money doing good things and going to good people) but what he really wants to do (and, more to the point, what you really want him to do) is whipping your ass/fucking you/get a blowjob/attach nipple clamps to your lovely nipples or any other activity that involves more fun than watching a hockey game or finishing the tax declaration.
As soon as you know what it is you want it's a walk in the park: You go get the whip/nipple clamps or whatever will be needed. In case your pussy, ass or mouth will be needed you don't even have to go and get it, of course. Saves you a trip to the dungeon or the bedroom, so iif you're a slob you might want to tread that path. Anyway, you got what you need for the next step and now you make that next step. Here it gets a wee little tiny bit tricky, because the way you proceed now could very well decide on the outcome of the whole endeavour. There are, basically, two ways: The soft, teasing, loving one and the rather blunt approach.
Whether you go ahead using the soft or the blunt approach depends on many factors: Your mood, what you want and how badly you want it, his mood, his general character, your estimated life expectancy and whether you want to enjoy those remaining years in good health among others.
The soft approach includes a lot of sweettalking, kneeling and generally playing the playful and willing submissive. That is almost always a win-win situation. For you. For him, too. If he jumps on the idea of your butt desperately needing a spanking, bingo! If he doesn't, you just keep on going until you get the spanking because you tried to top him from the bottom. Bingo! again.
However, there is a slight chance that your Dom isn't a complete idiot and does what you least wanted him to do: Ignore you. Not bingo at all.
The blunt approach is, no surprise there, much blunter. It is also very, very, very risky. That's why I won't even go into details here. Figure it out yourself, so you can't blame me when it goes wrong.
Aftermath
Those are only a few strategies to get in troubles. Try them and have fun, or don't, I honestly couldn't care less. There are many more strategies, of course. Better ones, too. In fact, there are several strategies that are so far superior to those mentioned above that I decided to leave them out and put them in the next book of this guide, which will not be available at a ridiculously high price at your favourite bookstore anytime soon. Or ever.
Because let's face the truth for a change: Why the heck should I tell you for a mere couple of bucks what cost me a lot of time, tears and sweat.
Foreplay
Ha! Gotcha! You probably just clicked on this thread because you thought "ah, here we go again, some wiseass chick who thinks she's Miss Knowitall and wants to tell us what submission is. Let's click on that link and give her the thrashing she deserves". But it's not. It's not the ultimative guide to submission to end all guides to submission. I've got no clue about submission. At least not in general. I might have a small clue about my way of submission, but that's by far not enough to even think about writing a guide. Which, in my very humble opinion, is very often a stupid thing to do and stupidly done anyway. But, and I admit I'm not only proud of this, I have a quite vast experience with a certain aspect of this my way of submission.
Other authors of similar guides tell you 'I know the secret to so and so' or 'I wanted to share my knowledge with everybody because I think everybody should be happy/rich/famous' or even 'I heard a voice inside my head telling me that I should write a book about how to find eternal love/your way to God/the missing socks in the laundry'. That, of course, is utter bollocks. Nobody who really knows how to get laid by all the women he dreams about will ever tell you his secret, just like nobody in his right frame of mind would reveal his way of making 1000 $ out of one in a month. All they want is your hard earned money. Yup, face it, they're not interested in your good, they're only interested in your $.
Not me. Spend your money on something nice. An icecream. Not a lasting investment, true. But nice nevertheless. Or a whip. You might well find yourself in a situation where a whip comes handy if you read this guide and decide to act on it. No, my motivation is much simpler. Cheaper too, in every sense: I'm a desperate attention whore.
Yup, there it is.
Ok, so I'm a desperate attention whore and because writing a book is an easy way to get attention and, judging by the mountains of crap you can find in any bookstore's advice section, almost everybody writes a book about how to get rich/be famous/get your boss's job/get laid I thought it's about time I'm writing one of those too. Since I have no clue how to get rich or famous and don't want my boss's job (although i do have a small idea about how to proceed when I want to get laid) and in fact almost everything else, it took me a while to find a field in which i'm expert enough to dare write a book. But eventually, I did, and therefore, here it is, the
Step by Step Guide on
How to get in Trouble.
Disclaimer
First, before i go into details, I need to say that I can under no circumstance be held liable should you get into troubles that are more than you can handle/have expected/think you deserve. You are solely responsible for all your actions. In case you think of sueing me because you spent the last two weeks in a crammy little cage with only tepid water and stale bread after having gotten not into troubles, but into a real big, Jupiter-sized predicament: Forget it. My lawyers are better than your lawyers. And we won't settle. Eat your stale bread and go away!
Getting in the Mood
It might seem like a somewhat questionable venture to get yourself into troubles on purpose. But only at first glance. When you look at it more closely, you will soon see that this is not true. Being in trouble means several things, not all of them negative. Of course, you'll have to tread very carefully to keep the negative effects to a minimum while reaping the sweet -or painful - fruits of your "troubling" behaviour.
First, there's attention. To do something that gets you in troubles means you'll get the full attention of your Dom/me. Being at the center of attention is almost always nice. Okay, there are exceptions to this rule. Like standing on tiptoes over a spanish horse smeared with Tabasco sauce with your nipples being in the firm grip of clover clamps tightly attached to the ceiling. Just to make an example. What? You're a pain slut? Kewl, go for it!
Anyway, attention is not the only thing you can get out of being in trouble. Spankings come easily to mind. Granted, you'll only get a thorough spaking if you're really lucky, but a good and extensive spanking is well worth taking some risks.
