When did you first know

[nawteeone]

That you craved being a sub? (Or Dom)

I went to a Catholic grade school, and we were pretty sheltered. We never had any health (sex) discussions, and we most certainly did not have any sex talks at home. I wasn't exposed to anything sexual until high school, really. But even as far back as when I was maybe 11? 12? I discovered, um, myself :rolleyes: and my earliest fantasies were of being humiliated, mostly public spankings & that sort of thing.

I also remember going to the Old Stone Schoolhouse for a field trip in 5th grade, and being upset over the fact that only the boys were being given old-school type punishments. I *might* have acted up just so I could be punished too.

So for me, pretty much before i even knew what a sub was, or what sex in general was for that matter, I knew it was what I wanted.

[Ozme52]

I remember that I had vivid dreams, as a pre-teen, of dungeons filled with scantily clad women in chains being whipped, prodded, pulled, and tortured.

It was all fantasy of course, until the first time I realized I had that certain something that not only brought women to my bed, but that they willingly let me do as I wanted with them.

It's been getting better and better ever since.

[hockeygoalie00]

i remember back when i was 9-10 I used to tie myself to the bed and stuff wishing it was someone else of the opposite sex doing it to me so i feel you on that

[sdgirl]

i remember having fantasies about being a slave when i was very young. before i was 10 and certainly before i had any idea about sex.

[Missiray]

i think my fantasies started when i was around 10 or something. they were all about being tied up and humiliated in front of a lot of people.. and being a slave with a Master. :)

[Jennifer Williams]

I was five years old when I had fantasies about the boys in my kindergarten class being naked and tied up with the ropes our teacher used to hang the class art from. I told such fantasies to another girl in my class and the face she made let me know this was the kind of thought I should keep to myself.

I was also five when I pestered my mother about where babies came from until she confirmed my suspicions about what exactly sex was. And then of course I wanted to go and try it and she freaked out...didn't get that opportunity for quite a few years after that, lol.

It's funny that I never thought that there was anything wrong with me, but I also didn't know that other people had such desires until I was in high school, and I didn't know such desires had names until the beautiful internet came along.

[denuseri]

When did I first "know" that I craved being dominated as a slave is?

I didnt "know" anything until long after having been a submissive for many years and then only after leaving this way of life "never to return" on two seperate occassions...only to find myself inexplicably drawn back to it with verve each time, urged on by it's absence in my life like a starving child, banned frorever from eden, ever seeking re-admittance so as to get just one more taste of that proverbial forbidden fruit hidden within it's confines.

Know is a lot more hard to pin down than: "When do you think or suspect you first showed any signs of being a submissive?"

Hindsight being 20/20 I suspect not too many people really "Knew" anything at all about what a dom or submissive even was let alone that they craved to be one on any conscious self introspective level in any kind of way until well after they had been exposed to bdsm and its terminology for some time. It is all too easy to look back at ones life and say "Oh becuase I liked being tied up during cowboys and indians I must have "known" that I would allways be a submissive today" or to chose to experiment with D/s and bdsm, and tell oneself that they are now where they allways belonged...even if one finds out much to their chagrin later that they were in error and only deluding themself.

Its not a way of life for everyone.

We all like to claim that we were born to our way of life or predestined or somehow especially suited or skilled to fufil our chosen place within it but I doubt any of us truely knew that it was unavoidable or undeniable for us in our lives until we had been somehow tested and tempered by some kind of crucible conserning it and came eaither by long gained wisdom or by sudden epiphany too an understanding of total acceptance of "knowing" one's self for what one really is.

[Jennifer Williams]

Double-post

[Jennifer Williams]

but I doubt any of us truely knew that it was unavoidable or undeniable for us in our lives until we had been somehow tested and tempered by some kind of crucible conserning it and came eaither by long gained wisdom

So very true; the road I took to get where I am was long and painful and included a lot of broken hearts; yet when I look back I don't see how I could have done it differently since I had to learn what I know the hard way.

Still, the phrase "I always knew I was different" rings true as I remember things like teenage sleepovers where everyone talked about their perfect date or whatever and I had to keep my real fantasies to myself while I made up some drivel about walks on beaches.

[learninggirlie]

Hum back when I was in fifth grade we would go on a school fieldtrip to the old stone house also but that was back in Pennsylvania. Interesting havent heard of other places with school houses that you tour. Brought me back.

Oh and about the topic at hand. I was a very late bloomer. Vanilla relationship for a long time then internet came about and I started seeing some things that made me go hum. That looks fun. Found a few chat rooms that were interesting one was a game where everyone could say a sentence to a story and you went round robin. After that i was hooked.

