How to handle not being told what to do

[silentxxslut]

I am one for always being told what to do, what to wear etc. how do you handle when your master doesnt tell you?

[Dejah Thoris]

Hi Silent,

Welcome to the Library :)

To answer your question, I resist the urge to manipulate the situation (I believe it's called topping from the bottom, but I am just learning myself, so forgive me if that is the incorrect term). I am just learning the value of open communication - regardless of the fact that I am the 's' in 'D/s'. I try to start a conversation and explain how I feel when X happens or does not happen. It is not as easy as it sounds!

Good luck to you in your situation, I hope this is not the last we see of you!

[denuseri]

I try to do as I would think my Owner would like me to do in those situations where he doesnt have any standing orders to help show me the way.

If I need further clarification of something I of course ask him what he would prefer but only if it is absolutely "nessesary". I was also trainned to use common sence first and not be a burden so much as a pleasure to own.

In other words I should know him, his will and his needs as well as he knows me, he shouldnt have to tell me everthing all the time, I shouldnt be lost without his direct presence and I should be quite capable of anticipating his desires in any given situation.

This kind of thing requires time to develop and lots of two way open and honest comunication.

I highly reccomend that you and your dominant make such comunication of paramount importance in your relationship as well if you have not allready done so.

[wyldrose]

Well- here i was getting all ready to answer this, but denu's beaten me to it and there's no hope of improving on this:

I should know him, his will and his needs as well as he knows me, he shouldnt have to tell me everthing all the time, I shouldnt be lost without his direct presence and I should be quite capable of anticipating his desires in any given situation.

There are times when i'm feeling a bit lost and without direction (usually when i'm stressed, i'll need to 'feel' His Dominance over me more than usual) and those are the times i let Him know what's going on in my mind and if He asks, i'll tell Him what i feel like i need. i always leave it in His hands, though.

For everyday circumstances, i just think about what He would want me to do, what i should be doing to best represent Him, and it gets done. i have no desire to be a burden, either.

[Jennifer Williams]

You should be able to ask for direction, so long as it's phrased in a way that is pleasing to your Master.

For example, if you want some more guidance about your wardrobe, some doms would be pleased if you asked "Does what I'm wearing today please you, Sir?", where as others might prefer if you just flat out said "I would like to wear things that please you, what might such things be?"

I am of the variety where I prefer direct questions, so for me, even if you said "It would make this one very happy, Ma'am, if you would please tell me what to wear." But I'm not easily offended.

It all depends on how long you've been together with your dom. If you've just met, then I think such questions are perfectly valid and necessary. If you've known each other for a longer amount of time, then you would be more equipped to be able to simply know what makes your dom happy, and just do it, like denu said.

Sometimes you can just pay attention to his reaction to things. Obviously, if something you said or did made him happy, do more of it. There is a lot to be said for paying attention. To me one of the sweetest and biggest turn-ons a sub can do is by surprising me with something that pleases me when I didn't ask for it. For example when my little one somehow figured out what my favorite album was when I was a teenager and he bought me the CD, can I tell you how much I adored him when I had something I loved like that and thought was lost forever in my hands? *sigh*