please help me make this work

[kristinemae]

my Dom has recently asked me to start Dommeing his wife. im not a natural dominant personality and so im a little nervouse. i have been able to gain and keep control online but i find that in person, i blush, giggle and stammer when im nervouse. i show my hesitation and weaknesses with her giveing her a little room to work on my insecurities. He has asked me to come up with punishments that fit me and yet work with her. I am at a complete loss, im not masicistic, yet he is so thats what shes used to. i dont wish to use this same form to gain her respect and desire to listen to my demands. i would love and deeply appreciate ideas to make this work. i want to please my Sir and if this is what he wants i want to be successful, its not all about sex and what ive found online has lead me to believe its all about sex. this is my first Dom who isnt all about sex with me so im really in new territory. please help!
kristinemae

[Jennifer Williams]

Oh, there is plenty that isn't about sex. Domination doesn't have to have any sex; Domination is about control. Start small. Maybe set one rule. See if it's followed; if it is, then set another. If it isn't, punish until it's followed. Take your time; Dominating a person's life is like psychologically binding them; you start with one knot, then slowly build up until they can no longer wiggle their little toe.

You can start by controling wardrobe, diet, budget, what leisure activities are allowed, when they are allowed, certain phrases a person may say/ not say, places they may go/not go/ have to go, things they must do each day (such as count how many times they think of you for example). Think of all the little things a person does all day long, without even thinking about it, pick one, and control it. Or even just monitor it; it can make some people feel very submissive just to tell you at the end of the day how many times they peed, for example.

One example I use with my little one is that he may not chose flavors for himself. Doesn't matter what it is; doughnuts, ice cream, muffins, if he is presented with choices of flavors then he has to text me and I get to choose what he eats. I actually had to modify this once because he couldn't reach me when they were serving bagels for lunch at his job, and so he didn't eat any and wound up going something like eight hours without food. So now he knows if he can't reach me he can have plain, or vanilla, or whatever is the most boring choice presented to him.

The reason that sex seems to always come into it in my opinion is because that is the most fun part of a person to control :D

[denuseri]

Or sit your "Dom" down and explain to him that your simpley not ready for this kind of thing (now,yet or ever) and or are uncomfortable with it and or have no desire to engadge in such activities; which ever the case may be for you.

Comunication is key and not everyone can allways handle or has the patience and imagination nessesary for taking on the onis of dominion for another individual in a bdsm capacity.

It simpley could be that this is not your cup of tea at this point in time.

[Jennifer Williams]

Good advice, also. Denu, you always keep a level head when the rest of us get so easily carried away...

[fetishdj]

Planning and communication are the keys to not being nervous. Assuming you do end up doing this (and not taking Den's advice above) you need to be prepared. First of all, you talk to her alone - your Dom should not be around, really, as if he is there then it becomes you and her serving him not her serving you. You talk to her about what she wants and likes, what she has done before, what she would like to try. Get some ideas from that, maybe do a checklist. Make a list from that of possible punishments and rewards and remember the golden rule of punishment/reward: if it is something she likes and wants then it is a reward, if it is something she hates it is a punishment.

With this in hand you can start planning. The more you plan the smoother things will go. Go as far as making a time linked list of activities

i.e. 1800: Summon sub into dungeon and order them to strip and kneel near to the chair. Humiliate them with some verbal abuse

1810: Put collar on sub and tie hands behind back. Apply nipple clamps

And so on.

You don't need to follow this like a script all the way through but it gives you a basic outline you can refer to if you get lost and confused. Then you can focus on being the dominant persona...

[kristinemae]

wow, this is all so helpful. i appreciate the concern and the advice given, although im nervouse i still want to give this a good go and do the very best i can, both for me and for my Sir. i would like to see that his wife feels just as rewarded by the experience. she has asked if she could take the lead but as i already have it i dont wish to give it up until she is confident enough to know that i can, and will take it back when i desire to. bring on the suggestions cuz already i feel more confident in handling this. Sir has said that hes noticed the confidence as well.
thanks for the help

[denuseri]

Well in that case...is this an online or a real life arrangment?

[Jennifer Williams]

And how long have you known this person- has he been your Master for long, have you known his wife long, how well do you know each other, how comfortable are you with each other?

If you've just recently met or just recently have started to get to know each other, you might just want to break the ice by having a regular girls' night out; get some coffee, go see a movie, have conversation and learn about who she is. You need to know who a person is as deeply as possible if you're going to dominate them properly.

[kristinemae]

ive just met her, sadly ive only known my Sir for a few months and we dont often speak about her. its not entirely an online Domme thing, as we havent met in person yet but, he would like us to meet within the month. she is open for it. he wants me to use him as a punishment to her and i see that it gets instant results but it really messes with her head. i dont really want her to always be insecure that im going to steal her man.

[denuseri]

Sounds like all three of you need to sit down and go other the details be that in person if you plan on going R/L with it or via whatever medium your working with and make sure everyone is making an informed mutually consensual decision for starters.

Have you actually met eaither of them in person as of yet?

[kristinemae]

yes, ive met my Sir in person. his wife wasnt comfortable meeting the other sub. just recently she expressed an interest in me becoming her sub, however my Sir said that she was to submit to me. its been an experience. i have expressed an interest in meeting her for coffee yesterday. im waiting to find out how she feels about this.

[Jennifer Williams]

Yes, that would be a good place to start. You definitely need to have deep, honest conversations with both of these people about what they expect, what you're willing to do, and how all of this is going to work. It sounds to me like there is a lot going on, and rushing into things headfirst is the best way to have it all fall apart.

[kristinemae]

thank you all for your help, ive really really appreciated it. today i told her that i believe it best we start as equals, friends that way she will be able to better trust me and her position with her husband. ive also told her the the domination is more to please our Master/Sir. that i am a sub and am on very unsteady ground. that i dont know what im doing and will trust her to help me as much as he does along the road. lets hope this helps. thank you ladies soooooo much