[nawteeone]

Know is a lot more hard to pin down than: "When do you think or suspect you first showed any signs of being a submissive?"

That's true. I mostly just wondered if anyone else had inklings before they even fully knew what submission/domination was. I always thought it was odd that before i even knew what sex was, I craved being humiliated-having those fantasies about public spankings & whatnot. For a long time, I felt like it was something shameful, or maybe that's not the right word....something "not normal" i guess.

It's more of putting 2 + 2 together. Like now that I KNOW what it's like to be submissive, I'm going, well, duh no wonder I had all those early feelings!

[Jennifer Williams]

I had about a million "inklings", and now when I look back at those moments from my early years I do often find myself thinking, "Oh, so that's why I felt that way." So I know exactly what you're talking about!

[lapetite_2812]

Funny, but one of my first conscientious recollections is connected with me twiddling with boredom one of my dolls, then suddenly pulling over its skirt, taking down the panties and spanking determinedly and thoroughly its bottom. And somehow wanted me to be in that humiliating and vulnerable position. Unfortunately I never found myself over the knee of neither my father, nor my mother. There were just some scarce slaps from mommy, that couldn't at all be called a spanking, what about a decent one :). In other words they didn't offer me any help in this respect, the only thing I could do was to keep my eyes open to see some other kid taken by the ear and dragged home....then my imagination could easily finish the scenario.

At that age I haven't even heard the words "sex", "arousal" or whatever, let alone know their meaning. Still I knew...actually I felt what a nice disturbance it brought to me the idea of "humiliation" and "spanking". And started craving them. It took me long looong years after that to experience them in real, in a spanking session. To cut the story short and to focus on the main subject - actually I crave the emotions that walk alongside submission - humiliation, pain, tears, emotional and physical play with senses and mind. And I became consciously aware of it when I started to "research" through spanking/erotic fiction, clips, online communities , chats.

[Play Ball(s)]

My first inkling was about 5-6 years ago when I found a web site offering sissy training. I wasn't particularly interested in becoming a sissy but the idea of being "controlled" definitely appealed to me. Looking back over my life, I've always thought that women were the better sex and I tend to be submissive in other areas also.

[selkie]

I too was very sheltered growing up in a strict religious family. Baptists aren't exactly known for their creativity in the bedroom department. I remember getting a more explicit talk about horrific things that could happen to me due to strangers than I did with the actual sex talk! (I think my grandmother mentioned that it was something for men that women put up with ha!) I was actually terrified of sex and swore I would NEVER DO THAT. So I didn't really put two and two together with my 'playing pretend' and later sexual response. I just knew that I always let myself get caught first and enjoyed the damsel in distress role the most. Playing by myself as a kid and as I got older I practiced tying myself to the bed as some other people here have mentioned. It didn't click for me until years later in college (before my first sexual experience) that I came across Laurell K Hamilton's Faerie and Vampire series of books along with Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty books that everything fell into place. I've kept it hidden until about a year ago and finding this site has really helped me face myself and know who and what I am and be proud and happy with that.

[Jennifer Williams]

I think my grandmother mentioned that it was something for men that women put up with ha! Then she clearly wasn't doing it right.



I was actually terrified of sex and swore I would NEVER DO THAT.
I had a similar attitude as a teenager, which was due to the fact that SEX WILL KILL YOU was drilled into me in public school to the point that my best friend somehow came to the conclusion that STDs are actually created by people having sex outside of marriage :dunno: (she wasn't too bright).

Though, for some reason, the fear of actual intercourse never translated over into any other kind of sexual activity for me.



I've kept it hidden until about a year ago and finding this site has really helped me face myself and know who and what I am and be proud and happy with that.

That is the best part to hear. Becoming happy with yourself is the secret to being happy with life in general, if you ask me.

[pissy-boy]

I’m not sure when I first realised I was a submissive. Although, it’s kinda funny really, because when I was young and I’d see people getting embarrassed in public (on kids shows like Get Your Own Back and stuff like that) I always felt such sympathy for them. I hated the idea of being humiliated like that.

Then, I don’t know, it was like someone flipped a switch inside me and I was… I wanted to be that person, almost. The fantasy of it was a real turn on. I’m not saying I want to be humiliated in public (not openly, anyway), but I definitely like the fantasy aspect of it.

I think the first thing I was into was ass worship and facesitting, and then maybe spankings, and it just developed from there. I think I was around thirteen or fourteen. It wasn’t really being tied up and physically punished (although they did come later), but just about the humiliation. It still to this day is mostly about the humiliation aspect of BDSM.

Anyway, that’s my story.

