New, Need suggestions.

[Papi's Chiquita]

I'm new to the lifestyle, and very interested, the only problem is that my master is inexperienced and a little immature. I want him to get some ideas of what to do with me, but I feel like I shouldn't be the one to have to tell him what to do. He is slowly learning though, I'm not gonna put him down completely. There are a few things with both enjoy doing, but its mainly in the bedroom. Outside of the bedroom, he lets me do almost anything I want, occasionally if I disobey, he says he'll punish me for it, but only does half the time.
I bought some books for me to read and suggested for him to read them too, but he hates to read, only wants me to tell him what happened. I'm not very good with telling details.
He doesn't seem like the type that would get on one of these sites or look up information, he rarely gets on the internet.
I did manage to convice him to go to a newbie meeting with me. I wonder how thats gonna go. He's a little nervous about going I think. I'm not sure what to expect.

Any one have any comments or suggestions?

[Dejah Thoris]

Hello Chiquita,

Firstly - Hello! Welcome to the site.

Has he been open with you about his expectations? Has he outlined exactly what he expects of you in and out of the bedroom? Once he defines these parameters (and at first, there may be very few due to his inexperience), and he sees how you thrive under those conditions, it may encourage him to expand his dominance to other areas of your lives.

For instance, you mentioned that there is nearly no control outside of the bedroom. Are you hoping to change that? A simple expectation from him like "dinner on the table by X time each night" can turn into a very lovely display of going above and beyond to serve him by cooking his favorite meals, surprising him by trying new dishes, getting a recipe from his mom that he liked as a kid, a table setting with candles and flowers, etc.

Obviously I have no idea if you have that kind of time in your evenings, but that principle - showing him that you will go that extra mile every time no matter the expectation he has - will show him how happy it makes you to submit to him, even in the everyday mundane areas of life. This may be the key to expanding his comfort in dominating you outside of the bedroom.

Good luck to you, and no matter what you decide to do, please do keep us posted on how it all goes!

[Papi's Chiquita]

That is one thing that I will do, I cook him dinner. He is in love with my cooking. If his family or friends are over, I have to cook for them aswell. There is no set time because we don't have a stable schedule. And at the moment we don't have all that much money for me to cook every night.

As for the expectations, I've tried to get him to come up with some, specific rules he'd like me to follow, but he's just not that imaginative. He only says that I'm supposed to listen and do what he says, which I guess would be fine, if only he'd tell me to do something.

[VaAugusta]

You can lead a horse to water..

Have you expressed how important this is to you? And if so, he is still not willing to put in the effort? I feel I must be blatant here: Being a dominant is difficult. It's not for people who are lazy; it takes work and dedication. I am fearful that you are simply putting your kink onto your significant other, and if that is the case, then I don't know that it's possible to prevent topping from the bottom.

[Papi's Chiquita]

Yes, sometimes I do feel like this is all I'm going to get from him, but I crave so much more. I know he has dominate tendancies, but they're just not very strong. I'm hoping as he matures he will be more open to it.
But leaving him is not an option, I am completely in love with him and will always be loyal to him. Even though he may be lazy and makes me frustrated at times.

[flying66]

Well some people really only ever like to do BDSM in the bedroom and aren't really 'lifestylers' ... meaning that they don't do D/s in other parts of their lives, it's just a bedroom kink.

I do suggest talking to him about how you want his dominance to spread to other parts of your life such as restrictions etc. I find that this is the simplest and easiest way to keep a D/s undercurrent in your life as a whole.

Like I had a 'no panties except on cycle days' restriction for months. Maybe a 'you must wear a buttplug while cooking dinner' or 'you must wear a sleeveless top when we go to dinner together' ... really anything that tickles his fancy (or yours) as long as you both agree to it.

I know topping from the bottom sucks a lot and it sounds like you really have to lay out the expectations you both have for this relationship. It may be that he doesn't want to control other parts of your life at all and doesn't want to think about D/s while not in the bedroom.

[craves]

i agree with what everyone has said before my comment...

does he have an account on here or does he want to have an account on here that could help him alot...

do you keep a diary that you let him read with your feelings in ?

other than that talking is all you can do and everyone has to start somewhere xx

[phinneygirl]

Papi's chiquita has summed up my problem to the tee any other help is appreciated