seeking advice

[nick lucky]

I am brand new to BDSM, have been reading and learning, and tried some self-bondage. Would like to take the next step and meet someone with like interests but live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. And this lifestyle is looked down upon with great distaste. Live in the northwest largest cities are Salt Lake, Utah and Boise Idaho. When I have looked at a few profiles the BDSM seems extreme, not ready for that yet, any advice on how to go about meeting someone or learning what to do next?
Tend to be sub but would also switch.

[fetishdj]

Have a look and see if there is a local community in your area. You may be surprised to find a group of BDSMers in your town or, at the very least, a nearby town. They won't be obvious so you have to look carefully and it is sometimes worth doing searches on places like Informed Consent and various kinky dating sites for people in your area.

What you need to do is find a munch, this is a vanilla gathering of kinksters in a pub, restaurant, cafe or whatever. Don't worry about extremes here - a munch is purely there to talk about the lifestyle and get to know each other in a safe setting. This is your best bet for finding someone appropriate to play with.

[Jennifer Williams]

Or, if you're too afraid of meeting someone you know, it might be to your benefit to drive to one of those big cities. Sometimes it can be more comforting to be in a place where you can reassure yourself you won't run into someone you know, and highly populated areas will have events like munches more often.

I, personally, can't stand living in a small town, and "everyone knows everyone" is a big reason. I like my secrets :) So I moved out of mine. (Of course, that is not a solution for everyone).