[chipmunk_]

There was an animated version of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" that came out in 1979 (I was 9 years old). When I watched the scene where Aslan (the lion) was captured, tied up, and shaved on an altar in front of a whole group of people, I can honestly say that I think I was 'turned on' for the first time in my life. I immediately realized that this was not something I could EVER talk about with anyone else. lol.

[openyoureyes]

I used to write stories when I was younger about being kidnapped (and other fun stuff that would ensue), and other similar stories. Ha ha, I just remembered, when I still played with Barbies, I used to have them act some of the stuff out and when Ken and Barbie would get physical, there'd usually be some force used in the fantasy...Good lord, how big of a dork am I? One of my neighbors and I used to play "house" a lot, too, and he'd boss me around to clean stuff. We also occasionally played pirates or other similar games, though we were too young for it to be really be sexual.

When I first started having sex, I was definitely interested in trying new things and tried to get my boyfriend to tie me up or use cuffs, and I liked it when he smacked my ass. Though he was never very into things and after one incident where he called me a freak, I mostly buried that side of me, thinking it was wrong.

I never really identified any of these things as being bdsm, until I met my current boyfriend a few months ago. And honestly, I never identified these things as being strange until the incident with my ex (which caused lots of shame and guilt issues I'm still trying to shake).

So...I guess I didn't "know" until a few months ago, but I've had inclination or leanings that way for quite some time.

[spankingdesires]

For me the desire to be a sub has always been there. I didn't start to understand that desire until puberty and I started wanting to be spanked. Then we got the internet for the first time and realized then I started to learn more.

[poppit]

When I was 8 years old I realized I loved being the bratty kid when playing house because it always brought on the punishment. I continued to play house with my friends all the way up to my freshman year of highschool. My friends and I would hide it after a certain age but I loved being spanked or force to do things for being in trouble. I noticed back then that I was a little different because no one else wanted to be punished like I did. Later on in life my first girlfriend had explored the life a little herself and noticed the tendencies in me. She would tell me things She would do to punish me. I realized then that I wanted to be a submissive. For a long time it was just a strong desire and I gathered knowledge where ever I could. The moment when I knew for sure that I was a slave, that I knew that was who I wanted to be came later. It came after I had trained for awhile and had to leave. I never thought I would miss the control, the discipline, the pain, and the relationship of Dom/Sub like I did. It became more than a desire and turned into a need. One that ached if not fufilled.

[lunaticlorraine]

As strange as it sounds ever since I can remember Ive well... 'daydreamed' about being kidnapped and tortured.
I can remember it from about when I was 4/5 years old. Obviously I had no idea what sex was. All I knew is that the thought of being made to do something made me excited.
As ive grown older its changed. As ive learned about sex... well. Its pretty obvious from there.

[Em.pyre]

Same here, I always used to imagine being a spy getting tortured for information and bravely enduring all the pain and humiliation the torturer could dish out. No rape fantasies, nothing sexual (until I discovered the internet, of course), but it was one of my favorite things to daydream about.

When I was around 9-11 I used to play Jasmine and Raja with my friend, my friend being Jasmine and myself being her pet tiger Raja, whom she would lead around on a leash all day while wearing my Jasmine costume (mmm). I just loved being a pet to someone and I guess it stuck with me.

[lunaticlorraine]

I used to do something simalar to that.
For starts while we're on the subject of Aladin (Jazmine and Raja? You're on about the film Aladin right?) I used to imagine getting kidnapped by Jafar and three nurses for some odd reason.
And I used to do something like that. I used to pretend to be an animal. I dont know.. it was always fun for me. And now the idea of being someones pet, and being treated like an animal just excites me more.

[Em.pyre]

Haha yup, Aladdin fantasies all the way :)

I recommend getting a leash and collar (collars you should get at a specific store for humans, but they have some sexy-ass chain leashes at Petco). That combo has been a fantastic addition to my collection of equipment, and has lead to some very good times. ;)

[98tiller]

I now identify as a switch as it depends on my dynamic with the other person whether I feel submissive or dominant to them. I grew up in a fairly rural area, and some of my first fantasies involved my step mom "loaning" me to some of her friends to do yard work and muck stalls. In my fantasies they would make me work and tease me into a frenzy( wearing jodupurs tight shirts, leotards etc...). Then they would tie me between the stalls and wash me down like I was an animal (with no small amount of teasing and fondling). Then they would use this frenzied state to make me service them and let them do whatever they wanted to me. Remember these were early fantasies( 12 years old) so they were not very intricate or too knowledgeable about the lifestyle. These fantasies did feel "right" to me and thats where it began.