A Snowball to Hell
There are various ways to get yourself into trouble. The first and easiest one is by chance. If you're not perfect, that will happen sooner or later. I'm far from perfect and so it happens on a quite regular basis. If - as unlikely as it is - you're a perfect sub or slave, it is highly probable that you don't want to get into trouble. You're probably also totally boring. And, most of all, you're not reading this because you're busy being perfect and perfect subs don't read such crappy guides to misbehaving anyway. Suit yourself, but don't blame me when your life remains to be one long boring drag.
Imagine the following scene, please: It's Saturday afternoon, the day's chores are done, the missing socks in the laundry still missing but you know there's nothing you can do about that, all that remains to do is to start cooking an imperfect dinner (remember, we're not perfect. But dinner will be tasty and fantastic nonetheless) for you and your beloved Dom, but you still have an hour, maybe two until you have to go to the kitchen. It's been snowing all day and the two of you decide it's time for a walk in the snow. Very romantic! Wonderful!
It stays romantic and wonderful until your Dom starts to throw snowballs at things, either to impress you with his accuracy, or just because that's what guys do. Eventually he thinks a moving target is even more of a challenge and you find yourself dodging snowballs. Wanna get in trouble on purpose? Here's your chance: Tease him every time he misses you, laugh loud, make a singsong out of your teasing.
But that's for sissies. Instead, remain calm, press a handful of snow into a tight ball and next time he doesn't look at you because he bends over to pick up some fresh snow to press into a ball, you throw it. With any luck, you'll hit im square in the face when he straightens up again. You almost certainly can count on swift and massive retaliation if that happens, most likely followed by some slow, wonderful torturing later in the day. It might get tough, but that expression on his face in that split second when he realizes that he's gonna be hit square in the face by a snowball and can't do anything about anymore is worth a looooooooot of trouble.
Note: Credibility is important here. You can only tell him "oh my goodness! I'm so very sorry darling! It was pure chance, honest, usually I can't hit a barn when I'm close enough to touch it!" so many times. After about the third time he most likely won't believe you anymore.
Shoes to drool over
Another way of getting into trouble is to go to the very limits of your leeway, and then a little bit further. That's tricky. It's a very fine line between pushing the borders and a breach of trust.
He's sent you to buy a dress. And gave you his bankcard, too. Okay, that's very unlikely to happen. But it is not entirely impossible. There are rumours that one Dom has actually done it. Only once, though, he knows better now.
You go, you buy a dress. After all it's not for you to question his commands. You obey, because you might not be a perfect submissive, but you certainly strive to be a good one. So you go and buy that dress. And then you buy another dress, because you want to be prepared for every eventuality. That's already stretching the leeway you have a bit. But now, being smart (and a woman) you know that you need shoes too to go with the new dress. He didn't, after all, tell you not to buy shoes, did he? Nope. All he said was "go buy a dress. And make that a sexy dress." Yessir! Willdo! And you did.
No mention of shoes, neither positive nor negative. You're not supposed to buy shoes, but with a tiny little more interpretation of his commands than usual you could argue that you were not supposed to buy no shoes. A dilemma? No! Only a fool would think of this as a dilemma. It is an opportunity. So go ahead, buy them. This is your once in a lifetime chance to get a freakin' sexy pair of shoes and get into trouble at the same time.
Knowing what's best ...
... for your Dominant, that is. You know your Dom/me well and as a good sub you only want the best for him or her. Of course. So you go ahead and make assumptions on what he or she would like to do next. If you play that right, there's a good chance of getting exactly what you want, or at least something very close.
Example: He is busy watching a hockey game on the telly or finishing the tax declaration. Or any other activity/task that either just needs to be done but is not fun (like watching hockey, heaven knows why anybody would do that voluntarily ...) or just needs to be done but is fun (like the tax declaration, it's always nice to see your money doing good things and going to good people) but what he really wants to do (and, more to the point, what you really want him to do) is whipping your ass/fucking you/get a blowjob/attach nipple clamps to your lovely nipples or any other activity that involves more fun than watching a hockey game or finishing the tax declaration.
As soon as you know what it is you want it's a walk in the park: You go get the whip/nipple clamps or whatever will be needed. In case your pussy, ass or mouth will be needed you don't even have to go and get it, of course. Saves you a trip to the dungeon or the bedroom, so iif you're a slob you might want to tread that path. Anyway, you got what you need for the next step and now you make that next step. Here it gets a wee little tiny bit tricky, because the way you proceed now could very well decide on the outcome of the whole endeavour. There are, basically, two ways: The soft, teasing, loving one and the rather blunt approach.
Whether you go ahead using the soft or the blunt approach depends on many factors: Your mood, what you want and how badly you want it, his mood, his general character, your estimated life expectancy and whether you want to enjoy those remaining years in good health among others.
The soft approach includes a lot of sweettalking, kneeling and generally playing the playful and willing submissive. That is almost always a win-win situation. For you. For him, too. If he jumps on the idea of your butt desperately needing a spanking, bingo! If he doesn't, you just keep on going until you get the spanking because you tried to top him from the bottom. Bingo! again.
However, there is a slight chance that your Dom isn't a complete idiot and does what you least wanted him to do: Ignore you. Not bingo at all.
The blunt approach is, no surprise there, much blunter. It is also very, very, very risky. That's why I won't even go into details here. Figure it out yourself, so you can't blame me when it goes wrong.
Aftermath
Those are only a few strategies to get in troubles. Try them and have fun, or don't, I honestly couldn't care less. There are many more strategies, of course. Better ones, too. In fact, there are several strategies that are so far superior to those mentioned above that I decided to leave them out and put them in the next book of this guide, which will not be available at a ridiculously high price at your favourite bookstore anytime soon. Or ever.
Because let's face the truth for a change: Why the heck should I tell you for a mere couple of bucks what cost me a lot of time, tears and sweat.