wow

[darkdreams]

i wanna turn my long time girlfriend into a submissive , she does not of this ,how would i go about this succesfully

[nerameshu]

You can't. Unless you have Kyoka Suigetsu, you can't truly turn someone into a submissive without them knowing. And if you somehow found a way... Chances are, they'd destroy.

Besides, the submissive must want to please you. If that desire isn't there, then neither is your submissive.

[Jennifer Williams]

You can't change a person to make them become what you want. You can either accept your partner for who they are, or leave them to try to find someone else who fits you better.

[FrgnSwtc]

If she's not into it don't even try. You can't persuade people to be something they're not.

Submission comes from deep inside and it is not to be taken lightly. It can be honed if the urge exist. Trying to create that craving from scratch is at best that, an attempt, and it will fail at great cost for the both of you.

Respectfully,

FS

[brwneydgirl]

The funny thing about language is that just a tiny little letter can make a fairly large difference. For instance:

Could you make someone *a* submissive (noun)? Maybe...if they were predisposed to kink, you might be able to persuade them to try "bottoming" for you.

However, change that noun (a submissive) into an adjective (submissive) and now it's a different ballgame. Trying to make someone submissive is like trying to make them dominant...they could try their hardest to be a dominant in certain situations and circumstances...they might even make decent "tops"....but they will never be DOMINANT.

I am in a vanilla marriage to an incredibly loving and kind man. He is not dominant in any way. However, he will (if I ask particularly nicely ;) ) give out a spanking or two during sex. I enjoy it and he doesn't appear to hate it necessarily, but I know it's not his "thing" so I don't ask all that often.

And this is what the others have said...if the desire (craving) to submit is not there, it most likely will never be there. The question is, if she's kink-friendly...would she try bottoming?

[denuseri]

Have you asked her about getting kinky in the bed room yet?

Or if she is open to the idea of a little bdsm?

[flying66]

Now, submission is a very particular beast... mayhaps you aren't particularly sure what the terms 'submissive' and 'submission' actually mean. For example, there are bottoms who will be passive... you can drag her to your knee and hold her down for a spanking but a submissive will climb on your lap of her own volition and present herself to you.

There are people who are into kink, they like being tied up or spanked and the like but they don't offer submission... do you see where I'm coming from?

The final verdict is that you can't turn someone into a submissive, you can't make them into something they are not, submission is offered, it cannot be taken because that is contradictory.

Talk to your girlfriend, ask if she might be into a little spanking, a scarf to the headboard, having her wrists held down, or a hand clapped over her mouth, or being blindfolded and see where it goes from there.

Does she become aroused when you tell her to do things in the bedroom? Can you say "I want you to go lock the door and strip naked for me then come here and take me in your mouth" or would she just tell you not to order her around?

[Jennifer Williams]

Oh, well if he's just asking how to introduce the idea of kink into an otherwise vanilla relationship, that's totally possible. And what you have to do is really, really hard and scary: you have to have a conversation. (That wasn't sarcasm. It took me years before I was brave enough to bring up the idea with my little one.) If you just "do" it, you'll most likely just freak her out.

[fetishdj]

Step one: Communication. You need to speak to her frankly and openly about your desires. Open a dialogue, show her some fiction with your fantasies in it, get her to view sites like this and see the way such things work. At the same time, make sure that you give her the chance to talk about her fantasies and introduce you to some of them. If she is interested, progress to the next step. However, there is a hight chance at this point she will not be interested and/or even repulsed by the idea. You will have to live with that. This may mean she leaves you, this may mean you keep her but have to give up the dream, it may mean you leave her to find someone who is into it. Make sure you make that decision in a mature manner...

Step two, start small. You need to show her that it is fun and for this your best bet is to avoid jumping straight in at the deep end. Carry on your normal vanilla relationship but introduce some small kinky things into the bedroom. I have yet to meet a woman who is not turned on by light bondage and spanking (as I have said before, I don't know if this says something about women in general or just the women I meet...) so there is a high chance that she will appreciate the chance to experience both on a regular basis.

Step three. Most relationships remain at step 2 - a little kink in the bedroom. Even many vanillas reach this step. As time goes on you may find this expanding into more and more elaborate things but you are not 'a BDSM couple'. That is the step where you more formally accept each other as Master and sub. There are many different degrees of this and steps to get there and many fall between the extremes of 'kinky in the bedroom' and '24/7 Master/slave TPE'. Chances are you will find your own level based on your mutual fantasies and real life situations (for example, you may not be able to have her kneel to eat dinner if the in laws are visiting :) ). If she is interested and naturally submissive, then you will reach a point where this occurs.

But, as stated above, you do need to differentiate between a 'bottom' and a 'sub' and even a 'slave'. There are lots of discussions on this topic in the forums so I suggest you read through some of them. And submission and submissive as well... Maybe your first step should be to research what you think you want and see if you really do want it. it can be a lot of work and responsibility looking after a submissive.

[brwneydgirl]

Now, submission is a very particular beast... mayhaps you aren't particularly sure what the terms 'submissive' and 'submission' actually mean. For example, there are bottoms who will be passive... you can drag her to your knee and hold her down for a spanking but a submissive will climb on your lap of her own volition and present herself to you.



The way this is worded, it almost sounds like it's one way OR the other. Either the submissive is "made" to submit---presumably by force....or she climbs on the lap to present herself without being told.

Gosh, is that true? Is it always just one way or the other? Can't you have both of those "types" in ONE submissive?? I like the idea of "force"...being dragged and pushed down and held down...yep. LIKE a LOT. :)

And I also like the idea of perfect obedience.

Does that make me less submissive than she who may not need or enjoy the physical push?

[denuseri]

No it does not make you any less of a "bottom","submissive" or "slave" brwneydgirl and yes of course you can have all of those 'types" of behaviors in one person and there is not a thing in the world wrong with it. Heck you can even have a slave who one minute: dominates practically everyone else around her sometimes even appearing to fight and resist her own "owner" and yet in the next minute: with a mere snap of her owner's fingers, is in an instant, at his feet holding his whip in her teeth.

[flying66]

The way this is worded, it almost sounds like it's one way OR the other. Either the submissive is "made" to submit---presumably by force....or she climbs on the lap to present herself without being told.

Gosh, is that true? Is it always just one way or the other? Can't you have both of those "types" in ONE submissive?? I like the idea of "force"...being dragged and pushed down and held down...yep. LIKE a LOT. :)

And I also like the idea of perfect obedience.

Does that make me less submissive than she who may not need or enjoy the physical push?

I didn't mean to say it was one way or the other, I just felt that explaining it in more black and white terms would be less confusing than talking about all the 'gray area'

To answer your question, yes, 'I' (as in personal opinion) think that someone who needs more of a 'push' is less submissive than one who doesn't. There are different degrees of submissiveness, it doesn't make you less of a submissive (and also people will display more or less submissiveness depending on the person)

You get people who just like being told what to do, and don't like being flogged, or spanked, or hurt in any way and you also have people who like to be flogged and spanked and paddled and caned but they don't like being told what to do or obeying etc. and you have everything inbetween and mixes etc. The latter I described isn't necessarily a 'submissive' so much as a 'pain-slut' and I only meant to illustrate that it's possible to be one without the other.